Burn

My heart lurches to my throat and I gag. Like, actually. Right in front of Alden.

"I–" I'm speechless. That's what I am. "Alden. What are you doing here?" As if I don't know what he's doing here. He literally just told me he wanted to take me to a movie. This means he read my letter and this means this wasn't just some mean, cruel prank. Alden Clegg wants to go out with me. So much that he took the time to come to my house and tell me.

"I told you," he says, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I was wondering if you wanted to go see a movie."

After a moment, it hits me. "Oh, like, right now?"

He smiles and nods the tiniest bit. Suddenly, panic sweeps across his face. "I mean, if you want to. It's totally fine if you don't–"

"No!" I say, shaking my head. I realize that I kind of yelled at him. I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a second. I need to get my act together. This is embarrassing enough. Just be cool, Blanca. Be cool. "Yes, I want to, totally," I say, smiling awkwardly. "I just– now's not a great time. My brother–"

"Oh, yeah, totally, totally," Alden says, but I can tell he's disappointed. It's like there's this pain in his head and he's trying so hard not to wince at it. He looks strained.

I bite my lip. Alden's about to turn around. "But–" I say quickly. Alden turns his full attention back to me. It's crazy how much he cares. Like, this guy didn't look at me for years, and then every time I breathe, it's like he wants to watch every movement of my body. It makes my fingers tingle thinking about it. "Coffee is good."

"Coffee?" Alden repeats. It takes a moment to sink in. His face lights up like a light bulb. "Yeah, yeah, coffee's great!"

I love that he isn't trying to play it cool. He's just happy to get to coffee with me.

At least I hope he's happy. There's this little sliver of doubt in me, telling me over and over that this is a prank or a joke. Alden Clegg doesn't really want to go out with you, Blanca. One of his friends put him up to this. Or maybe he did it out of his own will. Maybe he just wants to humiliate me.

But I haven't talked to Alden in years. Why would he want to embarrass me?

Or was it because I haven't talked to him in years? I always thought that it was him who didn't talk to me, and it didn't make me angry or anything, but that's just what I thought. But maybe I was the one who distanced myself. Maybe I caused the disconnection.

Before I can think any more about it, Alden starts walking down the path to his car. I've seen Alden's car in the school parking lot before, but I've never gotten a close look at it, much less sit in the passenger seat. He has a silver 2008 Honda Civic with peeling paint here and there and a dent or two on the bumper. I climb in and it smells like clean laundry. I sigh softly and buckle my seat belt.

"Sorry for the mess," he says, taking a couple of papers off of the dashboard.

"Please, my mom's car is messier than this," I say. I didn't mean to actually say it out loud, but it flew out of my mouth before I could think about it.

But Alden smiles and drives down the road. His car is so quiet. There's soft jazz playing quietly on the radio, and I can hear him breathing.

His breathing is so soft and gentle.

He takes a turn and we head into downtown San Diego. He parks on the curb outside of a small coffee shop that's cramped between two much taller buildings. He holds the door for me and as it closes softly, a bell rings.

"Customer!" I hear a voice yell from the back.

"Customer!" chime a few others. I hear a couple of friendly laughs as a small, blonde employee rushes to the cash register. She is probably only five foot. Maybe five one. She is short and plump and wears a black apron and a matching visor. Her blonde hair is pulled back into a high ponytail, and if her hair is down, it would only reach just past her shoulders. There's a streak of light, light pink in her hair that is only barely visible, and her bangs are pushed to the side. I read her name tag. Yvonne.

I've seen Yvonne in school before. She's sweet and shy and keeps to herself. It totally suits her to work in a coffee shop. I love coffee shops because they're quiet, you can do homework in them, and it always smells so good. I bet Yvonne loves it too, because I can tell she loves her job. She grins at us and readies the register.

"Hey, there," she says, looking brightly up at us, "welcome to The Bean Tree! What'll it be?"

Okay. Cutest coffee shop name. Ever.

Alden orders himself a cappuccino and I ask for a latte. Yvonne punches our order into the register and grins. "That'll be ten eighty-three," she says. Alden takes his wallet from his pocket and hands Yvonne a ten and a five.

