Young Style (青春派)

This was the first rejection I didn't fall into utter despair over, in fact it lit spark of anger deep inside my heart.

Our conversation went thusly, a man with a computer bag draped on his shoulder walked into Barry Vo's office. With an idea in mind, he entered the office with a request.

"Since you have a similar background", I started to speak in a quiet tone.

"I don't have time", Dr. Vo interrupted, taking a brief moment to look up at me. He took a total of two seconds to listen, before making the decision to respond and focus back on his computer screen. Various noises could be heard from the laptop, as I walked out the door.

Looking back through the door, the man was at his desk seemingly occupied with something.

There were many things he could have said, apologized, but it didn't matter. I had been brushed off. I was a nobody, nothing but mud on society's shoes.

Perhaps in his eyes, I wasn't worth anything. I had done nothing of significance, I never even got to introduce myself or say my name. Cold perhaps, but he was the one with a successful career, having years of experience in senior level management positions. And I...

I was just some random guy who had stumbled into his office and asked for directions.

"The worst thing they could say is 'no' ", that line of comfort spoken by others came to mind. Although honestly, the worst thing they could say is much worse. Such as various forms of threats , businessmen looking to steal ideas, or con artists willing give false hope.

At this moment in time, I recalled a line in a movie that the high school teacher said to his students, "if you sit in the back two rows of the classroom when you go out into society, you will just exist to be the dirt beneath their feet."

I wanted outside alone, trying to understand what had happened.

"The moment wasn't right", "the man was busy", various excuses came to mind.

Perhaps if I had been more persistent the result would be different. Maybe I lacked that experience or persistence of what to do in that situation.

All these sorts of what-ifs came afterward, but the moment itself had passed.

As time passed my anger slowly abated, leaving only with calm acceptance. I didn't hold any grudges, at least any that I was consciously aware of. I had to move on. Reality had given me a slap in the face and I just had to pick myself up.

I still had my initial idea, although my enthusiasm was briefly extinguished, it returned once more.

The information that I had collected over the past few years were like dried kindling. I had years of material and fuel burning in my mind. However, as hot as the flames were it was just a small wisp.

The light of a small candle shining quietly in the darkness. The obstacles I faced were like a large pool of water that I had to wade through, the wind of self-doubt trying to blow the flame out.

Every time the flame did went out, I returned my initial starting point. However each time I knew more, a better path to take, having more skills at my disposal. Trying new methods of blocking the wind with my hands and walking forward with self-confidence.

I light the wick over and over, walking forward toward an unknown destination, with merely a wall in the distance as a benchmark. The wall being the broken stone works of an old castle, surrounded by forest.