MSL - Love Your Self

I came out of the tavern when it was quite late and deliberately stopped by Ze's house. Maybe I can breathe and live a normal life as myself in Ze's small apartment.

"You want to eat?" Ze asked.

"No." I'm chussing.

"Why don't you go home to Christ's house."

I looked up at Ze, "Do you think I'm not what I am now?" I asked.

"Em . . . everything in this world must have changed, and I think your changes are still within a reasonable level."

I sighed deeply. "Sometimes I feel like I'm losing who I am Ze, I feel like I'm not who I am when I'm in that house." I said.

"I want to stay here again." I muttered.

"Christ will very easily find you if you are here, and he will definitely drag you home."

"Go home?" My eyebrows intertwined looking at Ze. "It's not even my home." I replied limply.

"What exactly happened?" Ze climbed onto the couch and folded one leg over while his one leg dangled, just as I was sitting, we were facing each other.

"I just thought, maybe he thinks I'm a nervous boy." I said with my head down.

"Why can you suddenly think that way?" Ze asked, "You forgot that just yesterday he gave you a coffee shop? Even working hard for a lifetime is not necessarily what kind of business we can have." Ze tried to open my eyes to what Christ had already given me, but it didn't help at all.

"That's precisely it, I feel so small and nothing to him. He could probably give the same to the other women."

Ze inched closer, then looked at me from a very close distance.

"Let me guess, you're jealous of Christ?" Ze guessed, and unluckily the guess was correct.

"No." I was quick, I had to deny it, not just a matter of jealousy, but I really thought Christ could do it all, everything he wanted with what he had, indeed the trigger was this afternoon when I saw Mss. Hwait walk into his room. They even had to talk to the door closed tightly, and his gaze at the sight of me was also his order for me to quickly take the task and leave.

Brrttt Brtttt

"Chrtist." Ze showed me the screen of his phone. Yes obviously Christ contacted him, because my phone was turned off.

"I have to say what?" Ze asked.

"Don't say I'm here."

Ze picked it up and let me hear their conversation because he activated the speaker load on his phone "Hello."

"He's there?" Christ asked, and he didn't even say my name.

"No." Ze's lie, his eyes rounded looking at me.

"Tell him I want to talk." Christ insisted.

"But he really didn't come to my house Mr. Hudson."

"Where else can he go so late?" Christ asked.

"I actually think he's in your house." Ze kept looking at me fixedly.

"I've been at home and haven't found it anywhere."

"What happened between you?" Ze tried to find out from Christ. "Sorry, I shouldn't ask." Ze corrected, he clearly knew that Christ could have snapped his fingers and made Zevanya lose his job.

"Tell me if he contacts you." Close Christ, he's not a guy who likes to indulge his personal problems with others, as opposed to me, and his attitude is frustrating to me, he might just hide things from me.

"Ok Mr. Hudson."

The call ended and I remained unmoved.

"Go home or I'll lose my job tomorrow morning when he finds out I'm hiding you here." Ze looked at me exasperated.

"I'm your boss." I said irritably.

"Technically Christ is the boss of my boss, your boss."

Oh. I rolled my eyes. "I'm going home."

"Let me deliver." Ze said.

"You want to kill yourself? You want Christ to see us and fire you?" I was annoyed.

"Arrrrggghhh." Ze growled.

"You're even more affectionate for your job than I am." I grumbled as I packed my bags and books. I walked out of Zed an apartment home home to Christ's big house in a taxi.

***

I haven't even thought about what reason I would say if Christ asked about my attitude all day long. The taxi pulled over at the gate and I asked him to go inside. After paying for the taxi to leave and the gatekeeper knew if I was inside and let me in anyway, I don't think Christ gave them instructions to shoot me on the spot.

I'm starting to fumble in my current stranglehold. The only thing I hoped for was that Christ was already asleep when I walked into his house.

I escaped entry through the big door in the main room, no more maids wandering around. With a sneak I went up to the second floor and went straight into my room. I pressed the light switch behind the door and I jumped to see Christ sitting on my bed with a look like he wanted to kill him right then and there.

I swallowed hard, looking at him so nervously as he stood up and came over to me.

"Where are you from?" He asked in his deep voice. I didn't dare to look at him, I poked my head.

"From the tavern . . ." My lie.

Christ glanced at his watch, "The tavern is closed at nine o'clock, and I only got home about ten minutes ago after two hours of waiting in front of the tavern." He said, checkmate, I can't say anything else.

"What's the problem for you, I'm here now." I really feel that I am getting more and more brazen. Maybe if I had said this in front of my parents (had I known who they were) I would have gotten a slap in the face.

"You're mad at me?" Ask Christ, huh? Why did he actually ask me if I was angry with him? Isn't he the one who has the veto power to scold me at this time for my annoying actions.

"No." I replied softly.

"I almost died anxious because of you." He said as he walked out of my room. "Eat and rest." He said before actually leaving.

Hah??

He worries me?

He didn't even get angry with me at all, he just told me to eat and rest? I feel so guilty for him. I dropped my bag on the floor and slumped to the floor hugging my body.

***

I put down the book I was carrying and walked out of my room quickly towards Christ's room, but twice I knocked on his door unanswered. I was forcibly smothered and he was reading a book in his room.

When I walked in he turned to me.

"I didn't let you in." He said, looking at me.

"I want to talk." I said.

"But I don't." Reject it.

"Why are you like this?!" I shouted frustrated.

"Ask yourself, why are you like that." He closed his book and placed it on the table then walked towards me.

"You're frustrating me Mr. Hudson." I looked at him with a huge anger that stuffed my throat.

"I'm asking you to clean up, eat and rest, not come into my room in this state." He said with two hands sheathed in the pockets of his sleeping pants.

My chest was ups and downs holding myself back from exploding inside her room, but my eyes were clearly staring intently at her full of annoyance.

"Love your self." It was the sentence he said before walking towards the door, opening the door and letting it stay open while he walked in the opposite direction, climbing onto the bed and lying down, turning on the television.

"You are pitiful, selfish, you never think about other people's feelings." I yelled at him and he turned off his television then looked at me.

"No one asks for your opinion young lady." He said shortly. "Get out of my room, I want to rest." It is said.

I quickly exited his room and slammed the door hard, then walked profusely in the direction of my room. I did the same with the door of my room.

I went straight to the bathroom and turned on the shower without taking off my clothes. I think my head is currently steaming with thick smoke because it's so hot and it's instantly scalded by water from the shower.

Why did he tell me to love myself? Is it because he has never loved me? Has it been only me who puts feelings on him while not the other way around? Why did he become so cold to me? What's wrong with just me? Or was he already hooked by Mss. Hwait and forgot about me in just a matter of hours? What's on his head? Why do I feel so low and stupid in front of him? He even kicked me out of his room?

If he treats me like this then what is he waiting for me to come home for? Or does he want to show me who he is and how he can treat me? Where is it and where is my position? I even felt no better than the servants in his house that he could treat as he pleased himself.

Damn, I'm really messed up.