A Prayer To "God"

My trust issues struck up with me again, and this time its a fox. My parents told me a few years ago, before I got here all of a sidden, that I'd had trust issues for most of my life. It's with cats that they allegedly "said" I had that problem for the first time. I'd be hissing at it and fleeing from them all the time. They aren't entirely incorrect, but in the case of the fox, there are better ways I could have handled the situation. And that wail.....

I'm sitting in a different part of the woods, journal open on my lap and my pen in the middle of the book. My breaths are short and my chest feels like it wants to make more room for air. My body trembling from running, and my eyes a light pink. There's a whole new section of forest around me, with more trees than any food source. Ocassionally you'd see a puddle or two, maybe a squriel even. I grab the pen, and wrote down the date looking at the decent hand writing that's contained inside.

𝓙𝓸𝓾𝓻𝓷𝓪𝓵 𝓔𝓷𝓽𝓻𝔂 𝓓𝓪𝔂 1# 𝓞𝓬𝓽𝓸𝓫𝓮𝓻 23𝓻𝓭???

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒻𝒾𝓇𝓈𝓉 𝓉𝒾𝓂𝑒 𝐼 𝓈𝒶𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒻𝑜𝓍, 𝒾𝓉 𝒽𝒶𝒹 𝒶𝓃 𝑜𝒹𝒹 𝑒𝓍𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓈𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝑜𝓃 𝒾𝓉𝓈 𝒻𝒶𝒸𝑒. 𝐼𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝑒𝒹 𝒶𝓈 𝒾𝒻 𝒾𝓉𝓈 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓀 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓂𝑒. 𝐼𝓉'𝓈 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓅𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒾𝓉 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹𝑒𝒹. 𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀 𝑜𝒻 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝓅𝒶𝓇𝑒, 𝒶𝓈𝓀𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓅𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝓇𝑒𝓂𝒾𝓃𝒹𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃'𝓉 𝓅𝓊𝓉 𝓂𝓎 𝒻𝒾𝓃𝑔𝑒𝓇 𝑜𝓃 𝒾𝓉.

𝐼𝓉'𝓈 𝒶 𝓂𝑒𝓂𝑜𝓇𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉'𝓈 𝒻𝒶𝒹𝑒𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝑔𝑜𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓃 𝒹𝑒𝑒𝓅 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓊𝓃𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓈𝒸𝒾𝑜𝓊𝓈. 𝐼𝓉'𝓈 𝒶 𝓁𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝓃𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉𝓂𝒶𝓇𝑒, 𝒹𝑒𝑒𝓅, 𝒹𝒶𝓇𝓀, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝒾𝑔𝓃𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝓇𝒶𝒸𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓃𝑜 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑜𝓃. 𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉'𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝒶𝓁𝓁; 𝓎𝑜𝓊'𝒹 𝒶𝓁𝓈𝑜 𝓌𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝓊𝓅 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓃𝑜 𝓇𝑒𝒸𝑜𝓁𝓁𝑒𝒸𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝑜𝒻 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓅𝑒𝓃𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒹𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂. 𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝒸𝑒𝓇𝓃𝓈 𝓂𝑒.

𝐼'𝓂 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝓊𝓇𝑒 𝒾𝒻 𝐼'𝓁𝓁 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝓇𝑒𝒸𝓁𝒶𝒾𝓂 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓂𝑒𝓂𝑜𝓇𝓎, 𝑜𝓇 𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 "𝒻𝑜𝓇𝑔𝑜𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓃" 𝓂𝑒𝓂𝑜𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓈, 𝑜𝓇 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝓊𝓅 𝒹𝒶𝓂𝒶𝑔𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒷𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓉. 𝐼𝓉'𝓈 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒶 𝓂𝒶𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝑜𝒻 𝑔𝓊𝒾𝓁𝓉 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒶 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝒾𝓇𝑒 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓌𝑒𝓇𝓈. 𝐼'𝓂 𝓈𝓊𝓇𝑒 𝐼'𝓁𝓁 𝓃𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓌𝑒𝓇𝓈.

𝐼'𝓁𝓁 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓌𝑜𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇 𝑜𝓃 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒 𝓉𝒶𝓀𝑒𝓈 𝓂𝑒 𝓃𝑒𝓍𝓉. . . .

Another tear starts to steam down onto my cheek, my emotions are taking over me again. My left hand rubs onto my eyes, where the crickets start to circket when the silence hit. The colors of the sky begin to contrast once more, this time with the warm colours. It's blending into this beautiful color as it looks like more of a pastel orange than am orange. I realize that I still have some time, not enough to try to find

I get up and pack my journal before walking straight ahead. There is no path or anything this time. Just a tangle of trees with prickle-inducing branches. And there are massive logs with small streams. All of the crunching and walking has made my feet hurt. My stomach grumbles for the third time today. It didn't do much, aside from the stupid berries I ate. My mouth feel trier than the Sahara Dessert. And, over time, the trees begin to take on the same black hue as the previous night.

A ruffling noise comes in the distance....could it be the fox again? I doubt that is going to happen. I stop walking and listen for the ruffling noise.

"Hello," I try calling out I kept walking, this time with as much stealth and quietness as possible. My stomach bumps into one of the big logs. Stupid, stupid log! A few branches touch my skin, and only one managed to make a splinter. "Hello, is anyone there?" I call out again while trying to sit on the log.

Nothing. Not even a sound. Just the crickets and the silence.

I see a silhouette running through the soon-to-be-darkness in the distance. However, there is only a sliver of light coming from the sun, and I didn't have enough time to see who it is. It bolts ahead, then did a swooping u-turn and dashs back and under the log. I couldn't see what it is in its mouth, but I'm guessing it's something small.

I get off the log and begin running alongside it, trying to keep up with it. Every now and then, I trip on one of the stupid sticks that are in the road, and sometimes get myself wet from the small puddles and streams. My chest starts to scream for air, as the sky starts to get darker. The stars and the moon start to brighten intensly with more ligth as time goes on. My vision becomes harder to see, and the urge for water is at it's max level.

When I couldn't see the sillouhette any longer, I came to a stop dragging my shoes onto the groun. My brown hair darkens as the night wears on, and I stand there panting for air, mucles fatugieing harder than before. The cool breeze isn't as strong as it was last night, but it's more mild and breezy, making my body shiver.

My head tilts upward, hoping to catch a glimpse of a star, and I fall to my knees. I see my sign in the this time. Scroprio. That sign is frequently criticised as the "bad" and "physcotic" Zodiac and astrological sign. I don't pray or believe in a "God" or a "creator" of the universe on a regular basis. Tonight, however, is one of those nights when I desperately need God's touch and voice.

"Hello God," I say quietly to myself, making the prayer hand motion that everyone does. "I know I don't talk to you or believe in you, or anyone else in my generation, but I really need to talk to you tonight." I take a breath, my lips twitch, and I feel compelled to say something about how cold it is. But that's fall. "I'm hoping you'll give me that ray of hope and wisdom," I keep on thinking on what to say. Dang it! Saying a prayer just like that is hard, especially if you don't know what your even going to say to "him." I stare at the sky, and at my sign twinkling into the night. "I need someone to help me, to guide myself home. And to learn how to conquer my fears. I hope you can do that to me please." I take one last breath, smiling.

"Amen."