Chapter 2

I'm Tired

I'm crying

I'm sighing

I'm dying inside

At this point sobbing is a hobby

A hobby I must hide

I sit in the corner having a breakdown

Then I look up

And I see someone

"Are you okay?"

"Wanna talk?"

"Want a hug?"

No, no, and no

I say with a smiley glow

"I'm fine."

A simple lie

Because with every sigh

I hide

What I feel inside

Too many emotions

I'm tired

Of life

I'm scared

Of my knife

Though I can't help but love it

I crave pain

There's nothing to gain

But scars and cuts

No buts

Just fears and tears and craving more

Who needs love when you can adore self harm

Suicidal thoughts, depression, mood swings

In my ears, thoughts and static rings

A constant leap of faith

Through a ring of fire

I'm tired of it all

I'm tired

Tired of this constant fall

Oh look, it's my turn to make a call

"Hello Mother."

I speak in no other voice than a cold one

Oh how fun, I'm hanging up

I've never felt love for her

Or my father

Who knows why

Maybe I just don't feel love

Maybe I feel hate and heartbreak

And I hate it when people try to feel bad for me

I don't want pity

I hate it

I'd rather they just kill me

Dust

She fades away

Slowly turning to dust right before our eyes

Screaming in horror as it floats away

People gather and witness the monstrosity

A look upon their faces

More terrifying than the look of her

Waiting

Waiting for the day to end

Is the same as waiting to wait again

The lonely man waits for his bride

A flower in his hand

Wilting and falling apart

This flower is his heart

A beautiful rose

From which petals rose a teardrop

Running backwards up a cheek

Into the eye of the creator

Who seeks a wonderful day

Who shall never see his beautiful flower again

The stem is all that's left

Left to rot and decompose as its petals did

He collapses to the floor

And cries out for someone's affection

A current necessity without which he shall die

Though no one responds he continues to weep on the ground

Safe and sound from the other horrors of his life

For without someone to have hurt you

You cannot get hurt

And without have something to wait for

You cannot wait

You can simply exist

A being of nothing and everything

A being of pure loneliness and safety

One who does not wait

One who lives through life

One who does not love

One who does not do anything but stand in his footprints

Treading the same circle around the tree of life

Black Suede Heels

Emptiness

Loneliness

And beauty

Go hand in hand

One stands on a pedestal high above the rest

Standing in her quiet, sunken allure

There is no doubt of the fact that those eyes have seen much

Yet she still walks through life

Clicking in her black suede heels

Step by step she sees more than intended

And pretends she has not seen at all

For chosen blindness is only as good as the choice of the person

Steel

A cold steel heart

Sits in the midst of a cold person

Freezing them from the inside out

Frost bite on the lungs pierces each breathe

Until there is not one single gasp left

Blisters

One step

A cruel shot of pain

Two steps

The same things

The shoes are two sizes too small

But they cant change them out for new ones

The blisters formed long ago

And can't be gotten rid of so easily

Walking is torture

Day by day and tap by tap

They keep a smile up

Despite the burning pain

Cracks in the Pavement

Missing someone is the worst pain of all

Falling for one who is no longer yours

Who gracefully sauntered out of your life

Who was the cement of your cracks

Who's loss broke them open once more

You will be missed my kitten

My figment of beauty and pain

I shall not easily forget you

You shall never leave my heart

Now that you have slipped a piece of yourself

Into those same cracks you once cemented

Empathetic Pity

Empathy and pity are often confused for one another

You do not feel what I feel

Or sympathize with me

You pity my life

You pity my struggles

You pity those days where I cry and I say I give up

Where I say I've had enough

Where I decide

That I've drawn the line

Between yours and mine

And I grow a spine

And I grab you and say don't pity me

Pity yourself for what you've done by thinking pity is empathy

The Silhouette Girl

A silhouette of a girl dances amongst the rain drops

She is a thing of grace and beauty

And her long wet hair flows around her figure like a ribbon as she twirls

Around and around

Not a single care in her mind

The world may crash down around her

But she does not give a single second of thought to such troubles

