LOVE OR YEARNING?

The nighttime has gone away fast as rays of sunshine entering the window greeted Leo's cold cheek who was still in slumber and curled up into a ball, lost in his dreams. Its warm touches quietly woke Leo up who frowned upon receiving it for he was still in no mood to get up or even open his eyes and rather, listened to the quietude of his room. The silence was music to his ears but was short-lived when his phone rang which startled him, suddenly remembering about the man who was beside him sleeping thinking that he might wake up because of the noise. He gently twisted his body to look if he was still asleep but was surprised when he saw no one, making him pause in his spot.

He quickly got up with eyes still saggy, scratching his hair while he grabbed his phone but simply ignored it when he saw who was calling him, hurling it on the bed still ringing. It was his student Hendrey, who already called and texted him a few times but Leo, without care as to why he was phoning him, immediately roamed around to look for Kalen starting at the room next to his thinking that maybe he transferred there but, no sign of him and neither at the bathroom.

Appalled, he proceeded to go downstairs with a puckered expression, reckoning about the man's condition and sudden disappearance at his side. He thought of Kalen's backpack which he placed on one of the steps that were no longer there, indicating that he had left the apartment.

His steps became listless as he walked into the stillness setting of his place and saw a small piece of paper on the countertop with a short message written on it. He lazily picked up the paper and read it with his inactive eyes, following every letter with a dissatisfied gesture;

"Leo, thank you for the help. I greatly appreciate it. Take good care and I wish you well."

-Kalen-

"I wish you..well? Lifting his head a bit with a big question mark on his expressionless face, as if the letter contains a hidden secret. "What is up with this guy?" He muttered, returning his gaze to the piece of paper he was holding, wondering what Kalen's note means;

Or is it just in his mind?

He put down the paper and laid his elbow on the marble table as he let his chin rest on his palm, obviously in a puzzled state, looking far away while playing Kalen's face inside his head over and over again. That face looks like Damon, the face he thinks is so pretty even when angry and the face he couldn't take his mind off now. He blinked at least thrice as he felt a sting in his chest suddenly emerge making him gulp from reality that he might be feeling something for his lover's best friend. His empty mood earlier was changed into a worried one, furrowing at the fact that it may be true for he did kiss him after all.

Leo stood up straight from the thought and didn't move for a second before walking towards the fridge to get a glass of cold water, hoping to wash away the uneasiness he was feeling.

After taking a glass or two that helped him a little to relax, he went back to his room to get his phone which was now full of messages and calls from Hendrey. He didn't bother to open any of it for he was deliberating if he would text, or call Kalen directly instead. The what, how, why, and where will not be answered if he will not ask Kalen himself so after arguing with his mind for a bit, he decided to send the man a text first.

"Hey, what happened to you? How are you feeling? Why did you leave? Where are you?"

He wandered around his bedroom, walking back and forth like an anxious person with his hand on his waist while waiting for the man's reply.

But, no response came.

"If he is not replying, then calling him would be a waste also," He mumbled.

He tried texting him again but, still no reply and at that moment, he knew something was up. As a man with no patience, he just hissed and threw himself onto his bed, irritated by the situation and what he is perceiving. Not only that he gets associated with the man he thought he will never meet, but now here he is, all troubled because of him. He stared at the ceiling and sighed in frustration, closing his eyes for a brief moment before opening them again when he recalled the calling card Kalen gave him, containing the number of the company where the man works, thinking that he might get an answer from there.

He sat again on the bed after grabbing his wallet from his bag but halted when he opened it;

The shame came back as soon as he saw his lover's face which he stared at for a minute with his regretful eyes. But, since he was the one who did wrong, feeling sorry now will not help so he continued to do what he was supposed to do, to find out where Kalen is, shifting away from his eyes from the photo as he grabbed the card and dialed the number without hesitation for he already had an alibi in case someone asks him why he was looking for him.

The designs, of course.

He sat straight, practicing in his mind again what he will say as he listened to the ring tone, waiting for somebody to pick up.

Seconds went by before someone finally responded.

"Hello. Good day, this is Chynna speaking. How can I help you?"

His heart began to throb while his hand trembled, swallowing the saliva that was stuck in his mouth.

"Ah yes hello, this is Leo and I would like to speak to Mr. Kalen, please."

"For what about, Sir?"

"I'm regarding the designs he is working on for me. Is he there?"

"Hold on please."

Leo's practice paid off for he sounded believable and the girl seemed to be convinced by him. A minute went by and the girl came back.

"Hello, Sir. Please wait a moment while I transfer you to another line. Thank you."

Leo's eyes rolled and didn't answer. He pressed his lips tight and furrowed, wondering why his call needed to be transferred.

An adorable voice of a woman eventually came and Leo knew that it was someone else;

"Hello, Mr. Leo? This is Katherine. The secretary said that you were looking for Mr. Kalen?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Well, he called me ahead to say that he will not be coming to work for a few days and that he will go to Shanghai for an important matter."

Leo paused, his eyes tapered upon hearing the woman's news about Kalen but, continued for he became curious about the reason why also thinking that probably it was because of what happened between them.

"I see. Did he say when he will be coming back?"

"I'm sorry, but, he didn't say anything. Regarding the designs, he left me in charge of it and asked me to deliver them to you instead so you don't have to worry. My team will send it the day after tomorrow."

"Hmm. Well, thank you."

"You are welcome, Sir. Have a nice day. Bye."

Leo wanted to ask more questions but knew that it was not the right place or the right person to do so. The news that Kath told him was enough for him to believe that Kalen is up to something so he decided to call him once and for all.

He waited and waited but his call was delivered to voicemail every time.

"Kalen, how are you feeling? Where are you? I'm sorry about what happened last night."

