Feel The Cold To Understand The Warm

"What are you doing here?" I asked Ji Hoon in a tone colder than Himalayas.

"I am here to apologise, I was at fault"

"As always!" I twitched my upper lips and then further continued "I don't need your apologies, just leave me alone!"

"Hey Ha Na that's rude, don't be like this" Jungsuk whispered but I ignored him.

"Fine!" Ji Hoon commented and then just left.

....

Days passed, weeks passed, months passed and here I am lying on my bed on a pitch black night after three months of that strip club incident.

Haha! strip club, what was the use of it when at the end I paid with my mum's money.

These past three months were probably the longest three months of my life and surprisingly, I was alone even though I had people by my side.

I lived with the dead doll for quite a long time, and I swear those were the worst days when mum didn't talk to me but gradually things got better and the night when she finally hugged me, we both cried whole night. That night she told me about my dad's stories, how he held me in his arms for the first time and how happy he was to have me. I still get tears in my eyes, when I think of him.

I had to face Jung Kyong for some time but one day all of a sudden he just disappeared, no one knows where he is right now but mom says he must be living in Shark group headquarters. I don't care wherever he is, because he was just a pain for me.

I am not sure whether it is coincidentally or intentionally but Ji Hoon along with females of Hexagon kept missing school for several days, they all hardly came to school. While me, Minho and Jungsuk got closer and fortunately their relationship is still a secret, but they had to avoid me when other Hexagon members were present, ofcourse it was awkward for me but eventually I got comfortable with it too.

I didn't miss a single day of my work at In Na, she is so sweet with me but I had to lie innumerable times for the sake of Ji Hoon and to be honest for my sake too.

I think, I should talk about Ji Hoon too. As for him, I don't how he felt but we never talked to each other literally never.

I thought it would be peaceful if we'll stop contacting but I don't know why but I was never at ease even for one minuscule second. It felt like I was empty from inside like a hollow rod and that's why I tried to stop thinking about him each and every day but ended up thinking about him each and every night, when I was alone.

I stopped looking up at the moon or stars and I don't remember when was the last time I was happy, by happy I mean the real happiness, the happiness from within. I did laugh many times but I never felt certainly better.

I made Ji Hoon a star of my life who lighted my path and guided me through the dark. But during these past few months, I had to walk alone into the darkness.

Things were definitely not easy for me, because all I could think about was Ji Hoon, even if I was with my mom or with anyone all I could think about was him. Those blue mesmerizing eyes, that surreal beauty who has the ability to uplift anyone's mood. Those wise words from his mouth that could make anyone feel safe and comfortable.

It was summer, but I still felt cold because the guy who is robbed of all the warmth was not with me and that was the time, when I realised that "one need to feel the cold to understand the warmth".

"Oh! I am crying, not again"

This is why I try not to think of him, he makes me vulnerable.

I should change the topic, to feel better.

I visited that strip club several times, not as a dancer obviously, not for fun either but I went there in search of Min Gyu. And everytime when I went there, they said only one thing "Girl, he doesn't work here, he was fired and no one knows about his whereabouts. When are you going to stop coming here?"

I want him, I want to talk to him, I desperately need him. I want to ask the reason of his forlorn look, I want to ask why is he miserably sad, but I don't know where he is.

"Coming!" I shouted as I heard someone ringing my door.

I looked at the clock to check time, it's midnight. It must be mom, back from her work.

Door made a creaking sound as I started opening it. As I was opening it, I said "Oh mom! you should've.." but I stopped when the door got opened entirely.

I stopped breathing and my heart started throbbing.

That man, sheerly drenched in blood came straight to me and wrapped me in his arms.

Tears started flowing out, at his arrival. I can't express how much I've longed for this warmth.

"Ji Hoon" I mumbled but he is not willing to leave my embrace.

I hugged his broad back tightly because I am also not willing to give him up, atleast not at this moment.

"What happened" I whispered.

I recalled this appearance of his, that day outside the hospital he was looking just like this.

Oh god! please don't do this to him. Please protect him at all cost.

He didn't say anything and then suddenly tears exploded out of his eyes, it was a real explosion, like bang!

His pearl like tears made my right shoulder entirely wet. But I don't care about that, I am just wondering, what could've happened to him?

I kept quiet as he keep sobbing and I laid my heart open to his tears so he could cry as much as he wanted to. My heart soaked up his tears like a handkerchief.I wanted my heart to absorb his pain so he could feel warm again. I want to take his pain away.

After staying in each other's embrace for a bit long time we finally broke our hug.

I am looking at Ji Hoon pitifully but neither I am saying anything nor him.

I had never seen him crying this much, but soon later I realised his face is stiff, I can tell he is screaming in torment on the inside of his face, but the outside is too stiff to register that scream.

I was so lost in the moment that I even forgot to ask him in. I don't know how to behave, what to say as I never planned this type of scenario in my head.

"Ha Na.." he finally mustered up the courage to whisper my name, while I just nodded impatiently.

But suddenly,

"Mom!" I shrieked out, when I saw my mom standing outside, behind Ji Hoon. She is back from her work.

"Mom.." Ji Hoon repeated in astonishment and furrowed his brows. He turned back just to stumble down at her presence.

Damn!