ten

Things weren't the same after Naoki died-because as soon as she left, a huge, distinct gap was set into motion, and I greatly feared it would go on to push Nozomi further…and further away. Of course, I hadn't expected him to come to school the next day-and he didn't-but having predicted his presence certainly didn't alleviate the pain I felt. I hardly knew Naoki, and I believe…that was one of the worst parts of the entire situation. I wasn't given the chance to get to know the most valued person in Nozomi's life before she slipped between our fingers like the breath of an ephemeral flower. I wasn't able to smile with the lingering memory of Nozomi in his most vulnerable state plaguing my mind, and the hospital scene incessantly playing over and over and over again. I had seen him cry. I had held him through it all, silently pleading that he could hear the words I couldn't bring myself to say. I had hoped that my presence was enough…and that was the sole purpose of that brief message I placed in Nozomi's hands. But it was painful for me, for all the while I was convinced of myself being inadequate for him, that right then and there. he had wished…I were her.

I couldn't help but wonder how he was holding out-at home, all alone, no doubt, desperately attempting to keep himself together. Or perhaps, he wasn't trying. Maybe he simply wanted to let himself go until the heartache transformed into numbness. Whatever the case, my mind was suffering a great deal as a result, and it affected my outward behavior throughout the entirety of the day.

Setback number one: my demeanor during class. Typically, I could pay attention in most of my classes to a considerable degree, at least adequately enough to win myself passing grades. But I couldn't help it. My thoughts had taken the liberty of morphing themselves into a jigsaw puzzle, and having only received roughly three hours of sleep the previous night, I was much too physically and mentally exhausted to put them back together in their proper order.

Setback number two: my attitude towards classmates. I've said this before, how on a regular basis, I liked to maintain a steady, optimistic attitude, and there were a number of reasons for that. But I couldn't smile today. Several times I had felt both Tomoru and Sato thoroughly eyeing me like some sort of computer scanner, but no matter how many times they restarted their systems, the results were always the same. 'Little Miss Sunshine' had become enveloped by storm clouds.

Setback number three: my performance in basketball practice. Nozomi had only come to see one of our practice games once, but somehow the gymnasium felt unbearably empty without him. And on that day, for the very first time since middle school, my captain ordered me to abandon my position on the court and bench myself. It wasn't humiliating as it should have been. I was too distracted to be humiliated. Sixteen years of life and anxiety struck me now. I was aware that my friends' levels of concern were increasing steadily, and believe me when I say that took its toll on my sanity, too. I could only hope they would understand…that they would forgive me.

Sato and Tomoru knew, to a certain extent. After all, they had witnessed the very start of it. They saw how impetuously I had rushed out of the classroom after Nozomi, and I wouldn't have been surprised if they'd heard me shouting his name, either. But they weren't like me. They weren't stupid enough to push past every single existing boundary just for the sake of "reading the next chapter." Those two drew a line somewhere; and as for Atsushi, I wasn't quite sure what had been going on his mind, but he, too, had decided on his own to wait things out. He trusted me.

"You gonna be able to get home by yourself?"

I didn't bother to make eye contact with Tomoru. "Yeah. I'll manage."

"Turn off your electronics at 9 tonight," Sato remarked in a lecturing tone, which contradicted his usual rebellious demeanor. "I'm not tryna sound like your mom or anything, but really, man." He stepped closer to me and tugged at the dark circles beneath my eyes with his thumbs. "Lookin' like a Halloween decoration. Even rays of sunshine need their rest, ya know."

"I'm fine, guys, three hours is plenty."

"…dude…"

Tomoru trapped me in yet another one of his signature headlocks, hesitating to tousle my hair as he usually did, which came off as more of a gentle, fingers-sliding-lovingly-through-soft-locks gesture. Even Tomoru visually expressed a hint of embarrassment upon realizing what he'd done. He never really was a master in the comforting department, but he tried.

"Uh…yeah, sleep is…recommended…" He cleared his throat loudly, retracting his arm from around me to scratch the back of his head. "We need our ace player at the top of his game. Well…that, and we want our friend back."

"We're here for you, Asahi."

Having unknowingly stolen my words, Atsushi stared back at me with a heartwarming smile, setting before me the very same unspoken promise I'd left with Nozomi. Hidden in that brief sentence was something so endearingly touching, and yet it was so often that people seemed to take its meaning for granted.

He was ensuring me that I could find a pillar in them-promising that, if ever a time came where my legs failed to lift my body from the ground, they would be ready to catch me. They wanted to assure me…that I wasn't alone.

Funny how I nearly forgot something so significant.

"Thank you."

The slightest of smiles graced my lips.

"Thank you, guys…for being here…"