Existential Solipsism

"I feel like… I'm the only conscious person in the universe, and everything else is fake. And it is scaring me. I don't know why I have these thoughts. I mean… It makes so much sense. If I become too self-aware, it actually makes sense.

So why do I have to feel bad for other people? And why do I have to feel bad for myself when other people criticise me? They're obviously fake and not real, and I'm the only one who exists. And it feels like I made up this reality while I'm just only a spec of mind in an existential unlimited void of oblivion, of nothingness that lasts forever and limitless.

Just to cope with the loneliness I have. But if I were to make up a reality right now, I want it to be happy. Knowing that everything is and must only be happy will drive me insane because there is no negativity.

How would you feel if your entire life is nothing but happiness but no neutral or sadness? So if you think about it, everything must be balanced and should always be, to the point where sadness and happiness, good and evil are balanced in the universe.

It also explains why God let evil happen in the world. But God is known to be good therefore, all must be good. But there has to be a balancing point to make an order in the universe without being chaotic.

But if I were to be right, I can control everything that happens, but if I were to be wrong, I could end up in a mental ward right now…."

To be fair, I had a dream that Jesus came to my dream and said I was his son. God came up to me saying, "You are the Chosen One." and I've always wondered what was my divine purpose all these years.

God brought so much pain in my life that I severed all my connections with him and was tempted by Lucifer's enlightenment. And became spiritual enough for me to realise that every human chosen like myself had their own simulated universe.

Where they are the only conscious and the rest of the people are merely Artificial Intelligence by God to test us as only one conscious being in every single universe in all alternate dimensions? Every universe has one aware person being tested if they are worthy.

I even had written a book dedicated to Lucifer's teachings when I summoned him daily and nightly in my bedroom to seek knowledge and enlightenment. I meditated six hours a day to the point of a spiritual awakening. Where I started to see all these.

And once I die? I will know if I am worthy to enter the true heaven, which will be the nirvana of the actual reality I've been seeking all this time. Everything I've patterned in this novel makes much sense from the first volume. And all my life had subliminal signs that I missed throughout my life that actually makes sense once I remember them. If I were to be worthy, I must prove myself.

I may be saying these out of all delusion and psychosis, but it makes so much sense that I had to vent it out here in this chapter. This brings me to the ideological belief that I'm the only man alive in this dimension. The rest are basically NPCs of a video game where my worth is tested. Sounds crazy, right? Someday, I might end up in a mental ward. Soon enough…