F-26. The Last Lunch

Hivebent

"Ladies and gentlemen, I will now tell you the origins of the Termina Giants!" Vriska announced. "You were curious a8out their origins and their connections to our world, so I am here now to tell you: the truth a8out the Giants is… they were failed God Tiers."

Cheren, Nerehc, and Miyuki did an anime drop. "I actually forgot about them." Panini blushed. "I know, I shouldn't have…"

"Yes. You see, these six were originally part of our crew, and they found their own Quest 8eds and tried to 8ecome God Tiers. Unfortun8ly, they failed to meet all the criteria, so when they killed their selves, their 8odies transformed into those freaks."

"But I thought there was n/w to change back from those forms, y/k?" Yosafire inquired.

"Vriska, is this why thou hast requested my Winds of Truth?" Fybi questioned.

"Uh-h8h!" Vriska held up a pump. "I wanted to see if it could change them 8ack to their regular form. Surprised it worked, actually."

"Frank goodness, be-custard I'm starving!" Rawberry proclaimed. "You don't know how painful it is to live without a mouth! No mouth beans no eating!"

"I have a tasty little bean right here!" Anthony held Vweeb up.

"I'LL STEAK IT!" Rawberry's eyes went wide.

"I'M NOT A BEAN, DON'T EAT ME!"

"Pray, methinks I hath deciphered the rest." Fybi smiled thoughtfully. "Tavros was among those that hath gigantified, and thou were saddened by this because thou-" Her mouth was sealed by Vriska's psychic.

"Not another word out of you, young lady!" Vriska grinned sheepishly, and was clearly blushing. "Making stuff up out of the 8lue, honestly!"

"Hey, she's right!" Aisa shouted. "You pretended to help Bill in order to save-"

"YOU HEARD NOTHING!!" Vriska sealed both their mouths.

"Ugh." Cheren sighed. "Well, if that is the case, I guess Bill wouldn't have known his proposal was pointless, because Lord English can't see anything in this time."

"That is correct." Calliope nodded. "I sUppose it was thanks to Vriska's deep love for him that I was able to get free."

"wHAT, dID sHE sAY, vRISKA?" Tavros asked.

"NOTHING, YOU IDIOT!" She lifted him up and spun him in the air. "Don't make me 8reak those arms, too!"

"YoU did a great job defeating Ganondorf, Cheren." Calliope said. "And now… those foUr shoUld be arriving very soon."

"We're already here." A voice spoke from the entrance. There stood Negatar Gnaa and Avatar Aang. The former had something slouched over his shoulder.

"Oops! My All-Sight mUst be a bit off, hehe!" ^u^; Calliope blushed.

"Lord Gnaa!" Nerehc recognized.

"Hmm? Say, you're the boy from before. You seem different, though." Gnaa replied.

"We brought someone along with us." Aang stepped aside to reveal a spike-haired boy propping himself up with a Keyblade.

"Sora!" exclaimed Kimaya.

"Kim!" grinned Sora. "I'm glad you made it back okay."

"And we also… have this." Gnaa grabbed the thing off his shoulder and plopped it on the floor.

Xehanort's eyes were wide and brimming with awe and tears. "χ…blade…" He was so beholden to the sight he had seen that he could not move. "χ…blade…"

"Xehanort never needed the hearts to create the legendary Keyblade." Gnaa explained. "It may have worked that way in his world… but all Aang and I needed to do was Collide to create the χ-blade. Just the very sight of it made him lose his senses."

"χχχχχχχχ-blaaaaaade…" (sounds like 'keeeeey-blaaaaade')

"A fitting end for such a fool." Gnaa dragged the old scientist to the Penance Chamber and threw him in. Ansem the Wise merely looked at him in pity.

"Um, wasn't Davy Jones supposed to be with him, too?" Melody asked.

"Yes. He's outside on the Dutchman."

"WHAT?!"

"There is nothing to fear. His loyalty is still with me. That's why he has agreed to bring us to Lord English's castle."

"His… castle…?"

