B-8. Fake Happiness

THIS CHAPTER IS OPTIONAL READING! Few plot relevant things happen.

Facilier's Voodoo Emporium

"Perfect!" Facilier proclaimed after finishing his disguise. "I hereby dub thee… Wendell Berry!"

He had dyed Wendy's hair purple and tied it in a ponytail. She wore a large white scarf, a white jacket over a black T-shirt, blue shorts over black skin-tight pants, and white boots. "So, how do I look?" Wendy asked, posing with her fists touching her hips.

"You look like Mulan Ping." Carla said with disbelief.

"Almost, you gotta sound like a boy." Facilier said.

"Like this?" Wendy said with a rougher voice.

"The sex change was a success!" Sonny jumped.

"I can't even tell the difference!" Donna cheered.

They both wore devilish looks, holding their hammers ready. "There's just one final test!"

"Ahhhh!" Wendy yelped, covering her pelvic area.

"We ain't doin' THAT much!" Facilier laughed. "True, there is a spell that can change yo' gender, but I don't think Wendy wants that, does she?"

"This all seems a tad excessive." Carla said. "If the Government makes money off of Glitzville's fights, wouldn't they broadcast it on TV?"

"Of course they would! But how'll you be convinced without seein' it in real life? We goin' to Glitzville, and 'long as Wendell stays in disguise, no one'll ever suspect."

"It's not so bad." Wendy twisted her body to view her sides. "It feels kinda comfy."

"You don't actually like dressing as a boy, do you?" Carla asked.

"No, of course not!!" She flushed.

"HALRIGHT!" Facilier stretched and crackled his fingers. "Who's ready to APPARATE?"

"Not me!!" Wendy wept.

"Then it's GOOD that we ain't doing that! Sadly, Glitzville never stays in one zone, so no one can ever Apparate to it perfectly. Luckily, I have mah own way of goin' 'ere."

"Not another Knight Bus…" Carla dreaded the idea.

"Let's go up to the kiddies' room, it's in there." Facilier climbed the ladder to the ceiling hatch as the others followed. They crossed the narrow passage between the beds, then Facilier unveiled a secret door in the opposite wall. In this dark, secret room, the witch-doctor climbed into a roundish container-like thing, with room for Wendy, the Ice Climbers, and the small kitten.

"Mr. Facilier, what is this?" Wendy asked.

"Are we in a magic cauldron?" Sonny inquired.

"Will we be baked with carrots and onions?" Donna followed.

"For some reason, our game has fresh vegetables on snowy tundras." Both twins chorused.

"Everybody buckled in?" Facilier began. "Then awaaaay WE GO!"

The daylight shone on them when the ceiling opened, and the thing they were in uplifted to the air. They came out of a hatch on a building roof, riding a giant black hat with Facilier's crossbones on it. A balloon that looked like an inflatable Facilier, with a creepy grinning face and googly eyes, emerged from the hat and allowed them to float above the clouds. "WHOOOOOAAA!" Sonny and Donna gaped.

"W…We're flying!" Wendy exclaimed with purest delight. "We're actually flying!!"

"If you consider this 'flying.'" Carla remarked. "What is that unsightly balloon?"

"Oh, one of my customers made that." Facilier noted. "She's, uh… She's an odd one, all right. Ahem, excuse the late introductions. Kids, thank you for choosing Facilier Airlines as your method of travel. Please keep all hands inside the hat, and as faithful passengers, it is your job to keep watch for any birds that threaten our balloon in any way."

"Ha ha ha!" Wendy looked over the edge and viewed the amazing landscape that stretched for miles. Carla sat on her head to look with her. "This view is so wonderful! It's so much better than riding one of those scary ships."

"Yes, you mentioned you piloted one of the KND's aircrafts once." Carla recalled. "How on Earth would you know how?"

"I… kinda didn't." Wendy blushed. "Just decided to wing it. This must be nothing to you though, Carla. You get to fly all the time."

"Not so much with your heavy body."

"Hey, I'm not that heavy!! I mean… I would think I lose a lot of weight with all the running I do…"

"Perhaps, but I'm still much smaller than you are."

Wendy felt a light tinge of guilt in her heart. She brought up the question. "Carla… do you ever want to fly away and… look for your family?"

"What do you mean?"

"W-Well… I feel like we're just keeping you with us when… you seem like you can fly perfectly. You could… look for your home yourself."

"Maybe. But I already told you I'm not too concerned about finding my home. I'm perfectly happy with helping you, Child."

"Heheh… Still, if you wanted to fly on your own, now would be a good chance. And since you're a cat, you can protect us from birds!"

