SWEET DREAM, SHIZUN (7)

Mo Ran hated himself for being stupid. For hurting Chu Wanning again and again. It did not matter whether he got too close or too far from him. Chu Wanning would get hurt nonetheless. It was maddening.

He went after Chu Wanning fifteen minutes later, but the library was locked from the inside.

Mo Ran swallowed and knocked at the door.

"Wanning...?"

No answer.

"Wanning, please. Open the door."

No answer.

"Wanning...!!!"

"I would like to be alone for now," the man in the library finally deigned to answer. "Sorry. Please let me be."

What Mo Ran really wanted to do was use his willow vine to break the door, drag the man inside out, and hug him tight. But then Chu Wanning would get hurt again. He would cry again. Mo Ran did not want that to happen.

Sigh.

Mo Ran slid down the wall and stared at the locked door. How could he open the door if Chu Wanning locked it from the inside? How could he touch Chu Wanning's heart if the latter refused to even look at him?

Mo Ran rubbed at his temple. He was so tired. He was in so much pain. The antidote was behind the door but he could not eat it. He wanted to worship the god from far away, but it was easier said than done.

What the hell was wrong with him? Why was his brain addled with uncontrolled lust? It was so unbecoming. It was embarrassing.

After hours of self-reproach, Mo Ran eventually fell asleep. He was startled awake when he felt something being laid gently on top of him. When he opened his eyes, his gaze met with Chu Wanning's. He was putting his fur cloak around Mo Ran to keep him warm.

Chu Wanning's eyes were red. It seemed that he had been crying a lot for the past hours. And yet when he looked at Mo Ran, his gaze was relentless, devoid of any weakness.

"Wanning... I am sorry. I don't mean to hurt you."

Chu Wanning shook his head.

"I am the willful one. I am sorry that you had to deal with my temper."

Why did Chu Wanning apologize to him??

"You don't need to apologize..." Mo Ran said with clenched fists. "It's my fault."

Chu Wanning shook his head again. "No, it's my fault. I remember nothing about us but I made a presumptuous assumption about our relationship. The error is on my side."

Mo Ran sighed. "Don't think that way. You are very, very important to me."

A sad smile laced Chu Wanning's lips. "Thank you, Mo Ran. You don't have to say that."

"I mean it."

Chu Wanning averted his eyes and sighed. The sigh was as heavy as heaven and earth combined.

"Wanning, what is it...? Talk to me. Please."

"It's just that..." Chu Wanning's lips trembled slightly when he spoke. "Do you know, Mo Ran? The most wonderful dreams are rarely real."

The words struck Mo Ran like thunder in the middle of the day.

What? What did he say just now?

Those words...

Those were the words that Shi Mei said to him when he was dreaming inside Jincheng Lake!!! So the person who pulled him out of the dream that time... That person was not Shi Mei, it was Chu Wanning!!!

"Wanning, you...!"

Mo Ran moved to grab Chu Wanning's shoulders, but Chu Wanning grabbed his hands instead.

"No," he said with a sharp tone. "You should save it for the person who you love. I have stolen enough of your affection. We can stop now."

Mo Ran was speechless. Even the seven-year-old Chu Wanning did not want Mo Ran to touch him ever again. The pain in Mo Ran's heart multiplied by a hundred times within an instant.

"Wanning, I..."

Chu Wanning waited for Mo Ran to finish his sentence, but he was unable to finish. He did not know what to say.

That night, they still slept on the same bed but no longer in each other's arms. Chu Wanning kept to his side, curling up on the bed and turning his back at Mo Ran.

Mo Ran barely slept that night. He looked at the gentle rising and falling of the other person's body anxiously. He had enjoyed cuddling Chu Wanning to sleep for three nights straight. Mo Ran had become accustomed to the latter's warmth, his breathing against Mo Ran's neck. He never imagined how empty his arms would feel when Chu Wanning no longer lay inside.

The next morning, they remained cordial to each other but the closeness that was built after three days of living together already evaporated into thin air. Chu Wanning went to meditate and Mo Ran went to get breakfast as always.

The man was as sluggish as an undead corpse. He practically dragged his feet to Wuchang Town. Even the vegetables and meat vendors could see that something was off with him.

"Aiyah, young man what is it?" A woman asked.

"Did your wife die or something?" Her husband asked.

The latter quickly received a slap on the head from his enraged wife.

"Why are you cursing people? Aiyah Young Master don't mind my unrefined husband. If you want to coax your sweetheart, then you should buy her something delicious!"

Mo Ran let himself be dragged toward the stand as the vendor's wife showed him all kinds of delicacies.

"Look, look. The freshest seafood in the region! You can stew the crab, grill the fish, or fry the shrimps!"

Mo Ran hummed absent-mindedly. He could not think about anything at all.

"Well, Young Master, what do you like...?"

-Like...

"I don't know," Mo Ran answered with an empty gaze. "I don't know what I like."

The woman put both hands at her hips and furrowed her brows at Mo Ran.

"How can you not know what you like? Now I know why your sweetheart is angry at you. Aiyah, young man. You need to be decisive. You have to know what you like. What you want. Otherwise, that beautiful girl of yours will run away with another man. Do you want that???"

Mo Ran shook his head. He looked miserable. "But I... I really don't know."

The woman sighed. She shot her husband a glare. "Look, even this useless husband of mine knows what he likes! A strapping young man like you must perform better!"

