F-19. Diamond Is Clearly Breakable

Boss fight: Czar Baldy Bald III

"What kind of chapter title is that?" Baldy Bald asked.

"Darn it! I'm two weeks late for this battle!" Zach cried, dashing up a sidewalk with a backpack on. "If I don't hurry, Maddy will get the first attack!"

"You snooze, you lose, Bro!" Maddy retorted, running ahead of him. "Today is when I defeat a Darkness!"

"But almost all the Darknesses were beaten by girls, if we don't give boys more screentime, we'll lose 1/80th of our fanbase!"

"Not if I do this fight in a swimsuit!" Maddy changed into a blue one-piece.

"SO PRETTY!!" The boys of Sector W gawked.

Baldy Bald was on the defensive. "Super Fist of Purple Magic: Girl-Loving And Not The Good Way Flowers!" He conjured a field of violet lilies. "This way, I can at least take the girl out when they get here. I'll need to use a different strategy with Zach."

"Super Fist of the Fool, Get Their First Springy Shoes!" Zach donned spring shoes, kicked off a wall, and blasted toward Maddy like a rocket. "The First Strike goes to m-"

Zach CRASHED into Jar Jar Blinks, his bomback lips smooching his whole face. They rolled on the ground, hit Maddy and caught her in their ball, and Zach's springs pressed against the edge of Baldy's foothold. "WHOA HOOOOooooo…" They sprung all the way back to Planet Laer.

"…Uh…" Baldy stared.

CUT!

"Okay, NOW I'm ready for you, Baldy Bald!" Zach declared. "And this swimsuit looks better on me!" He was wearing his sister's one-piece.

"I'm burning it after this." Mad said.

"That's fine! Because NOW my Girl-Loving Flowers will attack YOU!" On the czar's command, the violet lilies clung to Zach from all angles.

"Huh?! No, please, I'm not ready to fertilize! I never studied botanology!"

"Too bad! You'll have to work at a green house to pay for childcare!"

"He will pay for NO child of yours!" announced a girl.

"Says WHO?!"

Hallelujah! Mako raised a contract in a spotlight. "Zach promised his first baby to me! Legally, if he gives it to a plant, he is ordered to dress in a Japanese schoolgirl uniform and sell ricecakes to Indians!"

"And I don't want that!" Zach said.

"You guys are thinking too far ahead!" Maddy shouted.

"Enough of this!" Baldy growled. "Lily self-destruct!" The flowers exploded and swallowed the kids in a cloud of pollen. "This pollen will cause mushrooms to grow from your skin! You'll be chopped to bits and sold to drug-addicts in back alleys."

The pollen cleared, exposing the three as Italian plumbers. "You weren't supposed to BECOME the drug-addicts!" Baldy freaked.

"Our plumbing business is merely a front." Zach said. "We're actually world-renowned… turtle-killers."

Anthony McKenzie had a turtle body. "HUH?! WHY ME?!"

"TURTLE SOOOOUUP!" The three kids leapt forth.

"WAAAAH! The HECK I will!" Anthony retracted in his shell and came out with missile launchers. The plumbers panicked and ran away, but missiles homed in and exploded.

Anthony turned his sights on Baldy. "NO, WAIT!" pled the czar. "I love the turtles! They make me feel fast! AAAAAHHH!" He was met by an onslaught of missiles.

Anthony blew the smoke off his launcher. "Bull's eye!"

"GET LOST, ANTHONY!" Zach kicked him skyward. "You already defeated a Darkness!"

"I admit, that was a clever trick." Baldy said. "But it can only get you so far. Super Fist of Yellow Magic: Nightmares World!"

A golden light burst from the czar's body, covering the paradox sky. "I was taught this power by Bill Cipher! In this space, your greatest fears come to life. Let's start with YOURS, Maddy! Super Fist of the Deep Blue Magic: A Thousand Years of RAIN!"

Raindrops as heavy as small rocks pounded them painfully, quickly flooding the field. "AAAH! NO, ZACH! HEL-ppppbbbbttthh…" Maddy gurgled helplessly.

"PARLEY!" Zach called. "I would like to negotiate with you, Mr. Raincloud."

