Recovery

I swear, at this point, I hate everyday. Sunday through Saturday. No day is good anymore at this point. Everyday is just another pain in my ass. Everyday I'm just reminded of everything that makes my life so not worth living. Why am I still hurt by it? It's been three weeks since my fight with Aidan, and I'm still crying about it. I ended the friendship. ME! So why am I the one so hurt over it? I see Aidan everyday in school and he barely seems affected. While he's off winning some basketball game I'm here whining in my room on a Tuesday morning. Still talking to myself about my problems. Listening to parents scream at each other. At least they're not screaming at me. They've been doubling down on that recently cause of that stupid Instagram post. Thank god it's been deleted, but the damage is very much done. Why did my one friend have to be the one to make my life even worse. No. He wasn't my friend. Aidan was not my friend. I'd be really nice to have a friend though. Somebody to hangout with, share my feelings with, and whatever else friends do. Instead I get assholes like Aidan. I just want a friend. I know to get one I'd have to actually put in some work, but there's nobody to put in that effort for. I wish there was though. Funny how I have just one wish and it just won't come true. Don't good things happen to good people? Karma is the biggest bullshit I've ever heard of. What have I done wrong?

"Devon! Get down here now! You're going to be late for school." There's mom. Guess I better get up now. No point in stalling. I have to go to school one way or another.

Here I am walking down these stairs. Walking past the living room that makes me want to die. Getting inside the car and going to school. Sometimes I wish attendance was optional. I wouldn't be gone for too long. I'd just miss a day every week or something. No harm in that right? Besides, I always hate the drive over to school. I can never nap in the car because the drive is so short. Plus, I sit in the front with my mom, so she's always watching me. I'm so tired in the morning. To be fair, who isn't?

"How are you feeling Devon?"

"What? Oh…I'm fine mom. Just tired." I wish I were just tired.

"You can tell me if something's wrong Devon. I'm your mother. I'll always be here for you." Yeah sure. Just like you were there for me when I came out.

"I told you mom I'm just tired."

"Alright. I know I'm not always the best mom Devon, but I do love you. I know sometimes me and your father are a little harsh, but I promise you we only have your best interests in mine. I drive you to school everyday Devon. I know what you look like when you're tired. You don't look tired Devon, you look hurt. So please, if you ever want to, come talk to me."

"Alright mom. Thanks."

That was…weird. I always think my parents are planning how to ground me next when they look at me. I forget that they actually can care about me. Well my mom can. All my dad does is hate me for being gay. Which makes me hate me for being gay. Well it's not that I hate myself it's just that I hate all the pain being gay brings me. To think it's 2022 and people still can't accept people for who they are. Whatever, I'm at school now. Just get out of the car and go face hell.

"Bye Devon. Love you."

"Love you too mom."