An Unplanned Trip

I felt like nothing to her and I wanted to be something I started overdoing myself.

Getting depressed under the same roof, wishing to cuddle her at night, sleepless night about how I can turn back the hands of time and control the past, i needed an escape from her so bad but I wasn't in the mood for another encounter.

I cut out almost everyone I know and left only few important once I feel she's comfortable with just to study her.

She's the first one to make me feel so much impulse to wait and see, she amuses me and I was wanting to see what it is that she has or is capable of doing to me that nobody has, at that  moment, while we were entangled..

In the sheet, she felt so peaceful in my arm that I felt like I recovered all the love I have lost in years, she felt like  the peace I left my father's house seeking for.

She felt like the home I have been searching relentlessly, tirelessly for all this years of flings and flirt, she felt like the solitude I seek that got me so addicted to crack so much, she felt like the antidote to the withdrawal that almost ruined the best part of me everyday..

I had no choice but to make her my home, my safe place, my hide out and oh it started off as a very blissful idea, nothing could be compared to the peace her presence provides,.

The way I feel when I am around her and just randomly gisting with her,.

I don't do anything to stop my beating heart, each time she decides to gift me her tempting smile, that has a very deep dimples, and a cute gap teeth in the front.

It became addictive, i got addicted to another kind of drugs, to her skin, her smell, her breath, her hair, her eyes, everything that looks her and rendered her perfect, and whatever she does affect my existence greatly,.

Funny and I know that might be sounding a little creepy, but I love in a very scary way, not toxic pasay, but addictive very very, and I memorize her smell, everything about her, is something I can never forget...

  And her personality amuses me, her kind of person is rare but also confusing,.

I don't think i would for one come across anybody who is as confusing as Eva, which is what made me make up my mind that I need to dissappear somewhere far, i needed my absence to be felt so badly.

Hmmmmmmm,

Me easily forgetting its already a world of technology and you interact through different means, well as painful as it is.

I cried so much I felt like I was loosing half of my heart while making a decision to travel to go see my mother,

I was going to see my family but I felt like I am leaving my home, empty and unprotected, for some weird reason I wanted to stay back.

I just wanted any little excuse to stay back and be with her, oh Eva "perdition take her"  it took me too long to come up to the decision that I have to fight for what's mine and if going away is the price I will pay for me to have her for myself then I am ready to pay the crucial part.

I am ready to play this crazy game fate throws at me this time around, but it took alot of me and just like typical life itself, she was out on a date the day i was at the verging and raging down tears,.

I wanted her there but also I was glad she was away, ibapcked so much as two clothes I need,.

I did not really bring much and all I have to do is ask I would get a cloth to wear out, so I picked the most favorite clothes I like most in her closet just two of them,

Stuff it in my back pack and I told my self I have all the room to leave now or I won't be able to do it ever, and dispite the fact that it was dark and it's so cold outside,.

I sent her a text, telling her I am gone and I kept the key safe, being the typical cold personality she is, all I got was, okay safe trip....

I felt my world coming apart one more time as her simple text message got to me so much, I kept begging my feet to do better than dragging itself and run, walk a bit faster,.

I can't contain the pain crawling like this i needed to do better than this, my eyes can do better than removing so much water, i felt like an ocean, was it less than a text message that did this to me or the expectation I already subconsciously built up for Eva.

The feeling of wanting to be loved to so bad, wanting to be seen, and until I got to a car park and boarded I felt blind and limb.

I was only holding on to my phone hoping her name pops up the screen, for I have forgiven her already and I miss her voice badly u felt like I left the  best part of me behind, when her  name Indeed showed up,.

She called to know if I was able to board a bus, after the confirmation she hunged up and I sorrowfully put back on my music and flood the bus some more, until I got to my destination I couldn't find a single reason to be happy,

That was when I infact knew that I made a huge mistake by leaving and when I thought of how far apart we are I felt like a loser, a complete fool,.

I went just two days without hearing her voice before I started calling so much like a part of my life is with her,.

I made sure she tells me every single details about her day and often make her sit alone without interacting to her siblings because our calls last until our both card is finished,

She as my everything and I felt I don't deserve her for there's no way I can show her enough of how much I love her or say what I feel to her ears while I look into her beautiful eyes.