Girl Like Onion

I have to say, Real solid synopsis you got there. The first thing that got me hooked. Makes me want to read the chapter more. Good work.❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

It's refreshing to have a story where the main character is not only Pakistani but also of Islamic faith. However, there are grammatical errors, run on sentences, and some capitalisation errors aplenty. It's also written somewhat chaotically, particularly in the first chapter. It's like you're in the head of the main character but in a way that's less us hearing their conscious thoughts and more like we're reading all the random passing thoughts as well. So there are tangent thoughts, big and small, being expressed through normal narration. If organised better, these narrated thoughts could be utilised well but currently it's too unpolished. The spacing is also off. For example, there's a chapter that's two thick paragraphs. The author should consider breaking them up a bit more. It's also a bit strange that characters don't have names. "A" could especially get confusing as it's also a word that's commonly used in writing. Additionally, I'm honestly put off by the first few chapters (which is all I read). The first goes on this rant about love, the second on a rant about patriotism, and in the third we get info dumped MC's life and finally get our first bits of dialogue. You get to the end of the first chapter and think the story will finally start in the next chapter only to be info dumped instead, which is quite jarring. And then you're info dumped again in the next chapter which ends up feeling like we're speed running through her life, instead of being slowly fed these aspects through reliving flashbacks or seeing/hearing about it through the MC's daily life which would feel more natural and like less of a burden. In writing, it's always better to show rather than tell. If you can show aspects that you're info dump, instead of just outright telling us and expecting us to take it as fact, then it will have more of an impact. With so much ranting to start out, it makes me think that the rest of the novel will be the same and no one enjoys being lectured at; especially for a whole novel because then you might as well read a textbook or something. Hope this advice comes in handy ~

Hello there an honest review from me. Your story was attractive. I read it until the end. But I got troubles when I read, because of that long paragraphs. The plot was right. But the one paragraph filled my whole screen. That was the only thing I got troubles with. Other than that love your story. I added your novel to my library. Keep it up. You can do it.👊❤

A story that presents a different world from a different perspective. The characters and plot grab the reader's attention. Although there are some minor grammatical errors, it is the author's first story and I believe it will improve over time.

Intriguing. Keeps the reader at edge by the end if the chapter, always craving for more, for what happens next! A must read. Sheds light on brown teenagers lives and the ups and downs they go through.