The Border Between Sanity & Insanity

The next day, it was as chaotic as usual, except that it's pretty much calmer than it's usually wreaking havoc around both of our minds, Sakura and I.

I went on a business trip to work with my new agent, supposedly publishing my books. Still, I was not distracted since my agent knew all about her during our first virtual meeting. I had so much caffeine that I talked too much to the point it's getting out of topic.

Then ended up talking about Sakura being the most distracting person. Either that, the best motivator for my work. So, the agent booked me a flight to New York City but had to leave her. I was on a fancy private jet, and I'm going, to be honest. I don't even know how this story ended up like this, skipping so many important scenes.

Well, let me tell you. I've been doing many commissions. And there was this one person that got interested in my works since, as an indie writer, I've been getting a bit more recognition than usual. He slid into my direct messages on Twitter and told him just to add me to Discord because I'm not very active on Twitter. And so he did.

He told me he sacrificed his time making an account of which I was flattered. I asked him he could have just chatted on Twitter if he told me he didn't have an account. It turns out he told me he couldn't let his grasp on me because of my insane creativity. As narcissistic as this sounds, it's quite true, but my grammar is always terrible. It's a good thing I have Grammarly to fix everything.

Then, he commissioned me to write something without Grammarly because he wanted to see how well I could work. He did not tell me a particular or specific reason. He told me he would pay more than I usually get paid for if I didn't use Grammarly. It turns out he was an agent in a publishing company called NYT. I'm not sure what that means. But I have a low attention span. Due to my caffeinated mind. And hyperactive low attention span personality. I couldn't refuse the offer and impulsively made a deal with the devil.

So, he checked my work. It turns out he wanted me not to use Grammarly to hire a specific editor for me to do the job. And Sakura wanted to see what I wrote literally every second. I write 500 words per minute, and I copy and paste it into her DMs on Discord, and she would ask for more right after a few seconds. And so on and so on as this kept up.

I couldn't focus because I was busy with this work. She doesn't understand that I have my own personal life and important work that could help me give her better medications and therapy. But I couldn't help myself, so I sneaked to book her a flight near to my apartment and once she arrived. But she couldn't help herself as she forced her way in to actually intrude in. Until my neighbours called the cops on her, I had to explain everything to them, but I could only explain in court.

Now, I need a lawyer. Not only do I waste all my salary to book her a flight and a ride near my home. And to provide her essential needs, but to prevent her from getting locked up in jail, or worse, an asylum ward.

The fact that she almost killed one of the cops that tried to arrest her. Just to see me. I felt like a helpless victim in love with his killer. I fell deeper in love with her for such a commitment she's gone too far for me. No matter how crazy, the crazier she does, for my sake, I am more in love. So, I just forgot all about work and wanted to give her all my attention instead.

That's when she was sent back to society freely. We started to team up to murder the sinners and sacrifice their blood into the chalice of Satan. So Satan can take all of their souls to punish. Because Satan is the most loyal servant of God.

And God wanted Satan to do his dirty work. We are just doing humanity a favour by sending sinners into the deepest 9th circle of hell. God is known to be good, and he wants to keep it that way, while he tells Satan to do all the bad things happening on earth as a punishment for humanity's wickedness.

Until we both took our meds, and it turns out both of us had been imagining the whole entire thing in a mental asylum together. And we just literally sacrificed all the pitiful, worthless humans inside the mental asylum for the love of Satan.

We were both dissociated to where scenes skipped their memories and were left unrecorded. I started preaching in a TED Talk.

"The Law of Attraction is basically lesser black magick used by Chaos Witches or Magickians. It's the same as putting your mind into something and willing it to happen. Such as preparation = thinking, casting = doing work, manifestation = results.

The Law of Attraction has been a secret held by a collective secret society of those who became kings, rich people, and successful inventors in pagan times. The ones who were heroes and great people back in ancient days.

And the reason why this barely works anymore is that the earth's population has so many people in it that the energy of our world is being consumed by too many people. Like how God breathes life into man is a metaphor. Oxygen is our energy, oxygen becomes a supplement for our blood, and blood is the life. And that energy is our mana to do magick. That is why witchcraft is weak nowadays. Unlike the ancient times, when there used to be a few people in the world's population, there is so much energy out in the cosmos of the earth taken by occult practitioners. That is why back then, they have got to invent and adapt so much to the best of our society today.

This is why people nowadays don't have many good results as they expect the first time trying out magick or witchcraft. Where they become skeptical and stop believing it."

Sakura and I have a hate and love relationship. We break up, come back together, come back together, and so on. Because I'm the one supporting her, caring for her, genuinely loving her, and all aspects of a partner for the perfect healthy relationship.

At the same time, she was the other way around. If my life wasn't already terrible because of internet trolls online calling me a peadophile for being over 18. And having a JellyBean Minecraft YouTuber Profile Picture on Discord just because I love her content.

I'm just a subscriber but not a true fan. Because her fans constantly spam comments like "It's not a mistake, it's a *sparkle* masterpiece *sparkle*" all over the comment section, which FUCKING annoys me so much to the core. I only like her for her hilarious and entertaining content.

Yesterday I was bullied by trolls using my best-selling books. I talk to people who actually asked about it when they found out, which makes them highly jealous of using that concept of myself against me. I got super pissed.

In Discord, basically. Many toxic trolls will harass or bully you in the general chats in servers, and the mods don't do anything even if you report them a million times. You fight back once you get banned, and they would still stay just because they've been a member longer than you are.

And that's what I've been going through in my everyday life here on Discord because I'm a human with an actual personality, as everyone claims. Most of these people are just edgelords who say the N-word and reply with neo-nazi edits and memes and gore videos that have nothing to do with what I say online.

These are the types of trolls that I hate. They discriminate against everyone indiscriminately, black people, the LBGTQ community, everyone in general. They're racist and homophobic. But I'm not talking like a Twitter stan here. They are legitimately like this, trolls on the internet. But they believe in white supremacy and support Trump. Why do they do this? Because they want to look fantastic and edgy. They have nothing better to do with their lives, and they do this because they're hiding behind the screen anonymously.

If they were to do this personally in real life, they would shit their pants. They're weak. Hiding behind a screen. Judging me for using my natural face as my profile picture when they conceal their little or to no-confidence ugly faces behind an anime character.

And I woke up where my girlfriend recently had a fight last night over some minor issue. Again, with the manipulation where she claimed to be kidnapped while texting me just to get my stupid attention.

When I already had given her more than enough of my time. And the following day, she was fine the whole time. I knew it was a good idea to ghost her last night, but it's a good thing she sent me goodnight messages before I fell asleep. WHILE BEING KIDNAPPED.

I thought I had enough of her shit. And she blames me for a mental condition I couldn't control when I do my best to be expected of her when she's worse than I am mentally already. I'm the one trying to help her, and she's not even aware of her own bullshit.

So, the next hour she texted me saying she was going back to her home city, Manila. And she's breaking up with me because I'm not enough for her.

Wait for what…

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