The vendor stepped closer to his wife and flirted with her, "A-Mei, don't you think that your husband is good? At least I know I like you."

The woman snorted. "Pffft! Know, your foot! Did you not waste five years chasing after that beautiful goddess of yours? If she didn't reject you, would you even pursue me???"

The vendor clicked with his tongue. "Wife, ah, she is only a passing fancy. She is like a lotus cake. Eating one or two times makes me happy. Eating it every day will make me sick. I would rather have you."

The wife scowled at him. "So if that fox lady is a lotus cake, what am I?"

The vendor thought for a while. "Porridge with pork and vegetables."

"WHAT! ARE YOU SAYING THAT SHE IS A HIGH-TIER LOTUS CAKE AND I AM JUST A MEASLY BOWL OF PORRIDGE??"

The vendor hurriedly patted his wife's arms to placate her. "I want to say that she is sweet but you are nutritious! You are what I need in life!!! I love, love you!!!"

The wife gave him another slap on the head, but the corners of her lips already tugged up with a smile she could barely suppress. "Go eat your lotus cake because this porridge shop is closed for the day!"

She stomped into the house without looking back. The vendor giggled and turned to Mo Ran. "Sorry for that. She has a bad temper, but I love her very much."

Mo Ran looked down at the various seafood on the table. When he looked up again, the vendor thought that he knew what to buy. Unfortunately, Mo Ran had something else in mind.

"Mister, when you spoke about love... How do you know that you love someone?"

The elder man cackled. He put an arm around Mo Ran in a conspiratorial manner. "Young man, ah, you are so handsome. There must be a lot of girls lining up to be your girlfriend. I know that. I used to be as handsome as you when I was younger. In fact, I think I was more handsome. My skin is always as fair as jade. Anyway. This is the problem with us handsome guys. It is difficult to decide when there are so many girls to pick from."

"Now, the most important thing is to know the kind of girl you want to spend your life with.

Do you like a gentle beauty or a cold beauty?"

"Gentle," Mo Ran answered when he thought about the seven-year-old Chu Wanning. But then his shizun's displeased face flashed before his eyes. "Occasionally cold and angry is also fine," he hastily added.

"..."

The elder man cleared his throat.

"Do you like someone who is evenly-tempered or bad-tempered?"

"Evenly-tempered," Mo Ran answered, again thinking about the sweet Chu Wanning. And then, recalling his shizun's angry bursts, he added, "Bad-tempered is not bad. Not really bad."

"..."

The vendor drew a deep breath as he repressed a scowl.

"Do you like someone who is agreeable or stubborn?"

"Agreeable," Mo Ran quickly answered. "But..."

"But stubborn is also good, right?" The elder man snapped out of patience. "Young man, ah. You like them both. Maybe you should ask them if they are willing to marry you and live together as a happy family. If they love you as much as you love them, then you will all be very happy together!"

Mo Ran gaped at the elderly man dumbly.

"Mister, did you say 'love'?"

"Yes. LOVE."

Mo Ran's face turned sour. "Mister, you are mistaken. I don't love him."

The vendor crossed his arms before his chest, clearly unhappy that this young green sprout dared to question his judgment.

"And why not???"

"I... I harbor indecent thoughts about him."

Mo Ran sighed. What he really wanted to do was march back to Red Lotus Pavilion, grab Chu Wanning and have his ways with him. How sinful. How abominable. How...

"And what's so bad with that? By indecent I hope you mean that you want to sleep with the person and not torture the person."

Mo Ran's cheeks flushed red. "Of course I do not want to torture him!"

"So you want to sleep with the person."

"Y-yes."

"So what's wrong with that??? What's so wrong with wanting to make love with your lover???"

Mo Ran's cheeks turned bright red. The elder man did not bother keeping his voice low at all. Before long all the random aunties and uncles already gathered around them and listened to their conversation with great interest.

"Old Liu, what is it?"

"This young man, ah," the vendor pointed at Mo Ran. "He's so innocent. He thinks it is wrong to want to make love to the person he likes. I pity his lover more than him."

The aunties and uncles started to giggle.

"Aiyo. Young man ah. That is not bad. That is very good, even. Young people should enjoy each other as much as possible. Later on after you have kids, you will be too busy for that."

"What are you saying? He's not even married yet. Don't lead a virgin lad astray!"

"I meant after he got married!"

"Young man, it is perfectly fine to have a burning desire for the person you love. No need to be shy!"

"I know that my three children were not born out of decency, hehehe~"

Mo Ran looked around in horror. Before he knew it, he had already run back to Sisheng Peak without buying anything.

-Desire.

-Love and desire.

-Is it really ok to want to sleep with someone who you love?

-Why is it even wrong?

-What is so wrong with wanting to kiss and embrace the body of the person you love? To entangle endlessly from dusk to dawn? To be glued together in a quagmire of lust and passion?

-What is so wrong with being addicted to the person? To want to kiss every part of his body? To want to elicit sensual moans from him, making him tremble in your arms until he cannot take it anymore and succumb to the sweet pleasure of release?

"WANNING!!!"

Chu Wanning's eyes flew open in surprise.

Mo Ran stood in front of him, panting as if he just completed a marathon while he was gone. The young man's eyes were red, and he was all sweaty.

"You... What happened with you?" Chu Wanning asked in confusion.

Instead of hearing an answer, he was dragged up from the floor and hugged tightly in Mo Ran's arms.

"I love you," Mo Ran sobbed. "Wanning, I love you."