twenty-eight

I let out a hefty sigh and pulled myself up for the last time, my stomach muscles burning from the exercise I'd been doing to relieve some stress.

I'd asked Yu Bin to join me at my house. He was the only guy I could talk to about this whole Zhan situation, and I really needed someone to help me figure it out.

He was lying outstretched on my bed with my PS Vita in hand, not paying attention to anything I'd been saying previously. But to be fair, I hadn't been saying anything of importance, just venting random shit that had been cluttering up my head for a while.

"So what am I gonna do, mate?" I finally said, throwing myself across the space at the bottom of my bed. Yu Bin was pretty short, which made my bed look a lot bigger than it actually was. I fought the urge to tease him every time.

"Whatever you want to," he murmured, not caring at all. I was half ready to snatch that console out of his hands and put it on top of somewhere very high, where the short ass couldn't reach it.

"Yu Bin!" I shouted at the top of my voice, laughing as he shot upright, eyes as bright as ever.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Crazy bastard! He exclaimed, palm flat against his chest, calming himself down. "Don't you know not to disturb a guy when he's gaming?"

"If I'm no more meaningful than a stupid game, then we're gonna have a problem." I gave him a half-arsed pissed-off look from where I was laying, one side of my face squished into the covers of my bed, which probably didn't help the expression.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise we were a pair of white chicks". He mocked.

"What has being white got to do with it?" Yu Bin didn't reply, simply kissed his teeth, with an attitude he needed to adjust, and refocused his eyes on the console's screen. I rolled my own eyes and shoved my face into my bed sheets, regretting my choice of friends.

"If you don't start helping me," I mumbled into the covers, breathing in the sweet smell of the scented softener that Mandy used to wash the sheets.

I'm seriously going to cry.? Yu Bin groaned as I heard the satisfying noise of the console landing softly on my bedding, just to the right of me. I stood upright, ready and waiting for his guidance.

"First, you gotta tell me what's even going on, because that ain't even been explained to me yet." He raised his thick, dark brows at me that curved smoothly into arches.

"Okay, I'm gonna give you the short and sweet version, alright?" Yu Bin nodded. "I and Zhan fought because he doesn't think I'm taking things seriously, and so I went round his place a little while after to talk things through and I found Lu sitting there, sobbing over some guy, right, yeah? Are you keeping up?"

Yeah, I'm keeping up, carry on. He waved his hand lazily, leaning back against the pillows, hands behind his head.

Anyway, she comes onto me, hands around my neck and everything and, of course, Zhan chooses that moment to walk in and gets the completely wrong idea-

"Ohh shit," he commented, chuckling a little.

"Dude, come on!" I shot him a glare, which quietened him down. Anyway, we sorted that out, and I explained everything to him. But the thing is, before I went round to his, I'd just come from hanging out with Meng and the reason this is a problem is that she ended up kissing me before I left and I haven't, exactly, quite gotten round to telling Zhan this...just yet."

What is wrong with you? Kissing two girls in one night and one of them being a crazed bitch that Zhan can't even stand, and the other being his sister? You're an idiot. You know that?

Yeah, I know. But it was literally just a quick, one-second kiss. That's it. So, should I even bother bringing it up? Because it meant nothing, and I don't want to get into another fight. I'm getting pretty tired of falling out with him.

Yu Bin leaned forward, all business-like, with his lips pouted and an eyebrow arched. "A good relationship, and friendship, is one without secrets. So you tell me what you should do." And then he relaxed back against the pillows, smiling.

"Uh.." I chewed the inside of my cheek.

"Oh Jesus Christ,Yibo, you tell him! Obviously!" He shouted, throwing his arms about like he'd given up on life. And when he'd settled, he murmured a sly, "Dumb ass." under his breath.

I scowled at him.' you sure he's going to be okay with it?"

"Hell no, he ain't going to be okay with it, but you fucked up, so you deserve whatever the hell you get."

"Oh thanks,Yu Bin. You really are the greatest friend ever."

"Honesty is key, " he winked, grinning far too smugly.

I rolled my eyes. Yeah..whatever.

