21 "I Have The High Ground!"
It was interesting. The "getting trucked" experience, I meant.
I saw pink. A very, very bright pink. Then it gradually shrunk.
From everything being pink to only a tiny part.
Slowly but surely, reality seemed to zoom out until all I saw was a pink shard surrounded by nothingness, if that's even a word.
The pink melded with that nothingness as I moved further and further away.
From that nothingness, I saw a blimp of red. This time, I was moving closer.
Until everything became red.
Then I saw a boy. And I smelled delicious food.
From the smell alone, all I can say is that my wish was fulfilled!
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I sat on a corner table, away from the eyes of the old man at the front and the teenage cook. I was in another world, supposedly with delicious food from what I can smell. If that wasn't enough, then simply watching that old man munch on his food makes me want to try some too.
But I knew next to nothing about this world.
Am I in Japan? Does Japan even exist? Or maybe, Japanese is the universal language in this place? The kid that brought me in looked Japanese. As for that old guy, not so much.
The main reason why I chose to sit on a corner table was to hide my face when I eat. Psychic powers... might not exist in this world, or another type of power exists. How people react to my powers is a pain to think about, so it's better to just hide it.
Either way, I won't be teleporting food into my mouth anytime soon. So I need to take off my mask like a normal person, and hopefully, keep my face hidden, at least while I eat in this place...
"Here you go. Fried Rice of the day!" The teenage boy with dark-red hair brought with him a steaming bowl of—
*Nom Nom Nom*
*Burp*
"Eshcoose me—weyt ah shecond...!" My hand gripped a spoon before I knew it.
'Did my hands just move on its own?! My mouth chewed on its own?!' What is this sorcery?!
*Nom Nom Nom*
"Ish delishoush." Somehow, I managed to compliment the food while shoving spoon after spoon in my mouth.
They just won't listen to me. This has never happened before, even when I ate coffee jelly.
At least my head was down the entire time, hiding my face from everyone.
The adolescent cook smoothly stripped off his lengthy, white headband. "Glad you liked it!" he said, before walking away.
'Hmm... that move kinda looks familiar. Have I seen this dude before—'
*Nom Nom Nom*
My hands moved on their own again.
'Yeah, I don't care. Let me eat first.'
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"That'll be around ¥699."
I almost missed it, but the teenage cook had placed my bill on the table.
"Huh? Oh, right."
While looking through the inventory, I discovered an eenie meenie problem.
I had no cash.
There were some scratch-its that are worth millions. But. Umm. They only work in another world.
I also gave all of my leftover cash to the Saiki couple.
'...I should've earned some money first before coming here.'
"..." He waited. His eyes felt like a pair of drills, boring holes through my mask.
'I really should've earned some money first.'
"...give me a second." I said.
A second was all I needed. Without another moment wasted, I interrupted the flow of time, turning the colorful restaurant into a variety of bleak colors.
With all the time in the world, I scoured the otherworldly land for any lost coins or paper bills.
"Yep, I'm in Japan."
As I navigated through the narrow streets and studied the architecture of the buildings, I realized that this world and the Saiki K world were very similar.
I mean, there's even Japanese characters everywhere. I also found manga!
Taking my time, I mentally traveled through the town or city I was in.
Finally, I found money worth hundreds of millions of yen inside a gray briefcase under a nearby bridge.
"Founders keepers. Or was it Finders? Either way, I'm rich again. Hehe."
Food for days! I'll go on a food trip around this world!
"Is that really necessary?"
There was a voice in a world where time has stopped.
I quickly followed it and saw a darker shade of red hair, similar to the teenage cook's. It wasn't him, however, for he was dull and motionless beside my table, still waiting for my payment.
The gluttonous old man faced me, leaving his food unattended. He held in his hand a purple briefcase, just like the one I found.
"Looking for this?" he raised it without difficulty before opening it, showing the bundles of cash inside.
'How the hell?!'
I sent my gaze back to the underbelly of the bridge, only to find nothing there.
'Damn.' I looked at the old man.
'Unknown worlds are scary.'
I knew nothing about him, but there was a nifty System function for a situation like that.
[Omniscient Scan]
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[???]
[Age]: ???
[Level]:
[Titles]: ???
[Stats]: ???
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[Skills]: ???
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Omniscient my ass! I learned nothing!
"Seen enough? Of course not. Why don't you try again?"
Right then, the status of the man before me flickered.
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[I am your father]
[Age]: ???
[Level]:
[Titles]: ???
[Stats]
CHA: R×¥™¢¶i!38=`z§¶¢[~©z[]}ΩG—(″o±@$⁹d
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[Skills]: ???
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"What the heck?!"
"Hehe... I'm just messing with you, boy." Amused, he walked over and sat on the opposite end of my table. I didn't really try to stop him. I'm kinda too busy shitting myself right now, so I was more focused on stopping that. Oh, and trying to escape.