"Very well, Zach." The raincloud said. "What are your terms?"

"YOU'RE NOT A PIRATE!" Baldy argued.

Hallelujah! "A pirate is a man of freedom!" Mako spoke wisely. "And if we all have free will, we are all pirates! That's why we can negotiate with anyone, even rainclouds."

"If you promise not to drown my sister," Zach reasoned, "I promise to give you free Wi-Fi with one thousand good channels for a week."

"Zach, even I think that's a ridiculous promise." Maddy said.

"Ho ho, that sounds good!" Raincloud perked up. "Does it have Alice In Wonderland?"

"SEE FOR YOURSELF, MAD CLOUD!" Zach fired Mad Hatter from a bazooka, hitting the raincloud into Baldy Bald.

"Then let's just see what YOU'RE afraid of, Zach! I'll take you to the world of your greatest fears. Starting with…!" From a puff of smoke, there spawned: "A bucket of ham beans and fish?"

"YAAAH!" Zach cried. "I dreamed that a ham bean turned me into a fish and made me work in a cup factory!"

"Where does the bucket come into play?" Maddy asked.

"WE WENT OUT OF BUSINESS because buckets were trending!"

"And it's time to put you back to work!" Baldy grabbed the bucket and started whacking Zach left and right. Zach's hair fell off in strands.

"Zach, your hair!" Maddy cried.

"As your fears overwhelm you, your body will subject to Pure Baldness. Then there will be nothing that can save you!"

"It won't be that easy! Backup Wig, come forth!" Zach threw up his arms: G.I. Joe fell and perched himself on Zach's scalp. "As long as my baldness is hidden, I'll never die of embarrassment."

"You could've chosen a better wig!"

"Don't worry, Sis. I was saving a better one for you!"

"Ooo!" Maddy looked up in bright spirits. A half-naked Jonathan Joestar landed on her head. "YAAAAAAAHHH!! Who is this naked guy?!"

"I will imbue your body with precious Hamon!" JoJo flexed his muscles.

"I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR HORMONES!"

"Hormones are half the battle!" Zach declared, swirling his G.I. Joe head around. "And since I lack knowing, it's all I have to WORK WITH!!" He BASHED Baldy with the built momentum.

"I don't think so!" Baldy drew Billy and used his big nose as a shield. "Super Fist of Lime-Green Magic: Blow Your Nose Like a LIME HOSE!" A wave of limes spewed out of the nose, each and every one hitting Zach and Mad's bodies.

"No! My allergies!" JoJo leapt and flew away like Superman.

"Knowing when to retreat is the best strategy in keeping this kid-friendly!" G.I. Joe turned on a jetpack and escaped.

"The heck you two are!" Zach yanked out a rope of nose hair from his bellybutton. "Super Fist of The Naval Nasal Hair: Go Go Joe and JoJo LASSO!" He grabbed both men with the rope, swung them around, and successfully attacked Baldy and Billy.

"Zach, was that one of Bobo's abilities?" Maddy asked. "Did you get it from the show?"

"Something like that." The lasso had a 'Not Paid For' tag on it. "By the way, this is yours." Zach ripped the tag off and chucked it at Baldy's head—it was hard as steel.

"OW! I'm not through giving you nightmares, Zach! Let's see what else rests in the darkest confines of your messed up mind!" Conjuring more Yellow Magic, Baldy summoned forth: "The Big Ben clock tower?"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Zach ducked his head, shuddering in fear. "Th-That clock… it's… one minute behind my watch!"

The Big Ben was at midnight. Zach's digital watch read 12:01. "How do I know what time it is? I could have jumped time. I could be in a future where guinea pigs are disguised like my friends and my friends fled to the Hamster Homeworld to start a rebellion! Why have you DONE this, EINSTEIN?!?" Zach grabbed the Big Ben and SMASHED Baldy Bald.

"What part did Einstein have in this?!" yelled Maddy.

"It's stated that Einstein uses a time machine to meet with other scientists across history for tea at the Big Ben every Sunday." Mako answered. "Einstein, being the prankster he is, set the clock back. And that's why humanity wasn't prepared for the guinea pig invasion."

