Without Rose

Excerpt from Johan's Journal

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I went to see Rose today and was surprised to discover that she was totally against me, as if the sight of me leaves a strong distaste in her mouth. I would like to not regard myself as scum but I cannot shake of the feeling that I could be one. I am with Lisa now but can not forget about Rose. Before Rose returned from her business trip I was all about Lisa, but now that she is back she is all I think about.

Her beautiful face, her jade like skin, gorgeous red hair 👩‍🦰, fill my mind all day long, all night too 😏 🤫. When I'm with Lisa, Lisa fades away and Rose takes her place. I constantly think of Rose, dream of her and even subconsciouly mention her name, I did that with Lisa a couple of times but she most likely did not notice since she did not flare up like she would have.

When I'm with Lisa, I fight a very fierce internal battle just to not mention Rose's name in place of Lisa's. My head says Lisa but my heart says Rose. Lisa has been in my heart for eight years and Rose, five years so why the internal struggle, my head says. It does not seem hard to choose when you are an outsider but when you are very much involve in the matter it is really difficult to choose.

Moreover, I never really liked Rose. She was a substitute for me at first. A vessel for me to pour my feelings for Lisa into, so why have things changed. Why is everything like this. Rose was just a replacement so why the battle now.

I guess the heart wants what the heart wants. I could try to get back with her but deep within me I know she will never take me back, she is principled and all that. Moreover, I said and did too much for her to even consider being back with me, and if I break up with Lisa I would have lost both ways since Rose would still not give me the time of day.

Rose was so perfect. I totally should not have left her for Lisa, who by the way is far from perfect. She's too demanding, controlling and jealous, always wants to know where I am, demanding for my phone, going through by chats and contacts, Rose was not like this. If I was not ever with Rose I might not have noticed all her flaws but I was with Rose so inevitably all of Lisa's flaws are highlighted boldy and I have to force myself to be with her since I brought it upon myself. Talk about stupid decisions 😩.

Rose felt perfect, she undeniably had flaws but it was hard to see them. She tried to be her best self and could make others their best selves too. She made one at ease and could make everyone likes her.

I don't think I need to be pressuring myself like this and taxing my heart, I'm just 20 after all I don't need to think too ahead. Moreso, I might find a girl etter than Lisa and settle down, if she would be better than Rose I do not know after all Rose is a rare find. But I believe it's unlikely for me to settle for a less than Rose girl. Concerning Rose, I can just wait for about five years and come back into her life if she's single, she'll see me as a changed man and all that and can take me back.

Is that not how it is in the books? The man leaves for 5 years, acts like a scum but the girl still takes him back. It's a classic urban script and I very well plan to act it out.

Perhaps we would even have a one night stand then have a super smart and talented kid who would track me down since she would travel to another country to avoid seeing me. The kid would then find me through his or hers, I'm not particularly about it, hacking skills, reunite the family and make us one big happy family.

We would then live happily ever after forgetting about Lisa and our bad past. This will definitely happen, after all I am the male lead in this story.

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Jayden : *sneezes* achoo! is someone thinking about me

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Author : Your imagination is quite big, that's in the stories. Real life is quite different and I'm sure you will soon find out.

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I am thinking of making subtle appearances in Rose's life and make her see that if she's willing we can totally get back together. So I went to her workplace today and was shocked to hear that she was not around and she seemed down yesterday.

Looks like my presence yesterday affected her. Seems like there's no need to show her that I want to get back with her. I'll just wait for her to come crawling to me, she will and I will have the upper hand 😏 😎.

I guess I am too handsome, too charismatic, it was Rose then Lisa and now Rose again. Girls just love me too much 😎 😎 😎.

It seems like there is no need to wait five years, Rose will soon come begging for me. She would be on her knees, beg for me to take her back, cry with snot and all that on her face 😢🤧😭😭😭 and I would get her to get up, wipe her tears 🧻, hug her 🫂 and with magnanimity take her back.

At this moment, the sun would shine on me 🌞☀, make her so mesmerised 🤩😍 and then she would be unable to control herself and kiss me😙💋🥰 and I would be all like ☺.

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Irina Rose : *sneezes* achoo! who's speaking evil of me

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Author : Like I said before he's got an over active imagination.