When heart leads the way.

My mind becomes more at ease than before but bothersome also. I am not planning to talk with them, not because of the fight I'm not prepared yet. Why I am thinking about him unnecessarily, there is no need for that right? If he doesn't want me then why should I? Trying hard to get sleep but my brain and heart are engaged in thinking about him, wow what a feeling. Overthinking is the same as drinking poison, it can kill our confidence and peace. "Oh, God! This is insane, thinking about him my tears are overflowing maybe I have fallen for him more than I thought." It is already morning 3 am, Lord Hypnos not even helping me, waaeeee???? This love is a kind of pain but I will love him till my heart stops. It is not his fault, all mine. If I stepped back before, this wouldn't happen. Right? No need to think it's already happened. So no use. Feeling so heavy in my heart. I will be alright soon, hope so. The next thing that bothers me is that I didn't confess to Arine yet. This is a little hard. How will she react? And I have sought an apology from my brothers, too. The things I did were overboard. I shouldn't behave like that. As said before, no need to think further, have to sleep. The whole week everyone tried to contact me continuously but I refused to pick up. It is really hard to talk with everyone, and I need a break from them too. To become more confident, to regain the strength I lost.

The whole week I spent was so troublesome than I expected, every time the phone rang expecting it was him, run towards the phone but worthless. Unnecessary thought, heavy heart, puffy eyes, running nose, and disturbed mind, there are some of my current states. My theory I forgot before, is now more evident to prove. "Never trust others more than yourself and never prioritize and love others more than ourselves, if you have done that, for God's sake, gonna regret your decision later." I think need to resolve the problem with my brothers, they're not the reason behind all this shit. So let us talk to them tomorrow Now get some sleep. Still, now I didn't know how to tell still the truth that hid for long that who am I? While thinking about that need more time. The only one that knows about me except Tiara or more than her is my soul, you guys... I can't change the past or foresee the future, but I can find solutions to the mistakes I made. It's freaking 4 am now. When my mind is stuck with something, which defends me to sleep without solving it. My mind is kicking hard and thinking about mysteries. Why am I bothering him so much? What about going for a ride? That might help me. Hands-on steering and wind on the face, beautiful feeling. Slowly mind started to enjoy the night view, starry sky cold breeze soothing song, so melodize feel. When each street light passes felt like I'm gonna lead a happy life by overcoming the barriers of my sadness at last my journey ended in front of the mansion, maybe my heart leads the way there, staying in the car asked myself, do I have to go inside or not? you should, you have to heart replied, no order. Then I should…..

Wow, all are sleeping in the living room, hell! drunkards smell like the entire bar. Yah, Arine you too. The table and floor are with soju and wine bottles. How do these stupids turn a mansion into a bar? Need a minimum of 1 hour to clean those. Is she lying over a bottle? What if it stabs her? What's up with these people? I returned the garbage to the mansion after an hour of hardship. They didn't cook for a whole week and had dishes in the sink. Do they stay all week without having food? Ok, I will cook then! What about fried rice? They haven't even tried that yet. Okay, then let's do it. I have to cook things without making a sound, otherwise, I might disturb them. Oh, shit, I need Ginger garlic paste, I will find some other way, I can grind it. Problem solved. Who said I couldn't cook? I'm excellent in my ways!! Fried rice is ready, and pepper chicken and salad are done. Need to cook some sweets, Dae oppa does not prefer spiciness so carrot halwa and butter chicken will solve that. And some fruits. It's 9 o'clock now. Let's make some juice and wake them up. Apple juice or pineapple? What about grapes? Oh, I can't, I'm allergic to black grapes! Then let us fix it on Apple juice. It's better. It's important to be careful while making juice. What if the juicer's sound wakes them up? They won't, right? All are drunk up to hell!!

I haven't looked for Seong yet. He might react to me in a way that scares me. It is pin-drop silence here when stepping towards his room. My heart beat fast, like a bullet train. The door was ajar. He is laying on the naked floor, curling like a ball, hands over his knees. The tears dried up on his cheek and murmuring something slowly. This scene made my heart shatter into pieces. Do I hurt him this bad?? My love of life. The one I wished to spend my life with. Now the person I have to leave behind...