"Hm, it all works perfectly, doesn't it?" Carla smirked. "Although I've never had a craving for birds or fish. But perhaps-"

"Actually, y'all might wanna buckle in now." Facilier said as he put on pilot's goggles. "We won't catch up to Glitzville at this rate. Entering JET Mode!" The doctor pulled a lever, retracting the balloon and transforming the hat into a black jet. Its engines revved up, and ZOOOOM.

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!" Wendy felt her flesh pull away from her face when the plane flew at a thousand miles per hour.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEE!" The Ice Climbers were no doubt enjoying it.

"MISTER FACILIER, IS THIS REALLY A BETTER ALTERNATIVE TO A KNIGHT BUS?" Carla cried, clutching Wendy's ponytail.

"WE ALMOST THERE!" Facilier shouted, checking a compass inside a glass sphere that was labeled Glitzville. There were holographic mile numbers counting down. "Give it five minutes… three… 10 seconds… REVERT!"

He hit the lever, and the jet stopped and transformed to a balloon so suddenly, they felt their flesh fly frontwards instead of back. Carla was blown forward, but she flapped her wings and recomposed herself. "Errrrgh!" She shook her disheveled fur. "I swear, your actions will be the death of us, and when that time comes, I…!" Carla gaped at the floating mass before them. Wendy and the Climbers shared the expression.

It was a bright and lively city on an island hovering in the sky using four rockets on its bottom. The buildings were small and consisted of mostly shops and restaurants. There was a hotel, and close to it, on the island's center, was a huge building that was designed in a Chinese style, and the label over the entrance read GLITZ PIT.

The hot-air balloon landed in a parking lot of other such balloons, which bore fun designs like a star with beady eyes, a banana, and the Pokémon Meowth. "Kids, welcome to Glitzville!" Facilier announced. "I hope my secrecy wasn't too much, but you have to admit, it was a fun-"

"BUUUEEEEEEH!" Wendy threw up over the city's railing.

"Oh, right…" Facilier sweatdropped.

"Bleh…" Wendy's barfing receded, but her face was still green. "If this city keeps moving… I don't think I…"

"Sigh… Well, hopefully this can help ya get adjusted. Troia!" Facilier cast the spell on Wendy's stomach. The twisted feeling vanished and her face returned to peach color.

"Phew… thanks. Alright, then." Wendy brushed the loose end of her scarf behind her and looked stalwartly. "It's time for Wendell Berry's adventure in Glitzville!"

Somewhere else in town

"AH HA HA hahahahaha!" The trio of Jessie, James, and Meowth came out of a clothing store named Glitz Gear. "This town is truly the most wonderful place over Planet Earth!" Jessie proclaimed cheerfully, clothed in gorgeous pink garb, a sun hat, and reddish-pink sunglasses. "It was so nice of the boss to give us extra money for capturing that Mika woman!"

"Sure, but I was hopin' we'd blow it off on more grub." Meowth said as he and James were carrying bags of many clothes. "Not these useless rags. Besides, shouldn't we be tryin' to hunt the Firstborn like da boss wanted?"

"We will, of course." Jessie replied perkily. "We'll make great disguises out of these clothes. I even bought outfits for the Twilight Town the boss told us about. But who's to say we can't enjoy a little off time and watch some gladiator fights?"

"If the Glitz Pit has any rare Pokémon, it might be worth our while to nab some after they're exhausted from battle." James smirked. "We could dress like backstage guards and make our move then."

"Holy smokes!" Meowth exclaimed, pointing forward. "Look at dat!"

There was a trim witch-doctor in dark skinny clothes, walking with a purple-haired boy with a ponytail, who was walking beside a white cat with wings, walking on her hind legs and wearing a dress with a tie. "Oh, my. That wasn't in the brochure." Jessie said with interest. "What is that?"

"She's da most beautiful mammal I ever set my eyes on." Meowth proclaimed with hearts for eyes.

"But what kind of creature is she? A Pokémon?" James asked.

"This world has a lot of creatures that look like Pokémon, but really aren't." Jessie replied. "Even so, she looks especially different. I think she's worth stealing just because."

"Poifect!" Meowth smirked. "Let's make use o' dese disguises and follow 'em! We'll swipe dat cat when they's least suspecting!"

"I'm going ahead to check out the arena." Dr. Facilier told the children and cat. "Feel free to look around, but meet me at the arena in an hour, kids. And don't forget to watch yourselves." The doctor walked ahead and vanished in the crowds.

