{10} "That's Not A Door Knob..."

'I'm living because I can't die, I don't have anything I want to do, I'm in so much pain and loneliness. Yet people around me keep telling me to regain my consciousness, I try to vent my anger but what's the point if it's only me? I'm scared to open my eyes everyday and start breathing." —BTS Yoongi.

I had completely forgotten that I told Soo-ah I'd go out with her tonight and after everything that happened, I wasn't feeling very social, but I didn't have the heart to tell her no.

Oh and in case you were wondering: No, this thing on my wrist wasn't coming off. I already tried-multiple times.

As I looked at the bracelet I realized that the four jewels were the same colour as a Claytonia; lilac. 'Well at least it looks like a bracelet to the naked eye, so that shouldn't be a problem.' I thought accepting my fate.

At this time I was alone in the house even though Namjun sweetly asked if I was okay and if I wanted him to stay longer, I told him that I was and he could leave.

Now I'm lying in bed wallowing in my despair and pit-full of emotions.

What I gathered from the spirit's words was that I was now in the body of this world's Min Sagwa and just like everyone else here her personality was different from mine which is why whenever I did something nice or 'out of character' I'd get weird glances. So technically we didn't switch places I just took over her body instead... yeah still not sure how that worked either.

I needed time to vent and figure out how I was supposed to go about solving all my problems, starting with my parents I need to find them soon, knowing that day really could have been my last I couldn't keep hiding from them forever; I needed to face them without fear. I just hoped they're just as willing to make things right between us as I was.

My phone rang just then causing me to grunt as I answered without looking at the caller ID. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me." Kazuchika said from the other side.

"Kazuchika? Is something wrong?"

"I just wanted to know if you're doing okay there alone."

"Yup, I'm completely alone it's not like I have 50 bodyguards around the house or anything right?" I mumbled, note the sarcasm.

"What?" he asked not hearing a single word I just said.

"I'm doing fine, I should be asking how you're doing, I haven't heard from you in a while."

"Yeah, I'm just peachy." The moment he said that I heard a shrieking scream followed by gun shots from the other end.

"Okada, are those gunshots?! Are you are being shot at right now?!" I asked him raising my voice a little.

"Uh... no." He breathed out, breathless and more gunshots were heard. I heard him curse under his breath.

"Kazuchika Okada! Did you seriously just call me in the middle of a shoot out?! Where do you think you are?! The wild, wild west?!" I scolded at him, standing up in the process.

"It's not as bad as it sounds, I promise you that." he said a little bit more calmer this time.

"Really?! It sounds like you're in the middle of world war three to me."

"We were surprised by the attack at first but we have it under control now, I'm going to have to hang up, I'll see you tonight before you go to bed okay?"

I sighed. "Just be careful." And just like that he was gone.

"I swear no matter what world I'm in, he'll be the reason I die." I pinched my forehead sitting back down on the bed.

My phone then sounded with a notification: Jung Hanseok has added you to a group chat.

Jung Hanseok:

I've added you guys to this group chat, I hope you don't mind I just thought that it would be easier for all of us to communicate this way.

Sagwa:

It was a great idea Hani! Thank you!

Jung Hanseok:

:-)

Kim Namjun:

Great thinking Hanseok. By the way Sagwa are you doing okay?

Sagwa:

I've calmed down, so I guess you could say that.

Kim Namjun:

That's good.

Jung Hanseok has sent a picture:

Guys this person thinks this perfume bottle is a door knob.

Kim Namjun:

...Hanseok.

Sagwa:

I hate to break it to you Hanseok... but that's not a door knob or a perfume bottle.

Jung Hanseok:

Really? Then what is it?!

Kim Namjun:

It's a... sex toy.

Sagwa:

A butt plug to be exact.

Jung Hanseok:

What?! You're kidding!

Kim Namjun:

No...

Jung Hanseok:

Then why is it so pretty?!

Sagwa:

Oh god.

Jung Hanseok:

I think I need to go lay down for a moment so uh... bye.

I would be lying if I said I didn't laugh out loud at that, I felt so much better afterwards, they always had a way of cheering me up even if it wasn't intentional. I'm glad that I have those two around, I'm grateful that they stayed even after knowing the truth. That everything I did could possibly effect them.

It made me think that maybe I should go out with Soo-ah tonight, maybe I'd have fun and it would take my mind off everything.

So I went through my closet trying to find something to wear and I finally chose something simple yet stylish; a short black sleeveless dress with a gold waistband.

Then, I decided to wear my hair curly, next was my makeup and jewelry, after one final look over in the mirror I texted Soo-ah to come pick me up since Gokk do wasn't here and Kazuchika was using my car.

When she arrived minutes later, I grabbed my coat and my purse and headed out the door leaving a whining Koda behind.

"Ready to get your freak on!" she said enthusiastically with a bright smile and clasp of her hands.

"Sure."

"Boy am I glad Gokk do isn't going to be here with you." she commented as we drove.

"He had to um... help Kazuchika deal with some stuff." I told her and she immediately nodded understanding what I was referring to.