"This story sure has a lot of complex steps."

"And naturally, we do what we do with any big staircase." Zach said. "BODY SLEEEEED!" He and his friends raised arms and rode Baldy down the stairs!

"Oof—AH—doop—DAAH!" The stairs were fit with salted lemon needles, ensuring the czar's painful experience.

"It also has a chainsaw cave!" Maddy pointed. "Better jump!"

"BYE!" Zach grabbed Mako and jumped off with the only parachute.

"YOU AREN'T MY BROTHER ANYMORE!" Maddy screamed.

"AAAAAAHHHH!" The two felt the pain of the chainsaw cave.

"Kids, don't let your ideas destroy you!" Mako winked. "Anyway, who wants soup?"

She and Zach took cut-open cans that looked like Maddy and Baldy, dipping soup into a bowl and eating the first spoonful. "Mmm! Brainy!"

Hee hee hee! The Baldy can smirked. Zach has fallen for my trap! I swallowed a hundred gallons of educational media before this battle. Now that Zach has eaten it all, his humor will be all but logical! There was a knock. Huh?

Zach answered the door to find General Guy dressed as a mailman. "Package for Mr. Murphy?"

"Oh, goody! Now the Brain Trade can begin." Zach took out his own brain and replaced it with the one in the package.

"A trade?" asked Baldy in shock. "But who's getting the educated brain?"

"The Chainsaw King!" Zach pointed to a giant chainsaw with a crown.

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!" With Baldy's essence in Zach's brain, he again felt the buzzing bladed pain.

In the next second, the czar was back to regular form, with only minor bruises. "Well, Zach, I'm impressed you were able to push me this far. But you've yet to see what real nonsense is. I'll show you with my Super Fist of Marmalade Magic:" A poof of smoke: "Pick Your Nose With a Giant Crab!" This was indeed happening.

"If by 'nonsense,' you mean it doesn't benefit you at all!" Maddy argued.

"On the contrary!" The crab extracted a laser cannon from Baldy's nose. "THIS crab helps me clean my house! I spent years looking for my old Gameboy and you're going to taste my GRIEF!" He BLASTED the cannon, consuming Zach with an explosion.

Darkness surrounded the boy, in which he sat and played a dimming Gameboy. "Grrrr! I can't… see the… screen… Can't see… where to jump! I WANT MY DEE-EEEEESSS!!"

"Now my Super Fist of Black Magic will BLIND YOU!" Baldy clapped his fingers, and the Gameboy's dim light jumped out and clogged Zach's vision. "You'll never play another videogame again! I'll reduce you to a balding old man! Or better yet, a baby that has no hair at all!"

Zach's clothes began to decay, leaving him in—up to his head in Jar Jar Blinks' mouth. "Crap! Just when I nearly had you shaved!"

"It's creepy that you're trying to shave AND strip us!" Maddy commented.

"Super Fist of The Fool, Clothes Made From Gungan Saliva!" Zach threw Jar Jar against Baldy and came out dressed in a shirt, shoes, and pants with One-Punch Man's face plastered around them. "This outfit doubles my attack power! I went from Level 15 to a whopping Level 28.99999999."

"There's too many things to remark in one sentence." said Maddy.

"It looks like there's a tear in the left armpit." Baldy pointed.

"What?! A tear?!" Zach raised his arm and looked closer. "…Wait. That's not a tear. IT'S A TEAR!!"

The tiny teardrop socked Zach upside the jaw and declared, "I'm the tear of a boxer, BITCH!!" Once Zach was down, the tear continued Ground Pounding him. "He was punched so hard that his pain and anger transferred to his tear! And I doubt your sweat is any happy cooped up in there."

A swarm of sweatdrops climbed out of Zach's skin and began pummeling him into the dirt. "YOU NEVER EXERCISE! Why do Maddy's sweatdrops get to have all the fun?!"

Flinching, Maddy looked at her knuckles and saw sweatdrops catching some rays. "Her body sweats so much, she's like a sauna!"