"So, where do you want to go first, Carla?" Wendy asked with her disguised voice. "That candy shop looks tasty."

"Dear, must you talk like that to me?" Carla asked.

"What? He said to watch ourselves. I sound enough like a boy, don't I? Wait wait, let me just… ahem." She cleared her throat. "Testosterone."

"…" Carla stared in disbelief. "Charming."

"Wendy, Wendy!" Sonny bounced over. "I mean, Wendell, Wendell! There's a picture of you, I mean her-you!"

Wendy and Carla walked over to a board of wanted posters. There were ones of Augustus Fizzuras, King K. Rool, Marine the Raccoon, Mandy McKenzie, and Wendy herself. "As citizens of our fair world, it is everyone's duty to report any sightings of these criminals." The nearby speaker spoke. "Any help in capturing these dangerous felons is greatly appreciated, and your lives will be less worrisome. Simply reporting the criminals will earn you rewards; we know you humans of average strength will never last one second against such monsters."

"If he's talking about me, too, I guess I should feel honored." Wendy said.

"However, the girl with the red eyes is more annoying than she is monstrous. There is a difference."

"Well, that's discouraging." Wendy drooped.

"You're not planning to hunt any of these guys, are you?" a boy's voice asked.

"GYAH!" Wendy leapt and whipped around. A familiar boy with dark purple hair and an open vest was behind her. "Romeo- I mean… Boy I've Never Seen!"

"Uh…" Romeo stared at her weirdly. "Have we met?"

"N-No… I…I'm new in town." She said in her guy voice.

"Me too." he replied with a grin. "My school organized a sort of study trip, and I always wanted to come here, so…"

"I'm here to study, too. I heard the arena has magical creatures. Is that true?"

"Not so much as 'magic' creatures, but creatures that… normal humans wouldn't see on a day-to-day basis. Hehe, I just wanna see 'em beat each other up!" Romeo snickered. "Um… Say, you do look kind of familiar. You sure we haven't met?"

"N-No, I…I've never seen you anywhere."

"Oh, well maybe it's just me. I'm Romeo."

"I'm Wend…Wendell Berry. Y-Yeah. There isn't anyone in the world with that name, hehe. Uh, did you wanna look at these?" She stepped away from the posters.

"Oh, I was just a little curious." Romeo approached and skimmed the posters. "It's not like I plan to hunt…?" One poster caught his attention. He took down Wendy's. "Hold on, I know this girl. Didn't I meet her…"

"S-Sorry, I gotta be someplace." Wendy said quickly. "See you later!" She walked away, and Romeo stared after her curiously.

"Sigh… I hate being wanted." The girl sighed sadly. "Er, I mean, I hate being wanted this way… Wait, Carla? W-Where'd you…"

"I'm over here." The kitten was behind the trashcan near the candy shop. "I figured that boy would recognize you if I were around."

"Good point. Well, let's check out this shop."

The shelves inside the colorful store were lined with yummy chocolates, lollipops, and candies Wendy has never seen. The glass shelves at the counter had cupcakes and pies that made her eyes light up. "Ooooohhh…" She pressed her face to a glass case on the counter, her mouth watering. It had a cupcake twice as large, which was sky blue with golden icing. "So tastyyyy…"

"Do you even have money?" Carla asked.

"Mr. Facilier lends me his daily profits. I save a lot. Excuse me," She looked over the empty counter, "does anyone run this store?"

"I do, of course!" A small fairy flew up on the counter, with blue hair, a blue tuxedo, and adorable red eyes. "My name's Sally, the Salesman Sugar Fairy!"

"A Sugar Fairy?" Wendy asked, adored by her cute appearance. "You really own this store?"

"I do, of course! I may be small, but I do business! That's why I wear a suit. I need to make big money, so I can live in this big big world!"

"You're so cute!" Wendy flushed and folded her hands. "I'll be happy to give you my money! How much is this cupcake?"

"Two million moneys!"

"Ehh. . ." Wendy felt her relatively empty pockets.

"Tee hee hee! That's why I mostly use it to attract customers. 'Course, if you wanted to buy it, now is your time. We're shipping it somewhere else!"

"I'm sorry… I don't have enough. Does your store sell ice cream?"

"Why, of course! Would you like Flutternut, Burpleberry, or Sunny 'Light?"

"They all sound so adorable! I'll take them all!"

"I think I should handle the money." Carla said. "Perhaps just Sunny 'Light."

The duo exited the restaurant, both licking orange ice cream that lit in the sun and gave them a delightful sensation. "For a city that's government-protected, it doesn't actually seem that scary." Wendy commented.