"We can talk aboUt that later." Calliope said. "We have other matters to attend to. For yoU see, the Zoni are complete!"

Some fanfare played as a swarm of black, bug-eyed robots flew into the living room and took up the ceiling. Stepping out behind them were Kanaya, Carol, and Vanellope, who stood with pride at their success. The last Zoni to appear was one with a mouth and pink face. "Greetings, children." Orvus said. "My Zoni and I will be happy to assist you."

"We are Zoni. Objective: destroy the English. We will help you destroy it."

Cheren remembered that line. "So, the 'it' they were speaking of all this time was Lord English?!"

"Apparently so." Vanel shrugged.

"By Far Our Greatest Invention, Yet!" Kanaya beamed. "These Robots Have More Powerful Time Chi Than The Portal We Used To Send People To Your Dimension!"

"And WE helped!" Carol winked. "Maseyfairy, this means you owe me six million dollars!"

"WAAAAAAAT?" The color drained from Mason's face.

"What's even the big deal? I never see her pushing your debt." Haruka inquired.

"She sends bodyguards to drag me to her house and make me serve her every other weekend." Mason moaned.

"Oh. So, that's where you've been."

"Indeed, the Zoni can warp Us between this dimension and yoUr dimension in a heartbeat." Calliope explained. "And they can send Us to any time, as well. BUt oUr mission will take place in the Original Worlds, too. We mUst borrow the IDA's Transportifyer."

"You'll be happy to know that we already contacted them!" Stanford Pines said. "After explaining your story, they considered the possibility you would need to use it. Their only request is that you don't spill anything on it. They just washed…"

"I've written down a list of the paradoxes we need to create." Calliope drew out a piece of paper. "And before yoU have any paradox-related concerns, jUst know that, given the UniqUe natUre of this dimension, it won't seem as thoUgh anything has changed despite oUr interference. BUt rest assUred, this does make a difference!"

"Why did you look at me when you explained that?" Sunni asked.

"Oh, no reason!" ^uO "We shoUld get started as soon as possible. Is everyone ready?"

"Hold on one second!" Maddy stated. "…We need some motivational music!"

"I know just what to play!" sung Meloetta. (Play "Immortals" by Fall Out Boy!)

Kanaya hooked her computer up to one of the Zoni and began to type messages, describing key points in their mission, and then she mailed it to herself in the past. The trolls linked their computers with other Zoni, programming commands. From the Zoni's eyes, they could see what they were doing. They watched as the Zoni traveled back in time to aid Cheren on his Termina adventure, restore Vanellope's memories which she herself had Copied and Pasted inside of them, and they even saved Nebula from falling to her death after her chi was taken by Vendra.

A Zoni scanned Silvers Rayleigh and assumed his form. It then warped back in time to Pokitaru, where it awaited Maddy with the intention of training her. Aurora Uno explained to Luffy how she met Brook, so after a quick visit to the IDA's base, they got in touch with Brook and had a Zoni take his form. It would warp to the Haunted Cove and wait to train Aurora in icebending.

At the IDA, Anthony and Suki showed the Transportifyer operators Calliope's list, which named the Pyrameglyphs they would need to find. They programmed the portal to set the coordinates, and the Zoni to target specific times. Within moments, Anthony and Suki warped to Baltigo in the Grand Line. The boy used stonebending to break the Pyrameglyph. A dark sphere that embodied English's soul was awoken. It tried to attack them, but Suki froze the darkness solid. She clasped the air in her hand and shattered the ice, along with the dark. They escaped before Aliehs and young Teach arrived to find nothing.

They warped to the Soul Society and destroyed Aizen's Pyrameglyph, resulting in confusion between his young self and Karin. They warped to Radiant Garden and destroyed Xehanort's; the young master and Kimaya were like, "What da fuck?" They warped to the Floating Lands and destroyed Zeref's; he and Nollid were confused. They warped to Dark Space and needed a bit more effort to destroy Thanos's; Atnort and Annaira were panicking at the sight.

