Chapter 1
Driving in the Dark
By Elliot Louden
Battle of Eyes
My beautiful girl
With your snakelike eyes
You could conquer the world
With your smiling lies
The thorn on a rose
Rose from the pits of hell
Dwelling on the past, the present, and the future all at once
I watch you rise and grow
And lie and aim your golden arrows at your foe
You girl of beauty
So devilish and dead
You watch me die
And fall down this rabbit hole
Gaining strength from my pain
I lay slain upon the floor
No more am I living
I am only surviving
Though no longer am I dying
I am simply here
Listening
And waiting
Watching you glisten in the sun
From my spot in the shade
Oh beautiful girl with your snakelike eyes
Find me once more
And watch me try
To act as you do
And see it through
As a boy with catlike eyes
Ours meet in an infinite staring contest
Showing the true strength of us
Together we stand
Standing through our final ending
Oh my girl of snakelike eyes
The Mirror
I look in the mirror
And watch as it falls apart
Shattered into pieces
At the sight of me
It stares back
My reflection a better version of myself
It jeers at me
Listening to my rants with a judging face
It moves will gentleness and grace
But sometimes I must run from it in fear
Oh dear
Out of my head
I stand tall
Then crumble
I call out your name
Roll the dice, start the game
Fumble the ball
I'm done with this
Every reminder
Of every lost kiss
A swing and miss
Every reminder of every moment
Creating this
A ball of hate
Swirling and swallowing everything in the path
I'm done with this
I hate it
I'm sick and tired
Of all these reminders
Of you
For the last time
Get out of my head
Blood Red Rubies
We bleed the same blood red rubies
Slowly dripping and clicking on the floor
With every childhood scrape
Boring those memories into us
It reminds us we live
And tells us we die
Pulsing through our veins
It courses throughout us
Bestowing the power of emotion and life
Those blood red rubies are us
They form our foundation
They are us
We are laced with gemstones
Every movement we create is laced with gemstones
Our rubies match
They fit together
The cracks in the middle seal
To form one heart
It sits in our bodies
Connecting to our souls
That beautiful ruby heart is there
Bleeding
Internal despair
It leaks diamonds and sapphires and emeralds and amethysts
Gems of every kind
Flowing out from every unsealed crack that forms with hurt
Heartbreak
Loss
Pain of all kinds that traps us together
Until that day the other half is torn off and those gems flood
Flood out and away down a cold river of gold which flows as those gemstones do
As those same blood red rubies that we bleed do
The Gift of Love
Wrapping paper
Bubble wrap
Wrapped around my heart
Putting up a wall
Blocking them all out
Keeping me safe
Protected
I wish to never pop this bubble wrap so long as it keeps me safe
It is my fence
It keeps out the pain
And the hurt
Though the tissue paper is stained with the blood of that crack in my broken heart
It shells it
Keeping it safe
Until the next time that wrapping is undone
And my heart is gifted away
Pristine
Waterfalls and misty rivers
Flowing in the woods
The sparkle
And house many creatures
They hydrate us all
So beautifully they run through that forest
Then one day the water becomes muddy
It flows roughly
No longer pristine, both humans and animals turn away
Leaving it to suffer
To riddle itself with disgust
It no longer sparkles in delight it now simply lies in constant movement
And in time, it dies
Merry-Go-Round
Memories
Are a carousel
Spinning on loop
Replaying over and over
A constant reminder
We feed into our curiosity
And give into those scenes
There is no fast forward, rewind, or pause
Only watching
In real time we add another seat to our carousel
To seat a new memory
No
I love you
Or do I
I can't say it
I won't try
Sorry
But no
Ice Cream
Ice cream
Melting into snow caps
Melting into dew drops
Falling into rivers
Flowing in the woods
Creatures
Wading through the river
Dirtying their paws
Lovely
Flowers dying on the land
Hand in hand
We walk
And talk
And chat
And mock
The beauty of the world
Mock those dying flowers
And watch them crumble in our hands
As our ice creams melt and drip onto the soil of the land
Socket
An eye socket holds
The window to a soul
But those windows close
With each tired blink
From the last of its sleepless nights
Puppeteer
I am a puppet
There is no doubt
And in my puppet shows
I scream and shout
"Let me out,
let me out"
I say
But every minute I am still being used
To sing and dance
And talk and prance
For just some affection you can see
How easily I'll become your doll
You can make me do as you please with ease
Because no matter how much I am used
I will not stand up once I fall for you
The Stone Man
A tree that fell in the woods
Blocks a path
That a lonely man walks upon
He tries to pass the tree
But when he cannot he sits and cries
Time passes
And he continues to sit
Day by day
Night by night
Week by week
And year by year
Vines and insects grow
And cover him head to toe in moss and bugs
Having sat still for so long
He turned to stone
On which the moonlight shone
Illuminating the sad figure
Forever preserved with salty tears
Rot
A flower blooms along a road
Its flowers symmetrical
And glowing a bright, moon shade of yellow
Though beautiful, the true nature of the flower is not
Its intent is simply to watch the world rot at the hand of pain and sorrow
It waits for tomorrow to come
To watch one person crash
And another jump off the overpass
Why must this beautiful flower be so hideous
My Heart
My heart continues to beat when flooded with thoughts and memories
So why must it feel like it doesn't
Why must it feel as if it stops with every thought of you
I become blue
Not a beat rings through me
Choking me out from the inside
Simply because you hurt me
And that can never be undone
Ballerina
Silently she dances
Fueled by the warmth of the sun on her skin
And in her hair sits a pearl lined hair pin
Holding back a lock
Of her silky, smooth hair
That fights to be free
As she floats on the air
Blisters form
As do scrapes
With every fall
Like a rose with thorns
She spins and she leaps
And she stands on the tips of her feet
In the tall, green grass
Coated with used cigarettes and broken glass
Dirt stains on her purple skirt
But underneath her beauty
She hides a world of hurt
She cries with every turn
And sighs with each scratch
She dies in her mind
And lies in the grass
After hours and hours of painful, graceful practice
Fading away at the price of perfection
To become the perfect ballerina
To be who she must
To please who she stands beside
She doesn't even remember who she was
Before the world told her who she was supposed to be
She sees that world through shaky tears
Her eyes filled with love and spite
She is truly a wonder
Truly a sight
Who fights herself
And in the end the world wins
Sp she collapses into a spotlight of sun
Into the glass filled grass
And cigarette ash
Finally giving up
Evil
Bones and flesh and nerves
We are simply that
Lumps of functioning meat
That can be conscious
I believe our minds are naturally evil
And our bodies either fight that or embrace it
Do Demons Bleed
Demons lurk beneath our skin
Harvesting our hearts
And splattering our blood
Then brushing it into art
Stealing that precious gem from us
Then tossing our bodies onto the worm filled soil
These demons feed off of our love and positivity
By setting us free
From the burden of living
They take our chances and burn our opportunities
But tell me world
Do those demons themselves bleed
Alone
Alone I sit
Crying softly in the glow of the moon
Quiet movement on the cold concrete
My driveway is a place of peace
A place for me to be alone with me
I listen to the wind
And cry out into it
Destroying myself from the inside out
As I stand
A blade in my hand
As I walk to the park and sit on the bench
Pull out the knife
And try to take my own life
It doesn't work
Which kills me inside
As I stare at the slide
Sitting alone with myself