Chapter Twenty: The White Room

( Warning: This Chapter contains dark, suicidal suggestive themes. Reader discretion is advised)

Kara was tired, she felt like she hadn't sleeped in years. She could not stop thinking though. Her mind was always racing now. She thought back to her time in Outworld. The torture that she went through and the loss that she took when Gabriel had died. The moment he died, she died with him. Though she was still breathing, she was dead inside. And she knew that. She just didn't have the same fortune of finding the peace that Gabriel did. But she was happy that his pain was finally over.

She thought about everything that had been said, and now realised that probably meant nothing at all. Everything had been for nothing. This Room was her reality now. Not so much that it was her prison, as it was the realization had nothing. This was her life. This one single room was a metaphor for who she had become. The dark floors, symbolizing her mother who was darkness but had molded her into the Queen she needed her to be, giving her a place to stand in the world. Whilst the White walls, represented her hopes and dreams for peace that she would never be able to escape from. It was her desire to have something that trapped her within it. It was almost like a mouse stating at a chunk of cheese in a mouse trap. Of course it knew it was a trap, but it went for the treat anyway because it needed the food to survive. And that were the walls for Kara. The hopes that she could scream at and punch but would never give way..and would never release her.

She was lost within herself and knew there would be no way out of this. Gooblin had brought her here to so that she could see this for herself. So that she could see the truth of her life and what had lead to this. So that she could see, and accept that Gabriel woulr never come back. No matter how much she begged or pleaded.

But yet she remained. She belonged her. For thinking that she could have something that Noone else would ever have the opportunity to recieve. For thinking that she deserved some kind of special treatment from a world that had been so unforgiving in the past

" God if this could only be Outworld" She said to herself. This, this place was unsettling. It felt so isolated. It felt like nothingness. It felt like the absence of everything and yet the mixture or everything that existed within herself. But in Outworld, at least when she was imprisoned, she had the hallucinatins and illusions to keep her company. But here, there was nothing.

" I know you want me to say that it's all my fault. I know you want me to give up so that you can come to me and tell me to not do that and reassure me of my importance. But can we stop this?Can we stop the cycle? " Kara pleaded with the room.

" Can we stop pretending like these decisions are all on me and Gabriel? And how we are so stupid for not talking things out from the beginning. It wouldn't have made a difference. We were going to go through this anyway. Nothing would have stopped it. Because if we are tied to the Underworld..then that means that the Underworld was doomed from the beginning. The is the world's fate. Which meant that Gabriel and I never had a chance to begin with. So fuck you. Fuck you for ever making us think that we could've been something more " Kara was tired of this. She was done with the fighting and the emotions and the sadness and the self pity. She just wanted the World to stop depending on her. It's not fair for everything to have been placed on the backs of her and Gabriel. There is no way two people could carry that entire weight alone.

The door opens finally and Gooblin steps through. " I'm sorry Kara " He walks into the room and sits down beside her, leaving the door open. Kara Sighs and doesn't move. " Its okay Gooblin. I know you are only trying to help. But this is it for us. And that is okay. The Underworld is dying, and I can't save it. We can't save it. Hell I don't even think Gabriel could have saved it" She laughs and stares at the wall ahead of her.

" We never could. I use to think we were the ones who broke this world but it was broken long before we came along" She explains and Gooblin says nothing.

" I just wanted to say Goobye to him " Kara laughs again.

" But I couldn't even get that" She knew she would never get what she wanted and she found it comical at this point. Everything and everyone had been telling her that Gabriel was meant to be with her but they were wrong. They all were wrong.

" Gooblin..can you leave me for a bit? " Kara asks to which Gooblin nods and stands up and waddles out of the door, leaving Kara to her thoughts. And the White room she had become accustomed to now.

Kara looked down at her hand as almost hypnotized as she watched become consumed by her Emerald Flames. Kara placed her hand on her head, wanting to blast her energy through it. She wanted the pain to stop. She wanted everything to be over. And maybe in another world, she would find Gabriel and they could finally have that talk they had been needing to have for so long. " It would be so easy" She thinks to herself. She could end it all right now and nothing would be able to stop her. And she felt like she would being doing her Homeland a favor, ending their pain and frustration with how things had been handled. She wanted to do it so badly.

" Come on Kara..just do it. You know you want to" She tried to taunt herself. " This is what you deserve. You have fucked up everything and you need to make amends for it by wiping the slate clean" Kara told herself as the flames rose higher from her hand.

" It would be so quick. It would be so easy" She smiled, leaning her head back against the wall and dropping her hand down which allows the flame to dissapear.

" God...I wish I was that strong"