"I agree. Although, in spite of the fact they're hunting you, I can't specifically name anything that would make them 'scary.' Even a worldwide government with secret intentions would want to keep its citizens happy. Just look at all of them. Families and friends, buying and eating treats… In my best opinion, if a government wanted to have supreme order and rule, the best way to do that would be to allow its people to live happily and with no apparent turmoil."

"So, even if this city looks happy, there's actually a hidden sadness… Is that what you're trying to say?"

"Mmm hm… Of course, my knowledge is only based on cheap science-fiction. If a town like this had anything that could be interpreted as remotely sad, what do you think it would be?"

"Mmmm… uhhh…" Wendy looked around the lively and colorful city. She felt that Carla was implying the answer was obvious. After a few seconds, her eyes focused on one building. "The Glitz Pit? Y-Yeah, that would make sense." Wendy quickly formed the pieces in her mind. "People come here to watch people and creatures fight. Do you think some of those fighters feel good about this? Like, if they're forced to fight?"

"Very good. Now our good doctor is trying to get us seats." Carla turned to face the arena. "Don't you find any of this a bit suspicious?"

"What're you talking about?"

"I mean Mister Facilier. First, he took us to Orchid Bay, a town in which half of the population was shrouded under a Veil. The citizens were blindly living happy lives, unaware that monsters walked alongside them. In the end, just look at what happened."

"But Carla, that was all an accident." Wendy stated, still feeling guilty about the events. "And plus, most of those monsters weren't evil. They were just afraid of being judged."

"My point is, Wendy, if our theory about the arena is correct, then this town has its own shroud of fake happiness. So I find it suspicious that Facilier would want to take us to these places. I have a feeling that what happened in Orchid Bay wasn't completely an accident."

"Are you saying he planned for all that? But Carla, that's crazy!" Wendy flailed her arms to imply her logic, causing a few droplets to fall from her ice cream. "You would have to suggest Facilier knew Gruntilda was going to show up, and she's the reason the Veil tore down!"

"I know, it all sounds weird to me too, but what if at the end of this day, Glitzville goes falling from the sky?"

"You're being ridiculous!" She stomped her foot. "Mister Facilier is nice to me, and he would never trick me into doing something like that! I don't think he had any idea what would've happened in Orchid Bay, as much as I did!"

"How could you not be even a little suspicious of him, Child? Apparently, he let you run around aimlessly for 11 years, but decided to 'adopt' you out of the blue. If I were him, I would've taken you in my home instantly."

"I know that, but…but he told me it was part of my dad's plan! And if it all went well, I would get to meet him, and my mom, too!"

"I wouldn't give 10 whiskers about some plan, because I would be a bit more furious at them for putting me through all that!"

"Nngh…" Wendy bit her lower lip. She looked away. "I don't wanna talk about this. I trust Mr. Facilier…"

"Hey Wendell, hey Carl!" Sonny and Donna skipped over. "(We gave you a name too, Car!) We bought these hotdogs with super-spicy hotsauce!" Sonny held both delicacies.

"I got balloons and a Rawk Hawk mask!" Donna was wearing a mask of a yellow bird man, with big golden hair.

"This town's so happy and awesome, we don't ever wanna leave!"

"And when we see people beat each other up, we'll love it even more!"

"WHAT COULD GO WRONG?" both twins chorused.

"What, indeed." Carla made a sweatdrop. "We still have 40 minutes to kill until we need to go meet Facilier. What do you kids want to do?"

"I know! Let's have some Alan Rickman Rickflakes!" Donna held up a cereal box, depicting the dark-faced actor with a bowl of gray cereal. "Part of a healthy, though yucky breakfast!"

Commercial

Alan Rickman sat on a table beside his self-named cereal. His expression was grim, as was his tone. "Buy my new… Alan Rickman Rickflakes. They will fill your mornings with grain, and morbid delight. …Professor Snape…" There was an eerie pause in his voice, "commands… it…"

Glitz Pit

Dr. Facilier was sitting in the stadium's lobby. Crowds of people were piling in, excited to watch the brawls, there were guards in tuxedos patrolling, and cameramen snapping pictures of fighters who were on break. With all this activity, nobody paid mind to the suspicious witch-doctor who appeared to be grasping his knees in an impatient fashion. A brown-haired woman with black goggles and mechanical pants appeared and sat beside him.

"There you are." The doctor said. "Now, before I go through with this, he said you wanted to run the plan with me real quick."

"That's right." The woman nodded. "Here." She gave him a blank paper.

