Dinner For Sticks
(Episode starts with Chad and Emile in their dorms, Someone knocks at the door)
Chad: I'm coming, I'm coming!
(Knocking gets louder)
Chad: Hold up!
(Knocking gets even louder)
Chad: What do you want to do? Break my door?
(Knocking gets loudest)
(Chad opens the door, Bruce is in the doorway)
Bruce: hi.
Chad: Bruce? *Chad looks at the clock* Dude it's seven in the morning. What are you doing in the dorm at this hour?
Bruce: Do you think I look good?
Chad: *Surprised* woah… woah, buddy you're my pal but I think we should still be fr-
Bruce: I don't like you, I wanna see if I look good for my date tonight.
(Chad laughs hysterically)
(Chad notices Bruce is being serious)
Chad: Wait, you actually have a date? With who?
Bruce: Jen.
(Chad laughs again waking up Emile)
(Emile walks up to Chad)
Emile: What is so funny?
Chad: Bruce has a date with Jen tonight! *laughs again*
(Emile also bursts into laughter)
Bruce: Guys, I'm being serious.
(They both stop)
Chad: Wait, you actually have a date with Jen?
Bruce: Is it that hard to believe?
Emile: Yes
Chad: Maybe. Bro Jen never liked you like that.
Bruce: I told you she'll come to her senses. Someday Jen Stale will become "Jen Richemont"
Chad: Wow, you really think Jen is the one huh?
Bruce: I do. I can't believe I get to call her "my babe".
(Jen walks by)
Jen: Don't call me that. *She walks away*
Chad: "Jen Richemont" ladies and gentlemen.
(Chad and Emile laugh again)
Bruce: Laugh all you want, you two are still single. One day Bruce. One day.
Chad: I still can't believe Bruce thinks he's gonna get married to Jen! *Laughs*
Emile: I still can't believe you made me wake up to make fun of Bruce! *Laughs loudest*
(Scene changes with Luke, GWC, and James eating sandwiches at the cafeteria.)
James: Oh I have a headache today.
Luke: What a weird way to start a conversation if I do say so myself *munches on his ham sandwich*
GWC: What's wrong this time?
James: Again, it's Chad. He keeps blasting his music whenever he has a party, it's making me go crazy. I swear, if I hear one more bad pop song being played at 2 in the morning I'm gonna staple my ears shut.
(Luke begins to dig through his book bag)
GWC: Luke, don't do it.
Luke: I'm just looking for my stapler to help out my buddy. (Luke pulls out a power drill) huh, I didn't know I had this with me. Will this help James?
(James raised an eyebrow)
James: I worry about you at times.
Luke: What, I'm just trying to be helpful.
James: Luke, you're never helpful.
Luke: That is not true. Right GWC?
GWC: *groans* oh please leave me out of this. I just wanna eat my tuna sandwich.
Luke: GWC are you depressed? Why would you eat a tuna sandwich? (Looks back at James) I am helpful. And you know it.
James: Alright, tell me something that you did, that helped anybody out.
Luke: Ha! Easy, I helped a cat get off a tree.
GWC: You cut the whole tree down with a stolen axe you found in a shady house.
Luke: Hey that axe was not stolen in a shady house. I stole it from my friend Veinsaw.
(James gets up)
James: Well I'm not gonna lose more brain cells, see ya later Luke. *James walks away*
Luke: bye! *smiles* What a nice young man. Right GWC.
(GWC facepalms)
Luke: Wanna cause destruction later today at the local gasoline station?
GWC: What?
Luke: I said, I want to go and get some ice cream.
GWC: I don't know if I should be worried and call the police or ignore you like I usually do.
(Scene changes showing Chad, James, Luke, and Bruce in Chad's dorm, James is taking a nap)
(Bruce shows Chad his outfits)
Bruce: Is this shirt better or worse? *Bruce shows a hideous shirt with polka dots*
Luke: What kind of question is that? That shirt can make blind children cry. Who would honestly buy that shirt thinking it's good?
Bruce: My sister bought me this shirt. *sad expression*
Luke: Makes sense, she must really hate you.
Chad: Luke what has gotten into you?
