The Best Kind of Friendship

One of the things that Empath had hated herself most was for lying. Whenever in her life she'd had to lie she would absolutely detest doing it. It was as if the lies wouldn't refuse to leave from in between her teeth out of her mouth. She had long learned that lying never ever let her rest. In fact it only made her more anxious, restless and sooner or later she chose to speak out the truth. A degree higher, was her hatred for hiding things. That's where hubster had wronged her. She believed he had hurt her by consciously choosing not to tell her things she felt she should have known, about his peers and colleagues. She wasn't a five year old so he shouldn't filter information before telling her. If only he had been confident enough to straight up tell her to her face that some damsel at work wanted to marry him and he pushed her off. That would only push away her own fears about being replaced. Heck! Maybe they'd even had a laugh about it , when at the right time she was confident enough about her place in their relationship. She could maybe joke about how blind the woman had been and she didn't know half the disgusting habits hubster had like farting in bed on purpose to make her retch, or deliberately get her brownies, fudgy ones, on days when she would specifically begin to control her carbs so she could shed off the post delivery weight, or touch her breasts lightly in public places and quickly turn away leaving her breathless, smiling and grinning like a total goof to catch her off guard in public.

But it was long since Empath felt all those emotions with him. She realised she had been dependent on D for all those for a few months now. D could obviously never even take half the position hubster had in her heart but even then she felt like a unpardonable sinner, having those late , open conversations with D, pouring out all her sexual frustration and hubster's unavailibility in those heart to hearts they'd had in the wee hours of the night as she nursed her demanding daughter and hubster snored right next to her but in reality miles away from her needs and desires.

One of the reasons Empath chatted with D was because a small rebellious part of her perhaps even wanted hubster to feel bothered by it, maybe that way she could catch his attention. But lately it had seemed whatever she did or said seldom amazed him. On the contrary, pictures she and D sent each other, she would be looking her absolute worst and he'd compliment about something so minor, she would be surprised he even saw the details. And so when Mac opened her eyes to reality, she knew she had to hear it with her own ears, or read D's words, even if it meant bringing her worst fears to reality.

By September 2016 she gathered all the courage after his 28th birthday in august to text D demanding a final explanation why they had fallen out of the friendship they had only recently discovered and so lovingly cherished. So one evening she messaged him,

''Hi.. What's up?''

She knew he no longer responded immediately. Despite that she kept glancing anxiously at the screen to light up. And it did, in the next five minutes. ''All good, what about you?'' He texted back.

''Ah! He's so good at this. Pretending there's nothing wrong and it's a platonic friendship!'' Empath was impressed how tight lipped he had managed to stay all this time. But she needed to break his shell, needed to hear him say, she hated lies or hiding things and plain, simple, easy, honest conversations with D had turned into running around in circles which irritated her, she HAD to know the truth behind it. So she took the bull by the horns and texted, ''D, I need to ask you something and you have to promise to tell me the truth and only the truth. Please, I earnestly requesting.'' D responded, '' sure, is everything ok?'' Empath took a deep breath and typed, '' D, please don't deny or play games. I need a straight answer. Why have you stopped texting me? Why don't we talk? Like we used to? Is it anything I have said or done? Or is it …is it what I fear it is? Are you, Oh God, is this become something more than platonic?''

There! She had said it out loud! Typing it bravely was almost equal to shouting it off from building tops! Empath had never been a shy creature since her childhood. She's mostly been known for speaking her mind and was unafraid of confrontations and interrogations, she'd had enough experience of them in her teenage life. The screen lit up and her hand trembled as she quickly opened his chat window. `

'' Why do you need answers to something that you already know?'' D's one sentence made her heart drop down in a THUD! ''No, I need to think clearly, and this change in our friendship, it was my survival mechanism for my insecure, depressed self. You snatched it away, I need an answer why? D I can't function, I have gotten severely attached and dependent on your texts, I say this unabashedly, you must think, but it's better out than in!'' Empath's eyes were dampand hands were trembling. She quickly wiped her face and stood up from her bed to shut the door of her bedroom and lock the door. She didn't want any disturbance or worse anyone to discover her crying like that over the phone. There would be questions and she wouldn't be able to give any answers.

''Listen, you are married and happily. This is just a rough patch between you and your husband, i never want to be a reason for you guys to split up! I would never be able to live with it. I had no idea how it happened or what happened or even when. But I had discovered I had feelings for you since last year, instead since the last time you travelled across the border. I know it has been over a decade but I remember you made my heart skipped even when I was an eighth grader.'' D's message made her cry and smile at the same time. That's the feeling she was missing. The feeling of being needed, wanted, craved, and appreciated.

