Losing Johan

Excerpt Lisa's Diary

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Things seem to be changing. Johan and I are not like they used to be. At times, he would stare at my face wordlessly as if trying to convince his self of something. Things feel kind of boring.

There is no romanticism or excitement between us and I am afraid to bring any in. He does not seem to be in a good state of recent and I feel like trying to spice things up may go the wrong way.

Does he love me? I cannot answer that question, I honestly do not know and I believe that it I ask him things will go south. Do I love him? I don't. I cannot get too invested in him. After all, he can decide to leave me any moment. He is rich and can have almost every girl, so why get unnecessarily invested.

Since I don't love him, it seems like being kind of hypocritical to ask him to love me, to give me attention. I honestly do not really care about that, it's all about the benefits and feeling like I'm in a relationship. But I do not understand one thing, was he not obsessed with me? He used to go crazy over me what happened?

Why are men so complicated? Women should be the complicated ones. He used to fawn so much over me, who knows what's gotten into him. Why is he so temperamental, either he's moody or angry. Even a woman does not have as much mood swings as him.

He just make me so frustrated 😤 but I have to keep calm. After all, he's useful to me. I need him but he does not need me and with the way things are right now I'm walking on thin ice.

I need him to marry me. That is the only thing I'm concerned about. Although, Johnson is a common surname. His Johnson family is quite prestigious and I want to be part of it.

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I get what's going on now. She charmed, seduced him, that b*t*h. She is constantly on his mind. She's such a vixen. They clearly broke up 💔 but she just has to worm her way back 😡 🤬 🤬 🤬. Why can't she leave him for me?

That Johan dude is so totally useless. He could cheat on her and now that he's lost her, he's crawling back like he did not do anything bad before, like he did not break her trust, acting like he's completely clean. Ugh, if not for his connections and wealth I would totally have nothing to do with him.

His type of man is what they call a scum. He's just totally... ugh 😫. I have no words to use to describe him, his character, his life in general.

Anyway, his attitude is just so annoying. He even had the audacity to call me Rose a couple of times. In actually, truth be told, it did not happen just a couple of times he accidentally calls me Rose like 4 or so times in a day.

Does he have some sick, twisted fantasy in his head in which I'm Rose or that we are both with him, because I do not quite understand his behaviour. If he wants to think about Rose, fine, it's all good, but he should have the common decency of hiding it an trying his best to not let me find out.

Which boyfriend in his right mind calls his girlfriend by his ex girlfriend's name. What disrespect! How audacious, total rubbish. If not that I have to thread carefully when I'm with him, I would have dealt with him, what nonsense.

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He broke up with me! He actually BROKE UP with me. How dare he? Who is he? There are so much more better men out there but I chose you and you dare to breakup with me, na me you wan serve breakfast abi shebi na you and me, you go see [1]

After all the stress I went through, all the struggles (lol, you did not do anything for the dude) he dared to break up with me. Its all because of that Rose girl, is she better than me? Is she finer? Does she have as much shape as me? Is she smarter? No, no, no and no. She isn't. Is she even up to one third of me, she's just a vixen, a seducer of men.

Even though I was not very interested and invested in the relationship it hurts. No one ever wants their boyfriend no matter how indifferent they might seem, to break up with them because of his ex girlfriend or even call them by her name. Rose is not better than me or is Rose better than me? IS SHE?

What does she have that I do not. We are both ladies, aren't we? We are both equally endowed so why her? She does not even want him? Is it the red hair? I have black shiny hair that is a million times better. Is it her eyes? I have beautiful brown eyes, Is it her character? Mine is better.

Why is it so hard for him to forget her 😩 😫, can't he be happy with me? She is not interested in being with him, so why? Why can't he just stay with me? or is her refusal to be with him attractive to him?

Most Rose have everything, isn't she comfortable? she has everything she's ever wanted so why does she have to fight with me for everything? Why does she always try to appear as the better, superior one.

She has everything. Money, prestige, respect, you name it. Why must she fight for Johan with me? She does not even need him. She's already in the upper class, I'm not and I want to be, I need to be. She should just let me have him.