"I need to see you."

"Call me."

"Why are you going back to Shanghai?"

"Kalen, I'll wait for you at the park."

Every voice mail sent to him was like a knife stabbing him in his stomach. He acts like a nervous boyfriend which is not his place, making the situation further complicated but Kalen is the person who he can't seem to avoid even though he tries to. He puts his phone beside him and stayed seated on his bed, head lowered out of frustration when suddenly his phone rang again which made him flinch and puff. Thinking that it was him, he instantly picked it up but to his disappointment, Hendrey's name was what was on the screen. He rolled his eyes agitated by the guy but, decided to pick up anyways for him to stop calling already.

"What?"

"Yaa! I've been calling you! Are we not going to meet today?"

"No."

"Why?!"

"Studio's close today."

"Hey! What are you like about that? You said we are going to meet today instead! You don't pick up..."

Before the man on the next line could finish what he was saying, Leo abruptly and harshly hung up the phone, tossing it on the bed and hissing without caring about what he was going to say. He stood up and was about to walk out of his room when his phone started ringing again which made him turn his back, and glare at it as if wanting to throw it out of the window thinking that it was Hendrey again. He returned to his bed with an irked attitude ready to dismiss the call but was surprised to see the name he so wanted to talk to on the screen instead, Kalen.

Leo's heart started beating fast with a racing mind as to what he will say to Kalen or what Kalen would say to him. He sighed deeply, trying to calm his senses before answering the call;

"Kalen."

"Leo."

Kalen's voice, deep and sweet made Leo inhale through pursed lips, preventing any sound to come out so that Kalen will never hear and suspect anything.

Just talk normally, he thought.

"How are you feeling now? Why did you leave without waking me up."

"I'm sorry, but, you were sleeping soundly. I couldn't disturb you. Anyway, I called to tell you that feel okay now and.."

There was hesitation in Kalen's voice and Leo can sense it so he went on with it.

"And so you just left without telling me? I even called your workplace place."

"You did? Why? Sorry. And, I also called to tell you that I can't make it on Saturday."

Leo, who was somehow predicting it to happen for some reason, still found it startling and didn't utter it for a moment. He felt like he will lose his cool demeanor but doesn't want Kalen to hear it on the phone so he tried to stay steady especially since it is not his place to nag. His face now screams disappointment and pessimism for he knew that he can't beg him to see him and doesn't want to but, can try to use his intimidating side instead.

"Leo.?"

"Hm. Okay. But.."

"Yes?"

"Tell me why you are going to Shanghai? Is it for good..or.."

"Business matter. No, I will come back here for work. Maybe a day or two."

"You're not running away from me, are you?"

Kalen seemed to lose his voice when silence invaded both their surroundings. Even on the other line, both can sense the tension.

"No."

"Hm. Kalen.."

"Yes?"

"When you come back, come see me. I'll wait."

"Why?"

"Cause I want you to."

He vaguely heard Kalen's sigh on the other line and a slight smile appeared on his face.

"I don't know, Leo.."

"I'll wait. Bye."

With that, he ended the conversation with a smirk noticeable on his face, thinking that he succeeded again in getting his way on Kalen, that he was glad that he got to talk to him, and that he is not avoiding him as he speculated, or so he thought.

His bitterness seemed to disappear when he heard his sweet voice again for he was smiling from ear to ear while he saunters down each step of the stairs, relaxed and back to feeling optimistic. He went straight to the kitchen to make breakfast but it was already 10:30 and since he decided to not open the studio, he thought of the best way to consume the morning and chose to just eat outside for lunch and visit Damon before going to the café. He made some coffee, sat on the couch crossing his legs, and turned on the song that Damon and he used to listen to.

He learned to love Japanese songs because of him and would listen every time he is in a good mood, remembering some good and joyous memories of the past still inhabiting his secluded soul.

Every sip from his cup and the beautiful tune enveloping the whole place made him think of Damon and miss him even more but oddly enough, Kalen's face would appear in the background. After Damon's death, he promised him that he would never love another, and easier promise said than done, understanding it every time Kalen is around him. He wants to see him every day, always thinking about him, worried about him, and most of all, drawn to him like a magnet.

It was different from Damon though, the process was quick and he knew he loved the guy the moment he saw him, that smile that healed him and broke his heart again at the same time, the kind of love he is used to.

"Am I falling for him?" He mumbled the question, tapping the warm mug slightly with his palm, staring blankly ahead that lasted for a while. His eyes flickered before looking down again at his coffee which is beginning to get cold, like the promise he did two years ago.

Falling or yearning? He thought, feeling unsure of it all.

His coffee was still half a cup but didn't bother to finish as he turned off the music and walks towards the sink still dazed, sighing out all the things his mind won't stop pestering him about before unhurriedly going back upstairs to take a long, cold shower.

He took off his shirt and pajamas lazily, leaving them on the floor as if someone will pick them up for him afterward. He wrapped himself up, showing only his perfect abs before ambling towards the bathroom.

The sharp drop of water from the shower plunging into his naked body attained a little solace as he locks his eyes, slid his fingers through his hair then both his hand to his neck and down to his whole physique as a brief recollection of the times when Damon and he enjoy a shower together and would gently kiss his fluffy heart shape lips, caressing his lover's whole being, continuing until they finally make love, consuming every power they have with each other. He dreamt for a moment before slowly unfolding them again and the water-like tears flowing down his face freely, created much more than a memory for he felt his body become heated inside, and even with a cold shower, he couldn't control it. He felt a sudden craving arousing inside him, and then, out of nowhere as he listens only to the water dropping on the floor;

Kalen's face once again reappeared.

TO BE CONTINUED.