Kizuna

My burner phone buzzed as I reached over to look at it. There was a text, presumably from Yahiko. There were five canvas sizes: 18 x 24, 20 x 20, 20 x 24, 30 x 40, and 36 x 48. Nothing else. No good morning, no specifics on what he wanted me to draw...hell, not even a due date! But then again what was I supposed to expect from a gangster?

I got up, lazily, and walked over to my closet where I kept my art supplies. I had a few canvases laying around waiting for my feelings to pour out onto them. I had a few 18 x 24, some 20 x 20, and one 30 x 40 canvas left. I sighed, knowing that meant I had to go shopping. However, I did want to check out some apartments closer to campus, so to me it meant killing two birds with one stone.

I took a quick shower and looked myself over in the mirror. I don't usually care how I look too much, but for some reason thinking about Ray made me wonder if I should change it up? Maybe not wear joggers and instead put on nice pants? Hell, I was going to check out housing in a better neighborhood. I wouldn't want them to think I was just another street rat.

I tilted my head back in agony. Why the fuck am I thinking this way all of a sudden?

I dried my hair and walked back to my bedroom, opening my drawer. I still had my school uniform pants that looked decent. Hell, I even had a button down...a polo.

I spit, agitated that I was even thinking about dressing up. I grabbed the khakis and a jean button down along with a white undershirt. That was the most dressed-up I was going to get for the occasion.

I took out my wallet, placing the card Ray gave me inside, and walked out of my room. My shitty apartment was around a 25-minute walk from the university, which wasn't far. I didn't own a bike, even though I knew it would be more practical for college, but I always liked walking. It was a simple and easy way to clear my mind and it took time to get places which allowed me to stay in my head a bit longer. I didn't have friends, outside of the cahiers I frequented in the art shop and convenient store. So, sometimes I had to decompress my day to myself without acting like a crazed lunatic. Especially after everything that had gone on the last few days...I still hadn't mentally digested it all.

Yet, the more I thought about Ray, the more my heartbeat. So, instead I pulled out my phone and looked up the address for the N-Stage: the apartment I wanted to check out. It was one of the pricier ones within a 12-minute walk from the university, but it looked really nice. To me, it was a symbol of wealth or at least a place where people who had a future in life were meant to be. When I was younger, I always wanted to stay there...but it seemed so far out of reach. Don't get me wrong, Tokyo was a relatively safe place and people were nice, but I just needed a change of pace: away from the druggies and dead beats who bothered me on my way to and from home. I didn't want to think of my childhood any longer or any of the trauma of my past. I didn't even want to think about the gang who I was working for just to pay off my college tuition. I honestly just wanted to be selfish and do something that would make me feel like I was meant to be alive.

"Please...please Kizuna, I...I'll get the money!"

Kizuna?! My heart stopped as I looked across the street to see three guys maliciously surrounding a shop owner of a Seven Eleven. I went there quite often to get snacks or catch up on some of my favorite manga's in Shonen Jump. The owner's name was Mr. Maguchi...but I didn't know he was indebted to the mob.

"Is that so?" A man said, snarling down at him.

My eyes widened as I looked at him. His hair was similar to Ray's, sides were shaved, and the top was long but slicked back. He had jet black hair, piercings in both ears, and a gnarly snake tattoo that I could see on the side of his neck. That...that had to be Kizuna.

"Yes...please, give me until this evening! My...my son will come through!" Mr. Maguchi wailed, holding his hand up in defense.

Kizuna grabbed a fist full of the man's collar and hoisted him into his face. "I don't like to wait, Mr. Maguchi."

He began to lick Mr. Maguchi's cheek like a deranged animal, "I don't like to wait at all."

My hand clenched into a fist. I didn't want to jump in-between the two, but I also didn't appreciate the way Kizuna man-handled Mr. Maguchi. He was such a frail guy and by the look of his neck, he seemed like to be hurt. I took one step forward until I heard...

"Kizuna!"

It was Ray. I stopped in my tracks as Ray walked out of the store, lighting a cigarette and leaning on the front door. "Let the man go. If he doesn't have the cash tonight, you can have your fun."

Kizuna grunted, letting Mr. Maguchi down as he spat on him. He looked highly upset, so much so that the other gang members shivered out of his way. Ray seemed calm as the raging bull walked up to him, grabbing his collar.

"I told you to stop ruining my fun, Ray."

Ray seemed unphased, as he plucked his cigarette from his mouth and leaned in to kiss Kizuna. My eyes widened as I saw them make out in front of a frightened Mr. Maguchi and their lackies. That kiss was all too familiar. The way he moved...the way they...

Kizuna pulled back from Ray, digging his hands in his pockets like an obedient dog.

"Mr. Maguchi, times running out for you and your family. I'd choose your next steps wisely." Ray smirked, inhaling the nicotine from his cigarette.

"Yes...yes Mr. Tacoma. I will get what I owe."

"Great!" Ray smiled, putting an arm around Kizuna.

His next words became jumbled as I forced myself to look away. I felt my face burn, unable to endure the show any longer. That's the kind of guy he was dating? I don't even know how he could be into someone so forceful...with piercings...and colorful tattoos. I mean, he said he didn't love him...but it didn't seem like he hated him either. Fuck.

Why did I even care?

I walked away, hoping I hadn't been seen. Everything that happened in those moments only made me sick. I didn't understand my feelings. I didn't get why I was bothered by Kizuna...I don't know why I was irritated by Ray.

I just knew I could no longer thing straight.

My heart pounded; my anxiety grew and the faster I felt my legs move. Hell, I was running. I skirted past people heading toward town and zig zagged through girls and didn't even wait on the stop light to change.

"You're not one of us."

Ray's words rang through my mind, the text message for paint canvases I received blurred my vision. And until I made it to the front steps of the apartment complex, I realized how much I had exerted myself. I was huffing as if I had run from my worst nightmare.

I coughed, gathering myself as sweat fell from my brow. I wiped my forehead and walked toward the front desk, but my heartbeat wouldn't slow.

The worst part of it all is that I think...that deep down in that very moment....

I was jealous.