Chapter 2

What is this place I've stumbled upon?

I know where I am, but I'm feeling quite lost.

The trees,

they sing with me.

Is it a sweet melody?

Or a taunting sound?

At some point, I tried to question my decisions. What do I really want? Am I doing things right? I seriously don't know anymore. I am confused with myself; I always try to contradict my desires just to please my parents.

And the worst part is, there might have been a time when I might have known what to do.

But for some reason, I didn't and still choose not to.

Will I ever be brave?

How can I? If even being brave makes me scared,

Perhaps I will never come out of this shadow.

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Suddenly, there were indistinct sounds around me, and my thoughts got cut off. I looked around, and it was coming from the rustle of papers and pens being busily tidied up from every student's desk, as well as the sound of footsteps of people going out of the room. I looked at my watch and noticed that our class had already ended, and I could finally go home. I also started fixing my things and absentmindedly went out of the room, still thinking of unnecessary things. I need not greet anyone, as I'm not even familiar with most of my classmates. I doubt they even know I exist, as I barely interact with anyone.

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"Addieeeee!"

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I just stepped out of the campus gate when I heard a loud voice calling my name from behind. I don't even have to check who's calling me, as I can only count on my fingers the number of people here who know me, and that already includes our instructors.

I turned around to greet the only woman close to me besides our maids at the manor, Piper Brown, who is currently trying so hard to catch up with me in those high-heeled shoes of hers. She is wearing a rose-quarts-colored Vers*c* dress and a white Bal*nci*ga handbag paired up with white stilettoes. Her hair is swinging through the wind as she gracefully runs on the sidewalk, and everyone nearby is trying to get a glimpse of her.

We both moved here together to study, so we chose our apartments together, which are just a few steps away from each other. We would often meet up after class to walk home together, regardless of whether our schedules matched or not.

"Hey!" I called back as she caught up to me. She was catching her breath as she closed on to me, and I chuckled softly at her sight while shaking my head. It must have been hard running in those high heels. I just don't understand why she fancies using such clothing. She looks

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well, expensive, and it looks good on her. I mean, she is really pretty, but that's the point; she is already pretty regardless. She would probably look good in whatever she wears, and I would prefer it if she wore something more comfortable, but she never listens.

So to give you a little bit of background, we didn't get close by chance.

Even if I had been a little more sociable, it would still depend on whether my parents would approve of them hanging out with me. My parents would never let me be friends with her if she came from a simple background. Good thing Piper is the daughter of the most renowned doctor here in Australia and owns the biggest hospital therein, which is why we can freely get close to each other.

As she also pursues a course in the medical field, she told me that this is the last time she has a chance to dress extravagantly because once she becomes a doctor, she will be wearing that medical gown most of the time. And it makes sense; that's why I just let her use whatever she wants until she starts working.

"Coffee?" She asked me with pleading eyes. It is not a secret that being in the field of medicine is one of the most tiring things to work on and study, so I guess her class might've drained all her energy again, so she needed to recharge now. A coffee break is her go-to when she's stressed out, so I always accompany her when she needs it. Honestly, I originally intended to just go home immediately and take a rest, but looking at her, how can I refuse when she looks at me with those doe-like eyes again? I just sighed helplessly after looking at her appearance and agreed.

Truth be told, if not for her, I would probably still be alone right now. It wasn't a secret that I was and am antisocial.

This personality of mine probably developed as I was always home-schooled until I finished grade school as arranged by my parents. Their conception is that schools won't be able to focus on bringing out the best in me when they have other students to tend to as well. They want someone who can put all their attention on me as they think that the early stage of education is the most crucial part of growing up so they hired the top instructors that can cultivate me personally to help me with my studies.

After that, they finally decided to enroll me in a renowned academy during middle school so I could start learning how to be competitive in life. I was under a lot of pressure, as they wouldn't be satisfied unless I topped all my subjects and beat everyone in our class. And because of that, I end up graduating without having any friends, as I don't know how to interact with them, and they seem intimidated by me as well.

I was just fine; it never really bothered me, as long as I could achieve my goal. And having friends was the least of my priorities.

I was fine...

But there was this one time, during the first day of high school, someone suddenly started a conversation with me. I was surprised that someone dared approach me, as it was a first for me. I stared at her for a good few seconds to study her.

She looks really pretty with her long, wavy auburn hair and cheerful smile. Her nose is tall, and she has thin lips, which is very adorable for a girl.

As she entered the room, she nonchalantly sat on the empty chair beside me and kept on chatting nonstop, but after just staring at her, I ignored her and started browsing our books to study in advance. There were lots of empty chairs around, and yet she keeps bugging me. It actually irritated me, as it was disturbing my study.

I was, and I guess still am, aloof with anyone, but she was so clingy to me that I ended up letting her in on my secluded world. She just pushed through the walls I created without my consent, but she succeeded.

Even though I still don't understand why someone like her would try to enter my bland and colorless life, it turned out that since then, I couldn't get rid of her, and we got stuck with each other.

What's more fascinating is that we are contrasting in many ways. It might be too dramatic to describe her this way, but I think she's the definition of spring—colorful, vibrant, and making someone feel revived just by being around her. Her blue-grey eyes are so peaceful and friendly that they make you feel comfortable. Wherever she walks, you can vividly imagine flowers blooming around her. Her appearance and personality are just so pleasant that you can't say anything bad about her.

On the contrary, you can say I'm the human representation of autumn, so dull that even my hair color resembles it as if I embodied the season of sadness, where leaves fall and the cold wind blows. Whose green-hazel eyes make you feel longing, yet the indifferent gaze looks as dangerous as a bottomless pit, so you don't even dare approach. It just gives you shivers when you're around me. *sigh*

I was always described as someone intimidating, but seriously, I don't know how else to act around other people. Nobody taught me how.

Who doesn't want to feel affection?

I'm not a robot after all, but unfortunately, I was brought up this way to guard myself against anyone at all times. My parents taught me that the world is full of wolves trying to hide their identities. They will befriend you only to gain some benefits, and once you let your guard down, they will jump at you, fang their teeth, and gnaw at you. They won't think twice about abandoning you once you're of no use. That made me vigilant, as I got too scared of betrayals, so my trust issues skyrocketed. Since then, I have started building walls around me.

I became rigid, and sometimes I even think I lack emotions. I mostly learned things through reading and music and had no first-hand experience with most things. I felt like I had lived a very meaningless life so far.

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I have tried to break the walls,

Yet they tried harder to build it back.

There's a part of me that wants to move forward.

But the question is,

"Where should I start?"

Even in a modern world that's full of instant things,

Changing your pattern of life is not easy.

It's that little push you are searching for,

A push to motivate you to be new.

That thing that seems to be missing,

Leaving you incomplete,

drawn in the past,

and in your own darkroom,

leaving you motionless,

waiting for that moment that never seems to come.