Chapter 39

🎶I'm still wandering into the woods,

And see lots of trees as I go.

Why do they all look the same?

Is there nothing special about them?

I'm searching for that perfect one,

That I don't think I'll ever find.

Stop asking why won't I settle,

I believe I'll stumble to something better.

I'm enjoying my adventure that much.

But maybe I'm in the wrong direction,

Or lost in this journey,

Still, I'll find my way to you.🎶

Should I take my chances? I don't really like gambling with such uncertainties because I have an extreme addiction to perfection and doing things according to plan but,

isn't life supposed to be unpredictable? We cannot really predict what the future brings,

and maybe that is actually a good thing for certain instances. I should also learn to see the beauty of surprises rather than anticipation. To feel excitement once in a while, the feeling that makes your heart skip a beat. My life has always been steady so far, and sometimes I feel like there is no reason to continue doing it as it is all habitual. I also wanna start doing things I have never done before.

To experience, explore more, and make some better memories that will make you forget your bitter past. Can I really do that?

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I never dig deeper into the lyrics of this song before, but now that I am listening to it again, I must say that this actually reflected my idea of men. To be honest, I actually feel that this time, he might be different than most. I rarely know him and despite my biases against him, I can actually feel his sincerity. But there is still doubt within me. I know I was always been a coward.

Ever since that incident in the bookstore, I felt a connection with him, but still, I was wary as I really don't know his real intentions. I felt like he is still hiding something and I can't figure him out. Maybe because we haven't known each other for long.

He is someone new to me and truth is, I think he can be the one who can change my idea on romance but,

I'm not sure if he is worth it. I might be a little bit interested in him, but not to the point where I would fight for him.

But, his words are implying that he is currently fighting alone.

He already took hundreds of steps toward me, should I also take one step forward, or just totally change direction away from him?

I am really confused right now. I still haven't figured out what to tell him but I know I should not make him wait for too long and keep him hanging.

Can I juggle both the company and him? *sigh*

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"Let's,

Give it a try"

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I typed those few words and sent him that message. But I was too giddy after and I couldn't stay still.

What did I just do? Argggghhhhhhh!!!!! I must be out of my mind. Should I take it back? How? Omg!!!

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"Hello?" I shyly said when I answered Felix's call. My heart is beating fast right now and I'm afraid he might hear it.

"Did I read it correctly? Did you just agree with me? Do you really want to try it? It was really meant to be sent to me right?" he asked, quite confused with a hint of excitement in his voice. How would I even take it back now? I didn't know he would read it so soon *sigh*

I'll just let it be then since I've already slipped anyway.

Maybe it'll be worth the try. We will never know what would happen if we don't move forward, so I'll take a chance this time.

"Don't get me wrong, I didn't agree to date you yet. Didn't you say we can take things slowly? Let's just try to get to know each other I guess." I explained, still afraid of the consequences but I can't deny that I am excited as well. I have never experienced this before, this feeling. This is something I can not describe.

"Sure sure, I'm fine with that," He said and you could even feel that he was smiling from ear to ear on the other side of the phone. Is he really that determined? I just can't understand why.

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This decision I just did

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It won't hurt,

right?

I hope I won't regret those few words I sent today. I do not want another mistake, another wrong step. I am tired of cleaning up the mess I keep on creating.

I should at least make a few things right this time.