Luke: James says I'm not helpful so I'm trying to help out our friend Groot with his terrible wardrobe.
Bruce: My name is Bruce.
Luke: *ignores* lucky you, Groot.
Chad: Yeah, that shirt isn't good. I feel like you should wear something else.
Bruce: Like what?
Luke: Something that's not abuse to our eyes. *looks at James* that guy has been in this scene for a minute now, I feel like he should say something.
(Luke throws his book bag at James)
(James springs up)
James: *blinking* Why?
Luke: You were sleeping.
James: Yeah, I know. I'm tired. When somebody is sleeping you don't normally wake them up with a bag filled with *James looks inside the bag and sees it filled with power tools* Home Depot items?
Luke: Yup! You never know when you're gonna use power tools.
(James looks confused)
Luke: *innocently* What?
James: How did you get accepted here?!
GWC: I also have no clue how he managed to get accepted, the dude just seems to follow me everywhere I go.
James: Why did you wake me up in the first place?
Luke: Bruce is going on a date.
James: That's great, *James goes back to sleep* but I don't care.
Luke: He's dating Jen, isn't that Romantic? *smiles*
(James runs up to Bruce)
James: You're dating my sister?!
(James faints due to his lack of iron)
(Bruce looks down at James, who is currently twitching)
Bruce: Is your buddy okay?
Chad: Mentally? Kinda. Right now? Nope.
Luke: Maybe he passed out due to the surprise. I bet James is very pleased that you will be taking Jen out on a date.
James: I am very upset. (James says weakly)
(James springs back up)
James: You're dating my sister?
Bruce: *Happily* Yes I am! If you're lucky, maybe one day you'll be my brother-in-law.
James: That doesn't sound very lucky. Bruce, Jen doesn't even like you.
Bruce: Sure she does. It took a number of tries but now she finally came to her senses and realized that I'm irresistible. *looks at his mirror*
(James looks at Chad)
James: Is your friend really this egotistical?
Chad: *scoffs* This? This is nothing.
James: Bruce you-
Bruce: You're not going to say that I'm not allowed to date her are you? *Raises an eyebrow*
James: That's exactly what I'm saying!
Bruce: Bro, you don't control her.
James: Bro, Jen doesn't even like you! I'm trying to prevent you from getting embarrassed! Jen will never- *gets interrupted by the sounds of Luke eating popcorn*
(James and Bruce look at Luke)
Luke: *mouthful of popcorn* What? This is both really awkward and really entertaining. *Throws popcorn at James*
GWC: Luke you're being really rude right now.
Chad: Yes Luke, you're really rude for not sharing some of that popcorn.
Luke: Oh, don't fret my friends I made extra. *Luke hands buckets of popcorn to Chad and GWC*
Chad: Thank you. Now, James and Bruce you may proceed.
(GWC facepalms)
James: As I was saying… Bruce you can't force yourself onto Jen it's w- *James gets interrupted again*
(James looks at Luke who is drinking a large cup of soda)
Luke: *stops slurping* What? Popcorn makes one thirsty. I'm trying to quench my thirst. *Goes back to drinking his drink obnoxiously*
James: Bruce- *gets interrupted* Bruce you can- *Get interrupted* You can't *Get interrupted* THAT TEARS IT!
(James grabs Luke's soda and chucks it out the window)
James: Enough with the slurping!
Luke: That was very rude of you James. You don't interrupt someone when they're drinking their large cup of cola obnoxiously. Where are your manners?
(Bruce looks at the time)
Bruce: Oh would you look at that. *Gets interrupted*
Luke: HA! Luke pun!
Bruce: As I was saying, it's getting late, Jen is going to pick me up in three hours. I must get ready!
GWC: Wait, you mean you're gonna pick her up?
Bruce: *looks down ashamed* no.
(Chad, GWC, Luke, and James start laughing)
James: Oh my God!
Chad: It never gets old *wipes tear*
GWC: So are you going to be the bride at your own wedding?
Luke: *Laughs the hardest then stops* I don't get what's so funny but since everyone else is laughing I'll just blend in. *Laughs again*
(Bruce leaves the dorm leaving them to laugh by themselves)
(Scene changes to Jen talking to Mel, and Katrina)
(Jen trying on different outfits all of which are casual)
Jen: How about this one? *Jen is putting on sneakers*
Katrina: It's like totally gross. *chews gum*
Jen: Yes! Thank you Katy!
