Chapter 13 Ending A Chapter

I was folding some of my clothes and cleaning the room, keeping it tidy instead of enlarging the mess that would eventually be too much of a hassle to clean.

I was interrupted when a knock sounded on the door.

Opening the door, I was genuinely taken by surprise when I saw Nate.

"Hey?" My eyebrows pulled together in confusion as I wondered what he was doing here since at this point it was strange for my own boyfriend to come see me, with the way he had been acting over the past two months.

He hadn't called or texted before either so it was no longer normal for him to randomly drop by.

Yes, I am aware how sad that is.

"Hi," Nate rubbed the back of his neck, shifting on feet. I could easily tell he was bothered and uncomfortable.

I let him into my room, following him as we sat down on my bed.

"What's up?" I tried to keep my tone casual but I could tell something was wrong. "Is everything okay? You didn't tell me you were going to drop by."

Nate nodded his head slowly like he was carefully listening to each word I said. "I need to talk to you." He hesitated to meet my gaze.

I looked at him in concern. "Nate, what's wrong?"

Nate paused, sighing deeply. "Fia... this isn't easy to do."

Like a bulb went off in my head, I already knew what was coming. I think I had been expecting it for a while now but was too afraid to admit it myself.

I nodded, not saying anything as I allowed him to say whatever was on his mind.

Nate inhaled deeply before he started. He took my hands in his, "Look, you're a really great girl and the past three years have been so good with you but... I just don't think I can do this anymore."

Although it may have been expected, hearing these words actually come out of his mouth made my heart feel like it was splitting into pieces.

"We met when we were still kids in high school and although we've shared so much time together, I think it's time we move on."

I blinked, frozen in spot and unsure of what to say or how to react.

None of this was coming as a surprise. I had actually thought about ending things with him myself considering how off balance we had been with each other.

But actually hearing it all just hit differently. It hurt. It all became very real.

Nate licked his lips, taking his time to choose his words. "I think... we both could see this wasn't working anymore. I hate to do this to especially right before the holidays but there's no point on dragging it out any longer."

Nate looked at me expectingly, waiting for me to say something.

I blinked.

Was this really happening right now?

Why was I even so shocked?

"You're... breaking up with me." I noted, speaking like captain obvious. My tone was flat, my whole body feeling like the air was sucked right out of me.

Nate sighed but nodded his head. "I'm sorry, I just can't do this anymore. I feel like we've outgrown each other and at this point, we need to move on and continue to build ourselves the way we want to without holding each other back."

My eyebrows pulled together, not being able to understand what he meant. "You think I'm holding you back?"

Nate exhaled an exasperated breath. "That's not... that's not what I mean."

"What do you mean then?" I continued to hold my levelled tone, not wanting to show him how hard my heart was beating or how much my chest ached hearing him say all this.

As much as I could understand that this breakup needed to happen, I needed answers. I had to understand why he had been such a jerk to me for the past few months.

Nate bit down on his lip, not sure how to answer me himself. "I just don't want this level of commitment in my life right now. I think I have other things to focus on and a relationship isn't what I want."

I nodded my head slowly, understanding very well what he was saying. He's bored.

I almost wanted to laugh at how pathetic this was making me feel.

He's bored.

Of me. He's bored of me.

"Okay," I choked out, biting back tears as my chest continued to grow heavy. What the fuck?

Nate blinked, looking at me with surprise flooding his features. "Okay?" He repeated. "That's... all?"

I shrugged nonchalantly, not wanting to show him any signs of weakness. "What do you want me to say, Nate? I've been trying for months to get through to you but you've been a jerk to me."

I didn't know if I really was angry.

I felt pathetic and very much like a big fat idiot.

But I was also annoyed. Very annoyed that I had been trying so hard to fix our relationship when ultimately, it had ended a long time ago and I really should have given up.

I didn't even know why I had held onto it. But I did and now I was started to understand what Wes meant about commitment at this age seeming stupid.

Now I see why he goes out and just has a good time on single dates with different girls every time.

I had been holding onto Nate and holding onto our relationship that may have once been perfect. I had been convincing myself we could be good again but that was never the case.

Not when only one of us wanted that.

Nate ran a hand down his face, looking exasperated. "I'm sorry, Fia. I know I haven't been the best boyfriend lately but I've just been trying to figure out what I really want for myself."

And that happens to not be me.

After hearing him ramble for a while longer about why he can't do this anymore and hearing a few apologizes, he finally left my room having nothing else to say to me.

Despite the fact that this didn't come as a big surprise, I was stunned and at a complete loss on how to feel or think right now so I myself, had no idea what to say to him.

Instead of being vulnerable, I stayed silent and let him leave.

I had been trying for two months to fix whatever was wrong so at this point I had given up. I knew there was nothing left to fight for.

Later that night, Michelle entered the room after being out all day. She halted in her tracks, stopping when she saw me blankly laying in bed and staring at the wall.

Michelle blinked, unsure of what she was seeing. "You look like hell. Who died?"

I didn't look away from the wall. "He broke up with me."

I don't know what I was thinking or feeling right now.

I felt... kind of empty. Mostly very lost.

Michelle did a double take, not sure if she heard me right. She bent down beside my bed and put her face right in front of me so I had no choice but to look at her. "Fia," she spoke very slowly. "Are you okay?"

I nodded my head pathetically. "Yup."

Michelle frowned, a sad look in her eyes. She sighed, "Come on now, don't be all sad like this. I don't like seeing you like this."

I looked at her blankly, my face remaining straight. I wasn't sure why I felt so lifeless. "I thought we would work through it," I murmured quietly. "I thought we would go back to normal but he just... threw away the last three years like they didn't matter."

I guess part of me really did believe that Nate and I would be fine, that we would get out of the rut we were in. Part of me had hopes too high.

Now that it was officially over, it was hard to process anything.

I couldn't even make sense of anything that was happening right now because as miserable as I may have been with Nate majority of the time, I wasn't expecting it to be stripped away so quickly.

Three years was a long time, a lot of memories to just forget about so easily.

But none of that mattered anymore. At least not to him.

Michelle sighed, biting down on lip. She ran her hand through my hair in a comforting manner, "I'm so sorry, Fia. I wish you didn't feel this way. I know it sucks right now but you'll see that you can be so much happier without him. He didn't deserve you."

I sighed, taking a moment to process her words before turning so I was facing the other wall - the wall that my bed was pushed against so my back was facing her.

Michelle stood up, looking down at my lifeless body. "Fia?" Her tone was filled with concern. "Do you need anything?"

"I just want to sleep, Michelle."

And like that, I spent the rest of the night staring at the white wall.