Chapter 13

I drive back home, but I don’t feel like I’m in the mood to do anything. I just hate it when someone completely ruins my day and I’m just unable to do anything productive. I don’t even feel like watching a TV show, which means I’m in a really bad mood.

My phone beeps, and I hope is Jasper. It’s not. It’s Jake.

Jake: biiitch check niall’s tumblr!!!!

Nicki: I don’t know it?

Jake: niall-tdb

I go on his profile, wondering what in the world Jake wants me to see. I notice that he has a lot of admirers, because 90% of his tumblr is filled with answered questions. He just answered three questions recently.

Anonymous: KISS/MARRY/FUCK POPPY/SOPHIA/NICKI

To which Niall answered: kiss Sophia, fuck Poppy, marry Nicki.

I make a face at my phone screen, and then I scroll up.

Anonymous: why did you choose marry Nicki?

Niall: cause i think i’d have fun with her and it would never get boring

That answer puts a smile on my face, but then I wonder who in the world would even ask these questions. Maybe someone saw us at the mall? But then I remember that a lot of girls at school are crushing on Niall for some reason, unbeknownst to me.

Nicki: I saw

Jake: aaand????? Maybe he s high

Nicki: * eye roll emoji *

I try to focus on something else, but now I also have Niall’s answers on my mind, which is the last thing I needed.

***

It’s Monday, and once again I feel like dying. I see Jasper at his locker right before my last period, but I don’t want to go up to him. We make eye contact, and I turn my head away on purpose, to let him know that if he wants to talk to me, he has to make a move.

All these years I’ve been the one who always made the first step to apologize, or who let go of their pride in order to get over an argument. But I’m done now.

I feel a hand on my waist and I turn around, to see Jasper standing there with a rose and a small bag from Pandora.

"Happy anniversary babe."

I hate this and I hate myself. I hate myself for being so mad and then not being anymore once I see him. Why am I like this? I’m emotionally drained but he always makes my day better. And I know this can’t go on anymore or else I’ll mentally collapse, but for some reason I can’t give up on him.

I kiss him and take the presents from him. I make eye contact with Niall, who’s on the other side of the hallway, chatting up some girl. He doesn’t even listen to what she’s talking, because he looks at me with a disappointed look on his face and shakes his head.

I know he’s probably disappointed because I forgave Jasper just like that, but then again, why does he even care?

"Sorry I was not here on Friday, but I’m here now." he tells me and kisses my cheek.

"How’s your grandma?" I ask and he looks confused for a second, which lets me know that he forgot the excuse he made up.

"Did she enjoy the football game?" I continue, and his face falls. He knows he’s busted.

"How did you-"

"Doesn’t matter. What matters is that you lied to me." I say, swallowing. "Why did you?"

Jasper looks so guilty and for a second I want to forgive him right then and there, but I refrain from doing so, because I know I deserve better.

"Because I didn’t want you to feel like you’re less important than a game." is the stupid excuse he comes up with.

"But I am!" I say, raising my voice. "And you lied! Thinking I wouldn’t find out? That hurts, Jasper. You could have at least told me because I would have felt ten times less shittier than I did when I found out."

He thinks about what to say for a few seconds, before he finally opens his mouth:

"How did you find out?"

"That’s the only thing that matters to you? How I found out? Maybe we should…"

The words are stuck in my throat. Why can’t I just say that I want us to break up?

"Maybe we should what?" he asks, and his tone is more daring than worried, like he’s daring me to say something he knows I won’t. The truth is in fact that I’m so used to being with him that I’m too scared to let him go.

"Maybe we should take a break." Is the most I can do, and it still hurts.

"You want us to take a break?" he asks, making sure he heard me right. I nod.

Jasper shakes his head and steps back. "Fine. If that’s what you want."

My heart hurts as I watch him walk away, and I want to tell him to come back, but I know he doesn’t deserve it.

I bite my lip and turn around to place the rose and the Pandora bag in my locker, without even opening to see what he got. I know it’s more of a guilt gift than an anniversary gift, so I close my locker and stay like that for a few seconds, before I decide to completely ditch my last period and go home.

