The Playful Harlequin Jester

I had a dream about the Joker and Harley Quinn. What a weird dream. The dream is recurring every night. Which is weird. Because our dreams show our subconsciousness. Joker used to be my nickname because of the nihilistic quotes of my view of society and the world. And my usual laugh sounds exactly like his.

And my hyperactive mania, as well as being the centre of attention through my grandiosity and child-like mentality, is just like how Harley Quinn acts. It's funny because I feel like this foreshadows, seeing what my future would look like.

Anyway, I stood up too quickly from bed after waking up from that wild dream, and I had my head feeling dizzy, which almost made me fall down, but gladly I controlled my balance. And the way I rubbed my eyes felt like I saw fireworks. And the way my leg was numb felt like television static that made me stomp my foot onto the ground just to cure the bodily sensation.

The sunshine was beaming through the window, which was the reason it woke me up from an awesome dream. It was too awesome that I had to go back to sleep on purpose just to continue and finish it. But my caffeine withdrawal caused my daily morning headaches, making my migraine feel like a vampire against the sunlight.

I walked through the door as I did my morning ritual. Eat, drink coffee, and smoke a cigarette. And then go take a massive dump on the toilet because of the caffeine. Even if I already took a mess, the night before just so, I won't have to ruin the caffeine rush by going to the toilet.

I walked out of the house as usual. Still, I haven't found any friends yet, and everyone seems to be going to school, and I still haven't fully committed to going back to study. I want to finish high school through ALS or Alternative Learning System.

It's a type of school where if you didn't finish high school, you could study ALS for a few months, and you instantly graduate from all your high school levels you didn't get to spend and earn a bachelor's degree.

That's what I'm aiming for and going to work for journalism. I don't want to go to college just to have a mental breakdown. I'll use my particular skill, writing, with pure creativity and just go with it for the rest of my life. A job that I will enjoy. Instead of having to work so hard for some stupid degree and work harder for the rest of your life that you wouldn't probably enjoy.

But then, I realised…

I don't have friends; I don't have anything better to do in my life, everyone's busy. Everyone is moving on to a better life by studying. My old classmates are already married. Some of them already have kids of their own, they already have jobs or are almost finishing college, even my bullies moved on to become some kind of CEO, none of them work at McDonald's.

They're all pursuing their realistic goals. While myself is just lazy, wasting his superficial intelligence and creativity. Want to get intoxicated by random drugs? I learn on the internet. Hang out with lowlifes like gangsters who will never have a job unless they become a jeepney driver in the future.

I have long termed unrealistic goals that I never commit and more negative things about me. What happened to my old self that had big dreams that are really like becoming a psychiatrist, or a chef, or a nurse, probably to become a bestselling author?

I used to be an actor on a broadway show as a talent showcase and won first place, with a bright and loving girl back then just to ignore her signs that she has a massive crush on me? I don't get it… I'm so stupid!

I could have been an actor because I was good at exaggerating, being manipulative, and pretending to be different types of people and really good at it. Sometimes I even binge-watch my favourite TV Shows or movies that I just took my favourite fictional character's personality and made it my own. I was a cosplayer too. I won all of those writing contests. I was at least in 2nd place in a chess tournament at school. Shit, I can't deal with this. I wasted my entire teenage life just to be locked up for years!

But I don't feel like doing it. I just think it's a waste of time. Should I start my ALS studies? I have to ask my brother about it… or maybe I need time.

Perhaps it's now or never. Because if I think about it, it will take longer because I'm too occupied doing useless things just to make me feel intoxicated with dopamine. And I never commit to any goal, and they often change by the second. And I would forget all about it. But my future depends on what is "NOW".

I have to talk to my brother and tell him I want to start studying for ALS. It would take at least around 8-10 months, finish it, take the exam because it's too easy, and then I can get to start journalism and get a job.

It was just a dream. Everything that had happened was just a nightmare fuelled night terror. None of it had happened. I just woke up from too much sleep deprivation last night due to insomnia.

My girlfriend, Sakura, is no longer online on Discord because she went to the dentist to get her braces fixed. We were playing Grand Theft Auto Online together. It was fun because of how crazy she became, less I am than she is.

She wanted a car to meet up and demanded I bring my most expensive ride and wait for her at the private parking lot of the casino. And she came in playing the loud horn of her vehicle. It was just a truck she just stole. I thought she was going to flex her car?

She even crashed my ride by driving through my vehicle. She told me to get in, and so I did. She took me to her garage the next thing I knew, and she showed me all of her luxurious cars. I was impressed. Then she took me to my penthouse, and we started drinking and smoking psychedelics. I was the one who overdid it as she just took a bit of them. She told me to get high and drunk with her and as a gentleman. I could not refuse a damsel's request.

Then she just randomly started to tell a lot of sexual jokes as if she meant it, but was always excused with "JK!" on the chat.

Then we headed out, asking me to follow her, saying she had something fun in her mind.

As we went outside, I saw a random citizen. She saw me staring at him.

"Don't you dare!" she typed in the chat.

Then I ran towards him, swung an axe at his face, penetrating his skull down to his brain, and kicked him off to retrieve my blade. And then I started stabbing him relentlessly and repeatedly.

She spawned her car, and I went inside as she typed in the chat, "YOU PSYCHO!"

And I thought I was the crazy one when she went all Harley Quinn mode exiting the car excitedly, saying, "BB LOOK AT THIS!!!"

And once I did, she was stealing money from a drunk, sleeping homeless man. Then she poured gasoline on his body and set it on fire, and we went inside back the car. Then she started blowing up every goddamned car and cops we see on the road in all directions, causing mass genocide.

That's when I typed in the chat…

"YOU PSYCHO!"

And she replied with, "no u HAHAHA."

Goddamned. Then she took me to a gun store as she parked outside, and she requested to box fight. She pulled out her fists and threw a punch at me. She was expecting a man would hit her back. But instead, I pulled out the 9 and aimed at her, and she started running as I pulled out my hatchet and started chasing her until she threw a sticky bomb at me and blew me the fuck up.

Then I respawned and typed in the chat, pretending I didn't know where I was just to set an explosive trap. I threw a sticky bomb on the road, and once she drove the way here, I detonated the bomb, and her car and she exploded. As there was more chaotic random fun between us. I knew she was the one.