Katrina: My name is Katrina.
Jen: Whatever. *Jen puts on a gray hoodie.* And this?
Katrina: Even grosser.
Jen: Yes! Thanks again Katy!
(Katrina just sighs)
Mel: Why are you wearing sneakers and a gray hoodie, to your date with Bruce?
Jen: Because I don't want to actually dress up for a date that I'm not interested in?
Mel: I see. Why did you even agree to go in the first place?
Jen: If I give Bruce the worst date imaginable that'll show him that I'm not worth his time.
Katrina: Okay but couldn't you just say no to him in the first place? *blows a bubble*
Jen: I tried but I'm starting to run out of lies.
Mel: And why were you lying to him?
Jen: Because I feel bad for the guy. *puts on a necklace*
Katrina: And why-
Jen: Are you two gonna keep questioning my life choices? Or are you gonna help a girl out?
Mel: What do you want us to do? We've never purposely looked bad for a date.
(Jen groans)
Jen: I should've never asked a pair of cheerleaders for fashion advice.
(Jen sits down and starts applying makeup)
Katrina: If you want Bruce to never ask you out again then do something that'll turn him off.
(Jen stops)
Jen: What do you mean?
Katrina: Do something that'll make Bruce no longer want to date you. Duh. *takes a selfie*
Jen: Like…. Being disgusting and rude?
Mel: I think Bruce is into that stuff. He likes you for you, right?
Jen: Yeah, but I don't understand why. I'm rude to him, I brush him off, I sometimes inflict emotional damage to him. I made fun of his stupid sunglasses at one point.
Katrina: Exactly, Bruce likes you because you're different. During your date, act like a completely different person.
Mel: Like Trixie.
(Jen gags and visibly twitches)
Jen: Oh no, I can't act like that!
Mel: Why not.
Jen: Because Trixie is so positive and nice and girly. It's sickening.
Mel: You're being dramatic, Trixie is so sweet.
Jen: I know, she's so sweet that I feel I might get type two diabetes from her.
Katrina: Just act like Trixie. Then maybe Bruce will no longer like you because you're acting completely different.
Jen: And what if it doesn't work?
Katrina: Then girl, be prepared to change that last name.
Mel: Do I hear wedding bells?
(Katrina and Mel laugh)
(Jen goes to her closet and pulls out a metal bat)
Jen: Go on, continue laughing. *Jen stares deep into their souls*
(Mel and Katrina stop laughing)
(Scene changes showing James, GWC and Luke in the cafeteria, GWC and Luke are playing on the Gintendo Glitch)
GWC: Dude, you're supposed to knock the opponent out of the stage, not yourself.
(Luke is crying)
Luke: *takes off his headset* Sorry GWC, my mom said I should clean my room. *Cries*
GWC: *pauses the game* Dude, you're in college and your mom isn't even here.
(Luke gets happy again and begins to absolutely destroy GWC)
Luke: HA! Take that! It was a distraction!
GWC: How did you-? I was the one who paused the game!
James: *angry mumbling*
Luke: Wanna go again?
(GWC notices James)
GWC: James, are you okay?
James: *Angrily* No! I'm not! I can't believe Bruce is going to date my sister. That's- That's just wrong!
GWC: Well then. How so?
James: Dude, dog's hate cats, Hyenas hate Lions, and Jen hates Bruce! It's just the way the world works.
(Luke chips in)
Luke: I can help you out James! *Smiles* I am great at helping people out.
GWC: *turns to James* Run!
(James gets up but Luke grabs his arm)
Luke: I can help you out!
James: Luke, I don't even trust you running a bath. What makes you think I'm gonna need help from you.
(Luke digs in his book bag and pulls out a red pizza cutter with sharp blades)
Luke: I call this mechanism "The Slicer" good for all your cutting needs. It can slice, dice, cut, and ev-
James: I'm gonna stop you right there. I don't need to commit a murder, All I need is to-
Luke: Sabotage?
James: Well that'll be rude.