"I never wanna exercise again…"

"Maddy, Zach's getting beaten!" Mako yelled, lifting the stronger Murphy. "Only your mighty sweatglands can absorb those whiny weaklings into submission! YAH!" She hurled Maddy over to CRUSH the angry sweatdrops, completely drenching the sister.

"Aaaaahhh…" The sweat enjoyed their new home. "Pungent and pretty."

"I'm taking three baths to make sure I wash off EVERY last ONE OF YOU!"

"Sorry, Maddy, but the only bath water needs is heat, the same way we warm-blooded creatures bathe in water." Mako explained. "Only then can our two cultures live in peace. It's also why we must ask our liquid buddies to help us! Right, sweat?!"

"Yes, Ma'am!" Mako's sweat sprouted from her arm and saluted.

"Great! Now ATTACK BALDY!"

"GYAH-GYAH-GYAH-GYAH!" All the sweat ganged up on Maddy and Zach.

"No, not them! Baldy is the guy with the red hair!"

"Oops!" The sweat scampered over to the correct target.

"Super Fist of Rainbow Magic!" The czar's fingers turned to rainbow. "Candy Is Delicious!" Little candy monsters spawned before him. The terrified sweatdrops scampered the opposite direction. "People who eat candy never exercise, which means it is the bane to sweat!"

"Sweat! Quick! Draw your lightsabers!" Zach shouted.

"HATCHA!" The sweat whipped around and SLICED the candy with lightsabers.

"Uh… awesome counterattack, Zach?" Maddy said, sort of wondering if it was necessary.

"Candy, evolve into your true forms!" commanded Baldy Bald. The severed candy morphed into giant parrots wielding maracas in their talons. "Every shake of the maracas will slowly cause you to develop an interest in studio lights! Parrots, show him how it's done!" The parrots rapidly juddered the maracas.

"EEEK!" Zach, Mad, and Mako clamped their ears, but despite their efforts, they could only fantasize about mountains of studio lights. "There's only one way to break the hypnosis!" Zach said. "Super Fist of The Fool, Our Ears Are Too COOL!" With that, he transformed their ears into hip teen skaters.

"Studios are LAME, DUDE!" they chorused.

"I'll go back to the hypnotism!" yelled the same girl about all these things.

"Then I will grant your request!" Baldy Bald began moving his hands in a circular fashion. "Super Fist of Black and White Magic." A giant screen of swirling black and white appeared behind him. "If I can't have your ears, I'll have your eyes! If you block them, you'll have nothing but your smell, taste, and touch!"

"Maybe that's all we need!" Zach transformed them into giant noses with tongues with hands.

"Those silly forms won't save you! My hypno wheel is designed to tickle you with tasty lollipops that smell like Heart Candy Perfume!"

"Unfortunately for you, I replaced our nostrils with bowls of spaghetti!" This made their new forms even more hideous.

"That's what I thought you'd do! What you don't realize is flamethrowers have a natural addiction to spaghetti!" Baldy Bald summoned five flamethrowers, torches burning brightly.

"Birthday Cake Brigade," Zach summoned a squad of living cakes, "take your TV remotes and protect us-!"

"ENOUGH!!" Maddy poofed back to her true form. "I can't follow what's going ON, anymore! Who's winning?! Who's losing?! You're both just coming up with random CRAP and THROWING it at each other! This isn't a real fight! This isn't even funny! I have more friggin' humor in my FIST! You wanna see a real joke, then get a load of this."

"No, Maddy!" Zach pled. "It's too dangerous! You're not ready!"

"I DON'T CARE!" Maddy stomped up to Baldy Bald. "I'm ending this once and for all!"

"Hey!" Baldy panicked. "What're you doing?! Stop!"

"Knock-knock." Maddy smiled and knocked the air next to him.

"Who's there?"

"Hawaii."

"Hawaii who?"

"Hwhy did you let me get this close to you?"

"I don't get it."

Quicker than he could see, Maddy PUNCHED the czar dead in the face with a Haki Fury Fist. Baldy Bald crashed against the outer wall of the cave, denting it. The czar fell on the ground with a curved face, missing teeth and boogers mixed in with blood. Maddy flexed her knuckles, which were not sore at all. "That's how you win a fight."