Facilier tapped his wand to the paper and said, "Aparecium." Words appeared on the paper. Facilier quickly skimmed the instructions. "How'd y'all manage to figure all this out?"

"Inside connections." The woman stood up. "Just sign her up for the contest, and the rest will work itself out."

"Whoa whoa whoa." Facilier stood up and gestured a wait. "Couple things I ain't see… One, how you expect her to win, and two, you honestly see NOTHIN' going wrong with this?"

"I trust his intuition." The woman walked away. "He's never been wrong before."

"…Sigh…" Facilier released a breath through his nose. "This comin' from the girl who got tricked by him on numerous occasions."

Negaverse

"Haaaaaaaahhh!" Sipa's eyes sparkled with purest delight. "I…I never thought… that I would have the honor of standing before one of the Six Demon Saints!" The Ganonist bowed before Medusa, who still inhabited Nerehc's body. "Lady Medusa, if you desired a vessel, my body would've been all but yours!"

"It's all right, this one felt more available." Medusa smiled passively. "His head's a little empty right now. It's a pleasure to meet you, Sipa. Any person who follows the dark arts is a good friend to me."

"Oh, the pleasure is all mine." Sipa blushed, standing back up. "But I feel I don't deserve it, considering… Well, I've kinda been slumping a lot."

"Slumping, you say?" Medusa cocked a brow.

"Well, I… A while back, my Devil's Wand was stolen from me by this other wizard. He showed me visions of… some things I did with it. For some reason, I was really afraid, because… dooming my soul to eternal damnation… didn't look as great as I thought it would. I…I didn't know what I expected it to look like. All I ever thought about was serving Ganon and torching my own soul… I don't understand why I began to feel differently."

"Hmm…" Medusa looked at the body she was possessing. Whatever force was causing everyone to forget Nerehc was affecting his girlfriend, too. Medusa needed to seize the chance. "A Devil's Wand… It's a rare sight for a child to wield such an item. How did a weapon with so dark a core choose you?"

"I got it for my -5th birthday. It was after my grandfather conducted a dark ritual where… he took a small piece of my soul and gave it to a demon called Lucifer. Then, Lucifer gave me a piece of him in return. That's how my magic abilities developed."

"So, you are acquainted with Lucifer." Medusa said with a perceptive tone. "Then it was convenient that we found you. Hm… Old Black Feathers always loved children. He found their souls to be most delicious, especially when consumed with despair. You see, we are actually trying to locate Lucifer. If you share his essence, then perhaps you can help us find him in Posiverse Mexico."

"The Posiverse? Well, I would be happy to serve you, Lady Medusa!" Sipa smiled brightly. "But why do you wish to find him?"

This question brought another one to Medusa's mind. "Sipa… do you know what's going to happen this month?"

"Uh… Something's going to happen?"

She doesn't remember that, either. Perhaps because Nerehc told everyone… "Never mind. We'll get into the details as soon as we locate Lucy."

"Yaaaaaawn." Ragus made a yawn, but her tone and expression maintained that quiet, still vibrance. "I apologize, Lady Medusa, but I feel weary. I wish to rest and visit my toys in the Dream World."

"You're dismissed, Ragus. Thanatos, carry her."

"Why am I her piggy ride?" the fat god asked as Ragus lay on her back and closed her eyes, still smiling.

"Because you are a pig." Pandora remarked emotionlessly. "That's the end of the sentence."

"Oh, fine." Thanatos picked the child up off the ground and put her over his back. "If I was in my normal form, I could just become a luxury train."

"We'll take Nerehc's DNK ship he used to fly here." Medusa decided. "I don't think his Dark Portal could cross to the Posiverse. Sipa, we'll rely on you for that once we make it to Ocixem."

Night Castle

Nerehc's new penguin friend didn't remember his own name, so Nerehc decided to call him Pennington. Still, he remembered a lot more than Nerehc did; the boy wasn't sure of his own name, nor anything else. He hoped Ragus would have answers for him.

Pennington led him to the castle's grand bedroom, where a girl was asleep on a bed with green curtains. The blanket was a night sky with stars, complimenting for Ragus's dress. "That's her." Nerehc knew on instinct. "Can we wake her up?"

"Not like this. She must sleep in the real world."

Nerehc approached and moved the curtain aside to have a better view of her. Ragus's purple eyes came open, and she sat up at a 90° angle. "Hello, visitors!"

Nerehc jumped back, startled by her sudden waking. "Ragus?"

"Oh, my new toy! You're the one Lady Medusa describes." Ragus kicked off her bed, her bare feet hitting the checkered floor. She approached him with her creepy smile. "Nerehc…"

"Nerehc? Is that my name?"

