54 Anxiety Turns to Real Fear

Damian ran down the stairs jumping two steps at a time. The fear that told him to run was his old acquaintance. A fear that told him that someone important to him could be gone at any moment - gone forever.

His mother had been ill for as long as he could remember, but she always tried to give the impression that she was better than she actually was. She did not want to upset her family. Besides, in those days there was no chance for her to get better, so she wanted neither to pity those close to her, nor build hope in them, nor frighten them with the worst. Therefore she endured her suffering, her pain, alone. Until one day she simply lost consciousness while working.

Her health got much worse when Damian was in his first year of high school. It worsened so much that it was then that Damian first began to realize his mother's mortality, and it was not a good feeling. It was a feeling that caused vivid fear.

His mother's condition had deteriorated so much that even her psyche had changed. The incurability of one disease joined by another and another - her life became a wait for death where there is no hope of salvation anymore. There is no hope for anything anymore. Even if she had all the money of this world, medicine was simply helpless and there was nothing left but to wait and hope that the end would come as late as possible.

Days like this, when an ambulance had to be called to his mother, happened from time to time. Damian's heart was always pierced by the same strong, terrifying fear. The fear that this day would be the last in his mother's life. The fear that the woman who had given him life and upbringing would disappear from this world and leave an orphan's wound in his heart.

Damian was already a grown man and had many years to prepare himself for the thought that his mother's numerous illnesses would one day take the woman from this world, yet the fear remained just as strong, as if time had no effect on him. As if he were a beast that lived outside of time.

Just one more day, just one more hour...

Radosz was already in his car and was leaving for the main street when his phone rang again. He answered it without even looking who was calling.

“Hi Damian, why didn't you call me? Didn't you see that I wanted to get in touch with you?”

Justyna!

A cold sweat poured down Radosz's back. Justyna, his fiancée!

“Sorry, I forgot.”

“You for… Damian, why do you sound so weird? Is something wrong?”

“Mom's in the hospital right now. I'm on my way to see her.”

“Is it serious?”

“Second heart attack.”

“Oh, my God! I'm getting on the first plane and going back to Poland!”

“Oh, thank you!”

When Justyna appears by his side, Damian will find it much easier to bear the anxiety of the situation. Justyna, who has always been by his side, always been his support...

Justyna, whom he had betrayed today...

The horn of some car honked warningly and loudly and Radosz noticed that he wanted to turn at a red light. In front of him was a pedestrian crossing and on it was a woman with a baby carriage…

Damn! If you're driving a car, focus, imbecile! Focus! Don't be a danger to yourself or others!

Damian apologized, feeling a cold sweat pour down his back. He could have killed two people just now!

In his subconscious, Damian still had his night with Rafał and the emotions associated with it. The experience of ecstasy and beauty, of unusual closeness but also of loneliness of his lover.

Closer to consciousness were the feelings of guilt towards Brylski and towards Justyna. Now, when in a situation of concern for his mother, Damian needed support, she, his fiancée, was the first person he wanted to turn to and from whom he looked for help. Even though he had betrayed her, he still needed her.

The fear for his mother was already quite on the surface, not hidden at all, clearly outlined in his thoughts and trembling hands. In this emotional state, Damian probably shouldn't be driving.

Damian Radosz, however, was not so weak. Now that his inattention had created danger, the man took the plunge. Fear is indeed a fearsome beast, but he will not let it overcome him. What it isn't. Now Damian will focus solely on his mother and leave Justyna and Rafał for later. The most important thing is to set priorities and the life of the woman who gave birth to him and raised him is much more important than any lover.

***

Rafał Brylski stepped outside the hotel and took a breath of fresh air. The morning smelled of warm humidity and juicy greenery and the sun was shining so bright and intense that Brylski shielded his eyes from its rays. It promised to be another hot day, only this time the air would be heavier with moisture, more tropical, not dry like in the desert.

Whatever the case, the day promised to be extremely beautiful. The birds were singing happily enjoying the evening rain, which would probably make the mosquitoes multiply any moment, so that they would become a real bane. Today, however, even mosquitoes were not an unpleasant prospect in Rafał's eyes. This new day was simply beautiful!

Rafał's heart sang almost like the birds that perched on the branches of the trees surrounding the hotel. Brylski's body supported by painkillers did not bother him so much and the young actor was sure that he would be able not only to function normally but also to work well. And when he meets Damian...

A blush as pink as a peony suddenly covered Rafał Brylski's cheeks. His lips smiled shyly and his eyes looked at the blue, cloudless sky.

What had happened during the night was... absolutely extraordinary, unbelievable and had revealed to Rafał completely new facets of reality and his own existence, but the young actor knew that he could absolutely not count on a repeat of the entertainment. Nor did he hope for anything. Well, maybe a little. A little. But these were not even hopes, just fantasies...

Anyway, Rafał knew that Damian was not gay and therefore could not expect anything from him. There was no future between them and Brylski was not naive and stupid enough to expect that because of one night Radosz' sexual orientation would change. Rafał completely accepted the fact that this was a one-time adventure for Damian and he was going to treat it as such.

That night, Rafał experienced something he had only dreamed about until then and was grateful for it. He had received a wonderful gift from Damian and he intended to treasure it for the rest of his life. However, he did not intend to burden Damian with any consequences that night. On the contrary, Brylski wanted the memory to remain solely a memory in their hearts and not to be touched during their daily encounters. Nevertheless, his heart trembled at the very thought that he was to see Damian Radosz today (or ever in his life). It trembled with a pleasant excitement.

In twenty minutes, Rafał would have to go to the set, but he couldn't sit alone any longer in a place where his body and his heart had been so stirred to life. So he walked out in front of the hotel and, breathing in the wonderful spring air, tried to get his agitated heart under control. In order not to stand in the doorway and block the way of other hotel guests, Brylski went down a few steps and stood aside. He was still savoring the beautiful weather and his memories when he noticed a man about his age approaching him. A man who seemed strangely familiar to him.

“Hi Rafał" said the man smiling falsely at him. “Long time no see!”

Brylski's good mood burst like a soap bubble. His heart and throat tightened with pain and fear at the same time. That smile and that face...

In front of Rafał stood his only friend so far, a friend whose cruel jokes had broken Rafał's heart.

In front of Brylski stood Tomek.