In Bed With A Yakuza

Do my job well and I'll have nothing to worry about.

Ray's words danced in my head as I laid on my bead, hearing the shower run. His words repeated over and over in my head, like a reverberating drum. It was sickening...I wanted to throw up.

Hearing the shower turn off made me jump up. Maybe I should've checked his bag to see if he had a gun on him. Wait...he's yakuza...he could probably kill me with his bare hands. I looked around my room looking for an object, honestly anything. I didn't have much to my name, but there was a reading lamp next to me. That was the only object I could use if he tried to threaten me.

I sighed, holding my head in my hand. It definitely couldn't come to that. All I had to do was what I've been doing since I was a boy.

Draw.

The door suddenly opened as Ray stepped out of the bathroom. He rubbed his hair with a towel that draped over his shoulders. He was wearing a black fitting t-shirt, but it seemed comfortable, and a pair of grey joggers. He looked...awfully normal in them, but the more I stared, the more my heart skipped a beat. I don't know why, but...but he...

Ray looked over at me, as I shied away from anymore thoughts. I'm going insane! He is a gangster, can kill me at any moment, and I still think he's good looking?!

Ray came over toward me, still drying himself off. "Mind if I take the couch?"

"Uh..." I thought, thinking that his body weight alone would break the antique, "you can just lay down here. Just stay on your side, ok."

Ray smiled at that, almost as if he was a little kid. "That's awfully generous."

It's shit like that that's unlike a gangster...or any I've met in the streets or seen on TV. Sometimes he's just cute and nice, other times...

Ray placed the towel on the couch and made his way to the bed. I laid back down, staring at the ceiling so I didn't make eye contact with him anymore. Instead, I felt the bed shake as he got situated under the covers. He let out a sigh, which I suppose meant that he was comfortable.

We both sat in silence for a while. I had a lot I wanted to ask...especially about his business...even about himself. Now that his brother wasn't around, I was honestly hoping he'd be a bit more receptive. Or at least try and ease some of my fears...or make things clear. Either way, I wanted something concrete.

"Are you going to kill me?" I asked, hearing the bed shuffle. "If I don't deliver on time."

Ray didn't respond and I was worried by the silence, so I turned my head to look at him. His head was tilted toward the ceiling, his arms behind his head. His eyes were closed but I knew he was awake.

"You're my responsibility now, so that won't even be an option. I'll make sure you get done what needs to be done."

Ray paused, his eyes opening, "But no, you won't be killed and I'll do my best to make sure you're not hurt."

I don't know if that was what I wanted to hear, but it at least made me feel better.

"But, I really can't know what you're using my paintings for."

I was halfway hoping that he wouldn't be bullied into telling me...

"No."

Shit.

He looked over at me then, his face was calm and his eyes were glinting in the darkness. "You're not one of us, Niko."

Ray turned back to the ceiling, sighing as if he was in deep thought. "It's nothing personal, it's just our rules. Plus, the less you know the less danger you'll be in."

I understood that...it didn't curve my curiosity in any way though. The gangster life style was something new to me, but I had heard about yakuza being like family. This whole "what happens in the family stays in the family" thing. It was kind of insane to hear that in real life.

"So...if I was one of you guys, then I'd know."

Ray laughed at that, turning on his side to meet my eyes. "You don't want that."

"How would you know?" He seemed amused by my statement, so I wanted to urge him into learning more about him.

"You're not the type."

I raised a curious eyebrow at him, as he placed his head on his hand. "Look, I was born into the Venom gang. My brother, Yahiko, and I were bred for this. We can see the blood thirsty animal in people's eyes. The demon that's willing to show no mercy and fight for our family until the deed is done."

Ray pointed his hand at my nose, gawking. "And you're not one of those people."

I looked past his finger at into his eyes, watching him retract his touch. He wasn't wrong. I never would or could kill someone. I just wasn't the type to do something like that, nor have I ever had something I had to protect to the point that I'd go to such lengths. His world was very different from mine, but it didn't make it any less interesting. The more he talked about it, the more I wish I could be apart of something like that. Have people to lean on...rely on...but that just wasn't apart of my story.