The kids' hair and clothes rematerialized. "Maddy, you did it!" Mako beamed. "Knocking out Baldy Bald reversed his magic!"

The Angry Naked People had disappeared as well. Sector W were able to exit the cave. "What's goin' on? You actually beat him?" Anthony asked.

"We sure did." Maddy said proudly, brushing her revived hair. "Let's take him to the Penance Chamber before he wakes up."

"That's not a good idea, Maddy." Zach said. "If he's even close to being as crazy as I am, he can get all those villains out! We need to take him back to Bo-bobo. He'll not know what to do!"

"That… does not sound assuring. But that means you're probably right. We still gotta get back to Fybi and Haruka, anyway."

"Naturally, I can't allow THAT to happen."

"WAAAAH!" Mako screamed when her new black shoes burned with blackish blue flames. "My Pandora Shoes are turning against me!! Who could've predicted this?!"

"Anybody who had a brain!" The shoes swung Mako around aimlessly and chucked her over the edge of the island. Sally Harper launched her yo-yo to rescue her.

The flames grew into Pandora's spirit form, which shot into Baldy Bald's body bod. Healing his injuries, the czar floated in the air, cackling devilishly as new chaotic power coursed within him. "Super Fist of the White Light Magic: Eternal Sun That Baldifies EVERYONE!" His Keyblade spawned as he raised it skyward. A white light that rivaled the sun burst from the tip, instantly shaving the heads of all in attendance.

The light grew to a point where everyone in Hivebent and the operatives scattered around Paradox Space could see it. Everyone lost all the hair on their heads, noses, ears, and any other area.

Baldy Bald's red hair grew to unreasonable proportion, dividing into numerous tentacles of blonde hair, blue hair, black, and red. The segments had various tones, like Nagisa's light-blue hair and Wendy's dark-blue, or Aisa's dark-red hair with Morgiana's magenta. "Oh, but it doesn't end there. With Super Fist of Empty Gray Magic, I'll reduce everyone to dull husks of nothing! Any trace of variety and character will be erased!"

The Keyblade glimmered with a gray light, erasing Sector W's clothes and changing them into dead, blank, and faceless dolls roughly designed in the human shape. Maddy gasped in horror when her black Haki Fist returned to normal color. "I can't use my Haki! Zach, if you have something to pull out your sleeve, now would be a good time! …Zach?"

His black jacket was discarded on the ground, covering a lump. Maddy lifted it off, gasping at the lifeless husk underneath. "Zach… it can't be… You can't be-"

A mouth appeared on the husk's belly. "I can't be compressing my body mass down to make a hasty escape with my Rocket Jacket?"

"HUH?!"

The sleeves of the jacket wrapped around his body and the flame design became a rocket. Zach blasted off, made a quick turn, and caught Maddy and Mako. "Hold on, girls! We're going into spitspeed!" A giant mouth opened up in the middle of space. The girls screamed as they flew straight into its throat.

The mouth swished them about in its mouth and SPAT them out with the force of a hundred cannons. Baldy Bald watched as they whooshed across space. "Super Fist of Blurry Blue Magic: Decacycle, move at the speed of light!" A bicycle with ten wheels appeared. Baldy pedaled with such speed that he was able to catch up with his opponents.

They bypassed everything else, even the Furthest Ring, as Zach was closing in on a blank planet. "Wait… that planet." Baldy Bald frowned. "It can't be! That planet! SLOW DOWN! SLOW DOWN!" He tugged the bike's brake with great force.

Zach crash-landed on the Land of Thought and Flow. The trio was flat on their backs. The planet had absolutely nothing and would only bring life by the spark of a person's thoughts. The greater the imagination, the more there will be to the planet. It was currently adapting with Zach's thoughts.

. . . . . . . . BOOOOOOOOOOM! The explosion consumed the whole universe.

Hivebent

"…" Kanaya stared confusedly at her screen. "Vanellope… I Think I Have Another Glitch."

The screen depicted One-Punch Man's face. The multiverse guests were submerged in the floor-turned-to-water, others were hanging on giant eagle talons from the ceiling. The outside of Hivebent was completely covered in giant hands making various signals.

