Solipsistic Existential Crisis

I was released from imprisonment. I was pleaded insanity at court by my lawyer. Knowing the fact that I was not lucid during the time of the massacre at the bar of the Walking Street in Angeles City. On about this massacre that took place, and all of the delusions I acted out this whole time. It was none but a facade, a charade, an act. I was pretending to be insane the entire time just to kill people at the bar and get away with it. I acted out as psychotically delusional the entire time of this story. But I was only faking madness, why? Just to kill people. Why would I kill people?

Is it because I'm an edgelord who thinks it's fun? Of course not, what do you take me for? I'm smarter than you think, I'm not an alt kid on TikTok who fake disorders for attention. I use this as an advantage over the minds among society. I pulled up this entire vampire act for an entire week around Angeles City just so I can pretend I was not lucid at the time of murder.

So, I was not taken to the mental asylum, because I took my medications as soon as my brother took me home, pretending to get better when I was never crazy in the first place. I was just manipulative, really.

If you're going to manipulate someone, believe in your own lie to sell it.

This is my entire definition of a Matryoshka. A multilayered doll of different personalities that I make up as different identities and personas to fit the right person for any circumstance to get away with everything easily. Layers and layers that obscure my true self that hides the tiniest piece of the Russian doll. The more layers of my masquerade of different people in my mind's outer appeal, the more no one will ever know what I truly am.

By the time I was finally 'sane' at court and became respectful towards the judge. That's when everything went smooth. I was not guilty, nor was I even innocent. I pleaded insanity.

And I was back on the streets by then. I was given a higher dose of medications. I was calm during the trial, I didn't have to worry about anything because my grandiose self-esteem always makes me think, everything should always go to plan if I do it my way. Because I know I am better than these fools.

Sometimes I even think what if I'm the only conscious mind to ever exist in this universe, and the rest are just like artificial intelligence. or what you call an NPC in simulated video games?

As for my entire life, I've always been the protagonist with the only one that is lucid, whilst the rest are just programmed to act certain ways without self awareness. Like the main character of a video game, I get to choose to roam around doing what I want which results in consequences that are random, be it bad or good. What matters in cause and effect are what the circumstance is, no matter be it legal or illegal, and moral or immoral.

What matters here is what we do, every single thing that humans do on earth has a huge impact across the entire globe like a butterfly effect.

In such a vast, immersive open world simulation like this. I feel like I am the chosen one that was created by an alien that put me in this very simulation for either their personal entertainment, or some mythological god that put me into this world for a divine purpose. Because I feel like I am too self-aware that I started to think deeply such as this.

But right now, I don't even know what my purpose is here in life at all. But what I know, we were all born just to live, then suffer, and die. Pointless, right?

We come to this world, we stress ourselves out to study early, just to grow up to study harder because our future depends on it, just for that future to become the most stressful once you reach adulthood having to worry about the exact same things your parents did as well, since you were younger.

Then we make children, and we get old just to get a lot of diseases and chronic conditions, then we finally die. Just for our children to perish the same faith as their parents. And it goes on and on for the next generations to come.

We all are only using entertainment and stimulation in order for us to distract ourselves from the inevitable marching time towards our death. And then, nothingness.

At nights, every single night… I would be alone with these types of thoughts in my bed, as my brain denies sleep. Just to choose the latter of thinking existential philosophies that I could write an entire book about. But once I wake up in the morning, I completely forget most or all of my ideas that had been running around my mind the entire night. Just to wake back up to the cruel world we call "REALITY".

It's interesting to think about these, that is why religion exists. Without religion, we don't have the motive to go on with our lives, and just create our own gods rather than self-deification to reach our full potential.

We are all equal here, humans alike. All of us have unlimited potential, but the only difference is those who do not know how to use it.

But just to be safe, we can all agree that we must respect everyone's beliefs, and try not to force anyone to convert, or shove our beliefs on others without their consent.

We all must respect each other's beliefs. Because if you're making an enemy against your neighbour just because one is vegan, the other is a meat eater. One person doesn't support the LGBTQ+ community, the other doesn't. We all have our own opinions and different preferences because we're all different in our own special and equal ways.

Opinions shouldn't make you hate someone, just because they have a different one. We must all learn to respect everyone's opinions and be friends with them. People can't have their own opinions nowadays. And it says a lot about our society.

We should all unite and be friends. Because in the end, we're all human. And we end up in the same coffin. Unless you're an Ancient Egyptian Pharaoh, then you sleep inside a fancy tomb in a pyramid.

But then, I realised I've been thinking of these thoughts alone in my bed. Ah! Not again!

I must sleep for the next day. I have to go to the municipality hall in Guagua Town.

Then, I fell into a deep slumber. Having myself to feel my soul leaving my body to fall down under earth. Then took a deep dive into the same rabbit hole as last time. As soon as I hit the ground, I found myself in the same pit along surrounded tombstones with neon coloured letters in each stone, a poem beaming into the darkness. I looked up, there was no light, but when I touched above me, it was now some sort of ceiling made out of cobblestone.

I knew I had to wait for a bit and think. Am I dreaming? Or What I've been through was none but a book that I reincarnated in? Am I going insane? What am I? Where am I? Who am I? What day is it, and the year?

I moved around but I accidentally touched some sort of texture that was made out of cheap and thin wood. I caressed my hand around it just to find the door knob. Then it talked to me.

"You can't get through, it's impassible." It spoked in a cartoonish voice, specifically a funny male.

"You mean impossible?" I asked.

"No, literally impassible." It spoke again.

"Quite right… tell me how to open it." I requested.

"Well, did you finished one of the tombs?"

"Yes, just one. One story. It was over. I didn't think I'd get it done fast."

"Perhaps! I see the red one had died down its energy. Once you absorb the energy of one of these stones, it will become a key. But you can only get back here in Morbid Land once you finish the story."

"Well, where's the key? I don't find any key in my pockets after unlocking one story."

"It's inside your stomach!"

"Are you fucking insane?"

"Well, not quite! We're all mad here, even our boss man Fear."

"Yeah, right… him."

"However, if you choose to come through me, you will lose all your memories. Look at your finger!"

I looked at my hands and found a tattoo of a key glowing in the dark in my index finger, "Ah, bloody hell! This is giving me queer thoughts."

"I know… but you have to put it inside me!"

I sighed, and then I put my finger inside him.

"Ooo~ that tickles, Klei!"

"Shut up!"

"Wait! Are you sure you want to enter? You will lose all your memories."

"What other choice do I have? All my memories were terrible!"

"Understandable."

Then once I opened the door, I heard the door stop talking, rather groaning as if it was dying. That's when I opened the door and saw a glimpse of the light.