None of my powers worked for some reason.
I felt... normal. In a bad, weak way.
"So tell me, how's your life been?" he said, placing the purple briefcase on the table.
I didn't immediately answer.
My parents used to say, "Don't talk to strangers!" just like other parents probably said to their own kids.
I did as they asked, talking to no one for the next decade or two because everyone was a stranger, and honestly, I'm more comfortable that way.
I guess Saiki and the others weren't entirely strangers. I've watched the show way too many times, enough to be comfortable around them.
But not this old man.
"It's... fine." I replied in a low voice. Why are you asking me this like you're my mom? We don't know each other!
"Fine? From what I can tell, it's been boring." He spoke in a matter-of-factly manner, and it bothered me. He sounded so sure of it.
...Is this guy a stalker?
"How would you know?"
"Because I simply can. Just like how you breathe in fresh air, or casually stop time," he gestured to our frozen, dull surroundings, "I can see through you—through everything, because I am the source of what you see, what you are, and what will be. Does that ring a bell?"
Yep. It does.
"You're our Lord and Savior Jes—"
"No! I'm The Creator!" he hurriedly shouted.
"I'm kidding." Gottem. I'm not that stupid.
After all, The Creator isekaied me, not some other deity like the god with a big G.
I guess he isn't such a stranger after all. That's good.
Still...
"Uhh, why are you here, Sir?" I asked.
"Can't I be wherever I want to be? Besides, I was the first one here" he said.
Well, that's true.
The Creator continued, "But less about me. Let's talk about you."
The Creator rapped his fingers against the table.
"You disappoint me." He spoke harshly while a smile remained on his face. His gaze was unnerving, his words somewhat hurtful. Usually, me being called a disappointment wouldn't bother me, but hearing it from him... felt different.
He asked, "Tell me, what is your wish?"
'This is giving me an odd sense of deja vu...' I thought. 'Honestly, I want to be left alone now. I don't need to hear any of this "oh my god, you're so disappointing" schtick.'
"...I wish for you to maybe chill out?"
Of course, I can't be too direct. That's rude.
"Bugger off with that bs, that's not what I asked." he interrupted. "What is it that you, Elias Williams, or Snow White, wish for the most?"
"Uhh, are you gonna grant it? And I thought you were see-all and know-all, so you would know already..."
My voice trailed off. He didn't answer, continuing to keep his sticky gaze. Is he judging me or what?
'The Creator... I don't know what the heck he's on. I don't want to wish for anything damn it!'
I quickly thought of another wish I wanted granted.
"I wish to get stronger."
"For what?"
"To better control my powers."
If I did get stronger, I can go anywhere without the risk of destroying a whole neighborhood.
And now that I think about it, how do I even get stronger? I'm fairly strong already, so how do I keep going from this level of strength?
"Then why aren't you stronger?" A retort escaped The Creator.
He wrinkled his nose before saying, "Why wish when a wish was never necessary to begin with? With what I've given you, reaching the peak of the Omniverse isn't an impossibility, much less a long endeavor. You've wasted all this time doing nothing to reach that goal.
"You disappoint me." he repeated.
The Creator stopped tapping his fingers as he waved his hand.
An image appeared, showing a bloody man with long black hair and golden eyes. He held a sword emitting steam, and on his side were the heads of a gigantic, dead monster with numerous, sliced necks.
In a burst of smoke, the body disappeared, yet the heads remained.
"Do you know who he is?" The Creator posed a question, yet didn't let me answer. "Male. 25 years of age. Chosen by The Randomized, Non-Japan-Hitting, Non-High-Schooler-Killing, Non-Killing-In-General, Truck-Sama."
A bright status screen appeared before my eyes.
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[Elias Williams]
[Age]: 25
[Level]: <949>
[Titles]: Eyes In The Dungeon Darkness, Devil Of The Depths, Nightmare, Graceless Unblessed, Otherworlder, Otaku
[Stats]
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[Special]:
Universal Travel |Rank: XI|
[Skills]:
Weapons Mastery |Rank: XII|
Dungeon Drain |Rank: XII|
Inspection |Rank: XI|
Master of Mana |Rank: XI|
Sever Swordsmanship |Rank: XI|
Physical Resistance |Rank: X|
Magic Resistance |Rank: X|
Elemental Resistance |Rank: X|
Apeiron |Rank: SSS|
Augere |Rank: SSS|
Cloudless Mind |Rank: SSS|
Cooking |Rank: SSS|
Deter |Rank: SSS|
Dungeon Dialect |Rank: SSS|
Maintenance |Rank: SSS|
Stealth |Rank: SSS|
Taunt |Rank: SSS|
...
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[Inventory]:
- 840,782,649 Magic Stones
- 14,843,700 Valis
- The 7 Heads Of The Sunless Evils
...