"That's what Lady Medusa calls you. But I have no idea who you are, 'Nerehc.'"

"You don't know who I am? Do you know anything about me?"

"No, I do not. Which is funny, because I knew plenty about my toys before I decided to make them what they are. After a short time being here, they begin to forget who they are themselves. Like Mr. Penguin." Ragus gestured at the stuffed British bird. "I have no idea who he is. It doesn't matter to me, though. As long as they're soft and snuggly enough to hug to sleep every night!" She hugged herself and swayed happily. "You're especially peculiar, because I forgot you right away. I can only guess something happened to your Positive."

"My Positive? What do you mean by that?"

"Hmm… I don't remember that, either. I lose track of things when I have fun."

Nerehc looked at Pennington, then back to Ragus. "Why do you do this to people, anyway?"

"It happened 12 years ago… Our house got set on fire and burned me to death. Father was so upset that he made a lifeless doll out of my remains. He pleaded the gods to give his baby girl back. Only Lady Medusa listened. She collected my soul and put me back in this unaging body. Then I became a spiritbender. I'm not sad, anymore. I don't feel pain. I thought other people would like this feeling, too. Do you like being happy, Nerehc?" Her head slanted.

"I'm not happy, I'm confused! I don't know who I am, where I come from, what I do…"

"Then… do you need… to know these things?" Ragus approached him slowly. "Nerehc… do you know what being 'confused' means?"

"I…" Nerehc touched his forehead. He remembered nothing about himself… In fact, he wasn't sure what anything was. He never noticed… how soft his head felt. He didn't know what the word 'soft' meant, the word just came up.

"Whoever you were… Nerehc… then forget about… Nerehc…" Ragus stood two inches from him. His mind only focused on her soft voice. His eyes were turning dull. "Living without sadness or conflict… is bliss… The only way to forget it all… is to forget yourself. Let your mind… and body… gray…"

Nerehc's body morphed into a wooden stick puppet that collapsed on the floor. Ragus picked it up by the arms to look at the head's two holes. "Aww… I expected something… fluffier. I guess… he really remembers… nothing. I could always sew a body on him. I wonder what he should be? A monkey? A platypus? Maybe I'll… improvise."

Bay cave near Cinnamon Jungle

"Ugh…" Stewie finally woke up, but the pain from using his Hulk form was still apparent. He noticed the small lake of ocean water that was shaking from the storm outside. They were inside a cave, very damp and dark. He then looked to the back of the cave: Augustus was rubbing a giant crocodile's tummy, Rallo was cleaning his toes, and Maggie was scrubbing his teeth. "We're sex slaves now, aren't we?"

While the other three were performing these chores, Princess Aisling was standing on a platform and smiling at their progress. "Errrrgh! You said you had a plan to get us outta here with this guy!" Augustus yelled impatiently. "Why are we suddenly his servants?!"

"Honestly, humans are so selfish." Aisling folded her arms. "This poor animal has endured horrible trauma in the past. Being forced to do things he never wanted to, I could feel all that anguish in his heart! You just made him a part of your crew. If you want to attempt to be a decent captain, you need to grow close with your crew. Mold your hearts and dreams into one. Understand them."

Augustus looked at Stewie, remembering their conversation in the jungle. He remembered snuggling with the three children like a big brother protecting them from nightmares. "My whole crew is a babysitting service." He sighed with exhaust. "So, Kuh…Lumsy." He wasn't sure which way to pronounce his name. "Are you feeling better?"

"Tee, heehee!" K. Lumsy giggled like a little kid. "I sto habbyyy! King K. Rool never rubs my tumbly. Or cleans my tootsies. Or-"

"Yeah 'kay okay okay." Augustus didn't wanna hear it out loud. "What did K. Rool make you do, anyway? You seemed pretty upset about working for them."

"I was big giant croc from big giant land. I go down to little people land and make friends. They're so cuuuute. But den dey got scared of me, and be'd mean to me, and dey hurt me, and den, sniff, boo hoo hoo hooooooo!"

K. Lumsy put hands over his sobbing eyes, and his shaking caused Augustus to lose balance and fall on his back on the giant's belly. "(Honestly, I wanna feel sympathy for this guy, but it's hard to.)" Augustus said to himself.

K. Lumsy sniffled before speaking again. "Den K. Rool came and said I could join his Krew. I dought he wanted to make friends, but he dust wanted be to be mean. I didn't want to be mean, so he be'd mean to me. Why is everybody so meeeaaan?"

