Chapter 13: My last goodbye

I Couldn't sleep for the whole night as I was busy thinking, denying, justifying, planning my next move , waiting...

At last I felt the golden rays of the sun on my feet. They have found my eyes still glaring at the innocent floor.

The same position that welcomed me to that strange cold room the night before.

I knew what I needed to do. And that was, cooking.

That decided. I went to refresh myself, changing into something comfy...A sweatpants and a t-shirt that I brought with me before I made my way out of the guest room and meeting the cold and still dark corridor, following the path to where there was an abundance of light.

And just like that I found myself facing the most exquisite sitting room arrangement ever. All the things that I suggested he should put in his house was there. It was replica of our home with only some few things as additions.

He took my suggestions. He was living my ideas.

But what made me happy to no end was our picture in the frame. It was shining with the sunlight. We were on the beach with him in a trunk and me in a swim suit. We looked funny but we were happy. Poor but happy.

Back then, we only had each other.

Without wasting anymore time, I walked myself to the large kitchen which had everything a kitchen needs and a full stocked fridge.

That too was my style. It was either Chris's girl loves cooking like me or he was used to live with me.

I shrugged after a minute, that wasn't my concern. He was already in a relationship. So, I steeled my heart and started cooking breakfast.

I got so carried away that I started shaking my excessive weight with a hum of a song I hope I knew. Non existent.

Cooking was my life. It helps me relax. Brings me joy. Because with it, I knew what to expect. Food, I understand. Men, not really much and Chris...was a puzzle above them all.

"Aaaaaah!" There was a scream amidst my beautiful artistry performance. Startling me from my beautiful fantasized world.

"Ooh, hey" I greeted with a cheerful fake smile. Although I have decided to play the friend part and leave them alone, give them my blessings, wish them luck..., That doesn't mean I wasn't heartbroken.

It broke me to no end just like the next girl out there.

"Hey" She replied, skeptically. Eyeing me up and down. Sizing me up, before looking at where she came from.

"Don't mind him, he's a log in the morning. Come sit, I'm making breakfast...I hope you love eggs, or would you rather have a toast?" I asked, gesturing for her to take the stool opposite me and sit.

"I wouldn't..." She started and I silenced her with a scrambled egg plate before her and a warm milk a second later.

And her stomach growled. She was that hungry. I laugh at her, unconsciously. She was just really cute when she blushed in embarrassment. Hiding her face in her hands.

"Oh, Gosh! That was so embarrassing..." She whinnied, and I laughed some more.

"Cute!. There...there, eat your feel or the baby won't come smiling" I said, reducing heat of the stove.

"I honestly waited for you this whole time because, I wanted to ask for your forgiveness first. I was out of line, last night. walking to someone's bedroom, on you two? Was against all the morals I taught myself. I'm sorry" I said, finishing up with the sausages and placed them on her plate, leaving them to chill before I switched off the stove.

"You aren't allergic to meat, right?" I asked, to make sure I didn't kill someone due to my negligence. She shook her head in denial as a reply to my question.

I held the pan and put it with all the dirty dishes in the sink before walking to the frozen girl.

"What's your name, doll?" I asked, holding her hands.

"Elaine..., Elaine Parker" She replied, robotically. If I may add.

"Elaine, I'm so sorry for last night. I'm not that rude and please treat my Chris well in the future, mmmh?" I pleaded in earnest. That was one of my most heartbreaking situations I ever countered in my life.

"It's okay. And I won't hurt him if that's what you're worrying about" She answered truthfully.

"And sorry, I raided your kitchen without your permission" I told her with a small awkward laugh.

"That's okay, honey. I must say you make some delicious foods and I'm a sucker for good food!" She gushed, before we laughed together. She was cool and friendly.

We went on our harmonious banter with me busy washing and her eating.

"Then, that's all. I'd be going back today, actually now. Give him the pancakes and the apple juice, please" I said moving back to the guest room to get my things.

We were done. And I refused to be those sad chicks who are always holding on to the past. He moved on and so will I.

"You are leaving?" I heard his rumble like thunder voice, asking. It was between anger and sadness.

"Yes, and again. I'm sorry for last night" I said with no emotions, I was afraid if I betray even a single one of them to him I may show everything I felt at that moment. And it was quite too much of every emotion known to a man that I was feeling at that moment..

And I didn't want that. Him to see my vulnerability again.

"T's okay, happens" He replied absentmindedly. Squinting to look at my face keenly.

"Why not telling me that we were through, though? I mean you could at least texted me..." I asked dissapointed, I couldn't control the tears at that time.

"Why all those blue ticks on our chatting history?" I asked, moving to sit on the bed. With all my pent up emotions...I had no strength to stand and no pretense of being strong.

"I didn't know how to face you with it..." He said softly. I could feel him straining his bones to keep himself from running to my aid.

It was instinctively, I observed.

"Was it me?" I asked again, wiping my tears away.

"No!" He replied without hesitation.

"...I just wanted to be free..." He explained, his head droping.

"Hah! Free from me?" I asked looking straight at him but he didn't answer me.

"Are you happy?" I asked looking at my once upon a time, man. He still stayed silent. Which in my dictionary that means 'yes, I just can't say the words to you'.

"I'll be returning the house, the cars and please stop sending money to my bank accounts or better yet, take the cards back" I told him starting to place the cards and car keys on his hand.

"Beatrice!" He called to me wide eyed with panic.

"...The house deeds are at home, I'll send it to you once I get back and about the restaurant license..." I started, thoughtful.

"Beatrice, please...stop!" He thundered, eyes threatening me. But, at that moment, I was numb.

"I'm not your charity, Chris. All of them are yours anyway, I didn't help with a thing more than my cooking skills and being yours at that time" I said, zipping my suitcase before hauling it to stand beside me.

"Where would you be staying, now?"

"None of your damn business!"

"Remember our vows, Beatrice"

"Not this time, Chris...This is my last goodbye" I said with a metal heart. I was so proud of myself that I didn't cry when I said 'farewell' to him.

"At least continue working..." He pleaded with me. Holding me back.

"...Treat her better than you ever treated me" I said simply before pushing him aside for me to pass.

I walked out of that house without a backward glance his way. I only had enough money to take me back home. Cash.

I truly believed that sometimes pride can kill. Beware.

I didn't know where I would stay after returning the house deeds to him, What I would eat, How would I live by...

I didn't want to use anything that has even traces of Chris existing. My heart wouldn't let me.

And just like that, I faced my worst nightmare once more.

I was penniless, homeless and lonely. I had nothing. But, at that time? It felt like I was really nothing.

Because I've lost Him.