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Damn. That's impressive. The other Elias has been stuck in a dungeon all this time?
Sucks for him.
"100 floors. 100 hours. The desire to become strong burned fiercely inside of him, all so he wouldn't die while picking up his... waifus." The Creator hesitated during the last part.
...What a surprise. That's like, most fanfics that I've read. I probably would too, if only I liked the characters more than the actual experience of reading.
But my not picking up girls is boring?! What's wrong with eating all day?
"Are you complaining since I have no interest in that stupid, time-consuming, money-draining, mentally-exhausting thing called romance?!"
This was bullshit if that really was the reason!
"No, it's the fact that you aren't using what I've given you to its maximum potential!" The Ol' Creator lost his smile.
"You think wishes just make things appear out of nowhere?! Fuck no! I'm called The CREATOR for a reason! Apart from the low ranking Authorities, I personally grant the wishes myself.
"What was it again? 'Also also, make me super handsome, with a long little bro.' That's what the first Elias said. Fine, there you have it! The second-greatest dick in the Omniverse! I put in the extra effort since I only send these trucks out every once in a while, and this truck was my latest masterpiece!"
The air began to twist and thrash as The Creator screamed his heart out. "I gave your body even more effort since, surprise surprise, I like beautiful things! I basically made you the prettiest in all of Creation and you dared to hide my precious creation under a mask?! Show it off! Let all the worlds know how incredible my work is, even if they self-destruct because of it! I can make more anyway! You technically got twice the amount of wishes than him but you've gotten nowhere at all!"
Oh, I see.
"Stop making my efforts go to waste, you ungrateful ingrate! Who the fuck uses Annihilation to delete the measly amount of trash they found on the streets of Japan instead of annihilating something more worthwhile like Boku no Pico?! You did well with Dark Reunion though, but they weren't even strong enough to make you stronger!
"I wanted you to be stronger! Better! Worthy of what I've bestowed you!"
"Okay, okay, I get it already." I quickly told him as I glanced around the room. From The Creator's voice alone, the air trembled and the surroundings distorted.
If he continued with the rant, the restaurant might get destroyed...
"I'm sorry, alright? I didn't mean to make you feel this way. I'm just... screwing around, is all. That's all I've wanted to do, with wishes or not..." I apologized, albeit a bit insincere. A somewhat half hearted apology was all I could muster.
Because!
This old man wasn't making any sense. I didn't even wish for the body in the first place! No shit if I don't use it to conquer a dungeon or whatever. Lemme eat in peace!
'Wait. If The Creator made everything, then... The old man probably made Boku no Pico as well!'
He noticed the look I gave him. "Hey. Stop looking at me like that. I said that I'm the source of everything. That doesn't mean I actually did all the work, you know, like with low ranked Authorities. I mostly just release what you'd call a 'Big Bang.'" he defended himself. "That abomination just comes out, no matter the Universe."
The Creator snapped his fingers. The dreary restaurant interior filled with distorted beyond a logical manner was repaired.
He opened the purple briefcase, throwing wads of cash to my face before making the briefcase disappear.
"Eat seconds and enjoy it. After that, I'll MAKE your little 'wish' come true... you little shit." he hissed.
I have a bad feeling about this.
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The Creator sat down on his previous spot in the restaurant, gobbling his food, followed by the time-stopped world regaining its color. Apart from that, I could feel my powers again.
Thank The Creator. Wait, no. To hell with him!
The teenage cook was still there, waiting for the payment. I handed him enough money for one more serving.
He understood and tied his white headband around his forehead as he headed to the kitchen.
"Hmm, I know him now."
Yukihira Soma.
It took way too long to recognize him but I did. That headband thingy that he does is pretty iconic.
I'm glad that I get to eat his food... if only The Creator could let me completely relax.
The food came, but this time, I'll take my time eating. I seriously do not want to know what will happen when I do finish.
*Nom Nom Nom*
"Oh craph I heyt it chall." (Oh crap, I ate it all.)
'My gluttonous body, you've betrayed me!'
I once again heard the tapping of fingers on the table.
"You said you wished to get stronger, correct? But if you just worked hard enough, strength would've naturally followed you." he continued. "Your lack of motivation limits you, so to fix things, I'll give you a 'good reason' to become strong."
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[Emergency Quest Issued!]
The Creator's Grievances |Rank: SSS|
The Creator is unhappy that his gifts are not being put to their maximum potential.
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Objectives:
[Zenith]
- Achieve XX Rank for all Stats [1/7]
[Pest Control]
- Annihilate 1,234,567 "Boku no Pico" worlds [0/1,234,567]
[A Needle In An Infinite Haystack] (Locked)
- Meet "The Creator" again [0/1]
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Rewards:
- Cooking Skill
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Penalties:
- Become Pico.