"Keep the change," he says politely. Yvonne smiles thankfully and tucks the bills carefully into the cash register.

"And can I get a name?" she asks. It's funny, I've always known Alden's name, it's always stood out to me. It's just interesting when other people don't, since I always have. I know that Yvonne's seen Alden at school at least once… But maybe she hasn't. Because, let's be honest, Alden isn't popular. I actually wouldn't be surprised if she had never seen Alden in her life.

"Blanca." My heart lurches when I hear my name come out of his mouth. It was bad enough when I realized that he wrote my name in the note, but the fact that the letters B-L-A-N-C-A slip through his lips makes me choke.

Yvonne smiles and rips the receipt out of the register, jotting my name down. She nods affirmatively at us. "We'll get that out in a minute!"

We sit at a table and are silently waiting for a minute. I'm about to try and make small talk, which makes me cringe like never before, but Yvonne saves the day and brings us our steaming mugs. "Enjoy!" She's like a fairy. A freaking sprite that hops around, sometimes lets out their wings, and is just this bundle of absolute, pure joy.

Alden takes a slow sip of his coffee and puts the mug down on the table carefully. "I liked the lettering you used in your letter," he says suddenly.

Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh.

My heart is thumping like an elephant is stamping around outside. I just pray that he can't hear it. I swallow hard. "Calligraphy?" I muster.

He smiles. "Yeah, I think it's so cool. I tried to learn how, but I didn't have the right materials."

I gain a little bit of confidence. I know calligraphy. There may be not much to know, but I know it, so I might as well act like I do. "Well, there's a calligraphy class at school," I suggest.

"Really?" he looks genuinely interested and it makes my heart melt.

I nod. "Yeah, I took it freshman year." I take a sip of my latte.

"That's so awesome."

I smile. My first date. It may be small, but it's still existent. The car ride was silent and relatively awkward, but we're warming up to each other.

After we finish our coffee, we aren't sure what to do with our mugs. "Do we just leave them?" Alden asks. "That feels kinda rude."

I shrug. "Yeah…" I've never really had coffee inside before. I usually find the nearest Starbucks and go through the drive thru when they give you disposable cups. We hesitantly stand up, but Alden shakes his head and grabs both of the mug handles. I try to grab mine, but he insists.

"I'm just gonna take them to the counter, at least," he says. "Then they won't have to go around that annoying counter." It's the kind of counter when you have to lift it up and go under. It must be heavy, because I saw a few employees just hop it like a fence. Or maybe it's just annoying. Or maybe they're just lazy. Anyway, Alden's considerate, because he leaves the mugs on the counter and Yvonne looks appreciative as she smiles and waves goodbye.

We drive down the road in silence again, but it's a warmer silence than before. It's not as strained. It's very relaxed and gentle. Like we don't feel the need to make conversation. Even though I want to. I just don't know what to say. I want to talk to him about everything and anything, only I can't think of anything at the moment. My mind is blank.

Alden pulls up to the side of my house and turns off the ignition. "I had a good time," he says, rubbing the back of his neck. I've noticed he does that a lot.

"Me too." I suddenly realize that this is the kind of conversation that is in every romantic movie. They talk shyly to each other about how they liked the date, and then they kiss.

And then they kiss.

My whole body seems to set on fire at this exact moment. I feel sweat developing everywhere and I hate it. I fidget the tiniest bit, hoping Alden doesn't notice. He smiles and we sit there for a second. I see him motion forward just a little bit. Was that a sign? Was he trying to lean in for a kiss?

My heart is beating so fast and so hard, I wouldn't be surprised if it lunged right out of my chest. I don't want him to think I don't want to kiss him, so I do the same thing, tucking my hair behind my ear.

I know, cliché. Don't judge.

His eyes look straight into mine, and he has the same small smile on his lips.

I swallow.

I'm going for it.

I open my mouth as tires screech outside. We both jerk back, looking out the back window.

Stupid freaking reflexes.