Lastly, they warped to the World Without Law; upon destroying the Trapeglyph, the Piece of English was exposed taking a shower. It called the police and held Anthony and Suki on trial, but Zach posed as their lawyer and proved they were trying to open a keyboard shop. Since everyone needed new keyboards, they were found innocent, and the Piece of English died.

With that, they returned to New Galaxia, and from there warped to Voldemort's Pyrameglyph, Davy Jones', Dimentio's, Madara's, and Zorc's. They warped to Crystallia and destroyed Yellow Diamond's, then escaped just before Anthony encountered his past self. The final Pyrameglyph was Ganondorf's under the Sanzu River. Death the Kid had to use magic to cut a deep gap in the river and go underneath to find the stone. He would teleport out of there, bring it back to Hivebent, and have Anthony destroy it.

The two were exhausted after all the time-space jumping. Miyuki smiled, patted Suki's shoulder, and told her to take a nap. Calliope showed Nagisa the list, and the girl-boy freaked out. He rapidly shook his head, but Cheren touched his shoulder and nodded. Nagisa cried in embarrassment. He dressed up and went back in time to infiltrate Lord English's clock tower. The Cheren back then was confused as to why Nagisa was flirting with him, but the gestures made Lord English so excited, his chi went unstable and the clock tower collapsed.

When Nagisa returned, Morgiana tried to ask what he had to do, but he told her not to. After that, Cheren had the Zoni warp him to the distant past, where and when he met the Happy Mask Man. Cheren gave him some careful instructions before leaving. Cutting to Castle Hell, King Malladus was fast asleep in his throne. A tiny figure skittered past him in the background, entered a door, then came skittering out with a stolen vial of God Poison.

The kids gathered planets from the Planet Tree, and April began to paint them all. She took ideas from her fellow operatives, ensuring each planet was beautiful and unique, and that all the races, alive or extinct, would have a place to call home once again. She would give a home to Aisa's people, the Shandians, and per Cheren's request, design a New Hyrule. Dillon suggested a planet of superheroes called Superbia, and Augustus wanted to make Sweetopia, a world of food and candy. By the end of this, April would be known as the Girl Who Painted the Cosmos.

When Anthony finished resting, he returned to Planet Ore and took eight cubes of Permanite. Kimaya returned to Loktup and amassed a bunch of Unown, and the Dimension Rebels would organize the Unown into their respective messages. Wendy would use magic to change the shape of the Unown into unique letters, then meld them against the stones. (She was assured that they would be fine.) Of course, Bo-bobo had trouble writing his, so he made a test Poneglyph, which would no doubt be used to deceive His Lordship.

Finally, when all the planets were complete, they unfroze the Universe Frog. The frog swallowed all the planets and also their home planets (but not before Nebula brought the Galactic Kid Council out of them; gotta have everyone for this battle). Wendy transformed the Cosmic Majesty into Don Gero, and then the Zoni warped him to the distant past.

Davy Jones inhaled smoke from his pipe and blew it out one of his tentacles. To his right, he looked and saw Voldemort in Bellatrix's body. Lined up on the deck of the Dutchman were an army of Inferi, ready for the battle of their afterlives. (End song.)

"OKAY, it's time for some endgame honesty." Karkat said to the Darknesses. "Which of you actually LIKES Lord English and wants to live in his shitty MS Paint world?" He raised a picture of The Thirteen reimagined as horrid creations.

"Oh, hell no." Aizen said.

"I would rather be dead." Zeref said.

"GREAT! So, how about working together to kick his ass and save all of our universes?"

"ZE HA HA HA!" laughed Teach. "Well, of COURSE I would! No offense, guys, it was fun to conquer the multiverse with ya, but I can't very well be free with HIS crazy 8's peering over me!"

"I refuse to live under that monster's rule." Thanos said. "Since you desire the power of Thanos, I will oblige. …Provided I am restored to my full height."

"χχχχχχ-blaaaade…" drawled Xehanort.

