The Repetitiveness of Instability

Then, little Univ came to hug me.

Oh, yes. I remember Univ. I see my inner child in him. One is a hyperactive, psychotic, and threatful child who breaks every rule and rebels against his elders. He usually threatens those who try to control him with a knife or threatens with words such as killing them as he shouts most hysterically.

There was a time during my grandma Marit's funeral where this child came up and saw me in him. And my Grandma Pelly knew how to counter him, which was to have me babysit him. And I know exactly what to do, which is to be kind to him so he will behave and comfort him whenever he's having an emotional breakdown, such as patting his back and hugging him. Because I was like him before, and I knew what I would do to a child-like him because I felt his pain when I was a child too.

And ever since, he changed forever by stopping misbehaving and shouting threatening words. Which is what my Grandma Pelly claims ever since that day on. Maybe, if only. I could use this money to buy him McDonald's, and I could get myself a coffee. No one would mess with a man with a child with him, right? But that's not my intention. I really want to take care of him. I understood him when no one did when I was his age.

I asked grandma Pelly if I could babysit him and take him out to buy him McDonald's. She told me I had to ask his father first, my uncle Alvin. I went to his room and pleaded with him to babysit him and take him to McDonald's. He wanted to interview me first before I could and if I should.

So, he asked me many questions, and due to my charisma, he felt compelled without acting hyperactive or exaggerating. To be honest, I was expecting he'd say no because he knows I'm mentally unstable, and I really impressed him. And I was surprised by this too. So, I took little Univ to McDonald's. He's just a tiny child, just recently growing up from being a toddler.

I took him before I reached the plaza entering back to Guagua Town and took him up the stairs to the mini McDonald's shop to buy him two tiny cheeseburgers, one for him and one for myself. Then, I took him back home. And I told them I had some plans elsewhere.

Upon entering back to the plaza, I thought to myself that I needed some DXM to indulge in. A psychoactive drug found in cough syrups where Robitussin has. The most famous cough syrup for everyone. But I thought to myself that I only need at least around 400 mg of Robitussin gel pills. I bought at least enough pills for 400 mg and headed out of the pharmacy and went to the other side of the building to buy myself a bottle of water.

Then I went to the safest place I know, Kabi Santo, the public Betis cemetery. Betis is the district of Guagua where people who are not in the municipality of Guagua town itself live as a part of Guagua itself. I travelled to Betis Cemetery through a jeepney ride that cost 10 pesos for a ride there. Then, I dropped off at Betis Church and headed inside San Nicolas 1st.

San Nicolas 2nd is in the municipality of Guagua, whereas San Nicolas 1st is in Betis District. I would typically see palm trees everywhere I go here in this part of town, but the plaza had more. I entered the street corner of San Nicolas 1st, where some girls in heavy make-up that made them look like clowns on face paint due to their dark skin complexion ran up to me, telling me they missed me.

"I'm sorry ladies. I don't have time right now." I said.

"Oh, come on! We just want a little fun," they said to try to convince me with those pleading yet slutty eyes they have. To be honest, I would love to have sex. I'm sexually active, but they look like clowns, to be honest. It's not really sexy anymore. They look like The Joker more than the hot and sexy Harley Quinn.

I told them that I had essential plans and proceeded to ignore them. Then headed into the public cemetery. Where no one can find me and hide inside a mausoleum. And started taking Robitussin pills for the DXM intoxication, emptying the water bottle, and starting smoking. I wore my stolen earphones back at home that my father owns.

And then began to listen to Non-Stop Pop FM, a fictional radio station from GTA V. Then I began to bob my head through the music a few songs later, which passed 20 minutes. I already felt high, dissociating from reality as I felt dizzy and sedated. Where the caffeine in my brain started to slowly wear off.

Then, I felt myself slowly drifting away from reality as I started to feel the buzz. I smoked more and more throughout the high feeling while listening to music until it wore off within 4 hours. It is now in the middle of noon.

Then, I exited out of the cemetery through the middle backside entrance, leading to the old gang house of the OBG group, also known as "Original Black Gangster", and yes, they really called it that. I wish they had more creativity.

They broke up a few years ago, though. The last time I've seen them together as a family was Christmas, the same day before I got locked up for bringing a machete in my pants outside. That was the last time I ever went out before being locked up again for 4 years now.

Well, it was a good run, to be honest. I only had a day before fucking everything up all over again. Back to square one. And I am still preventing that from happening. But I don't really mind the consequences until they happen.

As I exited the cemetery just to see the old gang house, I chose to ignore it, and it reminded me of my old best friend who could protect me from gangs and such. I had a problem with gangs always mistreating me. So, I went to find him in the village I live in, San Juan Nepomuceno, here in Betis, near this cemetery.

Just a walk away, but the distance to his house is really far on foot. Plus, I know many people there who think I'm a complete psycho just to make fun of me, but they would always regret making me angry. Which they never did because I suppressed it all inside until I blew up into a snapped hysteria mode. But I can always give them the stare.

So, I went on foot to the isolated riverbank road where the other right side had many kinds of trees and a forest path in one entrance I usually go to when I need some solitude.

I headed there to see the river was all dried up and finally made it to his house. His house was finally renovated into some kind of beautiful mansion with an expensive-looking sports car in the garage. I wish I could go through the gate as they usually would let me, but there are dogs outside. And it would be unpleasant and impolite to intrude without permission. But they couldn't hear me because this gate was too far beyond the house. But I know the dogs will listen to me.

So, I pulled down my earphones and tied them around my neck so they wouldn't fall off while Midnight City, by M83, played. I kept knocking on the gate until he came out of the door. It was none other than my old best pal from the OBG group named "Jaynel."

"Bro! Where've you been? How are you, bro? I missed you, man, it's been so long!" he excitedly said.

"Sorry, man. I was in a mental asylum." I said, just to let him know no one must fuck with me, "I recently got discharged. I almost killed someone to bully me."

"Are you serious?" he said in a very concerned tone.

"Well, I don't know if he's dead or not." I said, not showing empathy despite if it either happened or not, "But my lawyer pleaded me with insanity. Meaning, if you're in an altered state without being unconscious during a murder while having a mental illness means you won't go to jail. You're either free back to the streets or stay in the asylum for treatment until you get better. It depends on the case, really."

"So, there's where you've been. Yeah, man. I've seen some signs you're not stable." he said with pure empathy.

Then I gave him a crazy stare. And he said, "Woah! Bro, I was only kidding."

Then I chuckled, "Yeah I knew that, that's why I had to joke too."

"Oh, thank god!" he sighed in relief.

"Yeah, but I'm better now. I'm stable, don't worry." I said to deceive and make him feel comfortable around me, but with a minor warning, "I just have anger issues when someone fucks with me. I snap instantly and kill them. But don't worry about that. Want to see something cool though?"

"Yeah, sure." He said as he dismissed that I would kill anyone in a heartbeat.

Then I pulled out my golden pen, twisted it, and pulled it out to show a knife inside it.

"Woah!"

"This was given as a Christmas present. I can't give or sell this to anyone. But I know where to buy this from that Filipino online store, though."

"Oh, you mean Shopee. Right?"

"Yes. Just search 'Pen Knife' and you'll see lots of them with many designs. I chose the gold one."

"How much is it?"

"As cheap as 99 pesos, it doesn't go more than 150."

"That's awesome!"

"Yeah, thanks. Want to go out and fuck around town?"

"Sure. Let me go ask my mom real quick."

"Sure. I'll wait."

Then, he went back inside, and I had to wait outside the gate. Then he came back out and said, "Let's go."