Stick in the Fire
(Scene shows Luke, Chad, James, GWC, and Jen in Forensics. Their professor, Dr. Hat is teaching them)
Ethan: So if you look at the chart you'll see that the heart may be the engine but the brain is essentially the battery. (Dr. Hat points at the chart)
(Luke raises his hand)
Ethan: *mumbles* oh No. Yes, Luke?
Luke: If the heart is the engine and the brain is that battery won't it-
Ethan: *looks at his watch* And class is over. You all are dismissed.
(Emile comes running to class, Emile is covered in ash and his wig is burned)
Emile: Am I late?! *panting*
Ethan: Extremely.
(Emile faints)
Luke: What a way to start the day.
James: Emile, you look horrible.
Emile: Thank you, James. I tried my best to look my worst.
Chad: Dude, what happened to you. You always look your best every day.
Jen: You look like you just went through the gates of Hell.
(Emile gets up)
Emile: It's because I did. Natas wanted me to watch his place for the week. But now I quit.
Luke: Wait, Natas lives in the underworld?
James: Dude are you really this clueless?
Emile: Natas better find someone else because I for one don't like to be chased by his three-headed hounds.
(Hellfire ignites besides them, Natas walks out of the flames)
Natas: So Emile you quit?
Emile: Yes sir. Good luck finding someone else to do it. No one in the right mind will watch your house.
Luke: Ooh, me, Chad, and James can watch your house.
(At the same time)
Chad: Huh?!
James: Come again?!
Emile: Well to be fair, I said no one in the right mind. Luke doesn't fit in that category.
Natas: Luke, you and your friends will watch my house for the week?
Luke: Yes sir! *smiles*
James: Do we have a say in this?
GWC: Don't even bother. Talking to Luke is like talking to a pig.
(A pig student walks up to GWC)
Pig boy: *crying* We are much more intelligent than you give us credit for. (Runs out of the classroom crying)
GWC: That's it, I'm dropping out.
Luke: Natas you can count on us to watch your home.
Natas: Why thank you Luke. *Looks at Chad* I like you too Chad. Your parties are one of a kind.
Chad: Thank you?
(Natas starts walking to James)
Natas: And as for you James, I am the Lord of the underworld and I don't appreciate it whenever you mock me in any way shape, or form. I could take your life this instant but I like to give people a second chance. So I'll appreciate it if you show me due respect.
(James Gulps)
(Natas opens his hand and makes a list out of fire, he gives the list to Chad)
Chad: AAAAAAAHHHHHH
Natas: Everything that you need to do will be on this list. To get to my home just say this demonic saying.
Luke: *happily* Okay Natas. You can count on us! Have fun on your holiday.
(Natas vanishes in a gulf of flames)
(Chad is still screaming)
Luke: What a nice man isn't he?
(Everyone looks at Luke with a confused expression)
Ethan: What is wrong with him?
GWC: No one knows.
(Scene changes to the parking lot, there is a motorcycle with a sign reading "for sale" Bruce walks up to it)
Bruce: Woah this is a sweet ride.
(Bruce examines the bike)
Bruce: It's in great condition too.
Random girl: stop talking to yourself.
(Bruce ignores and gets on the bike making Motorcycle sounds)
Bruce: Vroom, vroom, vroom.
(Jen walks out in the parking lot)
Jen: Bruce?
Bruce: Oh hey Jen, what's up?
Jen: Is that your bike?
Bruce: Um actually…
Jen: That's a killer bike.
Bruce: Yes, it is! You like?
Jen: I like it very much.
Bruce: I thought you would, wanna go on a ride sometime?
Jen: Yeah… I would love to…
Bruce: REALLY?!
(Jen gets startled)
Bruce: I mean. Cool. (Bruce leans on the bike)
Jen: How about after my last class. Sometime around 2?
Bruce: That's awesome. I'll be here waiting for you.
(Jen walks off)
(Bruce begins to call the owner of the bike)
Bruce: Yes!!
(Scene changes showing the trio walking down the stairs to Hell)
Luke: Is this the right place?
(Screaming can be heard)
James: Gee I don't know.
Luke: Well if you're not sure maybe one of these screaming tortured people can help.
(Luke walks away)
Chad: I don't think he understood sarcasm.
James: *sarcastically* you think?!
(Luke walks up to a man who is being burned alive)
Luke: Excuse me sir. Is this H E double hockey sticks?
Man: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
Luke: I'm sorry I didn't quite get that.
(James pulls Luke away)
James: Dude, I was being sarcastic, of course, this is the right place.