Even the miniaturized planets were affected by the madness. Volcanoes had sprouted on Skypia. Clouds were underwater, along with Nimbi houses built on them. Africa was tilted at 90 degrees. A giant Kateenian was plopped over Aquaria. Coruscant and Symphonia had giant ears sticking out of them.

Ruins of Thought and Flow

Czar Baldy Bald III watched as an entity rose from the ruins. Its clothes were a mix of Zach's and Maddy's, twice their height with Haki-black areas over its body. White and black flames burned on the shoulders. Its black hair was long and shiny, but none could tell if this humanoid was male or female. For that reason, we will call it a Nuchacho. "I am Mad Murphy." shcle said, clasping a Keyblade in shcler hands. "I am an ancient celestial being who bends physics and law to my will. As long as I exist, everything in the cosmos submits to my Kooky Haki."

"What kind of nonsense is this?!" Baldy questioned. "You shouldn't have had to blow up an entire planet to make this fusion!"

"But I did. The surface of Thought and Flow was unable to comprehend the ocean of insanity swirling in my noggin, so it was forced to expand it to the rest of the universe. This way, I can be ascertained there is no safe haven for you."

"You think you're a match for Chaotic Baldness?! Super Fist of Neon Magic!" The sky turned bright and colorful. "Hippy Van STORM!" Thousands of hippy vans bombarded Mad Murphy all at once.

"Super Fist of the Foolish Conqueror! Here Comes The Government To Tax Some Hippies!" Murphy materialized an army of congressmen, raising bills that blocked the vans perfectly.

Baldy slashed a strand of red hair and cut down the congressmen as he whooshed toward Zach. "Like your petty government means JACK in the midst of CHAOS!"

"I KNEW THAT!" Murphy caught the czar in Barney the Dinosaur's mouth. "But now that you've dropped your guard, I'm taking you on a little trip called Murphy's Guide to the Madverse. Starting with my 56th favorite planet."

"DWAAAAH!" Barney grew a rocket from his neck and flew Baldy across the cosmos, crashing on a blue planet. Horses were wrestling with hamsters, and the hamsters seemed to have the high ground.

"Welcome to Planet Ugotcha, where hamsters are at war with the horses for stealing their porridge, which the hamsters originally stole from the bears. This war has lasted for 200 years, but it's about to near its end."

"Oh yeah? How?"

To answer his question, the Berenstain Bears marched onto the battlefield with bloody vengeance in their eyes. Wielding machineguns, they shot holes into each and every horse or hamster, wanting nothing more than to get their porridge back. "AAAAAAHHH!" Baldy Bald was given a share of the bullets.

Mad Murphy and Mako were sipping tea at a table. "Don't get me wrong, I like the Berenstain Bears." Murphy said. "I just don't want them telling my kids what to do."

"Agreed." Mako said.

"Super Fist of Blood Magic!" Baldy Bald cast red beams from his Keyblade and controlled the horse and hamster corpses. "They will torment the Berenstain Bears forever more…" The undead animals were closing in on the terrified bears. "…with singing monkeys!"

The corpses all raised orangutan dolls with party hats. "Happy birthday to you. You are from a zoo. You're gonna get tranquilized, and sleep in your poo."

The depressed bear family submitted to their fate. They sat in the wagon cage, riding back to their zoo. I wish I could tell you the Berenstain Bears fought the good battle and the sisters let them be. I wish I could tell you that. But sadly, the Cincinnati Zoo is no fairytale world. You hear what happened with that boy and the gorilla? The poor thing…

"Sorry, gang, this wagon's taking a detour!" Mad Murphy whipped the horse corpse and swerved the wagon a different direction. Baldy Bald and the Berenstain Bears screamed before crashing into another planet. "Now we're at Planet Getsumjerk! This one is really peaceful."

A lovely blue sky hovered over a lush grassland where flowers swayed in the wind. Earsplitting heavy metal played as the flowers started rocking out! "GYAAAAAH!" Baldy Bald shut his ears. "THE GUITARS AREN'T EVEN PLUGGED INTO ANYTHING!!"