"Oh, I knew it would come to this…" Baldy Bald III picked Xehanort up. "Don't worry, Xehanort! Your legacy will live on, as my dummy!" He held the scientist like a puppet. "'Hey, kids! My name is Xeny the Nort! I give people safe tips on organ-harvesting!'"

"Look, are you and Xeny going to help us or not?" Vaati asked in disbelief.

"'SURE, WE ARE!' I agree, Xeny! After all, a kid's show that doesn't help might as well be a YouTube series!"

"Will someone tell me how I got in here?" Truman Kirman asked.

"Oh, right." Karkat said, realizing Truman had no idea what was happening. "Somebody fill him in."

"LUNCH TIME, LUNCH TIIIIME!" Yuzu loudly banged a cooking pot with a ladle. "Last battle, last time to eat a healthy meal! I want no one going to English's castle on an empty stomach! Set your butts on those seats and stuff your faces appropriately!" (Play "Village Harbor" from One Piece!)

"OM NOM NOM NOM NOM!" Not long after, Yosafire and Rawberry ordered apple cakes and Bat Blood Stews. "Oooooo I haven't eaten ISL!" Yosafire cried.

"Uh, dude, is that cooked from real bats?" Lola asked Rawberry.

"One course!" Raw licked her lips. "Bats are my favorite snack! …Come to think of it, you look pretty tasty!"

"YAAAAH!" Lola became a bat and flew away.

"COME BACK HERE, FOOD!" Rawberry chased her, knife and fork ready. (Yet, she was eating soup.)

Haruka decided to take a seat across from Yosafire. "That's a pretty necklace." she said, noticing the latter's golden Cross. "Do they have Christianity in your world?"

"Oh, o/c!" Yosaf grinned, showing the frosting on her teeth. "Although, I don't exactly practice it myself. I always believed in Arceus." Yosaf blushed. "IJL Christianity's teachings."

"Yeah, SWM."

"'Swim'?"

"Ha ha ha! No, silly, Same With Me!"

"You talk like me, too?!" Yosaf gaped.

"It's just basic Internet lingo, I do it all the time! …On the Internet, that is."

"LOL!!" the troll laughed.

"XD!" Haruka joined.

Mocha noticed that Feferi was feeding Equius some Hulk Melons, watermelons shaped like Hulk's fists. She approached them and asked, "Why are you feeding him?"

"O)(, because Equius can't )(old a fork wort)( a codfis)(!" Feferi giggled.

"D-> You see, I am insanely STRONG! Even iron would crumple in my hand." Equius clarified.

"Ha ha ha! Okay, strong guy, how about an arm-wrestle?" Mocha smirked, extending a hand.

Equius reached and took it. In a split second, he FLIPPED the giant over and broke through the floor. "Okay… you're strong…"

Nolan York rolled his wheelchair over beside Tavros, who was eating a cereal designed like tiny bent legs. "So, what's your story?" Nolan asked.

"i wAS sHOT bY a, gEM aSSASSIN," Tavros stuttered. "hOW, aBOUT yOU?"

"I was… crushed by a girl in a locker suit."

"…yOUR wORLD iS wEIRD,"

Miyuki Crystal was sharing a bowl of Unsociable Soup (colored gray and dreary) with Aradia Megido. "What's your favorite pastime?" Miyuki broke the silence.

"I enj0y taking part in breaking things." Aradia picked up the bowl and dropped it on the floor.

"Oh."

"Ladiie2, would you happen to know iif Kanaya wa2 tamperiing wiith my computer?" Sollux asked Carol, Vanel, and Kanaya.

"Your computer?" Carol questioned.

Kanaya clamped her mouth shut and whispered, "His Computer Was The Most Technologically Advanced, So The Only Way To Get Any Work Done Was To… Well…"

"II can hear all of your capiitaliized word2!" Sollux said angrily.

"Eeek!"

"No one wa2 to touch the Game Bro'2 iitem2 whiile II was away! THII2 call2 for punii2hment by Rock Em 2ock Em Robot2!" He whipped out a Gameboy, which materialized a large blue robot.

