Chapter 9

“LET me ask you this if you saw me kissing another guy, will you forgive me?” I painfully asked him as tears poured from my eyes. I really hate these tears.

I could see from my peripheral vision some people who passed by look at us. Oh, I just catch my ex-boyfriend cheating on me that’s why I am crying.

“Damn it, Felix! Yes! You made ONE mistake! But that mistake was I saw you kissing another girl and fucking her.” I was just stopping myself from shouting out loud since we aren’t in the right place.

“I’m sorry,” then bowed his head.

Here he is again with his sorry.

“I’m tired of hearing your sorry, Felix…” I paused. “I don’t want to hear that again because even if you continue saying sorry for doing that mistake,” I shake my head slowly.

“Your sorry won’t change the fact that you did that thing. Your sorry won’t turn back time and change everything that happened.”

Yes, I love him but maybe that was the way for me to get back myself and love myself more because maybe, I was really losing myself for him as time passed by. And it’s time for me to get myself back and to love it more each day. I have lost some opportunity that was supposed to make me happy but I give it up for him.

“Stop right here, Felix, because if you keep running after me you’ll just waste your time. Maybe we aren’t meant to be. Being in a relationship with each other was because destiny helps us to be prepared when the time comes that we finally meet the ones for us. Maybe this is what destiny wants us to be. So just stop, Felix,” I sighed heavily as we stared at each other. I saw how his eyes watered and the tears in his eyes were really to fall.

He shook his head after hearing what I said but I decided to continue talking. In fact, this will be the first and last time I will say this to him so it is better if I can say all that I wanted to say to him.

I wiped my tears, “Changed yourself for good so if the right time that the girl that destiny meant for you, your relationship like ours won’t happen again,” I advise him. Destiny played well. It broke us but maybe, it will help us to be a better person someday.

“I hope the next time we see each other again, we are now both a better person,” I smiled as we stared at each other for one last time.

I decided to leave him there but before I could even turn my back, I saw a tear roll down his face. It’s was goodbye for both of us for now, Felix. Being in a relationship with you taught me a lot of things. But now, I need to love myself more.

I thought he will call my name but I was wrong. I turn my head to see him when I was meters away from him and saw how he let his tears roll down his face. He didn’t care even if a few people were looking at him. He just let his tears pour. I painfully yet a bit happy smiled at him then continue to walk away.

I sighed as I drop my bag on the floor and lay on the long couch. I felt exhausted from that encounter with him. I hope he’ll stop after what I said today to him. Running after me is just a waste of time. I loved him but sometimes love wasn’t enough for me to come back to him, to accept him again.

I grab my phone from my bag and compose a message for him one last time.

From: Audrey

Changed yourself for good. Hope when we cross our paths again, you are now a better person. I’m now healing myself and I hope you did the same to yourself :)

Sent!

This will be my last message for him as I am still healing myself from that heartbreak. I was on the brink of crying again and I put my hands on my face. I still wish him the best.

I was in that position that lasted for a couple of minutes when I heard the door being opened and I heard the worrying voice of my best friend.

She quickly went beside me, “Are you okay? Did he do something wrong?” I put away my hand to uncover my face and shake my head slowly as a response to her question. “I saw him outside crying,” she added but I still didn’t respond.

I turned to her, “I told him to just stop and I hope he will,” is all I said.

Silence enveloped the two of us and no one dared to speak. I didn’t know how long silence lasted when I was the one who decided to speak.

“I’ll just get changed,” then grabbed my phone and bag before I left her there.

I changed my sim card so Felix wouldn’t send me text messages anymore and if ever he would reply to my previous text, I wouldn’t see it. For now, I just needed to distance myself from him as I let the time heal the pain. It was 7 PM when Bella knock me on my room for dinner. We were just silent throughout the whole time as we eat. I don’t have an appetite to eat but I force myself to have even just a five tablespoon. It wasn’t in my vocabulary to let myself hungry.

“I’ll wash the dishes,” I volunteered. Bella tried to stop me but I had already gotten my hands wet and ready to wash the dishes so she didn’t have time to protest.

I was already done and was already in my pajama, preparing to sleep when I heard a knock on the door. My eyebrows crossed when I saw her well dressed.

“Aren’t you sleeping?” I curiously asked her. I was really sleepy right now that I badly wanted to crawl towards my bed and sleep peacefully.

She shook her head in push me lightly for her to get inside my room.

“Let’s get to the bar!” she answered.

I lay in the bed and didn’t bother her.

“You’ll go, I’ll just stay here. I’m sleepy,” I replied but before I could even close my eyes, she pulled me up.

“No! You’ll go with me. You’re not in your likely self so I’m helping you. Let’s get wasted tonight!” she said excitedly but I show her that I’m not interested.

“It isn’t my thing so just let me sleep peacefully.”

But of course, Bella isn’t Bella for nothing. In the end, she succeeded in me going with her to the bar. Argh! I don’t know how many times I grab the clothes in my closet and she just keeps shaking her head, disapproving about the clothes I will wear.

I weakly face her while holding a simple black printed t-shirt.

“I just came from a heartbreak so just let me, Bella,” I weakly said so in the end, she let me wear that black printed t-shirt and pants. I paired it with a sandal because my best friend is so demanding.

She even told me to wear high heels but I disagree. I don’t have time to wear those girly outfits. I just came from a heartbreak and I was forced to come in the bar so she don’t have the right to demand. She just forced me after all. I just let my hair on the loose and put on light make-up. Bella even offered the red lipstick in her collection but I pick the pink one. I’ll just go there to kill time anyway.

As soon as we arrived at the place she was talking to, she quickly get out of the car and pulled me towards the entrance door. Every person who passed by was greeting her.

She’s known here, huh?

“Hey, who’s that? It’s the first time I saw her,” the unknown girl said while holding a glass of drink and scanning me from head to foot. She looks friendly though.

Yes, it’s my first time so be kind.

“Yeah. She’s Audrey, my best friend,” Bella said.

Then the unknown girl offered her hand to me while the other was holding a glass of drink.

“I’m Kate,” she introduced and smiled.

I accepted her hand, “Audrey,” I shortly replied and smile a bit.

Bella excused us lead me to the counter and ordered a glass of drink for the two of us. I didn’t hear the drink’s name but I think my drink was different from hers. I didn’t hear what type of drink is mine because I was busy roaming my eyes around the place to see people getting themselves wasted.

“Cheers for the broken heart!” We toast before I drink from my glass to taste the liquid in it. The bitter taste of the liquid drink strips in my throat and I just suddenly wanted to just have a glass of water but I think there isn’t any in this place.

Well then, let’s get wasted.

:)