XXXVI ※ Fifty-Two Years of Bullshit and Dagger Throwing: A Guide to Embracing the Inevitable with Sarcasm and Rage

I won't have a husband, nor kids, or grandchildren. The dreams I once held dear, the hopes of building a family, of growing old with someone, of watching my children and their children grow, are all just shattered fragments of a future that will never come to be. All the things I used to fantasize about, the life I imagined for myself, will never happen. What I once thought would be the path of my existence is now nothing more than a faded illusion.

Two years from now, I'll be reunited with Avyanna, and while I loved her with every part of my being, I couldn't be more sorrowful at the thought. Yes, I'll be with her again, but it's not going to be the kind of reunion anyone dreams of. It's a reunion that comes at the cost of everything I thought I could have—my future, my life, everything will be swept away in the tide of what's to come.

Adonis's voice shattered my thoughts like glass. He spoke again, his words cold and piercing. "I'm not trying to threaten you, Nsomi," he began, his tone sharp and dismissive. Gods, can he just shut the hell up? "But I find it hard to believe that you, of all people, will still live 52 years." The words rang in my ears, and I could feel the truth of them gnawing at the edges of my mind. The sting of his words was undeniable. He was right. The truth I tried so hard to ignore was now staring me in the face, but I refused to let him see the effect it had on me. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing he'd gotten under my skin.

"Why don't you shut your mouth?" Rebekka suddenly snapped, her voice brimming with frustration. "What do you know about any of this? If she's saying she still has 52 years, then it's the truth. Why would she lie about that?" I could feel her blind faith radiating from her, her trusting nature so naïve, so innocent in its belief. She truly couldn't understand the weight of the situation, and it only made me feel even more distant from them all. She wasn't hardened by life like I was. She didn't know what it meant to live in the shadow of a countdown, where time wasn't measured in years, but in moments.

Then, without warning, I heard a giggle—faint at first, and then louder, unmistakable. It wasn't one of the dogs. It came from the entrance of the private training grounds. I turned to see who it was, and when my eyes landed on him, my gut twisted in frustration. Aeneas was standing there, leaning against the doorway with that infuriatingly smug expression plastered on his face. That aura of superiority that always surrounded him made my blood boil. He was, without a doubt, the last person I needed to see right now.

With that condescending air of his, Aeneas stared at me as if he had every right to pass judgment on my life. "You don't know her as we do, Lady Rebekka," he said with that same disdainful tone. "She would never give us the pleasure of knowing that she has less than a year or two to live." My teeth ground together for an instant. How dare he speak like he knew anything about me? How dare he assume to know the truth of my life? His words cut deep, not because they weren't true, but because I wasn't ready to face them yet. I wasn't ready for anyone else to acknowledge the inevitable.

"You?" I laughed bitterly, the sound of it echoing in the stillness of the training grounds. "You know me?" My voice dripped with sarcasm as I raised an eyebrow in disbelief. I couldn't help it. I mocked him openly. "Are you serious? You don't even know yourself, Aeneas. How could you possibly claim to know anything about me?" My words hit their mark. The way his face hardened told me I had struck a nerve, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I wanted him to feel the sting of my rejection. "You never did, Aeneas. You never cared," I added, my voice dripping with disdain. "So don't come at me with that bullshit, asshole."

"What did you just say?" His voice, now laced with irritation, snapped through the air.

I smirked, feeling a dangerous glint spark in my eyes. "Oh, so you're deaf now, hm?" Without thinking, I grabbed a dagger from my side and threw it in his direction. The sharp whistle of it cutting through the air startled him, and I could see him flinch. I didn't care. "You don't know me, Aeneas. You never did, you never cared." The words felt like they came from somewhere deep inside me, a place I kept hidden from the world, but in that moment, I didn't want to hold back. "So don't bullshit me, asshole!"

The two daggers I threw after the first one flew with deadly precision, their sharp points glinting in the light as they whizzed through the air. "I'm not angry at you for hating me, jerk," I spat. "But I won't admit it when you say shit like that." I was seething, each word punctuated by the force of my frustration, my pain. I didn't need his pity, and I sure as hell didn't need his empty judgments.

But as much as I hated to admit it, Aeneas was right. Gods damn it, he was right. And that made the truth even more unbearable to face. But I would never admit it, not out loud, not to him, or anyone else. Before I could throw another dagger his way, Rai appeared out of nowhere, his figure materializing just in time to snatch the blade from midair before it could reach our brother.

"What do you want now?" I growled, my patience wearing thin.

"Why are you throwing daggers at him, Nsomi? Are you insane? Do you want to kill him?" Rai's voice was filled with disbelief, his gaze flicking between me and Aeneas, his concern apparent. I could see the hesitation in his eyes, the fear. And for a split second, it only made me want to lash out more.

I smirked viciously, my eyes narrowed. "Well, you all hate me already. At least if I killed him, you'd all have a real reason to hate me, wouldn't you?" I could see the shock on Rai's face, the utter disbelief. He stared at me as if I had completely lost my mind, and maybe, just maybe, I had.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep, steadying breath, trying to calm the storm that raged within me. I didn't want to be this angry, this bitter, this vengeful. But I couldn't stop it. The rage was a part of me now, an ever-present companion I couldn't shake. Without saying another word, still clutching the dagger in my hand, I turned on my heel and walked away, my steps echoing in the silence behind me. I didn't want to see anyone's death accidentally, didn't want to feel the weight of their final moments. So, I kept my eyes closed, moving through the space guided by the other senses that had become sharper over the years.

I didn't get far before I collided with someone. My body slammed into theirs, and we both went tumbling to the ground. When I realized who it was, my frustration flared even further. Of course, it was Elodie. That damn fool.

As soon as she realized it was me, she screamed, her voice high-pitched and full of panic, as if I had just tried to murder her.

"Close your damn eyes, dumbass!" I snapped, exasperated. Without waiting for her to respond, I shoved her away from me, my irritation mounting. "Fuck. Why don't you watch where you're going, stupid girl?"

"You were the one with your eyes closed, not me!" she shouted back, her voice shrill and accusatory. I could feel my patience snapping.

"Why do you think?" I retorted, my voice dripping with sarcasm. I saw her flinch, her eyes wide as she realized what I was implying.

"Gods above, just stay away from me," I added, my voice flat and cold. I turned on my heel and walked away from her, not bothering to look back. She was still sitting on the ground, staring after me, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I didn't care about her, or what she thought of me. I just needed to get away, to escape, and to be left alone.

As I walked away, the weight of everything that had happened—the betrayal, the pain, the inevitability of what was to come—pressed down on me. My heart felt heavy, suffocating, and I couldn't help but wonder how long I could keep fighting before I was consumed entirely by it all.