For they will disrupt her peace

And pop her bubble of ignorant bliss

Anew

Becoming a new person is not as simple

As changing your hair and clothes

You must leave everything behind

And begin fresh somewhere else

You must let nothing follow you from your past

You must let everything rot where you left it

It is sad

But true

Road to Insanity

Down a lonely street he walks

Surrounded by the shadows and smoke

Tears slipping down his cheeks as he talks to himself

The insanity creeping upon him

As he has no one but the insanity to turn to

He embraces the the warm feeling of his mind slipping away

Because along with every good memory, bad one slips too

He need not grasp them any longer than he must

He allows them to go

Leaving them behind finally frees him from the grip of the pain

There is no need to stay with the grasp of the ropes of reality

If there is no other anchor to his life

Art

Art is an expression of the self

It is the result of one putting their soul into their materials

That is why no artist can hide the truth of what they feel from their audience

They bare their hearts to those who watch

Sometimes only to be pushed away

Artists are works of art in themselves

Flight Path

If there was a manual on how to live

I'd have read it 10 times over

But even with a manual

I think I'd fail

I'd go off of the rails

Nails on a chalkboard

That's the sound of the buzzer that proves me wrong

I think this has gone on for far too long

So I think I'll just die

I think I'll just lie dead in the grass

Slit my throat with some broken glass

Overdose in the middle of class

There are so many options

So many to choose from

So much to lose

I think my time's done

So cut me loose

No strings attached so I fall

Like an unmanned marionette doll

I'm just a silhouette in a sunset

Sometimes orange and sometimes violet

I think I might get violent

I'm no longer my own pilot

And they're crashing the plane

I'll never take another trip down lovers lane

I be stranded in the desert next to her dead body

My life in tatters

Ripped and shoddy

So what's the point

Of anything

Anymore

Just a worthless, scarred up whore

Fucked up

Scared out of my mind

Always

Getting left behind

So what's the point

If you can't crash you own plane

And what's the point

If there's no more sun in the day

For you

For them

You are just a toy

Nothing more

So go be the bore you are

Normalcy

"There comes a time where every normal man must spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and prepare to slit throats"

For not one person is truly normal

The societal expectation of normalcy is a simple lie

It does not exist

It is a made up concept designed to create a mold for all humans

One that not one person fits into

Shadows

"And yet to every bad there's a worse"

Is whispered to me in the shadow of the doom

The gloom shadowing over me in the already dark room

This room shall be my shadowy tomb

Raindrops

It's raining and it's pouring outside

And with each drop I spill a tear

When everything you hear is rain falling

A chill goes down your spine

And at once you start to cry

And on and on it continues until your tear ducts run dry

Diamonds streaming down your face

Misery misery

Glittery tears

Watery, salty

But still a smile spans from between each ear

Because on you put a brave face to block out the bad

And you collect your diamonds to dust off the sad

And smile and smile

And giggle and laugh

And let not one soul see you when your thoughts get bad

Rainbow Makeup

The rainbow makeup covers up

The reddened tear stained skin around my eyes

I cover the pain that seeps through my skin in the salty, running sobs

Each breath is an effort when the rainbow makeup is wiped away

And the concealer no longer conceals

It shows the pain I once hid

And the pain I shall someday feel

The Cold

"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and oftentimes we call a man cold when he is only sad."

And the view of the shoulder of a cold man brings us yet another secret sorrow

Ignoration is poison to the heart which stands frozen

When the only solution is to thaw it with the release of the secrets from the form of the freezer

There is no happiness without its opposite

But the opposite is not true at all

For one can live in an ocean of pain with not a single ray of sunshine

Simply floating amongst the dark until they finally drown in it

The little air left in their water filled, smoke lined lungs bringing them to the surface for a rey of sunshine to find