My heart sinks like a falling elevator or a drop on a roller coaster. I feel it in my stomach. Julian rushes to the passenger side of the car and taps on the window. I glance at Alden and smile a guilty-looking smile. "One sec," I say softly, opening the door. I climb out and wrap my arms around my waist, biting my lip.

Julian is bouncing and grinning. "Hey," he says. "Who's car?"

I stare up at him with dead eyes. "Alden's," I hiss lowly.

Julian's face falls. He slaps a hand over his mouth and his eyes widen. "Oh my gosh," he whispers through his fingers. "Blanca. I am so sorry."

I suck in air through my teeth. "Uh-huh."

"Do you– Do you want to get back in?" Julian asks, anxiety coating his words.

I shake my head. "No. What's up?"

A small smile hits the corner of Julian's mouth, but he tries to hide it. "Well, I was going to tell you I had an idea about Alden," he says, his face flushing. "But it seems like you don't have a problem with that."

I smile. "Wait inside, I'll be right there."

Julian smiles back and trots up the steps into the house.

I climb back into the car and sit down, exhaling heavily. Alden grins. "Who was that?"

I shrug. "Just my friend. He won some prize at school today."

"Oh, cool," Alden says. We both shift awkwardly in our seats.

"Anyway, yeah, I had a great time," I say. I take a deep, silent breath. "Maybe we should go out again sometime. Maybe catch that movie."

Alden smiles, looking at his lap. "Yeah, that sounds great." Our eyes lock.

It could all happen again. Sure, Julian ruined the first moment, but there's always room for a second. I could lean over and kiss him right now.

"Great." I inch closer.

A thought hits my head like a rocket. He doesn't want to kiss you. It's only the first date. He'll think you're crazy and never want to go out with you again.

I shake my head in the slightest and push that thought away.

Then I wave goodbye as I climb out of the car.

I want my whole body to collapse into a puddle on the sidewalk as Alden peels down the road.

Julian breathes heavily, in and out, in and out. He fans his face and his cheeks are blushing bright red. He sucks in air through his lips, but the fresh air isn't enough to extinguish the fiery taste in his mouth. I hand him a glass of water and he chugs it down in five seconds flat. He shakes his head violently.

"It's not enough, Blanca!" he yelps, still fanning air into his face.

I shrug. "Wait it out. That's your third glass and you're still acting like a baby."

He gives me a pleading look and I cross my arms. "This is what you get for making me get out of that car." Julian closes his eyes and looks at me with a sorry face.

"I know!" he moans. "I was an idiot!" Julian suddenly collapses onto his knees and folds his fingers together. "Please, forgive me, my friend!" he shouts dramatically.

I smile and pat his head. "I forgive you."

Julian jumped up and smiled, opening his eyes again. He rushed to the sink and just put his head under the faucet, showering himself in cold sink-water. I shake my head and let out a light laugh. "You're insane."

Julian emerges from the sink and wipes his face on his sleeve, his arm now dripping onto the hardwood floor. "Correct."

I hear a door open and close and look down the hall. Matty slinks out into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes. "Oh, hey, Julian," he says.

I wince and pray Matty doesn't notice. He only went to bed three hours ago, and he looks like he's been suffering from a two-week-long breakup hangover. His hair is ruffled and even though he hasn't eaten anything yet, his clothes look stained from food.

"Hey," Julian says, shooting me a confused and concerned glance.

I shove Julian lightly on the arm. "Why don't we go up to my room," I suggest.

"Sure." Julian nods and follows me to the stairs. I expect Matty to shout 'better keep that door open three inches, Blanca!' but he doesn't say a word as we stomp up.

I still keep the door open three inches (because I'm a rule follower) and we sit on the carpet, crossing our legs. Well, I cross my legs. Julian lounges out on the floor, covering about half of the rug, totally man-spreading. I smile.

"So what's up with Matty?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Isa broke up with him today," I say, biting my lip.

Julian's eyes widen like crazy. "She what?"

"I know," I say solemnly, nodding. "Isa didn't want to do long-distance. So I guess she broke it off." I frown.

"It sucks that they wouldn't give it a shot," Julian says, tracing the ground with his finger in continuous circles.

"I know," I say, making a face.