"Oh, Dear." Kanaya sighed before letting the digital toy-bot beat away at her.

"Guuueeeess WHAT, KIDS!" announced Czar Baldy Bald, before talking for Xeny the Nort. "'It's Math Time! Who can tell me the answer to Snowman + Cruciferous Vegetable?'"

"The heck if Oi know, Oi stink at math!" Sheila shouted.

"I know! A frosty booger!" Suki picked her nose and extracted one.

"A disgusting piece of s***." Jessie cursed.

"Something insane, methinks." Fybi eye-rolled.

"Nah, I'm goin' with what s*** mouth thinks." Kimaya remarked.

"Well, it does sound creative." April smiled.

"And of course, the answer is Rhubarb Grocery Carts." Zach said knowledgeably.

"YOU FOOLS!!" Baldy SMACKED them all. "Even the dumbest of math nerds know the answer was Cough Drops For An Arctic Koala! Now you all have to repeat 1/2th grade!"

"Aaaaawwww…"

"'Come on, Baldy, at least they tried.'" said Xeny the Nort. "'I think they deserve a prize! Oh, I know! Let's give them some free keys from my chain!'" He extracted a key ring with seven keys.

"Cool! Ah'll take the one with a sun on it!" Sheila chose.

"The one with the bubbles, please." Jessie picked.

"Icy, icy!" Suki pointed at the frosty key.

"That clown one will make me feel SUPER smart!" Zach beamed.

"Those tornadoes doth look fierce." Fybi pointed.

"I'll take the paintbrush one!" April said.

"'Guess that leaves me with the black one." Kimaya shrugged.

"'Excellent! Then I hereby dub thee all as Key People!'" Xeny gave them each their desired keys. (End song.)

". . . . . WHAT?! You mean THIS is how we get our Keyblades?!"

"Well, Xehanort is a recognized Master." Sora shrugged.

"He's not even f**king conscious!" Jessie argued.

"TrUe, bUt Baldy Bald considers him conscioUs!" Calliope reasoned. "That's all that matters!" ^u^

"Unbelievable." Maddy face-palmed.

"So with that, we mUst hide them inside Kimaya's Poneglyph. …Oh yes, Wendy, please change the form of Zach's Keyblade, will yoU?"

"Huh? Well, okay." Wendy readied her wand. Under Calliope's instruction, she changed the clown Keyblade into a King's Keyblade. The Zoni collected the keys and used their bending to warp the keys inside Kimaya's would-be Poneglyph. Now was the time to send them to their respective points.

Cheren and Calliope overlooked the cafeteria, pleased to see everyone happy. The base felt a lot emptier, for all the Catch Card Captives had been returned to the IDA, to be sent back to their worlds once they were all repaired. "YoUr friends are all trUly amazing, Cheren."

"That must be a lot, coming from a god like you."

"Oh, I'm no god. In my own existence, I'm no different from yoU. Of all the worlds my brother and I created, none of them have been more UniqUe and more complex than yoUrs. YoU've written yoUr own stories, and yoU've become greater characters than my brother and I coUld ever hope to be."

"Heh heh…" Cheren glanced at her leg. "You know, you never mentioned that shackle on your ankle."

"Oh, this." She held it up. "I forged it with my power dUring my disembodiment. I knew my brother woUld lose a leg to ArceUs, and since we share a body, mine woUld be lost, too. It's jUst easier to walk aroUnd, yoU know?"

"Oh!" Cheren remembered when Arceus attacked English. His leg was lost, so he replaced it with a golden peg.

"As yoU coUld tell then, the All-PowerfUl does have weaknesses. He is connected to his Past, Present, and FUtUre selves. If one of them loses a limb, the others will as well."

"They do? So, that's another way to fight him?"

"YoU're very smart!" Calliope grinned.

"But why couldn't I just cut you up if you're connected?"

"In reality, yoU coUld. BUt it will not end Us permanently. Only the Big Bang will trUly destroy Us. …BUt if yoU really want to, I'll let yoU cUt me."

