eighteen

"Ren!!" I turned around and stared at the boy rushing towards me, a huge smile on his face. He stopped in front of me, and if it were possible for his smile to grow, it would've. How did he know I was here? I thought, staring at him.

I sighed, "Akira," I said. "What is it now?" There's just… there's something about him that just makes me want to bang my head against the wall or just rip my eyes out.

Maybe that's too much.

"I need to talk to you," he said. Akira was giddy, like a child. He was… cute. Of course, I'd never mention that to him.

"Can't you just tell me here?" I asked impatiently. "I really need to get hom—"

"Just come with me," he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me away. He still had the pretty-boy smile on his face as he dragged me towards… wherever he was dragging me to.

He stopped when we reached the park. The same park where I had fought with Kiyoshi. We sat on the bench, the one where I had left him alone. Tears started to fill my eyes as I remembered what I had said to him.

I feel so horrible.

"Ren," Akira called my name. "You're crying—Ren, are you okay?" He tried to move closer to me and wipe my tears, but I pushed his hand away and scooted away from him.

"It's okay." It's really not. "I just thought of something… sad."

"Are you going to be okay?" Akira asked. His eyes were filled with worry, but I didn't know if it was genuine or not.

I nodded, "Yeah, I'll be okay." We sat in silence as I tried to calm myself down. Think of something else, I thought. Stop thinking about Kiyoshi, damn it.

"I need to tell you something," Akira said breaking the silence.

"Go on." I kept looking down at my hands, trying to think of something other than the words I had said to him.

"I know you and Kiyoshi are… a thing," he started. Finally, I looked at him and saw of look of annoyance cross his face, but it instantly disappeared.

"What about it?" I asked. "Did something happen to him? Is he oka—"

"Just—" Akira cut me off and sighed, closing his eyes. "Please let me finish." I closed my mouth and nodded. "Thanks." He was quiet for a moment, I could tell he was thinking of a way to say what he wanted to say. Then he sighed, mumbled something along the lines of screw it and said, "Ren, I like you."

I looked at him, my eyes widening as I processed what he had said. "Y-You what?" I asked, confused. It didn't make sense to me—how could Akira like me? Of all people, why did he like me?

"I know you're with Kiyoshi," he said. "And I know he's my best fri—"

"Akira."

"—but everytime I look at you, I can't help but feel so happy—"

"Please, stop."

"—you're just different from everyone els—"

"Akira, stop!!" I yelled, cutting him off. He stopped talking and looked at me. "Please, just stop."

"I'm trying to be honest with you," he said.

"I don't want to know, Akira," I said. "I don't care how you feel about me—you know I don't feel the same."

"Just think about it." The way he was looking at me was as if he was almost begging me to accept him. "Please, Ren."

"I don't want to thi—"

"If you did, maybe you'd realize I'm not such a jerk," he cut me off. "Maybe you'd realize that Kiyoshi isn't good for you."

I couldn't take it anymore, the way he said his name as if it were some kind of disease. "Leave him out of this," I said. "What he goes through has nothing to do with my dislike towards you."

"You're just another one of his toys," he scoffed. "Using you to get something he wants, then leaving you as if you're nothing."

"You're not listening t—"

"No, you're not listening to me." He grabbed my shoulders and made me face him. "Can't you see it? He doesn't actually like you, Ren. He just wants to get out of that engagement my grandmother set him up to."

"You don't know anything." The more time I spent with him, the more angrier I became. "He isn't using me—I'm helping him."

"But that's just it!!" he said. He finally let go of me and stood up from the bench. "Neither of you like each other, so why's stopping you from accepting me?"

I don't like Kiyoshi. I've repeated that phrase to myself so many times, and yet I've never been able to accept it. I stared at Akira, "You're right," I said. "So what if he doesn't like me? So what if he's just using me to get something he wants? Have you ever once thought about why I even agreed to it? Or do you only care about Kiyoshi?"

I'd never seen Akira so quiet before. As I stood up from the bench, swinging my backpack over my shoulder, I glared at him. "I won't accept your feelings because he doesn't like me, Akira," I said, tears of frustration forming in my eyes.

"I won't accept your feelings because I'm in love with him."