I left Yu Bin laying on my bed, PS Vita back in hand. He was so focused on the damn thing I doubt he even noticed I'd walked out.

I'd messaged Zhan, asking him to meet me at the bridge. That was our special little place. The bridge that he tried to break his fists against the night he found out his parents had it out about his dad being a cheating bastard.

I guess I wasn't much better than him, considering the reason I'd asked Zhan to meet me was to tell him I'd kissed Meng. The worst part about it was that it didn't even feel like cheating.

Zhan arrived at the bridge only five minutes after I did. His hood was up, shielding his face, and his hands were shoved in his pockets as he shouldered the light gusts of wind. He stopped beside me, propping one foot up against the wall.

"Hey," I muttered, barely making eye contact.

He said back, "Hey," in almost the same tone. It was silent for a moment, and then, "Just so we're clear, I have not forgiven you. Not completely. Or at all. Okay? I just can't be bothered to fight anymore. It's getting boring.

I nodded weakly. "It's incredible how unsurprising it is to hear you say that."

Zhan smiled as he dropped his head and his hood slid even further over his face. He pushed it back, leaving his hair messy and exposed to the persuasion of the chilly evening air.

"I need to tell you something." I began. My fingers found comfort in the pockets of my trousers. "I should have told you this the other night, but I didn't want to." I inhaled deeply, fighting the urge to replace the truth with an easy lie. "I was afraid of losing you for good, I guess."

Zhan cleared his throat and shifted awkwardly beside me. "Okay."

So, erm, I'm just gonna come out and say it, alright?

"Yeah, whatever, just get it over with."

I bit my bottom lip, trying to distract myself from the nausea that was beginning to make an appearance in the back of my throat. "I kissed Meng before I came round to your house the other night."

Zhan stood there in silence, staring off at the river in front of us. The sound of the water running beneath us helped to calm my nerves, if only a bit.

I will not make any excuses. I said, after Zhan continued to say nothing. But I swear to God, I will do anything you ask of me to make things right between us. I want to be with you, Zhan. I really do. "

I could see him chewing the inside of his cheek, but there were next to no emotions in his features. Not even a hint of sadness or anger. His expression was simply blank. And then he turned and looked me straight in the eye, with a subtle curve to his lips.

"You want to make this right?" He asked, and I nodded eagerly, pleading with him with my eyes.

"Then you gotta prove it to me, one way or another. I will not tell you how. You can figure that out for yourself. "

He kicked himself off the wall, and with slow movements, he slid his fingers around my neck and placed a soft kiss on the corner of my lips before walking away.

I stood there for a long time in thought. His kiss left me with an icy shiver. It didn't feel like a loving kiss; it felt empty and dead. I spent the rest of the night trying to think of how I could prove to him I wanted to be with him.

It was just as the sun was rising, starting a new school day, that it clicked. Surprisingly, I wasn't tired at all when I walked into school after having stayed up all night sitting on the bridge. I think my brain was on overdrive and after what I was going to do today, I just knew I wouldn't be sleeping again tonight.

I waited until lunch, when all my friends—and all the people who liked to chill near us to make it look like they knew us, but in reality we did not know who they were—were all gathered around me. Zhan was talking with Ji Li in the centre of the crowd. I had Yu Bin to converse with until I built up enough courage to do what I was going to do.

Yu Bin did not know what I had in mind. I played to tell him, to see what he'd think of it. But I didn't want him to convince me to back out, because other than this idea, I couldn't come up with any other way to drill it into Zhan's brain that I genuinely was serious about us this time.

I tapped my foot anxiously against the pavement. Oh man, if I hadn't done it now, I wouldn't have been able to. So I jumped up onto the nearest picnic table, where a few people were still eating their lunches. I apologized for standing on one of their sandwiches, but they just waved me off with a smile.

Hey everyone, I, erm, I took a deep breath, my foot still tapping. "I just wanted to say something." I yelled over the noise, which was getting quieter and quieter until it was dead quiet and everyone was looking at me closely.

"Hey," I said, awkwardly. I looked over at Yu Bin for support, to find him making weird gestures at me which I think meant what the hell are you doing?

