the rut

YDz's heart ached as he lay on the bed, feeling the cool sheets beneath him and the emptiness beside him. He glanced up at Lanzi, the Alpha who had been so distant since dinner. The room was bathed in the soft glow of the bedside lamp, casting shadows that mirrored the unease in Dz's heart. He watched as Lanzi turned away, his broad shoulders tense with an unspoken burden.

"Lanzi, don't leave!" Dz's voice trembled, his eyes misting with unshed tears. He reached out, grabbing the hem of Lanzi's sleeve with desperate fingers. His body felt unbearably hot, a confusing mix of alcohol and the Alpha's hormones swirling within him. "Stay, please," he whispered, his voice breaking.

Lanzi froze, his heart pounding in his chest. He looked down at Dz, torn between his duty to protect him and the primal urges clawing at his sanity. Dz's eyes, wide and vulnerable, pleaded with him, and for a moment, Lanzi's resolve faltered.

"I can't, Dz," Lanzi said, his voice rough with restrained emotion. He tried to gently pry Dz's fingers from his sleeve, but Dz's grip tightened, refusing to let go. "You don't understand... my rut is coming. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to see me like this."

Dz's eyes widened, a mixture of confusion and fear flickering across his face. "But... but I need you. I don't want to be alone. Please, Lanzi, stay with me." His voice was a soft plea, filled with a raw vulnerability that tore at Lanzi's heart.

Lanzi's breath hitched, and he fought against the urge to pull Dz into his arms. His own body was betraying him, the heat of his impending rut making his skin burn and his mind fog. He wanted nothing more than to stay, to hold Dz close and chase away his fears, but he knew he couldn't trust himself.

"I'm sorry, Dz," Lanzi whispered, his voice barely audible. "I can't stay. Not like this." He gently pried Dz's hand from his sleeve and stepped back, his heart breaking at the sight of Dz's tears.

As he turned to leave, he heard Dz's quiet sobs, each one a dagger to his soul. He closed his eyes, trying to block out the sound, but it was etched into his heart, a reminder of the pain he was causing the one person he cared about most.

Despite Dz's desperate plea, Lanzi left the room, closing the door softly behind him. He stood there, back against the wood, heart aching with every breath. How could Dz be so oblivious to the danger? Every fiber of Lanzi's being screamed that this was for the best, for both of them. They had been separated for five long years, each day a painful eternity. Now, reunited as husband and wife, Dz was finally starting to act like his old self again, the person Lanzi had missed so deeply.

Tears welled up in Lanzi's eyes as he thought about how much he cherished Dz's newfound warmth and trust. He didn't want to ruin it, not now, not ever. His rut was a storm brewing inside him, a wild, uncontrollable force that could destroy the delicate bond they had painstakingly rebuilt. Lanzi's chest tightened with the fear of losing Dz again, of seeing that familiar look of pain and fear in his eyes.

He sank to the floor, his back still pressed against the door, a barrier between him and the one he loved more than life itself. Until this storm passed, he would lock himself away, keeping Dz safe from the darkness within him. It was a sacrifice, a torment, but for Dz, Lanzi would endure any pain.

Lanzi descended the stairs slowly, each step echoing in the empty house like a countdown to a fate he could no longer avoid. His heart felt heavy, weighed down by the memories and the burden of his own uncontrollable nature. When he reached the ground floor, he walked into his study, where he hurriedly gathered the work papers he needed. He moved deliberately to the guest room on the ground floor, locking the door behind him with a sense of finality.

Placing the papers on the coffee table, he opened his laptop. This was his last chance to finish his work before the heat overtook him. He knew that once it started, he would lose himself to the primal urges that threatened to destroy everything he and Dz had painstakingly rebuilt. His fingers moved swiftly across the keyboard, his mind trying to stay focused on the task at hand. Finally, he sent the completed work to his secretary and leaned back, feeling a small measure of relief.

Taking a deep breath, Lanzi stood up to make some green tea. He picked up the electric kettle and measured out the tea leaves, smiling wistfully as he realized it was Dz's favorite brand. Dz, with his dislike for coffee, had always preferred the calming embrace of green tea. The simple act of making tea brought a flood of memories, both sweet and bitter.

A past that Dz didn't remember, and one of the reasons why Lanzi was locking himself away tonight, to avoid any accidents like the one back in high school.

Lanzi closed his eyes, and the memories came rushing back. It was their second year of high school, a time that should have been filled with innocent joys and carefree days. But it wasn't. Dz had made a new friend, a foreign exchange student. Lanzi had felt a pang of jealousy, watching from the sidelines as Dz spent more time with the newcomer. The thought of Dz's attention being diverted to someone else had gnawed at him, a quiet rage simmering just beneath the surface.

One day during a break, feeling under the weather and in desperate need of some air, Lanzi went to the rooftop. He hoped to find solace in the quiet, to cool the fever that was threatening to overwhelm him. But instead, he found Dz and the foreigner, their voices carried by the wind. The foreigner was confessing his feelings to Dz. A blinding anger surged through Lanzi, an anger he couldn't control. Despite Dz's attempts to calm him, his alpha hormones took over, rendering the foreigner unconscious and pushing Dz into an unexpected heat.

Lanzi's memories of that day were a blur of violent emotions and uncontrollable instincts. When he came to his senses, the sight before him was one that would haunt him forever. Dz lay on the rooftop, his body covered in bruises, unconscious and fragile. The realization of what he had done hit Lanzi like a truck. He had hurt the one person he cared about more than anything. His heart ached with the weight of his actions.

That day, Xoa, their mutual friend, had helped him take Dz to the hospital. The doctors said that the shock had wiped Dz's memory of the incident. It was a small mercy, but it did nothing to ease Lanzi's guilt. He had apologized to Dz repeatedly, the words pouring out of him in a desperate attempt to make things right. Dz, in his forgiving nature, had told Lanzi it was okay, that he didn't remember and that he forgave him for whatever had happened. But Lanzi couldn't forgive himself.

Since that day, Lanzi had kept his distance, fearing that he would lose control again and hurt Dz. He had avoided Dz, limiting their contact to when he felt he could trust himself. It was a lonely existence, but one he endured for Dz's sake. The incident had changed everything. Lanzi had realized that his feelings for Dz were not just those of a friend. They were deeper, more intense, even though Dz had been a beta back then.

As Lanzi poured the hot water over the tea leaves, he watched them unfurl, releasing their aroma into the air. The familiar scent filled the room, bringing a bittersweet comfort. He sat down with his tea, taking a moment to let the memories wash over him. The love he felt for Dz was both his greatest joy and his deepest pain.

Tonight, he would lock himself away, enduring the solitude and the agony of being apart from Dz. It was a sacrifice he was willing to make to protect the one he loved. As the warmth of the tea seeped into his bones, Lanzi vowed to endure whatever it took to keep Dz safe, even if it meant locking away his own heart and living with the haunting memories of a past he could never change.