Chapter 14: Starting afresh

Returning to what used to feel like my home for the past two or so more years, by bus. The transportation that I was even starting to forget ever existed in the first place let alone use it for my daily routines before.

He spoiled me too much. I blamed it on him. How could I let another person rule my life? Control my thoughts?. I blamed it on me.

How could I even imagine a forever with the all year round amazing Chris?.

I went to my room first of all, right after I got inside the house to pack all my shits that I bought with my own money, then I started dealing with the hostel accommodation forms with nothing on my hands that was of any value. I was in short, a beggar once more.

That helpless teenager who was thrown out of the house to fend for herself by his biological father who died the year before from high blood pressure.

Good thing I knew one or two leaders in my university who I called and they helped me to apply for the university's hostel accommodation which went without a hitch. I was very grateful.

Even when every door seemed close there were still windows to shine on God's graces on me.

I mean, I could continue staying there, using his things owning everything great I achieved in the last few years. We were co-partners of them anyway.

But, I didn't want to be reminded of him in any way. I wanted an out from all the projects we collaborated, The house we used lived in... my home, Cars he bought for me, friends that knew both of us... I just wanted to find my own footing in life. To start afresh and without him.

And maybe I was a fool or still got high hopes for us but,I wanted him to see me thriving without him.

After I got a hold of all the deeds, licences and important legal documents for the house,farms, cars, company and restaurants, I went to find a lawyer to legalize the process of changing ownership and everything. I even made sure they were safely sent and delivered to Chris with the house and car keys inside the envelopes.

I couldn't even take the tedy bear with me. My heart just couldn't let me.

With everything done and after erasing every trace of Chris in my life. I thought that I could just live my life the same way when he went away to play for The Best, for the first time.

But, that second time was pure hell on earth. Just the idea of not being able to reach out to him, talk to him, cuddle with him...

It was okay the past year when he ghosted me because there was still hope for us. I thought that he needed a break and I gave him just that.

But, at that time? I was all alone in the world. it felt like the whole word abandoned me once again.

I still got Chris's phone calls every other minute after the last missed call went unanswered after our break-up to the extent I decided to block him altogether. I didn't know what he wanted from me anymore. Nor did I want to know whatever the hell he wanted me to hear.

That Elaine is in labor? They have a very beautiful little Cage already? That I should go and be her godmother?. Those were some of the thoughts that went through my head each time I saw his name flashing on my phone.

I couldn't pretend that everything was okay between us because, I wasn't!. I was slowly dying on the inside with each second.

Screw the vows. We were children anyway.

I decided to stay at the university's dorms sharing the space of one room with seven other girls because it was convenient and affordable with my situation at the moment. Something I never did before. The only person I ever lived with was Chris since the beginning of time.

I was still working/managing the Getaway restaurant. The main branch as it was near my university and as much as I hate to admit it, I needed the money to make a clean cut for good. I treated it as a loan.

The pay there was good but I needed to find my own money, somehow. I needed to not depend on Chris any longer. So, after two painful months of having my dead body working on a loop, faking a smile, cry myself to sleep after taking sleeping pills after the break-up, I quitted there.

I couldn't go on.

That was when Lucia started to blow up my phone all the time. I didn't want to talk to nobody who knew about me and Chris. I cut all the ties with everything accordingly.

Not before I recruited my former coursemate whom I met when I went to study cookery, two years before. Her name was Nayer and she was the best when it came to meat. She can make any kind of meat deliciously good.

And for the sweet sector, there was my all time favorite kitchen geniuses Walter and Laura.

I left for good when I was certain that the restaurants, the company and our ongoing projects was in best hands and in direct contact with Chris and Lucia the manager.

Getaway restaurant was specialized with sweet and sour foods and drinks. And we were the best among our competitors.

I remembered my staff throwing me a farewell party as I told them, more like lie to them that I was leaving due to the hardship of my studies.

I was starting my new life afresh without him whether I wanted to or not.

Though, it was hard. Harder than I ever thought it could get but, I was determined.

'I can live without him. I can do anything I put my mind to' A mantra I was chanting even in my sleep to ward off all those suicidal ideas from my head.

I didn't want to think about him so I threw myself into my studies, pushed myself more and more so as to grow my online women accessories business. I was okay, somehow.

"Happy birthday, darling baby" I wished myself softly, sitting by myself in a near canteen. A piece of vanilla cake in front of me and a lively environment around me.

Though, I tried my best to forget about him for the whole of the year before after we broke up. Days like that day always manage to bring tears to my eyes.

I still missed him so f*cking much!