- Lose your sense of taste and smell.
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I didn't wish for this!
He's too evil! What's with the harsh penalties?! How the hell am I supposed to complete this?!
"It's not impossible." he said. "At least with this, you get stronger while my gifts are being put to better use."
"I'll give you one year." The Creator raised a finger. "One year to complete the quest. Don't bother trying to extend the time with your powers by slowing time down. I will know. It won't work."
"That's all?! One year is way too short, even with what I have!" I raised my voice in protest. Things were getting way out of control, all because of this crazy old man!
He smirked. "You underestimate yourself and your abilities, meaning that you underestimate my gifts, and ultimately, me. You have ten months then."
What the hell?!
"No way! That's even worse!"
"I think I just heard you say 'I can do it in nine and a half months!'"
Helpless, I watched the very space that should've obeyed me envelop my body. I felt its boundless weight, a heavy load that I couldn't carry.
The surroundings transformed into a vivid, bloody red, and reality seemed to zoom out like before, revealing a red shard. But it wasn't alone.
Behind, above, and all around the red shard were countless others.
Like a chaotic kaleidoscope, there were hundreds, then thousands, then the multicolored shards became uncountable.
They were endless. But this endless kept growing bigger in number.
I flew farther and farther away. Then I slowed down as some sort of resistance gradually made itself known. Still, I ceaselessly moved to an unknown place.
"Where the hell am I going?"
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I stopped, feeling stuck.
I couldn't move. Some sort of barrier prevented me from taking any big action, like a swaddle. Or a tiny cage.
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[Notice]
[The host is in the process of Integration with the new Omniverse]
[Calculating Gestational Period...]
[...]
'New Omniverse? There's more than one?' If that was true, then the Ol' Creator probably made this one too. Would this Omniverse be any different to my original one? Now that I think about it, was the Saiki K world in the same Omniverse as my original world to begin with?
How terrifying.
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[Estimated Gestational Period]: 9 Months
[Until the integration process is complete, the host will be restricted in their actions]
"Restricted?"
I flapped my hands around and felt the barrier that kept me prisoner.
My fingers traced over its smooth surface, and with a thought, I willed the barrier to disappear.
[Annihilation]
The barrier stayed.
"Crap." I cursed particularly no one.
"Son of a bitch." Definitely no one in particular.
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[Quest Time Remaining]: 9 months, 14 days, 22 hours, 57 minutes, 14 seconds.
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(??? POV)
(Detected the lack of Connate providence, check it's origin.]
...
'Lack of Connate providence?'
I couldn't help but become curious. This was the first time that such a notification appeared.
Providence was mysterious and profound. Every living being had providence, whether it be divine or dogshit. However, this person had none.
I immediately checked it.
(??? is a nameless anomaly. No records about ??? exist, however, ??? possesses an unquantifiable potential. ??? is yet to be born.'
'Yet to be born?'
I had never seen anything like it. Perhaps I read wrongly.
...
I checked again. Everything was the same.
'I'll see the anomaly for myself.' I thought.
Through my divine sense, I found the source of incongruity.
A female mortal with average looks, living in a small village. Her belly was flat, but I felt the presence of incredible vitality within.
The anomaly that was yet to be born.
"I want to know this ???'s future" I asked in my head.
(You can't detect this karma. No lifespan was deducted.]
I frowned. 'You can hide from me even when you're right there?'
"I want to know whatever information about ??? that can be derived." I asked again.
(Half of your lifespan will be deducted. Do you want to continue?]
'Half? Haaaaalf???'
I checked my attributes panel for my lifespan.
(Lifespan: 66,281,037 / 1,019,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999]
Completely ridiculous. For half of my seemingly endless lifespan to be consumed, the unborn ??? is not a force to be reckoned with.
I haven't even used 1/100th of my lifespan despite all the derivation I've done throughout the years, but half is needed just for this anomaly.
For there to be something so incredible yet so unknown... I must be cautious!
'...I need to know something—Anything!'
'I'm close to breaking through... I can get my lifespan back and more!' With some consolation to harden my heart, I persisted.
Continue with the derivation!
(??? will be born in 9 months.]
...
I waited for any extra information.
There was none.
That single line of text was it.
Half of my lifespan...
'...Should I kill it?'
'Can I even kill it?'
I was stuck. There was not enough information at the moment.
'I'll pause my cultivation to wait and see. 9 months will pass quickly.'
'After that, this... 'creature' better be a herbivore. Or else.'
I closed my eyes, but my divine sense continued to linger. I felt the presence of other divine senses as well, undoubtedly curious about this entity.
They weren't as cautious, instead extremely keen.
'If only they knew how bullshit this ??? was...' I mocked them. But I was also pleased.
I can watch and learn from afar without risking my life. While I watch, they will court death in my stead.
Or maybe, they'll court something worse.