"So where's my little angel?"

"He's with his uncle Ian."

"I hope Sun-woo doesn't break him." I said recalling how he treated Kazuchika days before.

"That is a possibility, hence why I'm making him do it." I heard her snicker with a evil expression.

"Soo-ah!" I expressed hitting her arm playfully.

"What? he's the one who always wants to take care of him, I just finally gave him the chance, unknown to him Sun-woo just started taekwondo and he's been looking for someone to practice his moves on." she smiled knowingly.

"Oh, I can hear him scolding him now." I giggled remembering how Ian can get.

"Yeah he does that a lot, that's what made him such a good older brother to me, his scoldings when I did something wrong." I heard her sigh with a distant look.

"Soo-ah you okay?" I asked her when I noticed her look changing.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine it's just- we haven't exactly had the best childhood, I'll talk to you about it later, let me focus on driving right now okay." she told me and I immediately felt guilty.

"That's fine you don't have to tell me about it if you don't want to."

"No sagwa, it's time you knew, I really trust you and you've always been so nice to me." she expressed taking a moment to glance at me with a slight smile and I smiled back giving her a nod.

We later arrived at our destination, it was a small restaurant, that I was never aware existed, when we entered they were small round tables situated all over, there was also a big glass window with a nice view of the road and passing cars. I personally thought the plants and flowers randomly placed were a nice touch, it gave the restaurant life.

"Reporting to you live on the scene where a 28 year old woman has died after an accident on the Hangang bridge lead to the her plummeting to her death in her car which landed into the water below, the authorities are retrieving the victim's car..." A flat screen TV also hung on the wall in the corner.

We chose a table close to the window so we could enjoy the view, as I sat down I watched Soo-ah carefully, I actually never had the chance to observe her like I did with the others when I first came here.

Nothing about her physical appearance seemed to have changed, although her hair was shorter than I remembered, she often used it to cover her face but now she didn't hide or shy away at all. Her face was still round and cute which could've easily fooled someone into thinking she was shy, when in fact she was now the complete opposite. I also noticed she now had a tattoo of a butterfly on her neck.

The butterfly was outlined in black with blue wings and a bit of pink. It seemed to shimmer the more I looked at it.

She looked up and caught me staring at her, she gave me a quizzical eyebrow causing me to giggle.

"We can talk here and go to a club later that's okay with you right?" she asked after we had ordered something to drink.

"Yup, that's fine." I answered as she took a seat.

"So, I saw you admiring my tattoo earlier."

"I mean it is really beautiful."

"Really? thanks I have a matching one on the right side of my back too." she replied.

"Does it have any particular meaning or..." I asked and her face expression changed to sadness again.

"Actually, it does, I like to think of it as my mother. She believed in being reborn into something else and more than anything she wanted to become a butterfly when she died, so she could continue to watch over Ian and me, so she could remain forever by our side. Ian has one too, on the lower part of his neck." she explained her face still baring a pained expression.

The waiter then brought us our smoothies and she sat up straight and looked me in the eye. "Where do I even begin... my father was a drinker, he would drink himself drunk ever night and with his drunkenness came his abusive manner towards my brother and me but mostly towards our mother. one night, I was probably around eight or nine and I woke up to my mother screaming, when I reached downstairs there was so much blood everywhere and she was lying on the floor, not moving at all, while my father stood over her with a bloody knife in his hands.

"He was arrested for her murder and I've hated him and despised all men for a long time. sagwa, seeing someone you love like that it... changes you, it breaks you into a million pieces and it's hard to comeback from something like that, which is why I was never the easiest teenager to deal with, that night ian wasn't home I was there all by myself, so I'd take my anger out on him, I'd get into fights at school, I'd push everyone away just so I could protect myself. but Ian...." her voice began to crack and tears came to her eyes and i couldn't help but go close to her side and hug her.

"It's okay Soo-ah please don't cry, you don't have to do this anymore if it's hurting you this much." I whispered carefully whipping her tears away from her face.

"No, I'm fine, it's been awhile since I've reopened these old scars that I have." she replied wiping at her own tears, taking a few breaths she continued.

"Ian never gave up on me, he was all I had, no matter how b*tchy or bratty I became he was always there for me and because of him my attitude changed. Throughout it all I never once cried because I thought it made me weak but Ian told me "there is no shame in crying, crying isn't a sign of weakness, but one of great strength." After he said that to me, I cried myself to sleep and never once did he leave my side that night, he showed me that I still deserved to love and be loved, which is why I'm more open now; if I have something to say I say it, some might think that I'm harsh, but I'm not, I'm just real." she said giving me a small smile.

I felt extremely terrible for making both Ian and Soo-ah go through so much. However, I'm glad that she was able to find her way again and become the strong independent woman I knew she was.

"Soo-ah, I really am sorry you had to go through all of that, but I'm glad you're okay now." I sympathized with her, laying my hand onto hers.

"Thank you for listening." she smiled brightly drinking her smoothy.

After we had finished with our drinks it was finally dark, so we left the restaurant and headed to a club as planned.

...