Broken

He met me around a year before maybe more, and the day I left made my heart broken. I know that it was my discussion about staying apart and that was really necessary for me over that time. insecurities..., what will be his reaction when he found out that the attacker assaulted me, the response of his mother, and the after-effect when the world gets to know about this? more than that I am not prepared to myself become depressed, frightened to face others, and lose control over my mind. feeling lonely and trying to hurt myself and a series of suicide attempts. drained all my confidence in myself and the tension of losing my love. the time of stepping out of the hospital was like walking toward hell. his mother also threatened me many times before that attack, so that also kept ringing in my mind, everything all in one go. that was the apt phrase to tell. many things happened over that time you guys know some of those but I didn't tell you what makes me worse about him. why I am insisting now to stay away from him?

During the period of training me and my coach become close to each other, he always takes care of me like his daughter later he took me to his home to introduce me to his wife. after a long time, I felt like I was reunited with my family, the most hilarious thing is eomma's cousin's son. he only spend two or three years with his family, later his parent got divorced. From that day onwards he was staying at my coach's house like a son. I stayed there almost 3 months and mostly he doesn't like me. I will tell you that later.

That time one day coach came to me and said he saw Seong and they shared some moments together, I was really trying hard at that time to forget him. while hearing that name, I started losing my strength. I think after some weeks, I confessed everything about myself to eomma. At first shocked then she consoled me. our attachment started to become much stronger then. they motivated me and my worries changed to fire for my victories. At those times too I found some time to write, I can't stop that it is like my oxygen for blood. announced to warriors that I am taking a break from all social media for some time, to regain my strength and promised that I will get back. and also they made me promise that I have to chat once a month. the paparazzi too. I got into more trouble with them. have to be more alert while going out and for drives too. they started calling me mysterious queen nice title right?

Suddenly caught the brake, god! if I don't then I am dead meat. this is why everyone saying don't overthink while driving. I forget to watch the signal... while seeing this red signal, the memories started to sophisticate me. I didn't share that with anyone. the reason I am refraining from Seong.

last month I took a break from practice and went to the philippine. trackers had a concert over there also. my mind was tagged up for many months, so I wish to see them all, that's why I decided to go there. watching far and enjoying the moments. the concert went so well. I put on a mask and changed my outlook to escape from them and the paparazzi. at the end of the concert due to their fans' request to sing the songs, 'where were you being' and 'you belong to me'. the songs I tried a lot to not hear. after hearing the song, I felt like he missed me and still waiting for me. in that, I was too confused and wished to talk and apologies for what I have done. At first, David doesn't let me meet him, but later he let me.

I was so curious and anxious, no! may be more excited to see him, booked the room at the same hotel, and the next day I went over there, but can't find them. waited a lot to see him, in the lobby, lounge, park garden restaurant... everywhere but no use next night I decided to get back home. on the towards the lobby I saw that... him and Ae-Ri, she was holding him tight. that was so unexpected my expectation my belief everything gets shattered. they passed me, not even realizing who I am. at the end of the corridor, they kissed each other, passionately, lustfully, and hungrily. he dragged her inside the room in front of me. So pathetic I am. Right? I become more confused and followed to their room. the scene I saw made me confirm that he moved on. she was on his top in bed and...

not shocked or betrayed feel but broken and sad, but happy for him that he got someone in his status and definitely mom will be happy for him. the very next day the paparazzi posted photos of them in a restaurant and hugging. mom and dad, I mean my coach and his wife stay with me like a backbone to recover all these, but the call... I don't know why, why he still making a fuss now. Does he really want to revenge on me??