"…Nah." Cheren smirked. "It wouldn't be right to cut a lady."

"Hee hee!" ^u^

Meanwhile, Nebula had gone up to Feferi's room, where the sounds of their chattering were drowned out. With a snap of her fingers, a brown-haired man in a white top warped into being. He had a single blue eye and an eyepatch over the empty left socket. "I apologize if my pocket is a little uncomfortable, King Andrew."

"I'm not The King, anymore." Andrew replied with a smile. "Or at least… I won't be for long."

"Are you sure you're prepared for this?"

"I've spent the last three years honing my Haki to perfection. Even before all this happened, a part of me felt that, one day, I would have to destroy the Octogan. Even if it costed my life."

"I'm sorry it had to be this way…" Nebula bowed her head in regret.

"It doesn't matter to me. As long as the Kids Next Door can have a future… I can go in peace."

"Nebula?" She turned as Kanaya approached her. "Good, You're Here. I Felt That I Should Tell You Something Regarding The Zoni."

"What is it?"

"As You Know, We Have Programmed The Zoni To Travel Through Time And Aid You All In Your Quests. But One Of Those Commands Was To Seal The Black Hole That Was Zathura. The Reason Zathura Was Sealed Was To Prevent Dimentio From Escaping Into The Universe. As An Insane Logia Spacebender, He Would've Become A Worse Threat If He Were Allowed To Roam Free. But, Because He Was Trapped Inside, Well… He Went A Little Crazy."

Nebula pieced the rest together. "…I already figured Dimentio was the one who destroyed Zathura, but…"

"But the fault is… kind of mine." Kanaya spoke in low caps, feeling guilty. "It was the only way to prevent further damage. And This Also Prevented Dimentio From Entering The Netherverse. But Bill Was Already One Step Ahead. He's The One Who Invaded Your Mother's Sleep 4,000 Years Ago, And Gave Her The Idea That Zathura Could Erase The Universe And Build A New One. He Must Have Known This Would Fail And Dimentio Would Be Banished To The Netherverse, Where He Could Tamper With The Space Gate."

"Hm hm hm. Fate is a funny thing." Nebula chuckled. "If you're trying to apologize, you don't have to. Zathura was never my home to begin with. But I can still make them pay for what they've done."

After a half-hour, their final lunch break came to an end. It was now time. Nebula had resized the Noah, and the timebenders used their power to repair it. The Kids Next Door on the Noah, The Thirteen and Inferi Army on the King Dutchman, along with Terezi and the Trollian ancestors. Karkat was distraught to see Kankri over there. The Galactic Kid Council and the Dimension Rebels rode their own ships, and with the Gem Empire to back them up, they were ready to fly into No Return.

"Kids Next Door and Friends of the Multiverse!" Nebula announced to all. "You have all fought very brave and very hard! I commend you all for how much we accomplished! But this battle is not yet over. Today, we will infiltrate Lord English's castle, and bring this war to an end! We will restore ALL of our worlds, and we will ALL return to our homes! I am counting on every one of you: friends. Enemies. Gods. Undead. Allies. Give this final battle your all, and do not stop until the Lord of Time is DEAD!"

"FOR REVAAAAN!" the Brotherhood roared.

"FOR THE KIDS NEXT DOOR!" the Kid Council roared.

"FOR OUR WORLDS!" the Dimension Rebels and Thirteen cheered.

"FOR THE GEMS!" the Gem Fleet cheered.

"FOR EVERYONE!!!"

"Kids Next Door and Allies:" Nebula turned around. "We sail to our Final Challenge!"

The time-space whale, Mobius Dick, emerged out of space. Combining its power with the Zoni, a humongous portal was opened, big enough to welcome ALL of the armies. They sailed through—the voyage that once took three years merely took three minutes. In a flash, they were back in their home dimension, reduced to ruin by Lord English's power. There, looming in the distance, was a fortress the size of a planet, a tremendous green castle with amusement park rides and giant casino games: Lord English's Casino Castle.