"THEY PLAY AIR GUITAAAAR!" Mad Murphy sliced him down the middle with shcler Keyblade, a group of rockstar flowers riding it and strumming a loud note.

Baldy Bald bounced off the ground so hard that he flew all the way to the next planet. "&$%#*@^$!" An annoying bleep sound rang in the air.

"%(#(#^$%!" A man and woman were on a romantic date.

"()#^$*#&$^%." Two businessmen shook hands.

"*****!" Baldy Bald exclaimed. ("What?! I can't hear my own voice! What's going on?!")

("This is Planet *****.") Mad Murphy tried to say. ("People are swearing here 24/7. Nobody can hear anybody, but they communicate through lip movement.")

("WHAT?!")

("WHAT?! Your lips only have one animation!")

("DAH, this is unbearable! Super Fist of Sponge Magic, Cork These Mother ***!") His yellow hairs spawned a bunch of corks and sealed everyone's mouths. "…There. Much bet-"

FUUUUUUUCK! The entire planet exploded and censored swears spread across the universe. The force propelled Baldy Bald and Mad Murphy to a whole new world.

"Uh-oh. Seems like we're at Planet Pasthyogurt. In this world, weapons like to pull pranks on you."

"MEN: FIRE!" A naval ship blasted cannons—the cannons shot punching gloves back against their groins.

Two cowboys took 10 steps apart, whipped around, and shot—rakes flipped up and hit their faces.

Two swordsmen were locked in battle—the swords reached back and yanked their underpants up.

In a classroom, a boy was going to shoot a spitball at a girl. The second he blew was the second the straw puffed his head and popped it.

Baldy Bald jumped to his feet and aimed to stab down at Murphy. "Now you're mine, Murph-" The Keyblade smacked Baldy's hands against his face.

Murphy jumped up. "Super Fist of-" Shclis Keyblade dropped a bucket on shcler head.

"Internal Baldness-!" Baldy Bald stretched his follicles—they redirected and stuck saliva in his mouth.

"Goofball Cannon-!" Murphy's Keyblade cut a rope and squashed shclim between two logs. "Er… let's adjourn to a different planet."

"Agreed."

And with that, the two rode across the stars in garbage trucks. Baldy Bald used his hair tentacles to grab and throw old GameCube discs and cut Murphy's tires. "Have a nice landing, loser!" He sped ahead.

"Super Fist of the Mad Fool, Garbage Truck of Heaven!" Murphy's truck sprouted angel wings and flew faster. Once above Baldy's truck, it Ground Pounded, but Baldy dodged back.

"Super Fist of Banana Magic, One Uncomfy Landing!" His truck fired a banana cannon. Murphy drove out of control and crashed inside a Gummy Bear factory.

"Darn it! This is Planet Loadtimestinks, the Wild Factory Planet. Now that we've hit one, the flock is gonna go crazy!"

"Flock?" questioned Baldy. "WAAAAAHH!" A flock of factories began flapping around like birds, bumping Baldy back and forth. "Wait! If they're chemical factories, I could set them all off and destroy him. Super Fist of Flame Magic, Planetary EXPLOSION!" A spiral of flames spun out of his Keyblade. As the factories blew up the entire planet, the czar protected himself in a bubble of his own hair. "Perfect! No way he'll survive that!"

"Das-a sure was scary." Jar Jar Blinks said.

"WHAAAT?!" Baldy's eyes popped out. "How'd you get in here?!"

"Now-sa we can be togethers… forevers." Jar Jar moved in for a kiss.

"DAAAAH! I'm not staying in here with you! Maybe the explosions have cleared." Baldy uncovered the shield. "Huh?" The bright explosions were frozen in time, with Murphy floating in the middle of them.

"The explosions and I reached an understanding."

"AAAAAAAHHH!" Baldy and Jar Jar faced the wrath of the factory fireworks.

"He's more powerful than I thought." Baldy said as he made his retreat. "I need to come up with a better strategy. Huh?" In the distance, he saw what looked like a giant DNA figurine. "Is that a statue?"

"Nope!" said Murphy. "That's Planet Mammajamma, where cats and dogs live together and make plastic boxes."

