Meaning of all this

Meeting and talking to someone who keeps your heart warm makes time go very fast. I don't understand why the universe punishes us like that. I'd love to have time go by as late as possible so that I can feel that warmth for longer. I don't want to experience all the bad and good things alone, I want someone to share, someone who can feel what I feel. Now, I'm used to being in solitude. Therefore a warm meeting like this becomes precious, we will never know what happens tomorrow morning.

"What about your writing journey? You seem to enjoy it."

Victor's question stunned me for a while. I felt my lips smile long, to the point of sticking to the ears.

"I enjoyed it! Even if I can't make comics, I can still make fiction. I can also earn by writing. You know there is a job called Copywriter, this past did not exist. I'm a copywriter now," I said excitedly.

"In which company?"

I shook my head. Maybe I look a bit proud of my success right now.

"I don't work in one company. I resigned. Now, I'm a freelancer only, so I can join some companies" I replied, very proud of this career choice.

"Freelancer?" Victor looked very surprised.

"Is there something wrong?" I was no less surprised. What's wrong with freelancers, is that a bad choice?

"Everyone will think it's a bad choice because it means you don't have a steady income. But you're great, dare to do that."

I nodded with that thought. He wasn't the only one who said that to me. I got used to it and enjoyed people's surprised faces because of my choices that were beyond their expectations. I think it's a common thing to do.

"It's true. When I decided to go freelance, I was also afraid, afraid that if I didn't get clients, afraid there would be no income, a lot of fear flashed in my mind. Surprisingly, I desperately faced it all, with only one conviction that God would not abandon me. I have good intentions by going freelance, I talk to myself. I convinced myself what I would do if I became a freelancer and I started making plans. After making a plan, I executed it, one by one, the result was that I survived. To this day, I have enough income to support myself, even paying for the tuition of my two sisters in turn."

As long as I told him, Victor stared and listened to my story. I'm not sure what his gaze means. So I can't describe it to you.

"Where did your sister go to college?"

"Yogyakarta University of Technology."

I saw Victor sighing. I know he knows college isn't cheap.

"You are great. I think you are better than me."

I was embarrassed to hear his words gliding with that calm face. Is he proud of me? I'm not sure.

"I'm just doing what I have to do," I replied, my gaze avoiding him. I looked at the cappuccino and at the customers' tables that were still empty.

"With freelancers, I can feel a little bit of freedom," I said. I'd love to turn this sweet atmosphere into normal again. "I mean, working hours, I can set myself when I start actively working. I'm not going to get stuck on one job either. I can start the morning by writing fiction, then afternoon serving clients, other days, I switch the working order I look at."

"I know. You don't like monotonous things," Victor said.

"I didn't know I didn't like monotonous things until you said it," I said. Laugh. I don't care about the description of myself. If other people talk about me and describe me in such a way in their conversation, I'm just so so. But, this time, his opinion felt different in my ears.

Victor laughed. "You are this. You have to know yourself."

I laughed out loud. I didn't expect to get that advice from Victor. In my mind, the Victor I knew was completely other than Victor who was in front of me. It turns out he's become more mature. Victor, my little friend has been a part of it. I don't know what's happened to him in the last twenty years. Now I'm getting more and more curious about what happened to him. His maturity showed that Victor experienced all kinds of problems until he was able to learn from there.

"I'm serious! You have a lot of potentials, but it seems like you still don't understand," Victor rebuked.

I still can't stop laughing.

"Oh? Please show me."

My eyes watered with laughter.

"It's real and you're living it now," Victor said, his tone serious. I was carried away by his aura and stopped laughing instantly. What was with him, his gaze was different and his aura as well.

"You're solitude, it's not easy. Do you know what solitude is?"

In the past, Victor was smart. He's always been a class champion. He was able to learn new things and memorize anything quickly. In many ways, Victor always excelled. I almost forgot about that.

"Solitude is very different from a loner. A person who is in solitude chooses solitude because she or he understands the priorities of their life. You want privacy, you chose this on purpose, right?"

I nodded.

"That's why you can feel the freedom of your choices. That's why I said you're great too. You managed to do it."

Without feeling my eyes get wet. Victor stopped talking. My expression must have been unexpected. I don't know this is going to happen either. What brought me to tears? Water just poured out of my left eye. Down gently up to the chin. I removed it quickly and turned my face away. Is it because I've been waiting for someone to tell me that for a long time?

Victor said and described the solitude I chose very precisely. I don't want my creativity to be hindered, so I chose to be in solitude. I still wanted to have time to write fiction and because things wouldn't just leave me free, I had to work to earn an income, so I was aware of the demands of getting that income by being a freelance writer. I do things according to my plan and don't want anyone to bother me until I open up or let someone into my world.

I want to prove the solitude I choose is for self-development. Like those who spend time in the solitude of others to cultivate abilities, shape, or discover their identity without outside interference. Solitude also provides time for contemplation, the growth of personal spirituality, and self-examination. In this situation, loneliness can be avoided by maintaining meaningful relationships with some people. It's not much, but for me, it's enough.

"Sorry, I ruined the atmosphere again."

Victor looked at me with a look that made me not want to be able to communicate with him anymore.

"I feel guilty for saying that," said Victor, his voice soft.

Did I misinterpret this atmosphere?

"You must have experienced a lot of things. Freelancers aren't easy," Victor's voice changed again. His vibration told me that he wanted me to be more cheerful and talk about my life experiences with pride.

"Yes. Exist. I met all kinds of clients. Someone has a calm attitude, a fussy person, and many. Fussy means that the client often asks for revisions. I'm tired, but what can I do, I have to deal with it," I said. Then I chuckled.

"Sometimes I can get up to seven revisions! imagine. This client is a person who has no marketing ideas at all. He asked to create a narrative for the marketing of their products. So I made a draft. Up to seven drafts! In the end, the revised results were rejected as well by that client and that client chose the third draft."

The story was bitter and sweet in my mouth at the same time.

"Because clients are like this, sometimes I feel like my skills are nothing. I still have a lot to learn. It's like I spend time with things that aren't meaningful because they're not reflected in my work. When that feeling comes, I get frustrated."

"Then, how do you get rid of that frustration?"

"I don't think the frustration went away at all. I only managed to control it knowing that the opportunity to meet such a client could be an opportunity for me to get better. Resilience to clients fostered my patience, and perhaps unknowingly, writing techniques also evolved. My horizons of knowledge have increased, knowledge confronts people and market tastes. You know, copywriters always face the taste of the market."

Victor nodded.

"My confidence increased when I got a client asking me to review Lexus products."

"Lexus?"

"Yes. That overseas car brand. From there, I saw a clear expectation that I would succeed in becoming a freelancer. I just need to maintain consistency and improve. I worked with Lexus standard. My confidence was even more so when I got clients from Japan."

The mood change happened so fast. The story of facing the client just flows.