Chapter 3: Golem vs Wizard

Having never actually thrown an Explosive Potion before, Durri was surprised by the tremendous force which expanded from the point of impact.

He braced against the floor, but still slid two feet as wind and debris battered his face and blew past him.

"Goodness!" he said. "I'll have to remind myself to stand back next time!"

In a few moments, the dust settled. Durri stepped into the hallway.

He looked at the wooden door, which had blown into the stone wall across the corridor.

"It seems that the potion was extra-effective against wood in general, not just against wooden ships. Interesting. I wonder if Colfax got away in time?"

The door fell down in several pieces, revealing a very flattened rhinoceros man, who soon followed it.

"Wow, his limbs look like noodles," Durri said. "'Flat' noodles. Poor guy. I suppose I could have waited a minute for him to run before breaking out. For that matter, maybe I shouldn't have announced I was going to escape. I need to plan better in the future. Still, he worked for an evil wizard. Occupational hazards, and all that."

He rubbed the side of his head. "I know I don't have actual ears, but I swear my ears are ringing. I wonder if the crazy wizard heard that? Colfax said he was drunk and high. Maybe he'll stay fast asleep. Unconscious. Whatever you'd call it."

An angry screaming came faintly to Durri's ears from somewhere below. "Colfax, you incompetent jack*ss! What'd you do this time!?"

Durri sighed. "That would've been just too lucky for someone like me. I'd better see what I can get my hands on before he finds his way up here."

Durri ran back down the hallway and into the laboratory where he had first woken up. Against the far wall was an enormous fish tank with a hole in its side. Some leathery objects lay inside.

"That's where Colfax got the water from! I really wish he hadn't destroyed the whole thing. Wow, those eggs are the size of full-grown chickens. Look at all that water on the ground. How'd he even make the matching hole in the roof, anyway?"

Durri stooped to the floor with his bottle and tried to slosh as much water in as possible. Since his body was made of clay, the water became very muddy and his skin grew slimy.

"Ugh! This is horrible. I doubt I'll be able to make anything useful with this sludge."

He glanced up at the sea serpent eggs. They somehow emitted an aura of smug mockery.

A shout came from the laboratory doorway. "D*mn it, Colfax, for once in your life can you 'not' ruin my hopes and dreams?" the wizard screeched.

He wielded a huge crossbow with what looked like dozens of arrows hanging from it in a belt.

Durri quickly added a pepper to the dirty water and made an explosive potion, then poured it into his palm. "Hey buddy! You want one of these to the face? I don't know what kind of fancy magic you wizards have, but I doubt it can save you from an explosion!"

The wizard laughed. His eyes were bloodshot, and he sounded completely insane. "Fancy magic? H*ll no! When I have a giant man-child throwing a tantrum in my office, I've found Mr. Auto Crossbow is all I need!"

He squeezed the trigger, and a hissing swarm of crossbow bolts spat toward Durri!

They both paused.

Durri looked down at his chest.

Every bolt had hit its mark.

He didn't feel a bit of pain.

"Huh," said Durri. "That's pretty cool."

The wizard chewed on his lip. "Y-yeah..."

In a single flurry of motion, the wizard dropped his crossbow, turned, and ran—

Durri lobbed the Explosive Potion into his back.

Boom!

Fire and smoke filled the room!

"That's what you get," said Durri. "Maybe treat your employees better in your next life."

His smile faded.

All the wizard's clothes were blown away, giving his beard the appearance of a ridiculous loincloth.

Yet, he was still alive, and brandishing a wand with a glowing tip.

"That hurt!" the wizard whined. “Do you have any idea how hard it is for magic shields to protect against explosions?"

"Sorry," said Durri. "Let's look at it like this. You locked me up, and I escaped. You shot me in the chest, and I blew up your lab."

He gestured at the fluttering book pages and broken pieces of furniture still falling around them. "For the last time, how about you let me leave and we call it even?"

The wizard pointed his wand at Durri and screamed.

"Worth a shot," Durri mumbled, then threw himself to the ground.

A bolt of lightning whizzed over his head.

"I imagine that'll hurt more than a few crossbow bolts." Durri looked around for anything that might be useful within reach. "Good thing the explosion knocked these tables down and I can use them as cover."

A bolt slammed into one table, sending a crack down the middle and making it smoke.

"The only thing I could use for water are these sea serpent eggs," said Durri. "They've absorbed a lot of water, right?"

The leathery objects seemed like giant eyes, staring at him and judging him for ruining their lives before they were even born.

"Well, it's you or me!" Durri said, and wrung out an egg like a wet rag into his bottle.

A sticky, clear fluid—and a green liquid which was probably blood—spurted out through the shell and slapped into the bottle.

Bolts were flying all around, and one table shattered!

"Ew, ew, ew! Got slime all over my hands... Oh well. By Anaximander's beard!"

Durri threw himself to the side just as a lightning bolt would have blasted his hiding place.

He poured out the potion, which was green rather than red, and hurled it at the wizard!

The madman pointed his wand and blasted the potion with a beam of energy.

Durri was expecting this third explosion and braced himself accordingly.

Yet this one was... different.