Why do YOU have a particular choice in letters? Augustus thought to himself. The captain got on his hands and knees to feel more stable on the croc's belly. "Klumsy, I can tell you're a big softy who doesn't really like violence or hurting people. I said that I wouldn't make you fight, and even though I was in kind of a rush, I don't wanna go back on that. But I need my crew to be at their very best. I need you to be strong, not just to fight for us, but to protect us."

"Bud I…I scared! I don't like people being mean to me. I don't wike being mean to people…"

"Sigh, I don't know what to tell you, Big Guy." Augustus took out his dried lollipop and threw it away. "But here's how I look at it: if people push you around, sometimes you gotta push back. You might live by that moral with 'Sticks and Stones', and something about words, you might be proud of who you are and choose to show restraint… but sooner or later, you need to fight. If it's to defend yourself or to defend your friends, you aren't a bad guy for choosing to fight. Pacifists may act like they're pure of heart, but often times, they get their selves killed for being what they are. You don't have to like fighting, but it doesn't mean you can avoid it."

"But…But dou said.."

"I said that I wouldn't make you fight, and I won't. You have to choose to fight yourself. The best thing I can do for you as captain is let you choose."

"Bud I…I afwaid to fight… If I don't fight… will you be mean to be?"

I would hate to see your dialogue written out. Augustus thought. "No, I'm not going to be mean to you. I might yell orders or get mad at you, but I ain't gonna be cruel like those K. Rool fools. So are you willing to fight to protect your new friends?"

"New… fwiends…" K. Lumsy sat his head up to face the little captain on his belly. "I wike… new fwiends…"

Augustus pulled out a lollipop, unwrapped it, and held it out to K. Lumsy. "New friends get lollipops. You want one?"

The giant reptile stared adorably at the little sweet. Augustus figured a big baby like him would love these things. He tossed the candy, which Klumsy gomped into his mouth.

They heard small splashing sounds, and Stewie was the first to see the robotic fish leaping out of the water. "Guys, we have trouble!" Stewie whipped out a ray gun and began shooting.

"Crud, they musta found us." Augustus jumped off Klumsy and began chucking his Gobstopper at the robots, while Rallo boomed his stereos. "Fairy Brat, now would be a great time to do this plan o' yours!"

Aisling jumped onto K. Lumsy's belly and faced the croc. "I'm a little weak on magic as I am, Mr. Lumsy, so in order for this to work, I need your word that you will protect us with all of your willpower."

"By new friends are nice to be… K. Lumsy won't let meanies hurt them…"

"Wonderful." Aisling reached behind her and grabbed a book that was stuck to her back, and otherwise hidden by her long white hair. Aisling sat on the giant's belly and read a passage from Kells' Book of Spells. "The young cub hides… in his cave from the dark… When the sun comes, the li…on… roars…" Aisling shone with an energy that flowed into K. Lumsy. The giant felt power coursing through his veins. "Though the Earth's rage doth burn, all the land, green, and bark… The waves can't… push… yon… is…land's… shore…"

Outside, the Silver Bullet was standing on the cliff of the bay, withstanding the storm. "Captain." She spoke to her communicator. "My Aqua Drones found them inside a secret cave, just around the northern point."

"Excellent work, me wee Penny. By the time this storm clears, we'll be the first crew ter nab them!"

"If we could get the sub ready, I'll be happy to catch them myself. They don't seem to have any… Wait." She looked at the screen on her wristwatch, taken from one of the Aqua Drones. "It looks like they're doing something. What kind of…"

Silver Bullet looked at the side of the bay where they were hidden. Suddenly, something burst out of the sea and began speeding across the surface like a speedboat, against the storms. K. Lumsy had gained a sudden boost in strength, and his arms moved like propellers as he swam. The four Marzipans held tight to his back, while Aisling squatted on the back of his head and faced forward with an excited smile. Her long white hair blew like a cape behind her. "Against the raging sea and unforgiving winds, find your true strength, noble beast!" the fairy declared.

"I have to admit, this is pretty awesome!" Augustus pushed up on all fours for a better view of the stormy horizon. The lightning glinted off his sunglasses. "You really think we can make it like this?"

"It will not be far, now!" Aisling yelled confidently. "Soon, we will reach the home of the Sugar Fairies! The Sugar Fairy Kingdom, where the Sugar Fairy Princess dwells! The Sugar Deserts!"

Through a hole in the clouds above, their movements were seen by an Aeralfos. This Aeralfos was perched on one of many giant, metal blimps in the sky. The winged monster flew into the captain's quarters. "Your Highness, the Marzipan Pirates have begun to move. Should we signal Captain Mandy?"