"Well...sure, you're right. That's not me, but...I've always wanted a tattoo. Yet, most people associate that..."

"...with the yakuza." He finished for me.

I sighed, "Yea."

He smirked at that. "So, what? Get what you want, just don't make it visible."

He was right, but the thought still was a step I was unsure if I should take. "Did it hurt?"

The more Ray looked at me, the more I wanted to look away. Every time I looked at him, I was reminded of our kiss and it made me oddly shy. I wasn't sure if it was because I wished it would happen again...or if I was afraid it was going to.

"No, I have a high pain tolerance. You, though, may need someone to hold your hand."

"Fuck off!" I yelled, angrily, which made him laugh.

Everything in my mind disappeared after that, as I turned away from him: folding my arms in agitation. This prick, I can handle pain. I just didn't want to be ostracized anymore than I already was.

I heard Ray turn again and I presumed he laid down on his back. "So, got a girlfriend?"

That was way out of left field. "What?!"

"Got a girl? I'm sure you were quite the hunk at your school." He asked, once again staring up at the ceiling.

I felt myself blush at that. First pretty now he's calling me a hunk. What the hell does he know about me?

"No...not anymore," I looked over at him again, also curious, "you?"

"No, I've got a boyfriend."

He was so straight forward with it that I was almost taken aback. A boyfriend? He had a boyfriend and he kissed me like that?! I suddenly felt like a used toy...or worse, a prop. I didn't care for the feeling...and now I wished I never asked.

"Is he in your gang too?"

I could feel his eyes on me at that time, "Yea, I'm dating Kizuna."

"What?!"

I was even more shocked after he said that name. Wasn't that the guy he told me to stay away from?!

"But...but you told me-" I yelled, looking at him.

"Yea, I know." He said, turning away again. "Kizuna and I have been friends since we were kids. I never saw us dating...it just kind of happened, but he's got a wild streak and I'm the only thing chaining his humanity."

So, he's dating a maniac.

"He's been with other guys since we've dated and they're all a lot like you. So, when the boss mentioned you partnering with him, it didn't sit well with me. I don't mind what he does as long as he comes home, but I do mind it when lambs are led to the slaughter."

I gulped, just thinking about that. However, I felt even worse for Ray. Didn't he care that the guy he was dating was off screwing other dudes? Is that why he kissed me? To get back at him?

Ray looked over at me again, smiling. "I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. I didn't kiss you to bring issues within my families ranks. I honestly did it because you're just a kid and you didn't need to be pulled into hell when you've got a future ahead of ya."

Something about what he said made me blush. I wasn't expecting it...I wasn't expecting him to say any of that. But it made me feel good because it was sincere. Maybe...maybe I got him all wrong.

"So...his side flings really don't bother you?"

Ray shook his head, "No."

I was honestly surprised by that.

"I'm dating Kizuna out of familial obligation, it was a move by my father to unite the Venom and Raichi gangs. But I don't love him, hell I never did."

Ray pats my head as I squint, "I'm just using him, like you, as a means to an end."

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Ray slept after that but my mind kept running.

"As a means to an end."

Kind was the word I would use to describe Ray, but he was also so out of touch with humanity that I honestly believe he didn't care for humankind. That alone told me that he didn't care much for connections...nor did I think that was even possible for him. He just used who he could to get what he wanted...whatever that may be. It was kind of sad in a way. Yea, it was sad that two guys in a room have never once felt love.

My thoughts faded to black until the morning rays peeked through my blinds. I squinted, rubbing my eyes and yawning, only to wake up to an emptiness beside me. I looked over, not seeing Ray anywhere, but there was a note. I picked it up and opened it.

Niko,

Thanks for the shower. I appreciate you lending me your bed to catch some z's. But, today, the real fun begins.

Catch ya later!

- Ray