Chapter 176

Gus's memories blurred, like colors being washed downstream. I found myself standing amidst a tornado of his presence, filled with the familiar taste of current emotions and the smell of his passing thoughts. He asked if I was okay. He apologized for being selfish. He hid his metaphysical face in shame.

"Why are you so embarrassed?" I asked.

"There were so many people living in hell that I could have helped and all I was concerned about was my own damn self. There were even people, probably countless people, who died while I had my head up my ass. And then how I treated Roman for looking out for me all that time."

"You were a teenager."

"No. That's how I was my entire life. That's who I am."

Something like a spark poked out from the stream about me.

"I doubt that," I said, as I reached for it. His lies, even the ones to himself, tasted like peanut butter in this realm.