"What's the DNA have to do with it?"

"THAT'S A SENSITIVE TOPIC, DON'T ASK!" Murphy bashed him with a DNA-shaped bat.

"Grrrr! I've had enough nonsense! I'm going to destroy you if it kills me!" Baldy Bald ensnared Murphy in his hair tentacles, transferring Pandora's Chaos Chi across them. Murphy's head turned inside out (right when Joy was taking a shower), shclis fingernails impaled through shclis fingers, bellybuttons appeared all over shclis waist, and overall, shcle became unrecognizable as a human… and instead became a large fist. "Oh, great."

"I see you have discovered my secret. In truth, my body was like a Rubik's Cube that, when solved, becomes the Ultra Fist. It is said that when the Ultra Fist is reformed, Super Fist users all around the universe will gather in glorious fisticuffs. And here they are!"

"Peter Griffin!"

"Jotaro Kujo!"

"Captain Falcon!"

"Monkey D. Luffy!"

"Chuck Norris!"

"Knuckles the Echidna!"

"Hitmonchan!"

"Rayman!"

"The Ceremonial Fisticuffs begins again after 1200 long milliseconds. Fist Masters: let the one who summoned the Fist taste the fist first pummeling! One Thousand Punches with EACH MEMBER!"

And so, all 200.56 Fist Masters balled their fingers. "POI-YOI-YOI-YOI-YOI-YOI-YOI-YOI-YOI-YOI-YOI-YOI-…" It was like a storm of thousands of small comets were pummeling Baldy Bald's face all at the same time.

"And now… Super Fist of the Foolish Conqueror." Mad Murphy charged energy in shclis Keyblade. "Punch the frigging chaos out of this FOOL!" A Haki Fist with screaming mouths on each knuckle flew forth and struck Baldy Bald's face with the force of a fist-shaped truck. Pandora flew out of his body, and Baldy Bald took the fally fall into deep space.

A black nose hair stretched down and seized the fallen czar by the waist. "Well, now… that was impressive."

Murphy gasped. Shcle recognized that nose hair from anywhere. Shcle recognized that afro golden as the sun. "Not to say I couldn't have done better. But ya get an 'A' for effort." Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo was standing on Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler, who were blowing down constantly in order to float and withstand his weight. "Even though there's no 'A' in 'effort.' But I'm not here to teach grammar."

"…It's… you…" Murphy dropped his Keyblade and ran to him, crying. "BO-BOBOOOOOO!"

"ZACH/MADDY FUSIOOOON!" Bo-bobo cried and ran in slow-motion.

"BO-BOBOOOOO!" The sunset highlighted their moment.

"FUSIOOOOON…

"YOUR EXISTENCE TERRIFIES ME!" Bo-bobo kicked shclim in the groin.

"Bo-bobo! You're not a boring businessman anymore!"

"That's right. After that angel girl hit me with that Truth Breath, I was forced to unveil my illegal dealings with the Muffin Cake Factory, costing me my job. I went on a nine-month spiritual journey and came to a conclusion: I really like bungee-jumping!" He swung his nose hairs left and right as Baldy still dangled. "I guess those Idea guys were right to trust you in beating the Darknesses. Baldy Bald's a bit of a special case, so I'll help you contain him."

"Pray, it seemeth thou were successful in our original goal." Fybi revealed herself from behind him. "But couldst thou explain the current chaos that is yon universe?"

"Uh… redecorating?" Murphy shrugged.

"'Tis going to take much Truth Breath… Siiiiigh." Fybi's sigh blew on Mad Murphy, the Wind of Truth turning them back into Zach and Maddy.

"Wellp, that's something I never wanna do again." Maddy said. "At least I got my hair back! Fybi, maybe that breath of yours can fix all our other friends."

"My thoughts exactly. Mayhaps this is the reason Lord English fears its power. Let us see ourselves."

Pandora had taken refuge behind an asteroid. "Well, all things considered, I'm quite glad to be rid of that fool. His chaos just wasn't my cup of tea. But it won't be long until the Kids Next Door fall into disorder… once Cheren has a breath of that Truth Wind."