Luke: Ah. Well, we have no time to waste, we must find Natas' house. But where can it be?
(The trio turn around and see a mansion engulfed in flames)
Chad: I'm assuming that's the place.
(The trio walk up to the door)
James: So does Natas leave a key underneath the mat or what?
Chad: I don't think the devil would leave a key underneath his mat. I'm assuming one enters the house by some sort of sacrifice.
Luke: Nope. (Luke gets the key from the underneath the mat)
Chad: Alright then.
(The trio enter the house, it's much nicer on the inside)
Chad: Huh, for an evil guy he sure does have a nice house.
Jamez: Eh I've seen nicer.
Chad: Alright Luke what's on the list.
Luke: Let's see. (Luke puts on his reading glasses out of nowhere) we must first water the plants, feed the dog, check the pool, and do basic house duties.
James: Natas has a dog?
Luke: Yes James. Maybe Natas feels lonely at times. I'm gonna go check the pool to see if there needs to be cleaning. Chad you hold on to the list.
(Luke hands the list to Chad and goes outside to the pool)
James: I can't believe we're stuck here watching some evil guy's house.
Chad: Oh lighten up. You know you have a bad tendency of judging people before you get to know them.
James: You're right Chad. How dare I judge a demonic being who is known for torturing souls. For all I know he could be a fun fellow who loves to play golf.
(A three-headed dog walks in the scene)
Chad: Oh look, a dog?
James: What is that thing?
Chad: (reads list) His name is Cerberus. It says that we must feed him twice a day.
James: What does that thing even eat?
Chad: (reads list) it says that Cerberus has food inside his fridge. Did that answer your question?
(Cerberus begins to bark wildly scaring Chad and James)
James: Uh….
(Cerberus runs towards them)
Chad: RUN!!!
(Chad and James run into a mysterious room of some sort)
Chad: Oh my god did you see how many teeth that dog has!?
James: Do you see this stain between my legs?! Natas wants us to watch his house and doesn't mention his psychotic dog?!
Chad: Well I wouldn't know it's not on the list!
(Scene Changes showing Bruce with a Biker Jacket next to the motorcycle, he's cleaning it)
Bruce: And done.
(Katrina walks by)
Katrina: Oh no, please tell me you didn't buy that bike.
Bruce: Yes I did. *smiles*
Katrina: Super bad idea! Do you even know how to ride that thing?
Bruce: Right now, no. Later, Yes. I have to learn how to ride this thing in three hours before Jen gets back.
Katrina: Wait, you bought that thing to impress Jen?
Bruce: Yeah, why?
Katrina: What do you mean why? You're gonna get yourself killed out there!
Bruce: No I won't because you're going to help me.
Katrina: Um how about no. I am not going to be responsible for your death.
Bruce: I'll pay you in advance.
Katrina: But now I will. (Katrina gets the manual, she flips through the pages) Step one,
(Bruce gets on the bike)
Katrina: Keep the bike balanced while placing the kickstand in the ride position.
(Bruce removes the kickstand and immediately falls)
Bruce: ow.
Katrina: *sighs* Step two, Ignition.
(Scene Changes showing Chad and James inside a dark room)
James: Is it gone?
Chad: I don't know.
James: Well open the door and find out.
Chad: No!
James: Why not?
Chad: I'm not gonna risk the chances of my face being ripped off.
James: Well what are we gonna do? I don't wanna spend my time in a dark room. Can you at least find a light switch?
(Chad turns on the light revealing a room filled with scrolls and souls inside beaker tubes)
Chad: What in the world is this?
James: I don't know. (James picks up a scroll, showing someone's name and the date of their death)
Chad: What do you have there?
James: I don't even know myself. Can we please get out of here?
Chad: Well I'm not gonna go out.
James: Just open the door a little bit.
(Chad opens the door ever so slightly.)
James: Do you see him?
Chad: No, I think he's gone.
(Cerberus slams its head against the door. Chad immediately closes it)
Both: Oh My God!
James: Bro where is Luke?
(Scene shows Luke on top of a pool mattress float, floating on Lava while Luke is sipping a piña colada out of a skull)
Luke: This is nice. Just me, this Piña Colada and the sounds of people crying in pain. Nothing can top this. But I feel like I'm forgetting something. Oh well.
(Scene goes back to James and Chad)
Chad: Maybe Luke already got eaten.
James: So the dog wants seconds?
Chad: Perhaps.
James: Well how are we gonna get out of here?
Chad: Your phone!