Julian sighed. "So, my idea about Alden right?" he said.

"Oh, jeez, I forgot about that." I shift in my position.

"So. I think that You should ask him to be your boyfriend."

I burst out laughing. "One, we went on our first date today, and two, no! No way!"

Julian looked at me with wide eyes. "Blanca, you've got to get it started sometime. Get the ball rolling!" He nudges me and smiles slyly. "Well, keep it rolling."

"Shut up." I smile back and look down bashfully. I look up again a moment later. "I'm not doing it." I shake my head and changes the subject.

"Anyway, when are you going to get in the dating game? I think it's time I give you dating advice." I raise my eyebrows at him and he looks away, laughing sarcastically.

"Ha, ha," he says, giving me one heck of a side-eye. "For your information, there are like, no attractive people at our school."

I slap a hand to my heart dramatically and scoff exaggeratedly.

He rolls his eyes. "Except you."

Alden stops me in the hallway and I almost have a heart attack and a panic attack and a freaking asthma attack all at the same time. And I don't even have asthma. "Hey, Blanca," he says, his hand on the back of his neck. It's so cute, the little nervous thing he does. "So, I was thinking we could go out today." He seems a little embarrassed. "Sorry," he says, like he's read my mind, "It just sounds kind of silly coming from my mouth. I only ever see this kind of stuff in movies."

It's funny. Alden's had girlfriends before (it nearly killed me to see them at dances). I think he's had four since sophomore year. And they've all been the same kind of profile. White girls with bright blonde hair and kind of the worst. I think one of them dated him as a prank, which I almost cried for Alden the day I heard over the breakup, and I had been waiting for the breakup. But it's interesting because he's been in so many relationships and I've never been in any, but it feels like he's more inexperienced than me right now.

I nod. Not too violently so I don't give off a vibe of oh-my-gosh-please-yes-marry-me-I-love-you, but not too little so it's not like uh-I-really-hate-you-never-speak-to-me-again. "Yeah, sure," I say, shutting my locker and tucking a couple of books into my bag.

"Okay," Alden says, sounding breathless. "Um, maybe dinner? Or dessert?"

I smile. "Or both." He beams. "But you're picking."

Alden nods. "Okay," he says, grinning. The warning bell rings and he starts backing up. "I'll talk to you later–" He bumps into a kid behind him and apologizes multiple times, glancing at me before running off to class.

I smile and hug myself as I walk to trig.

Alden and I have gone on four dates since our first. We went out to dinner one night, saw a movie another, ate dinner at his house, and then went out for coffee and a walk at the park. It was like I was living in my own rom-com every time we went out. Like I had imagined those moments my whole life, and it was finally happening, and with Alden.

I hear the doorbell chime downstairs and swing my legs over my bed. My feet clomp down the stairs and I open the door with a little smile on my face, leftover from Alden earlier. Julian waits on the porch, tapping his foot. "Hey," he says. "So, listen, I'm not supposed to tell you this–"

"Then don't!" I say cheerfully, grabbing Julian's hand and pulling him inside. "Do you want a snack? Matty just bought some pretzels."

"Blanca," Julian says. I turn my back to him and reach up to the cabinet, pulling a carton of the salty pretzels. I turn back at him, suddenly wondering if it's bad news, but he's grinning ear to ear.

"What?" I ask, suddenly intrigued. I don't care if Julian wasn't supposed to tell me, he's sucked me in. There's no going back.

"Okay, okay, okay, don't freak, but…" He smiled. "I picked your dinner tonight!'

My heart stops beating fast and I roll my eyes. "Why are you interfering with my date?"

He grins. "Alden asked me what you liked."

My stomach flutters uncomfortably, but it somehow feels good at the same time. I look at my feet and fidget with my fingers. "What did you pick?"

"McDonald's."

I whip my head up instantly. "Julian!" I shout at him, throwing my arms up. "Okay, one, that is like, the least romantic dinner on the face of the earth–"

"Aw, so you want it to be romantic?" Julian teases.

"Shut up," I mutter before shouting again. "And two, are you trying to sabotage me?"