I smiled at him nervously. I just wanted to make something clear to everyone, so I can feel better about myself.… I guess. Or, you know, more accepting of myself.?

Everyone's eyebrows furrowed at that. "See I've come to the realisation that, erm, that I like a…person, " I stuttered out. My bravery was getting smaller and smaller with every stupid word that came out of my mouth.

"And that person likes me back, and I've been a bit shitty to them because, well, I was trying to understand my feelings. It took me a while but, I think I've figured it out now."

"Everyone knows how much I appreciate the female anatomy," a few people cheered and clapped at my words. A few random arms fist pumped the air. I swallowed, fearing the life of my popularity as I said, "But I have also come to find that I also appreciate the male anatomy."

My eyes found Meng's at the back of the crowd. who had a hand over her mouth. It didn't seem to be anything other than a surprise.

"I need to apologise to a few girls, who I may have led on purely out of keeping myself from accepting how I feel for this guy that, frankly, puts up with a lot of my shit and I'm still failing to see why."

I sought Zhan's gaze then. I could always find him in a crowd of a thousand people, and that made me smile momentarily. But what made me grin was the plain shock that had set into his features. I was afraid it was going to become permanent if he didn't relax soon.

"So you're gay?" A voice shouted from the crowd.

"Uh, bisexual. I think. I don't know, who needs labels?" I shrugged. It was silent for what felt like an eternity. All these wide-eyed teenagers staring up at me were making my skin crawl. And then suddenly there was a loud cheer from a small group of guys somewhere in the centre, which then strengthened into synchronised clapping throughout the entire crowd. A few people walked away with wrinkled foreheads, but I focused more on the positive.

"So, who's the lucky guy?" I heard from my left.

"Yeah Yibo, who's the lucky guy?' My eyes shot back to Zhan, who was watching me with a smug grin. I smiled at his question, dropping my head in embarrassment before looking back up at him.

"You know exactly who it is, you bastard." He smiled, hiding his eyes with his hand. People began pushing him forward through the crowd and then continued to lift him onto the picnic table alongside me.

There was laughter and cheering all around us, but above everything there was chatter. You just knew this was going to be spread around the school in no time.

But hey, I didn't care. It was out now. Zhan was smiling again. He was smiling. The way he used to when we were together. And it was real. I missed that so much and I couldn't even explain how great it felt to see it again.

He punched me gently in the shoulder.

"You're an idiot."

"What, you didn't like it?"

"No, I just didn't expect it."

I pressed my lips together to keep the smiles at bay. You're blushing. I elbowed him, and he elbowed me back, falling into my side clumsily and almost sending us toppling off the side of the table. I kept us upright, thankfully.

"You're sweating," he pointed out in return. I wiped my forehead with my sleeve.

"Do you blame me? That's the ballsiest I have ever fucking done!"

"Is it?" That look was back in his eyes; the playful, flirty look that darkened his features. He moved in closer, but kept his arms by his side as our faces neared the collision. He angled his lips, so they were positioned just slightly out of reach of my own.

"Want to do something ballsier?" He whispered. I arched an eyebrow and smirked at one corner of my lips. The crowd went silent once they realised what was about to happen.

"Jesus Christ," my voice was ragged. I wasn't sure if I should have felt so turned on right now, but I was. I licked my lips and let myself fall forward just enough for my mouth to collide with Zhan's, which soon morphed into a dirty kiss with tongue and wandering hands.

Everyone was screaming and shouting and I heard a voice above them all that sounded a lot like Yu Bin saying, "Alright, yo, this ain't no free show! You wanna watch, you gotta pay, get your wallets out!"

It was just like him to take any opportunity he could to make some side cash

Eventually, we took a breather, chuckling in the space between us. Zhan leaned back enough to catch my gaze. "I still don't forgive you." He deadpanned.

I shoved him off the side of the table and he fell into the crowd who caught him in time, before he crashed into the concrete. I jumped down to where he was standing. "Yeah, you do." I said, voice low and content.

He paused for a moment, eyes wandering over my face. "Yeah." He smirked. "Yeah, I do".

I love you, I whispered; I love you more; he replied as he pecked me.