(Bruce walks by and waves at them)
Bruce: Hey guys! *Takes breath mints* (Bruce walks away)
(James gets filled with anger)
James: On second thought, I think we should keep "The Slicer" just in case.
Luke: Pleasure doing business with you. *Smiles uncontrollably*
James: There's only one problem. We don't know where they're going for their d- d- da- *gags*
Luke: Date?
James: Don't say it out loud! *Gags*
(Dawn walks up to the crew)
Dawn: They're going to "Fish and Teps" the fancy restaurant down Merry Avenue.
James: Fish and Teps? What the H is that?
Luke: Of course! Fish and Teps is a fancy restaurant my little brother Like opened.
(James is confused)
James: Come again?
Luke: You know my brother, Like right?
(James shakes his head)
GWC: *scoffs* Lucky you.
Luke: Like opened that restaurant to pay for my financial aid! *Smiles* Crazy lady, how do you know this?
Dawn: I work there now. I got fired from the game store ever since I started modifying "World of Stickmen". I work as a waitress there, I was the one who got Bruce a reservation there. (Dawns begins to walk away*
(James notices Luke, Luke has a sinister smirk on his face)
James: Oh no. Luke please don't think anything stupid.
Luke: Too late. *Luke runs off to his dorm*
(James looks at GWC)
GWC: don't look at me. You asked for this.
James: Technically I didn't.
(Scene Changes showing Jen outside of Bruce's dorm door)
(Jen is wearing actual girl clothes)
Jen: Kill me. *Knocks the door*
(Bruce opens the door, Bruce is wearing a tuxedo, Jen gets blasted with the smell of Ax body spray)
Bruce: Hey babe? *Bruce is confused at Jen's outfit choice*
Jen: *coughing* Don't call me that. *cough* Bro, how much spray did you use?
Bruce: All of it. Andrew had an entire box full of body spray. Also, what are you wearing?
Jen: I'm wearing a dress. *fights the urge to not be rude* Do you like it? *Eye twitches*
Bruce: yeah… it's different.
Jen: *Fights the urge to not be rude* You look… You look… *Sweats* you look n- ni- nice. *Forcefully smiles*
Bruce: Oh! Thanks, that was very nice of you.
Jen: Can we go now? My feet are killing me.
Bruce: Sure, let's go. *Bruce closes the door and tries to hold Jen's hand*
Jen: Don't even think about it.
(Bruce and Jen walk down the hall)
(James, Chad and Luke are hiding in a potted plant. They are wearing bush disguises)
James: Why did you buy a potted plant that can somehow fit three stickmen?
Luke: I had to go above the call of duty. *Luke looks through his binoculars*
Chad: Why am I a part of this? I'm missing tonight's episode of "Hospital Trials" . They were doing an operation on Nathalia.
Luke: We wanted you to be a part of this scandal. *Luke's smears eye black underneath his eyes*
James: Wow, you're really into character.
Luke: Yup, *Luke pulls out a slingshot out of his bookbag and takes aim* Alright close your eyes ladies and gentlemen this might get ugly.
(James takes the slingshot away)
James: Give me that! We're not trying to cause physical pain to any of them!
Luke: *gets upset* So what are we doing then?
Chad: Yeah, what are we even doing?
James: Dude, we're just gonna sabotage their date without causing pain to any of them.
Luke: Aw…. that's lame. *Luke is visibly upset*
(Scene changes showing Bruce and Jen at the fancy restaurant, they are looking at the menu)
Jen: Wow, everything is so expensive.
Bruce: Yeah just don't get anything expensive.
Jen: So you basically just eliminated half of the menu.
(Dawn walks up to the table wearing a waitress outfit)
Dawn: Hello my name is Dawn are you two lovebirds ready to order?
(Jen looks at Dawn with anger in her eyes)
(Dawn sweats)
Jen: Yeah I'll take the- *gets interrupted*
Bruce: *whispers* don't get anything expensive.
(Jen forcefully smiles and agrees)
Jen: I'll take the lobster.
Bruce: Seventy dollars.
Jen: Okay then I'll take the Salmon.
Bruce: Fifty Dollars.
Jen: *gets irritated* The clam.