Julian smiles. "Should I keep this up? Hmm. To be, or not to be? That is the question."

I hesitate and punch him in the arm. "Very funny."

"I picked a new creamery down by McDonald's, though," Julian says. "It's called Curt's Desserts. I've heard they've got really good fro yo."

"You picked an ice cream parlor?" I ask sarcastically, grabbing small, plastic bowl and filling it to the brim with pretzels.

"He said dinner or dessert," Julian reasoned. "And he told me you said 'or both.'"

I blush and shove a pretzel at him. "Curt better be good at making those desserts," I say softly.

Julian smiles.

Alden pulls into the parking lot of Curt's Desserts and sighs as he pulls the key out of the ignition. "Did Julian tell you that he picked this spot?" he asks softly.

"No, I had no idea," I say sarcastically, grinning. He smiles back and opens his door.

"He said he wouldn't tell you," he said, laughing lightly.

I shrug. "Julian is terrible at keeping secrets. It stresses him out to the point where's he trying not to go insane." We head inside and wait in the small line. I order a cup of cookie dough ice cream and Alden orders a strawberry milkshake. We head to a table and eat silently for a moment. It gives me some time to look around. And I have to admit, this is the cutest place I've ever seen.

The color palette is a medium brown, off-white, and a light gray-blue. The tiles on the floor are checkered black and white, with little black speckles, making it look like cookies and cream, and the walls are spotted with brown cow prints everywhere. The ceiling is blue and so are the counters. There are ice cream cartons, milkshake machines, a frozen yogurt station, and a very elegant soda fountain. There is a stand on the counter full of little cupcakes, and a freezer behind them filled with cakes of every size and color, and next to that, there is a couple of platforms with little holes in them, holding cake pops that look like kawaii animal heads and pastel colors.

Nice pick, Julian. Curt is good at making those desserts.

Alden clears his throat after a moment and sets down his milkshake. "So, I wanted to ask you something," he says, tapping his fingertips on the glass that holds his creamy strawberry yumminess.

My heart races immediately, like someone yelled, 'ready, set, go!' and my heart started running a 10K. I swallow and set my spoon down in my ice cream. "What's up?" I ask, trying to sound as casual and calm as possible.

Alden closes his eyes for a second, then opens them, his green eyes looking straight into mine. I feel almost struck by them, like they would have enough power to throw me out of my chair. It feels sort of intimidating, like I can't afford to upset them.

"I think I want to take this to the next level," he said slowly. He immediately winces, cringing at himself. "I mean, not the next level, that sounds extreme, I mean, the next step." He looks at me again, taking a small breath, readying himself. Little does he know that I've been trying to ready myself for what he's going to say and it doesn't help that he keeps extending this conversation even longer every minute. My brain is setting off red, beeping alarms that scream 'help' over and over, making my ears ring. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

My mouth runs dry and I can't speak. My throat has closed up on itself, my esophagus trying to gain saliva, something wet, desperate to breathe, to get something to either come in or come out. I finally gasp softly, softly enough that Alden doesn't notice, but he probably wouldn't notice if I screamed, because he seems to be having his own internal panic attack. His cheeks are bright red and he looks at me with wide eyes.

I shake my head slightly. "I–" What is going on? This can't be happening. This literally cannot be happening. Alden Clegg. We've gone on six dates, and he's asking me to be his girlfriend. Girl. Friend. But no space between the words. Not a friend that's a girl, a friend that's a girl that you kiss occasionally and make them feel more special than anyone the other person has met, make them feel like they would jump off a building with you or for you, and nothing could get in the way of you two. Alden looks panicked. But I'm not panicked. I'm not panicked at all. I feel this wild motion inside me, like acid reaching the surface, burning my insides, but it makes me feel good, it makes me feel like I'm in control of something in my life, like I'm finally living the life I've wanted, I'm finally being the person I've always wanted to be, but have never lived up to it. The burning is fulfilling, it's rewarding, it's empowering, it's everything I've ever wanted to be rushing towards me, finally presenting itself, finally seeing that I am ready to be whatever it is I choose, letting me finally take charge and be. It is finally happening.

And that is why I say, "Yes."