Jayson was also my cross. .

Everything was just fine for my life because we're always having fun with my family. I really thought that Jayson already left taking drugs because when we got back together i noticed he wasn't using any. He was beside my all the day but when he go back to work as a constriction worker that was the time he used drugs again. For them it is very useful because they said that you can gain a lot of energy especially when they were having an overtime. I accepted the fact that Jayson will be like that forever and i can't change it anymore but i was wrong. When the time i was seeking God i left him too. I also had a broken heart when i also chose God over him. I was always saying to him that i would left someday and i would search God and myself. He didn't understand me that moment and told me that i am going crazy. But Jayson still let me go and do what i want. When i came home from Victory Chapel Christian Center he was crying and so down because i left the house and my family. He thinks i didn't thought of them and that i was selfish. He always tend to get drunk again and again that would always lead us on hurting each other through hurtful words. He's always arguing me about my beliefs when i became a Born Again Christian. There was a time he asked a lot of questions repeatedly and angrily. Different questions that was so hard and only God can answer it. I told him angrily while crying,

"I am a newly converted Christian and you asked me all of that difficult questions? I am still learning and i can't answer you all of it! If you truly believe God you ask Him yourself!" He replied, "That's what i worried about you. Many people called that you're going crazy now. I am so hurt to hear them calling you that way and i am afraid that you'll be hurt when they also asked you a lot of questions and you can't answer." I respond again, "Thank you that you cared for me but within yourself, do you think i am going crazy? No! You know me and i really don't care what other people would say. It's God who looks my heart and not other people." My heart ached so much until i can't take the pain anymore. I cried and shouted, "My God this is all up to you now i surrender to you everything." 😭 My eyes were swollen already and i got asleep a little while after i prayed. Until the dawn i woke up because i saw Jayson was shaking so much for having a nightmare. I said, "Are you okay?" Jayson replied, "I dreamt of a centipede towards my ear and i was so afraid but a big hand strike it away." I replied to him, "I am glad God has given you mercy. It was God's hand that saved you because you won't listen to me." Still Jayson continued to hurt and persecute me. There was also a time that he told me that why is it that i'm always dreaming about God but he never had one. He told me that God is so unfair until a night came too that he had dreamt of himself fell down from a construction site and he was calling God. He died in his dream and God's hand picked him up again and he was then alive. I told Jayson that you would find God if you really search for Him heartily. I am happy that Jayson noticed and understand me little by little. I was always crying that time and i saw a video popped up with a message, "My child because you are now my follower doesn't mean you can't encounter hardships in life. Don't worry i have overcome the world. It's okay to cry when you're hurt i am always here listening and catching your tears. I will never leave you and in this world many will persecute you. I am just testing you to be strong because there will be more people who will do the same even within your own family. Time would come i would redeem you and in the place i prepared there will be no more tears. Ears have not heared and eyes have not seen if you will continue to follow me. This is not yet the right time." 😭➕😭

Jayson got a new phone and he installed tiktok. He changed so much because he doesn't have time for us anymore. He always stare for many girls dancing on it and i was so so jealous. We were swinging and i cried in front of him. He was angry because when he asked me what's wrong i didn't answer him. I only cry and cry until i realize i need to say it to him because i am the one who would suffer. I said i am very jealous for that habit and he understands me then. He uninstalled it but there were still many in facebook videos. In this generation social media is full of sexual content. Even if we're not finding lustful videos or almost nude girls it would still appear. I also caught him once watching a porn movie and i was really hurt. I cried to God and prayed in my heart without words coming out of my mouth. Until Jayson again can't sleep that night because he got a stomach ache until the dawn. I was pity for what God did to him but i open up to him, "Jayson why are you doing this to me. Are you not contented with me? I'm sorry if i feel this way! I'm sorry if i am a jealous girl but i can't control it. It's what i felt as a human and your partner. I know some girls that what you're doing is just fine to look but i am different and i am not like them. For me it's a sin and so so wrong that it hurts me so much! Do you not love me? 😭 This is how it really hurts." I cried in front of him and He was very sorry for everything and then tried to change his ways.

When Jayson and i were having sexual contact before, for me it was just only a normal act or i can't feel that i am sinning. But when i started from having a relationship with Jesus it was very unclean. I felt guilt inside doing that sin so i started to avoid him always. He noticed that my time is only for going to church, prayers and reading the Bible. Our time together became lesser but it was nothing for him because he understands and knows where i am going. When we were really tempted i only asked for forgiveness and cry to God about our situation. I opened my FB account and i saw a message appeared in a post, "For me it is really a sin and not pleasing to my eyes, but if he truly loves you he will stick with you. There will come a time that i will teach you when to hold on or let him go."

🙏➕️🙏