Bruce: Twenty dollars.
(Jen closes the menu)
Jen: Dawn, give us a couple of minutes.
(Dawn leaves)
Jen: Okay what the H?
Bruce: Lobster, Salmon, Clams? Do you want to raid my wallet?
Jen: Then what can I get?
Bruce: Get the Rice and water. The Water is free and the rice is only five dollars.
(Jen's eye twitches)
(Meanwhile James and Chad and Luke walk inside the restaurant wearing tuxedos.)
James: Alright Luke what's the plan?
Chad: Do you really trust Luke to make plans? *raises eyebrow*
James: No. But if anything goes haywire we can always blame him.
Luke: Alright, here's the plan. Chad will distract Dawn, preventing her from taking Bruce and Jen's order, which gives me enough time to reload the cannon.
James: The what?
Luke: Sssh don't interrupt my genius. Then you will play a different waiter and your job is to make Bruce and Jen's wait time even more inconvenient.
James: And how will I do that?
Luke: I don't know. Figure something out. Now let's go!
Chad: Hold up, hold up, Bruce and Jen know who we are. How are we going to blend in?
Luke: Oh, I almost forgot. *Luke digs inside his book bag*
Chad: He brought his book bag?
James: Don't question it.
(Luke pulls out two fake mustaches and roughly applies them on James and Chad's faces)
Luke: Oui Oui, magnifique. *chef kiss* Now Let's go!
(Chad and James face each other)
James: I worry about that boy at times.
Chad: Eh.
(Chad walks up to Dawn)
Dawn: Oh hello. How can I help you?
Chad: *French accent* I am here for…. Training. Oui yes of course. Will you be so kind as to help me out?
Dawn: Chad I know it's you.
Chad: Aw man what gave it away?
Dawn: Bro, you're the only guy I know who has purple highlights on all of his six spikes.
Chad: Oh poop.
Dawn: Let me guess. You're here to sabotage Bruce and Jen's date?
Chad: *sadly* oui.
Dawn: Alright I'm in.
Chad: *surprised* Wait what? Why?
Dawn: I just wanted to watch "Hospital Trials". I'm missing Nathalia's operation.
Chad: That's what I said. Also why do you want to help us out, you might lose your job.
Dawn: Dude, I hate this job, the manager is a nightmare to work with. I can help but I'm not gonna help you ruin their date. That's just mean, I'll help you cover things up. Now what do I have to do?
(Meanwhile, James is seen holding a platter, he walks by Bruce and Jen's table and "Accidentally" spills cold water all over Bruce)
Bruce: AAAHH!
Jen: What happened?!
Bruce: I don't know?! I'll be right back! Ooh that's chilly.
(Bruce walks to the men's bathroom, James talks to his watch which also has a microphone built inside it)
James: Alright, Target migrated to the public bathroom.
(Luke is on the roof)
Luke: That's great, and stop talking like that. We're ruining a date not kidnapping the president.
(Luke inserts a raw turkey inside his cannon)
(Luke has an evil grin on his face)
Luke: Alright Bruce, prepare to eat poultry. *talks into his watch* Guys I'm gonna need more time. Make sure you distract the waiters.
Chad: On it!
Dawn: So what's the plan?
(Chad notices another waiter walking up to Jen's table)
Waiter 1: *Italian Accent* Are you ready to order?
Jen: Well my "date" went to the bathroom so I'll just order what I 'actually' want.
Chad: Oh no you don't. *Chad pulls out a slingshot.* Now I just need something to sling.
(Dawn grabs a meatball off of someone's dish)
Dawn: Here use this!
Chad: A meatball? Whatever.
(Chad slings the meatball annihilating the waiter at his chest)
(The waiter falls down)
Jen: Are you okay?
Waiter 1: *Normal accent* Yeah, I'm fine. I just got hit with a… a meatball? *waiter gets up* I'll be back. (waiter walks away)
Jen: What the H is going on here?
Chad: Alright Luke, I just hit the waiter! How much time do you need?
Luke: Give me at most ten minutes.
James: Ten Minutes!! What are you doing? How are we going to hold off a date in ten minutes?!
Chad: Relax James. I highly doubt another waiter will come in ten minutes.