James: What?
Chad: Just call somebody and maybe they can get us out of here.
James: I highly doubt that Natas has 5G. And besides, do you think that the underworld has good reception? We're sitting ducks here!
Chad: You know your sarcasm hurts sometimes. Just try it!
James: Alright fine! (James searches his pockets) uh oh.
Chad: Uh oh? What do you mean uh oh?
James: I think I left my phone on the coffee table.
Chad: *happily* Nice, good one James.
James: How about we try your phone.
Chad: Alright fine. (Chad searches his pockets) uh oh.
James: Now what happened.
Chad: I think I also placed my phone on the coffee table.
James: *happily* nice. Good going Chad.
Chad: Hey you wet your pants.
James: I- That is true.
Chad: Go get them!
James: Why me?
Chad: Because you're faster than me. So maybe Cerberus will have a hard time killing you.
James: *Happily* Hey that sounds so, so stupid!
Chad: Come on!
James: Alright fine. Open the door when I say Go. Ready?
Chad: Got it. (Chad places his hand on the doorknob)
James: GO!
(Chad opens the door and James runs out)
Chad: He's a dead man.
(James jumps over Cerberus and gets both cell phones)
James: I got them!
(Cerberus barks and startles James)
James: Hey little fella. *stutters* I- I- I hope you don't mind that-
(Cerberus chases James)
(James runs back inside the closet and closes the door)
Chad: Did you get them?
James: Yes!
Chad: Woohoo!!
James: But I dropped them.
Chad: *cries* rats.
(Chad and James peek their heads out the door and sees Cerberus chewing on their cellphones)
Chad: Nice going hamburger meat.
(Scene Changes back at the parking lot where Bruce is still trying to learn how to ride a motorcycle)
Bruce: Okay, I think I'm going somewhere.
Katrina: Yeah, the cemetery.
Bruce: I still have time. Don't worry.
Katrina: Oh really? You said Jen will be here around two and (looks at watch) It's two and here she comes.
Bruce: *worried* What?!
(Bruce turns around and sees Jen with her Guitar)
Bruce: Okay, new plan…
(Katrina is gone)
Bruce: That's just great.
Jen: Hey Bruce.
Bruce: Hey Jen, so about that ride-
(Jen tosses Bruce's helmet at him and she puts on her's)
Jen: Well Bruce, take it away.
(Bruce is hesitant)
Bruce: Um….(Bruce turns the motor on) Here we go.
(Katrina walks back holding a box)
Katrina: Hey Bruce, the parts you ordered just arrived.
(Bruce looks confused)
Jen: Parts?
Katrina: You know the ones you ordered to increase the speed? *wink*
Bruce: Oh (turns motor off) Those parts. Thank you, Katrina. (Bruce gets off)
Jen: Um, what's happening?
Bruce: Well m'lady you have to wait for that ride. You know us motorheads, always upgrading. So instead of 3.5 seconds, I can take you from zero to excitement in 1.5.
(Katrina visibly cringes)
Jen: Hmm, a guy who's good with tools. I like that. Alright Mr. Bruce I will wait. *smiles*
(Jen walks away)
(Bruce faces Katrina)
Bruce: Good thing I ordered those parts.
Katrina: It's empty you broomstick. (Katrina chucks the empty box at Bruce) and you should thank me.
Bruce: Well thanks for saving me.
Katrina: I didn't save you, I saved her and everyone else out in the public.
Bruce: I'll learn, just give me a couple more hours and I'll be set.
Katrina: Bro you almost hit a car. A parked car at that.
(Scene changes showing Luke watering the plants)
Luke: For a place filled with fire and brimstone Natas does have some lovely plants.
(The plants talk)
Plant: Foolish mortal boy, do you really think that water will be enough to satisfy our cravings? We've been watching you, waiting and soon your soul will be ours!
Luke: (Luke is unfazed) Huh? For a second I thought you plants said something funny.
Plant: Water won't be enough to quench our thirst, feed us your crimson water, and maybe then you'll be able to walk out of here in one piece.
Luke: I'm sorry, I don't speak in parables
Plant: Dude, give me your blood and you can leave.
Luke: Woah, what was in that Piña colada.
(Scene Changes back to the closet, James and Chad are lying on the floor)
Chad: I'm so hungry.
James: Same here. How long have we been here?
Chad: (looks at watch) two hours.
James: Oh no. *groans* Bro I feel like my stomach is gonna fall off. I can almost smell something resembling a burger.
Chad: That might be someone's corpse being cooked alive. And can you stop talking about food?
