Not So Humble Ends

Last night was not a good one. Dad gave me another one of those "You don't know who you are." talks with a splash of "You don't know what love is." talk on the side. I'd say that was one of the worst nights in a while, but enough about that now. I'm in school now. I get to forget about my parents and focus on Aidan. I need to know why he did that. I go to math now so I have to walk into the main entrance of the school and down those blue and white colored hallways. The colors always seemed like a lie. Blue and white are calm colors but school is anything but that. Especially now. Alright. Just walk into your class and sit down at your desk. Which is right next to Aidan's. When he gets here that is. People have been giving me looks ever since I walked into the school. Everyone saw that picture and just put together that me and Aidan are dating. People can be so annoying. There he is. Aidan is finally walking in. His same old blue basketball hoodie, sneakers, and ripped jeans. A very cliché look.

"Alright everyone settle down. Today we'll be starting chapter 6. Everybody take out your notes and get ready to copy." Today is really not the day Mr. Martinez.

Okay Devon. You can do this. Just whisper something to him and try not to cry.

"Why the hell did you post that picture?" Hopefully I wasn't too loud.

"Why are you upset?"

"It was just super embarrassing. Everyone is talking about us and that picture now."

"Relax dude. I was just posting on Instagram. People do that, you know. Listen, I can't stay after school next Monday because I have a dentist appointment. Do you mind if we study a bit for the test during lunch?"

Is he serious? Does he really think that's it? This guy doesn't think at all does he? To think I've done nothing but think about how I'll talk to him and he just completely skips over everything.

"Are you serious Aidan? Hell no. Why would I help you after what you did? You asshole. You don't even know what you did. You started rumors that will ruin both of us."

"You mean the thing about us being gay? It's just a joke dude. What…are you actually gay or something?"

All I do is stare. Just like when I came out to my parents. I hated the silence then and god damnit I hate just as much now. All I can do is stare at him. Why can't I just l speak up and lie? Why do I always get quiet? Can he just say something please?

"Wait…are you gay Devon?"

"I'm sorry Aidan and Devon, but who's the teacher here? Unless you're talking about geometry you shouldn't be talking." Oh right we're in class. Were we that loud? Did people hear?

"Sorry Mr. Martinez." I'm really not.

God I cannot believe Aidan. He doesn't think he did anything wrong. He's unbelievable. I just don't get how he thinks. I wonder if he thinks we're friends? If he does then he really is stupid. Just another meathead who can throw a ball into a basket. Should I talk to him more after class? I guess so. We didn't really finish talking, and I can't have him telling anyone. If he starts spreading more rumors then I'm done for.

***

Finally. This stupid class is over. Man, I walked out of there so fast. I have to catch up with Aidan now though. Just stand against the wall and wait for him to come out. The hallway is so crowded. It's like walking through a concert audience every time you need to get to class. There's Aidan. Let's get this over with.

"Aidan! We need to talk." Was that too straightforward?

"I'm sorry about the post Devon. I didn't think it'd be this big of a deal. I'll take it down now if you want me to."

"I mean, I may have overreacted a bit, but at least you'll take it down."

"Ok man I don't know why you're so upset over this. How was I supposed to know you're gay?"

"Don't say that so loud. Do you seriously not get what's wrong with this? You just outed me to like the whole school. Nobody knew and nobody was supposed to until I felt comfortable telling them. You took that time to get comfort away from me." Wow my heart is beating.

"Don't be such a baby about it man. It was just a picture. Just forget about it. Nobody is

gonna hate you for being gay dude."

"You don't even know how wrong you are for saying that. What I want to know is, why did you post it? What did you want to accomplish?" I need an answer.

"Devon, it was a joke. People clearly found it funny."

"No. They're laughing with you Aidan, but for me… they're laughing at me. They're laughing at me because of you. And I know that isn't why you posted. Stop lying and tell me."

"Alright, fine. My friend told me to, okay? He took the picture and said we looked like a couple. So I posted it to make a joke."

"David, right? It was that asshole wasn't it." I know it is. Who else would?

"Yeah it was." Of course.

"I have a question, Aidan. At any point during the time we knew each other, did you actually consider me a friend? Or was I just your way of getting math answers?"

"I mean yeah dude. We were friends."

"Don't lie to me Aidan. I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me we were friends." Don't cry Devon. Don't ruin this for yourself.

"Ok. Honestly, I just needed help in math. I figured I'd ask you cause you seemed like you weren't busy or anything. I did like hanging out with you a bit after we started studying."

"Damn. Ok then. I've got to get to class. See you around Aidan. I'm done with dealing with all your lies."

"Are we good Devon?"

"Honestly...I don't know. I mean I want to be friends with you Aidan, but it doesn't feel right to be. It feels like you're lying to me. Like you have been from the start. You don't even realize how bad what you did was. I'm sorry but I don't think we can move on from that so fast."

"Ok sure. That's fine man. I take it we're not still on for Monday?

`

"No we're not. Goodbye Aidan. I've got to get to class."

It's over. Just like that. One of the first times I've made a friend has been ruined. Here I was thinking I finally found one. How wrong I was. Things never work out for me do they? Life just finds a way to screw everything up. From my parents, to school, to now Aidan. I just wish I could go back and undo it all. I should have seen this coming. I know it's right to leave him, but it still hurts to do it. Hurts so much. It always hurts to lose what I thought was a friend. Things always go this way. Won't I ever get a break? That's all I want. A break. A shoulder to cry on would be nice too. A friend or someone close. However, I seem to be out of luck there. Why am I always like this? Why can't I just be normal? I just have to be like this. Everything would be so much easier if I wasn't what I am. I know there's nothing wrong with being gay, but other people don't seem to know that. I thought I had something with Aidan. I thought I actually made a friend. I thought I'd finally have someone in my life who wasn't an asshole to me. My mistake. There's always mistakes made. They get close to me and then they break me. Always lies. I always end up dealing with all the lies.