(Bruce gets out of the bathroom and starts walking back to the table)
Chad: Oh no.
James: Oh no? What do you mean oh no?
Chad: Turn around James.
(James turns around quickly and sees Bruce sitting back down)
James: Crap.
Luke: You guys better think of something.
(James looks around and begins to sweat profusely, Chad runs through the restaurant looking for something else to throw)
(Bruce sits down again again)
Bruce: So did you order something?
Jen: No, some waiter got hit by a meatball though.
Bruce: Did you throw it at him?
Jen: No, I would never. *Jen applies lipstick. She twitches in disgust*
Bruce: Lipstick?
Jen: Yeah, it's what girls do on dates like these.
Bruce: Right… but I didn't expect you to apply some.
Jen: Why does it bother you?
Bruce: *panics* No no, It's just that you didn't seem to be the type of girl to use makeup.
(James and Chad meetup)
James: Okay, what are we going to do?
Chad: How in the balls will I know? You're the one who wanted to ruin their date for some stupid reason! You're being overly protective!
James: Well it's too late! Whether you like it or not you're here with me, so what are we going to do!?
Chad: Follow my league.
(James is confused,)
James: Your league.
(Chad removes one of his gloves and slaps James with it)
Chad: How dare you kiss my wife!!
James: What?!
Chad: You heard me! How Dare you kiss my wife!
(People inside the restaurant look at Chad and James)
James: *whispers* Oh I see.
(Chad slaps James again)
James: Oh how is it my fault your wife came to me?!
Chad: OH SO It's My FAULT!?
James: YES, You never satisfy her needs!
(Bruce and Jen look in Chad's and James' general direction)
(Chad picks up a glass of cold water)
Chad: This is what I think of you! (Chad splashes James)
James: Oh yeah! (James picks up a plate of spaghetti) You want to know the truth about your wife?! Come and spaghet it! (James throws the plate of spaghetti at Chad)
(Chad grabs a plate and smashes it on James' head)
James: *whispers* Ow!
Chad: *whispers* Sorry! I was way into character.
James: FOOD FIGHT!!!
(James and Chad proceed to throw food at one another)
Bruce: What on Earth is going on here?
Jen: I don't know! (Jen grabs a plate of lobsters from the table next to them) But if you can't beat them join 'em. (Jen throws the lobster at Bruce)
Bruce: What the-! (Bruce grabs a plate of lasagna and throws it at Jen staining her dress) Sorry.
Jen: *Laughs* Are you kidding? I hate this dress! (Jen grabs a jar of Lemonade and pours it down Bruce's suit)
(Everyone in the restaurant begins throwing food at one another)
(Luke Comes in the Restaurant with his canon filled with raw meat)
Luke: Hey Bruce!
(Bruce and Jen turn around)
Bruce: Luke?
Luke: Dinner is served. (Luke lights up the cannon and forty pounds of raw meat hits Bruce, Bruce goes flying across the restaurant)
Jen: *laughs* sup guys.
James: Jen what the H are you wearing?
Jen: You have eyes, figure it out yourself.
(Jens walks away)
Chad: Where are you going?
Jen: To get a pizza. Your friend Bruce wanted me to eat rice with tap water.
(Jen walks through the front entrance)
Luke: Rice with tap water? That's a fine delicacy.
(Scene changes showing Jen, Mel and Katrina in the library)
Mel: So how was your date with Bruce?
Jen: It was nice.
Mel: Are you saying that unironically?
Jen: No, I actually had a good time. Sure that cheap bum didn't let me eat anything I wanted but then we got into a food fight, we got banned from the restaurant and I saw Bruce go flying across the restaurant drenched in raw meat. I honestly don't know how we're going to top that?
(Bruce walks by Jen and her friends)
Bruce: Hey babe.
Jen: Don't call me that.
Bruce: Right, sorry. Ready for tonight's date?
Jen: Actually I have homework to do. But we can move it for next week.
Bruce: Got it. See ya babe.
Jen: I'm gonna stab you.
(Bruce walks away)
(Katrina and Mel look at Jen)
Mel: Do you actually have homework?
Jen: *laughs* lol nope.
(Episode Ends now get out of my doc)