(James gets up and goes through Natas' scrolls)
Chad: What are you doing?
James: Being nosy now ssh!
(James finds a scroll and sees his own name with the date of his birth and the date of his death)
James: Oh. (James immediately puts the scroll away.)
Chad: What did you find?
James: Nothing of value.
(Awkward silence)
James: Hey, will you come to my funeral in ten years?
(Chad looks confused)
Chad: *happily* Hey!
James: What?
Chad: Cerberus hasn't barked in quite a bit, maybe he went to another room.
James: Do you really want to take that chance?
Chad: Not really but if it means getting out of here then I'm ready to take any risk possible.
Luke: Hello? Guys? Where are you?
(Chad and James are surprised)
Chad: It's Luke!
James: Yeah I know an annoying kid when I hear him.
Luke: Hello?!
Chad: Quick we have to get him. Before Cerberus kills him.
James: Cerburus will eat him alive!
(Chad opens the door but James immediately closes it)
Chad: Dude!
James: Well just because Luke gets eaten that doesn't mean we have to be eaten too!
Chad: That's our friend out there and you want Cerberus to use his arm as a chew toy!
James: I was thinking more as an appetizer.
Chad: Dude, still a problem! We have to go out there!
James: *hesitates* Alright. (James places his hand on the doorknob and hesitates to open the door)
(Chad peeks over James' shoulder)
Chad: You just turn it.
James: I know how to turn a knob.
(James and Chad open the door and see Luke on the couch with Cerberus)
Chad: *Whispers* Luke!
(Luke turns around)
James: *whispers* Run!
(Luke looks puzzled)
Luke: Uh… why?
Chad: *Whispers* That beast is vicious!
James: *whispers* Run you, idiot!
Luke: I don't want to run.
Chad: Bro that dog is the spawn of Natas. He chased me and James around the house.
James: Yeah, while you were out doing traditional Luke things Chad and I were starving ourselves in that closet right there.
Luke: James don't be silly this dog wouldn't hurt a fly.
(Cerberus gets closer to Luke and licks Luke's forehead)
Luke: *Giggles* Ooh, this dog is so scary. Who's a good… boy? Girl? What gender is this dog?
James: Psychotic?
Luke: Who's a good gender-fluid unknown pronoun? You are! Yes, you are.
(Cerberus wags their tails in unison)
Chad: I don't get it. How come Cerberus is so calm?
James: Crazy dog with crazy boy, makes perfect sense.
(Luke gets up from the couch)
Luke: Well I do have to warn you guys about something.
(Chad and James step back)
Chad: What happened Luke?
Luke: Well, on the list it says to feed Natas' pet snake.
James: I already hate where this is going.
Luke: And I accidentally glimpsed over that, and I just now noticed it while sitting next to that adorable creature of heck. (Luke looks at Cerberus)
(Cerberus whines)
Chad: Okay, you forgot to feed his pet snake. Big deal. We'll just feed him now.
Luke: *Laughs* Yeah about that.
(A giant snake barges inside the house, the snake is hungry.)
Luke: Chad, James meet Hydra, the five-headed snake.
(Hydra has its eyes fixated on Chad and James)
James: Luke, what do we do?
Luke: *smiles* Well the answer is simple. *smile immediately fades away* WE RUN!!!
(Luke, Chad, and James run back to the closet, Hydra chases after them))
(Chad closes the door)
(James, Chad, and Luke are panting)
Luke: *Smiles* Well that was fun. (Luke is back to being chipper)
Chad: Oh my God, that was the scariest thing I ever saw.
James: Why does every animal here have more than one head? (James rocks back and forth in a fetal position)
Chad: Great, just great. Now we're back here again. (Chad looks at Luke) You just had to forget to feed the snake!
Luke: Come on Chad, you're being a James right now.
Chad: *GASPS* Oh NO! I'm being…. *dramatic pause* BORING?!
Luke: *GASPS DRAMATICALLY*
James: Okay since when did my name become an insult?
(Scene Changes back at the Parking Lot)
(Bruce is seen with scratches and Bruises)
Bruce: I think I'm starting to get the hang of this.
(Katrina is sitting along Trixie and Mel, They are drinking orange Juice)
Mel: How long has he been doing this? (Takes sip)
Katrina: Far too long.
Trixie: Is he learning the basics?
Katrina: (Looks at Trixie) No he isn't, in fact, I think he's getting worse.
Bruce: Alright, let's take it from the top. (Bruce revs the engine)
Mel: Oh no.