I stop in front of my car to smoke a cigarette and to get my thoughts in order. I don’t even feel like venting to Jake, because I’m too worn down to even get my phone out.

"What happened?"

I jump at the voice behind me, so I turn around to see Niall standing in front of me with his hands in his pockets.

"I told him that we should take a break."

"What does that mean exactly?"

"I don’t know." I shrug, taking another drag from my cigarette. "I just want a break from everything. I feel like I’m emotionally drained."

"What did he say?" Niall asks, leaning against my car.

"He just wanted to know how I found out. After I told him that I felt really fucking shitty, all he could say was how I found out. I didn’t tell him."

Niall shakes his head. "You could have."

"But that’s not important. What’s important is that he just lied to me so easily; it makes me wonder what else he’s lied about. Maybe he’s also cheated on me at some point, I don’t know."

I drop the cigarette and step on it, before I grip the door handle.

"I’m going home."

"Alright, take care."

I nod as I get into my car. "See you tomorrow."

***

It’s weird not talking to Jasper constantly. It’s been four days since we decided, well, I decided and he just went along with it, to take a break. Every time I want to share something with him, I can’t, so I just have to hold it in until Jake or Sophia is online.

It’s Friday, thank God, which means the weekend is coming up, which means that I can close myself up into my room and not come out until Monday.

I know I shouldn’t be the one sulking or hurting, because I’m the one who initiated the whole taking a break thing, but I didn’t do it because I wanted to, I did it because I needed to.

I get to school just as the bell rings, and my brother tells me he has to hurry because his Trigonometry teacher has a zero tolerance policy about being late.

I linger by my locker until after the hallway has cleared, wondering whether I really need a secondary education or not. I decide that I do, but being late to class won’t stop me from getting into a good University.

"Are you ditching today?"

I turn around to see Niall coming up towards me, and his sister hurrying down the hallway, probably in order not to be late to Trigonometry. Oh…those were the days man.

"No…I’m just trying to waste time before going to Sex Ed. You?"

"Same." He sighs and leans against the locker next to mine.

What is it with boys and leaning against things? Do they think it makes them attractive or something? Because it kind of does…

"So listen. Louis is throwing a party at Chris' house tonight, and I wanted to see if you’d come." He says, and I stop from placing my bag in my locker to look at him.

"Are you inviting me to a party?" I ask.

"Yeah. Sort of."

"Why?"

"Well, for one, you should try and get over your ex-boyfriend."

I lift a finger. "Theoretically, he’s not my ex."

"Practically, he’s been your ex for days now." Niall tries to argue, and I wonder when did we start being friends.

"And the other reason?" I ask, secretly hoping he’d hint at the fact that he wanted to…hook up with me. Wait, what?

"What other reason?"

"You said ‘well, for one’, so I just assumed there’s a second reason you’re inviting me to the party."

He rolls his eyes. "Louis would like you to come."

I squint my eyes at him, not really believing it.

"Alright." He sighs. "I want you to come because I like when you’re drunk because we get along well and no one gets as drunk as I do except of you. Well, not as drunk as me because then you’d pass out completely, but close enough."

I raise my eyebrows. "Excuse me? Are you saying that I can’t drink as much as you can?" I look up at him and cross my arms over my chest. "Because it sounds like you are."

"Don’t get to worked up. I’m irish, I can drink you under the table."

"Okay bitch, you’re on." I say, which indirectly means I just accepted his invitation.

"Great." He laughs.

"Wait. Will Jasper be there?"

Niall nods. "He’s on the football team, it would be a bit…rude not to invite him."

"It’s fine. I’ll just drink more than you and drink you under the table." I smile, closing my locker. We start walking towards Sex Ed, which Mr. Andrews teaches, so he won’t be mad because we’re late, but people might start wondering why we came together.

"So what’s this about Louis holding a party at Chris' house?" I ask Niall.

He smiles. "I think they’re going to finally makeout, so it’s a must see."

I loudly laugh as we walk together, and during the walk to class, and for the rest of the day, I ask myself when and how in the fucking world did Niall and I start to be such good friends.