"No." The woman said. She was clad in black armor, had long and messy black hair, and wore a nightmarish smirk. "I like my prey when it's good and warm. We'll chase them ourselves. And wherever they plan to hide, we'll burn it to the ground."

Captain of the Boogey Pirates' Flame Division

Mandy's spiritual sister

"The Blue Demolisher"

AZULA

Glitzville

After the hour had passed, Wendy, Carla, and the Ice Climbers were on their way to the Glitz Pit. They merged with the crowds coming and going, and Jessie, James, and Meowth kept their sights on the purple-haired "boy" who was with the winged cat, clad in fashionable disguises.

"Today's battles in the Glitz Pit are brought to you by Fegan Floop, the host of popular children's show, Floop's Fooglies!" There was a screen that depicted a colorful, dizzying dimension where creatures of odd appearances were dancing on flying balls. The camera zoomed up to the show's host, a man with standing brown hair, wearing a patterned shirt under a red robe. The edges of the robe were yellow with red leaf designs. "Saturday mornings on Cartoon Network Real, from 9am to 12pm!"

"Mister Facilier!" Wendy spotted the tall doctor in the hat and ran over. Facilier turned and greeted the girl happily.

"Wendell! There's my gir- uh, boy! I'm glad you could make it, 'cause have I got a surprise for you!"

"Really? What is it?" Wendy was excited.

"Well, you know I told y'all we would be watching the fights to study the magic creatures, right?"

"Uh…" Wendy glanced at Carla briefly, "Yeah?"

"Well, I mighta left out a little bitty detail." Facilier grinned, as though eager to deliver this news. "You will not only study them, but you will do so up close and personal. You see-"

"Is DIS the boy named Wendell Berry?" A security guard marched up and asked.

"Yes, Sir, this is the Wendell Berry I mentioned."

"Great. Then follow me, Kid." The guard gestured back with his thumb. "Once you're set up in da locker room, we'll getchor first match set up."

"SAY WHAT?!" Wendy panicked. ("Beg your pardon?!" followed Carla.)

"You're a professional fighter now!" Facilier cheered. "Congratulations!"

"We'll bet everything on the other guy!" the twins chorused.

A dirty building in Miracle City

In a hotel that was as run-down as this, you would be surprised even a single mirror was still in one piece. This very mirror was used as the portal for Sipa, Medusa, and her cohorts to climb into the Posiverse. Thanatos had trouble squeezing his fat body through, then he reached in to grab the still-slumbering Ragus.

"It took forever to find an active mirror in Disaster City." Sipa moaned. "Which is ironically one of the most beautiful cities in the Negaverse. Are you sure the gods wouldn't notice us like this?"

"There's a reason this city is called 'The Gods' Blind Spot.'" Medusa remarked. "There's too much negative energy here. Alright, Sipa… help us locate Lucifer."

Sipa held her Devil's Wand with both hands and took a breath. "Point Me Lucifer." Instantly, the wand thrusted to her right.

The group left the building and followed the wand's direction out of the city. The sky was red as the burning sun set. They walked for miles across the desert sand, sweating under the heat. Thanatos tugged on Eigaoh's clothes, which felt stuck to his skin. "I bet now you expect me to make some 'spatula' joke."

"Yes, but since you're inhabiting the Negative, I expect you to actually make it good." Pandora remarked. "Medusa, are you really sure about trusting this little twerp?"

"She has a Devil's Wand." Medusa reminded. "It was crafted by demons and only listens to wizards who made connections with demons. I know only one other person who possesses one and is still alive. But he probably won't be willing to help us. Sipa, however, she's very cooperative. Isn't she?"

"I sure am, Lady Medusa!" Sipa turned to them with a big smile. After facing forward, she frowned, feeling more nervous as they drew closer.

After the sun went down, they went from hot to chilly. The clothes soaked from sweat didn't contribute to this. The gods didn't like being human at all. Eventually, the Devil's Wand led them to a cave inside a huge rock that looked like a small mountain. It was dark, but Sipa didn't bother lighting it with her magic. Instead, the girl got to her knees, placed the wand horizontally on the ground before her, and folded her hands. "O Angel of the Black Wing, the one banished by Arceus… I beseech thee, allow us to speak to you."

The cave turned so black, even the entrance was invisible. A pair of red eyes appeared on a black mass, whose body was only implied by purple streaks. Lucifer spoke in a dark voice. "You better not be here to make fun of me, Medusa."