Despite all the revelations, she had more to confess, she wrote back, ''I'm so so sorry, if I led you on, I don't know what was happening, I haven't ever spoken to any man or boy the way I spoke to you. All my friends have known forever that I was committed to my hubster, since as long as I can remember, so every single male I have ever been cordial with has been like a brother. D you never were a brother, and you never will be. You started out as a friend and now… now I don't know where I have misled you. I feel like a slut, married with two kids and look what have I dragged myself into, I am so so ashamed!'' She was openly crying and sniffing by then. She stood up from the bed again and this time switched off the light, immediately blackening the room. This was her way of hiding herself, pretending to think, like Sara Crewe, that all was well, when in reality, the inky darkness gave her cover, covered her sins, she felt gross and slutty, disloyal and unfaithful to the very institution of marriage. Because Mac had only shown her what D might have stumbled upon, so far Empath had not discovered, until this conversation, that she too had perhaps fallen in love with D, or rather he had made her fallen in love with the idea of love after she had failed to rekindle her relation with hubster post delivery. She sent him a voice note with quivering vocals to make him believe that she was actually feeling supremely rotten for having taken him down a lane where there was only darkness for the both of them! ''No no please don't cry, it's not your fault alone, we both were naive and stupid. I'm sorry that's why I never wanted to meet you, because I don't know what we would have done, or well, I don't want to say anything. We both have humungous sexual apetites. I wouldn't want to take any risk at all!'' D gave so many explanations today, like he was making up for the past year's silence. Empath knew they would no longer be 'just friends' , they would be fools to continue speaking to each other. She had trouble in her paradise and continuing to flirt with him would only worsen her marital bliss. D wouldn't make her feel desired , but only in conversations, but it was actually hubster's attention she craved, D had been a very very attractive getaway, a distraction, but like every vacation, it had to end, she needed to return to reality even if it tore her heart apart!

They bade farewell on a good note, she made him promise if there was ever anything bothering him, sexual or not, he would message her, she would always be a good non judgemental listener for him and he made her do the same. They both had learnt very early in life that Muslims with sexual desires like them were considered to be shameful and too bold for their own good, which is why they had found solace in each others company, because none judged the other for anything they had done before marriage in the teen life with their partners. For Empath, it had always been hubster but for D, things were more complicated and he was still in search of saturation unlike her.

Her superpowers she realised were working all this time. She was surprised to learn how she was able to always always guess correctly what he was thinking. She recalled multiple times when after breaking away she would feel an unexplainable urge to call and ask about his wellbeing only to learn that he would be struggling sexually or on job and he would laugh when she would tell him she dreamed he was in some sort of troubleand decided to check on him. It was kind of a revelation only and he wouldn't believe that she got vibes especially about her loved ones if they wanted to say something to her, almost as if she could read her mind. At first she thought she was the desperate one trying to reignite any friendship with him, because she kept reading his thoughts that he missed her terribly but did not wish to contact for the sake of the sanctity of her married life and his moral code. She couldn't believe how lucky she was to have stumbled upon a genuine human being sitting miles away from her and yet so important and so close to her, so dear to her heart. So she did what any Muslim should. She postrated on the prayer mat and prayed, she prayed hard for D, she wept in front of her Creator, she begged Him, to grant him the kind of wife he was searching for, one that would make him forget Empath, she prayed for her marital bliss to return, she cried to be able to overcome D's influence on her and resort back to hubster's arms. She lost a dear friend and some night she balled inconsolably on the floor as if her companion had died, but it was due to the sadness of losing that relation which had brought her colours to her gray days and black nights, which had made her fall in love all over again with herself, with life, with the idea of love, had reawaken her sexual apetite, made her feel prettier and desired.

Empath realised at by her twenty eighth birthday a fact that she knew she would begin to teach her daughter as soon as she would reach her eighth birthday, the best friendship , the most everlasting one, is not with a boy, a girl, or mother, or husband, it is with God Almighty, because in the end, it's only really Him actually on your side, everyone else is just on their own. Over the years, Empath had lost all her friends, to time, space, differences, relations. Her best friend A became her sister in law, her boyfriend A2, became hubster, her mother never knew what to do with her rebellious daughter M, herself, her sister was always too old for her. So, that's what Empath did from the November of 2016 she befriended God, hoping ,knowing that this was the last and best kind of friendship she needed. He had a fine way of making her return her to Him.