Katrina: Oh no indeed. (Looks unamused)
(Bruce takes off and slams into a tree)
Trixie: Oh NO!
Mel: Is he alright?!
Katrina: Bruce? Yeah, he took bigger hits than that. The Tree? Not so much.
(Bruce comes wobbling back to the girls)
Bruce: How was that? (he's seeing stars)
Katrina: Horrible! You do realize if you go and drive Jen around without any motorcycle experience you'll get her and yourself killed!
Bruce: I still have time.
Katrina: Dude! We've been here for hours. In fact, you somehow manage to get worse! How did you even do that?!
Bruce: Look, are you gonna help me out or not? Whether you like it or not we're in this together. Help me, please.
Katrina: (Disgust look in her face) Oh dear god you sound like James.
(Bruce is visibly insulted)
Bruce: You take that back!
(Scene changes back to the closet where Chad, James, and Luke are still inside the closet)
(James is walking back and forth)
Chad: Dude can you calm down?
James: Calm down? You do realize we're in the house of a literal devil with his freakish pets with multiple heads. Ooh, that rhymed.
Luke: Bars! Ha! *Light bulb sound effect, ding* Natas!
James: Yes Luke, Natas is the owner of this house we know.
Luke: No. I completely forgot that Natas gave me his number on the list. We could've called him all this time! *Smiles*
(Chad and James are furious)
James: You're telling me that-! OH, I DON'T CARE AT THIS POINT!! JUST CALL THAT LAZY BUM ALREADY!!! I'M TIRED, I'M HUNGRY I JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS PLACE!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (James' face is bright red)
Chad: Huh, I think we lost James.
(Luke pulls out five candles out of his pocket and draws something on the floor with white chalk and begins to say the demonic chant, meanwhile, James is having a midlife crisis)
Chad: That's his phone number? Candles and chalk. Poor thing, no wonder he never returns any calls.
(Hellfire ignites in the middle of the drawing and Natas appears wearing a swimming cap, his horns are still visible)
Natas: Yes? You called?
Luke: Oh Natas, we're so glad you're here. We've been trapped here for what seems to be an eternity.
Chad: Yeah, your pets want to eat us alive!
James: (Foaming out the mouth) GET US OUT OF HERE MAN!! (James gets on his knees)
Natas: Huh, it seems you met my pets Hydra and Cerberus. Aren't they just the sweetest? *Smiles*
Luke: I agree. They are very cute!
Chad: Enough with the pets!
James: GET US OUT OF HERE!!!
(Natas looks surprised)
Natas: Alright. Geez. (Natas hits the floor with his pitchfork and the crew get ignited with hellfire)
(Scene changes showing Jen, GWC, and Emile inside James' dorm room)
Emile: So Bruce actually has a motorcycle?
Jen: Uh-huh.
GWC: And he's going to give you a ride later today?
Jen: That's the plan.
(Hellfire ignites beside them and out come James, Chad, and Luke)
(James collapses on the floor, Chad puts the fire out of his hair and Luke is still happy as always)
GWC: What an entrance.
Emile: Guys you look horrible.
Chad: Thanks, Emile.
GWC: What happened to you guys?
Chad: You don't want to know.
(James gets up)
James: What are you guys doing in my dorm?
Luke: They're studying. Duh
(Katrina, Mel, and Trixie barge into the dorm)
Trixie: Everyone you need to get out of here now!
(Jen gags at the sight of Trixie)
James: Why is everyone coming inside my dorm room? Hey Mel.
Mel: Hi James *smiles*
Katrina: Guys you need to get out of here now.
Emile: Why?
(Bruce comes crashing through James' roof on his motorcycle.)
Bruce: *coughing* Hey… Jen… Ready for that… for that ride. (Bruce faints)
Jen: Yeah, dates off. (Jen runs away)
(James is visibly shocked, he can't say a word)
Katrina: Woah! I knew things were gonna end badly, but who would have predicted this!? *Smiles*
Chad: How did you… We're on the third floor! How did you…!
Luke: James! You didn't tell me you were going to remodel your dorm! Oh James you're full of surprises.
Chad: Uh is Bruce dead?
Natas: Oh let me check.
(Natas opens his hand and a scroll appears out of the fire, Natas reads it)
Natas: Nope, his time isn't due yet. He still has a couple of years. The way he actually dies is a little bit more respectable than that
Natas: But nothing that the devil cant fix (Hellfire erupts)
Chad, James, and everyone else: Noooooo!!!
(The screen fades into hellfire, the episode ends)